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The Official Joke Thread

ParadoxalMindElla1ParadoxalMindElla1
edited April 2014 in General Chat

We all like to laugh, don't we? Post some of the best jokes you ever heard.

Have fun! :)

Here are mine:

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.

Dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

Comments

  • deleted_krwgs2hm1473705deleted_krwgs2hm1473705

    This isn't a joke, it is more of a toast, and kind of perverted, but whatever. "TO SNATCHING KISSES! AND THE OTHER WAY AROUND!"

  • deleted_krwgs2hm1473705deleted_krwgs2hm1473705

    I have another... Why is six scared of seven? Because seven eight nine.

  • ParadoxalMindElla1ParadoxalMindElla1
    edited April 2014

    So I went to my feed a moment ago... And found out I'm a time traveller.

    EDIT: Why can't I upload my screenshot? :(

    EDIT 2: Fixed.

    Alt text

  • BigBlindMaxBigBlindMax Banned

    I dropped out of my Soviet History class yesterday...

    Because I was getting bad Marx.

  • ParadoxalMindElla1ParadoxalMindElla1

    That's punny... I mean, funny! xD

    BigBlindMax posted: »

    I dropped out of my Soviet History class yesterday... Because I was getting bad Marx.

  • LingvortLingvort

    When you're hungry, there's no time for Stalin.

    ParadoxalMindElla1 posted: »

    That's punny... I mean, funny! xD

  • BigBlindMaxBigBlindMax Banned

    I can't stand communists, they're just so classless!

    Lingvort posted: »

    When you're hungry, there's no time for Stalin.

  • LingvortLingvort

    I'm Lenin to be more tolerant to communists, though.

    BigBlindMax posted: »

    I can't stand communists, they're just so classless!

  • BigBlindMaxBigBlindMax Banned

    You'd better be! I hear the Spetsnaz is full of dangerous marxmen!

    Lingvort posted: »

    I'm Lenin to be more tolerant to communists, though.

  • LingvortLingvort

    I heard they can attack a target from many Engels, so we'd better watch out.

    BigBlindMax posted: »

    You'd better be! I hear the Spetsnaz is full of dangerous marxmen!

  • ParadoxalMindElla1ParadoxalMindElla1
    I'm so jaded about political humor these days, but I think this one really hits the Marx.
    Lingvort posted: »

    I heard they can attack a target from many Engels, so we'd better watch out.

  • LingvortLingvort
    Lets not let this thread die Andropoff
    ParadoxalMindElla1 posted: »

    I'm so jaded about political humor these days, but I think this one really hits the Marx.

  • BigBlindMaxBigBlindMax Banned
    Gah, I'm all out of Soviet Union humor! To Wikipedia!
    Lingvort posted: »

    Lets not let this thread die Andropoff

  • NoncyFlippledorpNoncyFlippledorp
    Dragonball Z: Evolution.
  • TWDFan86TWDFan86
    Random pickup line: Shit, do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes ;3
  • NoncyFlippledorpNoncyFlippledorp
    ......hnnnnnnnnnnng
    TWDFan86 posted: »

    Random pickup line: Shit, do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes ;3

  • TWDFan86TWDFan86
    What? You don't like it? :(
    NoncyFlippledorp posted: »

    ......hnnnnnnnnnnng

  • NoncyFlippledorpNoncyFlippledorp
    Hnnnnnnnng is a good noise
    TWDFan86 posted: »

    What? You don't like it? :(

  • TWDFan86TWDFan86
    Oh okay. I like good noises.
    NoncyFlippledorp posted: »

    Hnnnnnnnng is a good noise

  • ParadoxalMindElla1ParadoxalMindElla1
    Why name hurricanes lame names, like Sandy? Name that shit Hurricane Death Megatron 300 and I guarantee people will be evacuating like they need to.
  • AhmedAli1AhmedAli1
    When is the next TWD episode going to come?
    A:Soon.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    What's green and eats nuts?
    Syphillus
  • deleted_krwgs2hm1473705deleted_krwgs2hm1473705
    Pickup line. "Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is fucked up."
  • ParadoxalMindElla1ParadoxalMindElla1
    When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.

    I almost died in Finding Nemo.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited May 2014
    A man and his friend are out hunting and one of them accidentally gets shot in the stomach. The other guy calls 911.

    "Help, somebody, help! I think my friend is dead!" The cop on the other line says, "Okay, okay, sir. Calm down. First you need to make sure whether or not he's dead." A gunshot is heard.

    "Okay, now what?"
  • TWDFan86TWDFan86
    What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?? :o
  • OzzieMonkeyOzzieMonkey
    This needs more Thumps Ups
    AhmedAli1 posted: »

    When is the next TWD episode going to come? A:Soon.

  • ayano-chanayano-chan
    edited May 2014
    I hope TWD Episode 4 will come out on Jane 2014
  • Markd4547Markd4547
    Why didn't the skeleton jump off the building?

    Because he had no guts

    What do you call a deer with no eyes?

    No eye-deer(idea)
  • PipasPipas
    But... Fish aren't people.
    ParadoxalMindElla1 posted: »

    When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I almost died in Finding Nemo.

  • PipasPipas
    In the first joke should be Troy instead of skeleton. What a missed opportunity! :-D
    Markd4547 posted: »

    Why didn't the skeleton jump off the building? Because he had no guts What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer(idea)

  • ps3gamer095ps3gamer095
    XD not much people got that one
    TWDFan86 posted: »

    What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?? :o

  • TWDFan86TWDFan86
    FML ;-;
    ps3gamer095 posted: »

    XD not much people got that one

  • ps3gamer095ps3gamer095
    dont worry it was quite funny
    TWDFan86 posted: »

    FML ;-;

  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited May 2014
    The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
    Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell YOU, Tonto?"

    "You dumber than buffalo. Someone stole tent."
  • TWDFan86TWDFan86
    Thanks :P
    ps3gamer095 posted: »

    dont worry it was quite funny

  • Alive_ClemAlive_Clem
    Hahaha.
    deleted_krwgs2hm1473705 posted: »

    Pickup line. "Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is fucked up."

  • dumpfmoebeldumpfmoebel
    What's blue and smells like red paint?

    Blue paint.

    Gets me everytime.
  • RigtailRigtail
    Anybody like offensive/controversial humor? Just asking because those are my favorite types of jokes and I don't feel like getting any hate right now.
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