I've been left out of things all my life, people I thought were my friends always ended up ditching me in favor of doing/seeing something/someone else. It happened with my closest friends in elementary and it still happens through high-school (less, but it hurts more when you;re more emotionally invested into your friends). I absolutely hate it, and it keeps happening. I feel like I'm worthless. People around me give me the feeling that if I would die, they wouldn't feel like anything had changed, it's one of the most horrible feelings in the world.
I just wish I was someone's first choice. I wish I wouldn't spend every waking second contemplating what else can go wrong, who's going to leave me out of something next, when I'm going to have to sweep my heart under the carpet and let everyone run over it, acting like I don't give a shit. I do.
People who endevour to be general pricks have been a plague to me for my entire school life.
Two pricks at my school are pestering me wit… moreh references to my proficiency in German, telling me to "stop swearing in German" and calling me a "Nazi" when I doing my work as they should yet don't due to their dim wits. I do not even swear that much in English let alone German. Also, if I was born in a Nazi-occupied territory, I would be 'euthanised' for bearing the traits of a so called sub-human (malformed nose).
And to add salt to the injury, the school is either not doing anything about it, saying that it is being dealt with or they are too stupid to realise that their tactics do not work on these people. These two have been doing this to others as well and landed in trouble, yet still they have if anything regressed. I also do not know what the school is doing because they are obliged to keep it a secret in line with privacy laws.
Back wh… [view original content]
I always try to make friends who bring out the best in me and are trustworthy people I've always been lucky making some truly great friends and missing out on douche bags who would in a minute drop you . Your friends should always make you laugh or just make you feel just a little better not worse
I find douches bring out the worst in me and makes me feel worthless being their friend so I always know who to avoid
I found always being honest with people over any trouble I had with them always worked to see if a person really cares about you or will end up being a douche
I think your chose of friends define and show what person you really are
I felt that feeling strangely on this forum before to a few people I used to talk to here and a few other places, then I took a step back remembered how them friendships made me feel and I realized the friends I have now who truly are some of the best people I ever met who always was there when I needed them I won
Point being drop those who make you feel worthless find the people who make you feel important and feel better and you will always be the first choice
I've been left out of things all my life, people I thought were my friends always ended up ditching me in favor of doing/seeing something/so… moremeone else. It happened with my closest friends in elementary and it still happens through high-school (less, but it hurts more when you;re more emotionally invested into your friends). I absolutely hate it, and it keeps happening. I feel like I'm worthless. People around me give me the feeling that if I would die, they wouldn't feel like anything had changed, it's one of the most horrible feelings in the world.
I just wish I was someone's first choice. I wish I wouldn't spend every waking second contemplating what else can go wrong, who's going to leave me out of something next, when I'm going to have to sweep my heart under the carpet and let everyone run over it, acting like I don't give a shit. I do.
It's not that easy for me. some of them were (like you said) complete douchebags, but others were people I loved and still do.
What makes me sad most isn't the fact that it happened to me, but how no matter how hard I look, I can't find people who don't do it. I feel like there's a problem with me, like I'm a magnet that does the opposite of it's job when I try to find friends. I know there's a lot of wrong things with me, I'm not oblivious, but I still wish it didn't happen time after time.
Find people who make you feel happy bro
I always try to make friends who bring out the best in me and are trustworthy people I've always … morebeen lucky making some truly great friends and missing out on douche bags who would in a minute drop you . Your friends should always make you laugh or just make you feel just a little better not worse
I find douches bring out the worst in me and makes me feel worthless being their friend so I always know who to avoid
I found always being honest with people over any trouble I had with them always worked to see if a person really cares about you or will end up being a douche
I think your chose of friends define and show what person you really are
I felt that feeling strangely on this forum before to a few people I used to talk to here and a few other places, then I took a step back remembered how them friendships made me feel and I realized the friends I have now who truly are some of the best … [view original content]
I've been left out of things all my life, people I thought were my friends always ended up ditching me in favor of doing/seeing something/so… moremeone else. It happened with my closest friends in elementary and it still happens through high-school (less, but it hurts more when you;re more emotionally invested into your friends). I absolutely hate it, and it keeps happening. I feel like I'm worthless. People around me give me the feeling that if I would die, they wouldn't feel like anything had changed, it's one of the most horrible feelings in the world.
I just wish I was someone's first choice. I wish I wouldn't spend every waking second contemplating what else can go wrong, who's going to leave me out of something next, when I'm going to have to sweep my heart under the carpet and let everyone run over it, acting like I don't give a shit. I do.
I guess, it's just that I'm sick of being so insignificant. Sometimes, death looks more appealing than life, I wish it weren't. I just need to pull through no matter how hard
I feel like I'm worthless. People around me give me the feeling that if I would die, they wouldn't feel like anything had changed.
I… more feel the same way. I know for sure that my death will go entirely unnoticed. No-one (except, perhaps, the closest family circle) will give a damn.
But, you know what? I'm rather content with that. I wouldn't mourn my death in their place, to be honest.
I try not to pay it any mind. I know I'm insignificant and that nobody really cares about me, but if I focused on that every day, I'd have already went on a killing spree or kicked the bucket in some other way. Well, before I go on a bout of self-loathing (as I usually do), I'll leave you with this song to perhaps cheer you up.
I guess, it's just that I'm sick of being so insignificant. Sometimes, death looks more appealing than life, I wish it weren't. I just need to pull through no matter how hard
I try not to pay it any mind. I know I'm insignificant and that nobody really cares about me, but if I focused on that every day, I'd have a… morelready went on a killing spree or kicked the bucket in some other way. Well, before I go on a bout of self-loathing (as I usually do), I'll leave you with this song to perhaps cheer you up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ
Now this isn't a bad thing but I just want to stay this...
I have so much control over so many lives in real life. So many people depend on me and it makes me feel good to know that. In almost every activity i'm in i'm always one of the important people. I can't even count how many times people talk to me when they feel like suicide is their final option. Hell, I wouldn't even realize how many people think about it and come so close to doing it if I wasn't the person talking them out of it.
Last night, I was sleeping and I got woke up by my friend texting me. Now, I really care about this girl and she texted me at 3 in the morning because she was tired of living. I stayed up with her for an hour making her feel like she mattered. It ended with her telling me she had a lot to think about and she felt better.
Now this isn't a bad thing but I just want to stay this...
I have so much control over so many lives in real life. So many people depend … moreon me and it makes me feel good to know that. In almost every activity i'm in i'm always one of the important people. I can't even count how many times people talk to me when they feel like suicide is their final option. Hell, I wouldn't even realize how many people think about it and come so close to doing it if I wasn't the person talking them out of it.
Last night, I was sleeping and I got woke up by my friend texting me. Now, I really care about this girl and she texted me at 3 in the morning because she was tired of living. I stayed up with her for an hour making her feel like she mattered. It ended with her telling me she had a lot to think about and she felt better.
It's not as bad as you think. Hell, it's a VAST improvement when compared to my life. In fact, it's so entirely opposite that I can't even stress how much it is.
It's good to have actual influence in other people's lives, if it's positive, that is.
Now this isn't a bad thing but I just want to stay this...
I have so much control over so many lives in real life. So many people depend … moreon me and it makes me feel good to know that. In almost every activity i'm in i'm always one of the important people. I can't even count how many times people talk to me when they feel like suicide is their final option. Hell, I wouldn't even realize how many people think about it and come so close to doing it if I wasn't the person talking them out of it.
Last night, I was sleeping and I got woke up by my friend texting me. Now, I really care about this girl and she texted me at 3 in the morning because she was tired of living. I stayed up with her for an hour making her feel like she mattered. It ended with her telling me she had a lot to think about and she felt better.
Eh, I like to not think about the pressure. Hell, everything in life is full of pressure, every little thing has some consequence to it. For me, it makes my life worth living, it makes me feel like I have a reason to live and it makes me feel important.
It's not as bad as you think. Hell, it's a VAST improvement when compared to my life. In fact, it's so entirely opposite that I can't even s… moretress how much it is.
It's good to have actual influence in other people's lives, if it's positive, that is.
I think your a very nice and funny person a great friend everyone has faults That's life you have to go through so many douches to find a person who truly cares for you just never give up on finding that person or you will become the douche
I found a few and it made it worth all the bs I went through you will to don;t worry
It's not that easy for me. some of them were (like you said) complete douchebags, but others were people I loved and still do.
What makes… more me sad most isn't the fact that it happened to me, but how no matter how hard I look, I can't find people who don't do it. I feel like there's a problem with me, like I'm a magnet that does the opposite of it's job when I try to find friends. I know there's a lot of wrong things with me, I'm not oblivious, but I still wish it didn't happen time after time.
Vent: This is probably going to come off as really edgy and whiny, so feel free to scroll right over it. I'm tired of life. Not what we call "living", humankind or the planet Earth, I still have faith in all three and I try to be as optimistic as possible for both mine and my friend's sake. I recently cut ties with a majority of my friends for being self-pitying, pessimistic and negative. Selfish, I know, but I can't continue to expose myself to negative vibes and people who claim that life sucks on a daily basis.
No, I'm tired of living this lifestyle, that's the easier way to put it. I'm seventeen and I dropped out of high school right before my 17th birthday. I love school, I love socializing. I just couldn't do it, however, because of the medication that my psychiatrist put me on (Zoloft, in case anyone is wondering). I wanted to do some community service, get a job or something else, but it's been almost four months and the only headway I've made is moving once for three weeks and that was about it.
I was supposed to go to Florida, but I found out my Mom was using me as an escape ticket for her own problems. Pissed off, I paid the charges for my ticket and dropped it. Of course, I was right, because that night, she woke me up at 4 AM throwing a fit about a fight between her and her boyfriend that didn't even make any sense. I guess you can say I have major family issues, so this is no real surprise to me.
Well, I learned my lesson. I'm moving back with my aunt and uncle to the middle of literally nowhere, Massachusetts as soon as I can (few weeks) and I'm seriously not coming back this time unless it's for a week or so. Moving back was the worse mistake of my life. We live in the worse conditions of poverty -- no fridge, one (maybe two) meals a day and our cats are practically starving. Can't really go outside since we live in a strictly Jewish settlement and they basically shun my mother and I since we're women who aren't conformed to their exact religion.
I'm sick of it. I'm calling my sister as soon as humanely possible and going back down south until I can move to Massachusetts again.
I have to force myself to sleep, I go to bed around 4am, thinking "i guess i should go to sleep now." I wake up a few hours later. i developed insomnia early in life, like when i was twenty. I can go two-three days without sleep, without drugs ie caffeine. whatever.
I've heard bad stories about meth, i don't mess with it. I don't encourage anybody to, i think its a poison, same with heroin. Its a soul killer drug. It ruins your life. IMO Doctors are the biggest drug dealers of them all, who knows what is in these pills they're giving us. I don't take them, i don't take pills of any sort. The only time i ever felt suicidal is when i took anti depressant pills. I stopped taking them, because of it. Doctors don't "really" care what happens to you, Trust me. I watched them tell my wife she had cancer, and walk out of the room. They don't give two shits about you, all you are to a doctor is, how a mechanic feels about a car.
Adderall is for casuals and skrubz, Meth is what all the cool kids are taking. :P
What's funny is that I don't feel addicted to it. You… more could put a handful of pills in front of me and I wouldn't take any, but my brain and body are going apeshit without the stuff.
Vent: This is probably going to come off as really edgy and whiny, so feel free to scroll right over it. I'm tired of life. Not what we call… more "living", humankind or the planet Earth, I still have faith in all three and I try to be as optimistic as possible for both mine and my friend's sake. I recently cut ties with a majority of my friends for being self-pitying, pessimistic and negative. Selfish, I know, but I can't continue to expose myself to negative vibes and people who claim that life sucks on a daily basis.
No, I'm tired of living this lifestyle, that's the easier way to put it. I'm seventeen and I dropped out of high school right before my 17th birthday. I love school, I love socializing. I just couldn't do it, however, because of the medication that my psychiatrist put me on (Zoloft, in case anyone is wondering). I wanted to do some community service, get a job or something else, but it's been almost four months and the only headw… [view original content]
Forgive me, father, for I have sinned... well, no, I didn't (not this time, anyway).
But, I do confess. I have a crush. It's a girl in my university, to be even more exact, my classmate. I keep thinking about her constantly, not to a point of obsession, but often. It's a strange feeling, to be honest.
Bad thing is, though, she doesn't really care about me (almost nobody does, anyway). We can talk friendly during the classes, joke around and stuff, but other than that, our interaction is limited. Even more, she has a boyfriend with whom she has been for more than 2 years by now, from what I've gathered at least. So, no hope of even trying. I obviously didn't tell her and I'm never going to, to spare myself from both rejection, misunderstanding and likely embarassment.
Makes me realize how really worthless I am. I'm a poor excuse for a man, meaning that I can't do anything right, I'm indecisive, inept and quite shy (even though I don't often show it publicly). I can't propose anything that would make me a better candidate than the other guy and that applies almost in any other situation.
All of this even causes me to listen to some songs about love (especially the ones with it being unreciprocated). Never thought I would.
Assuming she were available, I wouldn't give up hope. Hell, even if she isn't, I would just wait to see if it ever changes. Are you afraid of being rejected because she's taken, or because you think she wouldn't like you?
Forgive me, father, for I have sinned... well, no, I didn't (not this time, anyway).
But, I do confess. I have a crush. It's a girl in my… more university, to be even more exact, my classmate. I keep thinking about her constantly, not to a point of obsession, but often. It's a strange feeling, to be honest.
Bad thing is, though, she doesn't really care about me (almost nobody does, anyway). We can talk friendly during the classes, joke around and stuff, but other than that, our interaction is limited. Even more, she has a boyfriend with whom she has been for more than 2 years by now, from what I've gathered at least. So, no hope of even trying. I obviously didn't tell her and I'm never going to, to spare myself from both rejection, misunderstanding and likely embarassment.
Makes me realize how really worthless I am. I'm a poor excuse for a man, meaning that I can't do anything right, I'm indecisive, inept and quite shy (even though I don't… [view original content]
That must suck, but...
Assuming she were available, I wouldn't give up hope. Hell, even if she isn't, I would just wait to see if it ever changes. Are you afraid of being rejected because she's taken, or because you think she wouldn't like you?
If I were you, and she ever was available, I'd seize the chance to get close to her and try to see what she thinks. Because throughout my relatively short life I learned that rejection isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just feels that way. I’m not saying it isn’t difficult, yes; it’s painful to put yourself out there, then be told that your feelings are not reciprocated. But the hardest part about rejection isn’t that it hurts you, it’s that it makes you believe someone wanted to hurt you. You pin all your hopes on one person, when it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to you transfer all of the responsibility on to them, you know?
Are you afraid of being rejected because she's taken, or because you think she wouldn't like you?
Heh, both. In case of former, not because I'm afraid of her boyfriend, but because it wouldn't feel right.
I've been left out of things all my life, people I thought were my friends always ended up ditching me in favor of doing/seeing something/so… moremeone else. It happened with my closest friends in elementary and it still happens through high-school (less, but it hurts more when you;re more emotionally invested into your friends). I absolutely hate it, and it keeps happening. I feel like I'm worthless. People around me give me the feeling that if I would die, they wouldn't feel like anything had changed, it's one of the most horrible feelings in the world.
I just wish I was someone's first choice. I wish I wouldn't spend every waking second contemplating what else can go wrong, who's going to leave me out of something next, when I'm going to have to sweep my heart under the carpet and let everyone run over it, acting like I don't give a shit. I do.
Nah, it's alright. I'd try and act, but, knowing myself, nothing will ever come of it, if it'd be left to me and me alone. But, thanks for the advice, anyway.
Yeah, it really wouldn't be.
If I were you, and she ever was available, I'd seize the chance to get close to her and try to see what she … morethinks. Because throughout my relatively short life I learned that rejection isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just feels that way. I’m not saying it isn’t difficult, yes; it’s painful to put yourself out there, then be told that your feelings are not reciprocated. But the hardest part about rejection isn’t that it hurts you, it’s that it makes you believe someone wanted to hurt you. You pin all your hopes on one person, when it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to you transfer all of the responsibility on to them, you know?
Sorry, got a little carried away :P
Well, I don't know you too well, but know that I used to think about it the same way. I never thought I had a chance with anyone, I still do, but I'm convinced it can't be entirely true. If you only knew how many hours worth of school material my premature self had spent writing potential love stories in my head..
That's all they are, potential love stories. Just need to see the beauty in the in-between because the story lives before the “yes” or “no”, it’s all “maybe”, “possibility”. She loves me, she loves me not. Maybe, maybe not.
Nah, it's alright. I'd try and act, but, knowing myself, nothing will ever come of it, if it'd be left to me and me alone. But, thanks for the advice, anyway.
Well, I don't know you too well, but know that I used to think about it the same way. I never thought I had a chance with anyone, I still do… more, but I'm convinced it can't be entirely true. If you only knew how many hours worth of school material my premature self had spent writing potential love stories in my head..
That's all they are, potential love stories. Just need to see the beauty in the in-between because the story lives before the “yes” or “no”, it’s all “maybe”, “possibility”. She loves me, she loves me not. Maybe, maybe not.
Haha, that's nice. The word itself: may be. It is the optimism of uncertainty. It’s the way we say hope without having to say “hope”.
When I had a crush, I used all the pent-up energy I had and spoke into a typewriter. That's when I discovered how much I love writing poems, especially ones that describe how I'm feeling about something/someone, because they always get the best out of you. I found it to be the best method to express myself, and it brought me joy in dark times.
Haha, that's nice. The word itself: may be. It is the optimism of uncertainty. It’s the way we say hope without having to say “hope”.
Whe… moren I had a crush, I used all the pent-up energy I had and spoke into a typewriter. That's when I discovered how much I love writing poems, especially ones that describe how I'm feeling about something/someone, because they always get the best out of you. I found it to be the best method to express myself, and it brought me joy in dark times.
Also, if she ever ends up breaking up with the guy, using a poem (or a song, if you like to compose) is probably the best way to show her wh… moreo you are, makes your feelings as clear as they get. If it ends up being mutual, it's great. If it doesn't, you've got a piece of art to keep.
Also, if she ever ends up breaking up with the guy, using a poem (or a song, if you like to compose) is probably the best way to show her who you are, makes your feelings as clear as they get. If it ends up being mutual, it's great. If it doesn't, you've got a piece of art to keep.
I find hope a vain exercise, for it gives you much, but is, in fact, empty. I'm a cynical person, lol.
Heh, maybe I should do something along these lines. Maybe I'll write a couple of poems, or a story, you never know.
I'm sure you're just looking at this realistically opposed to wishfully, but in order to have a chance, you sort of have to give yourself one, right? I suppose all you can really do is be patient, keep yourself around her, and hope that you are granted a window of opportunity (obviously this would be different if she didn't have a boyfriend). If nothing ever ends up coming of it, at least you could take pride in the fact that you had tried.
Anyway, you'll probably figure out what's best for yourself here. Good luck with whatever that ends up being.
Nah, it's alright. I'd try and act, but, knowing myself, nothing will ever come of it, if it'd be left to me and me alone. But, thanks for the advice, anyway.
Comments
I can empathise.
Teasing is one thing. Bullying someone and passing it off as a joke is a different game. It happens to me all the time at achool.
I've been left out of things all my life, people I thought were my friends always ended up ditching me in favor of doing/seeing something/someone else. It happened with my closest friends in elementary and it still happens through high-school (less, but it hurts more when you;re more emotionally invested into your friends). I absolutely hate it, and it keeps happening. I feel like I'm worthless. People around me give me the feeling that if I would die, they wouldn't feel like anything had changed, it's one of the most horrible feelings in the world.
I just wish I was someone's first choice. I wish I wouldn't spend every waking second contemplating what else can go wrong, who's going to leave me out of something next, when I'm going to have to sweep my heart under the carpet and let everyone run over it, acting like I don't give a shit. I do.
If I were you, I would probably already do something to them that I would regret later.
I feel for you, check this out if you haven't already:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY
Find people who make you feel happy bro
I always try to make friends who bring out the best in me and are trustworthy people I've always been lucky making some truly great friends and missing out on douche bags who would in a minute drop you . Your friends should always make you laugh or just make you feel just a little better not worse
I find douches bring out the worst in me and makes me feel worthless being their friend so I always know who to avoid
I found always being honest with people over any trouble I had with them always worked to see if a person really cares about you or will end up being a douche
I think your chose of friends define and show what person you really are
I felt that feeling strangely on this forum before to a few people I used to talk to here and a few other places, then I took a step back remembered how them friendships made me feel and I realized the friends I have now who truly are some of the best people I ever met who always was there when I needed them I won
Point being drop those who make you feel worthless find the people who make you feel important and feel better and you will always be the first choice
It's not that easy for me. some of them were (like you said) complete douchebags, but others were people I loved and still do.
What makes me sad most isn't the fact that it happened to me, but how no matter how hard I look, I can't find people who don't do it. I feel like there's a problem with me, like I'm a magnet that does the opposite of it's job when I try to find friends. I know there's a lot of wrong things with me, I'm not oblivious, but I still wish it didn't happen time after time.
I feel the same way. I know for sure that my death will go entirely unnoticed. No-one (except, perhaps, the closest family circle) will give a damn.
But, you know what? I'm rather content with that. I wouldn't mourn my death in their place, to be honest.
I guess, it's just that I'm sick of being so insignificant. Sometimes, death looks more appealing than life, I wish it weren't. I just need to pull through no matter how hard
I try not to pay it any mind. I know I'm insignificant and that nobody really cares about me, but if I focused on that every day, I'd have already went on a killing spree or kicked the bucket in some other way. Well, before I go on a bout of self-loathing (as I usually do), I'll leave you with this song to perhaps cheer you up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ
Lol, thanks man.
Now this isn't a bad thing but I just want to stay this...
I have so much control over so many lives in real life. So many people depend on me and it makes me feel good to know that. In almost every activity i'm in i'm always one of the important people. I can't even count how many times people talk to me when they feel like suicide is their final option. Hell, I wouldn't even realize how many people think about it and come so close to doing it if I wasn't the person talking them out of it.
Last night, I was sleeping and I got woke up by my friend texting me. Now, I really care about this girl and she texted me at 3 in the morning because she was tired of living. I stayed up with her for an hour making her feel like she mattered. It ended with her telling me she had a lot to think about and she felt better.
I couldn't bear that much on my life, knowing that my words could save or doom someones life? Too mich pressure
It's not as bad as you think. Hell, it's a VAST improvement when compared to my life. In fact, it's so entirely opposite that I can't even stress how much it is.
It's good to have actual influence in other people's lives, if it's positive, that is.
Eh, I like to not think about the pressure. Hell, everything in life is full of pressure, every little thing has some consequence to it. For me, it makes my life worth living, it makes me feel like I have a reason to live and it makes me feel important.
I know that you know.
I now know that you know that I know.
I know it isn't bad.
We both know that you know what I know that you know you know.
Okay, I'll stop now.
I know that you'll stop
I think your a very nice and funny person a great friend everyone has faults
That's life you have to go through so many douches to find a person who truly cares for you just never give up on finding that person or you will become the douche
I found a few and it made it worth all the bs I went through
you will to don;t worry
Vent: This is probably going to come off as really edgy and whiny, so feel free to scroll right over it. I'm tired of life. Not what we call "living", humankind or the planet Earth, I still have faith in all three and I try to be as optimistic as possible for both mine and my friend's sake. I recently cut ties with a majority of my friends for being self-pitying, pessimistic and negative. Selfish, I know, but I can't continue to expose myself to negative vibes and people who claim that life sucks on a daily basis.
No, I'm tired of living this lifestyle, that's the easier way to put it. I'm seventeen and I dropped out of high school right before my 17th birthday. I love school, I love socializing. I just couldn't do it, however, because of the medication that my psychiatrist put me on (Zoloft, in case anyone is wondering). I wanted to do some community service, get a job or something else, but it's been almost four months and the only headway I've made is moving once for three weeks and that was about it.
I was supposed to go to Florida, but I found out my Mom was using me as an escape ticket for her own problems. Pissed off, I paid the charges for my ticket and dropped it. Of course, I was right, because that night, she woke me up at 4 AM throwing a fit about a fight between her and her boyfriend that didn't even make any sense. I guess you can say I have major family issues, so this is no real surprise to me.
Well, I learned my lesson. I'm moving back with my aunt and uncle to the middle of literally nowhere, Massachusetts as soon as I can (few weeks) and I'm seriously not coming back this time unless it's for a week or so. Moving back was the worse mistake of my life. We live in the worse conditions of poverty -- no fridge, one (maybe two) meals a day and our cats are practically starving. Can't really go outside since we live in a strictly Jewish settlement and they basically shun my mother and I since we're women who aren't conformed to their exact religion.
I'm sick of it. I'm calling my sister as soon as humanely possible and going back down south until I can move to Massachusetts again.
I have to force myself to sleep, I go to bed around 4am, thinking "i guess i should go to sleep now." I wake up a few hours later. i developed insomnia early in life, like when i was twenty. I can go two-three days without sleep, without drugs ie caffeine. whatever.
I've heard bad stories about meth, i don't mess with it. I don't encourage anybody to, i think its a poison, same with heroin. Its a soul killer drug. It ruins your life. IMO Doctors are the biggest drug dealers of them all, who knows what is in these pills they're giving us. I don't take them, i don't take pills of any sort. The only time i ever felt suicidal is when i took anti depressant pills. I stopped taking them, because of it. Doctors don't "really" care what happens to you, Trust me. I watched them tell my wife she had cancer, and walk out of the room. They don't give two shits about you, all you are to a doctor is, how a mechanic feels about a car.
It sounds like hell, I hope your life will get better with your aunt and uncle.
Might not be what you want to hear, but I've had worse. But thank you.
Np, also:
I wanted to use this gif xP
Forgive me, father, for I have sinned... well, no, I didn't (not this time, anyway).
But, I do confess. I have a crush. It's a girl in my university, to be even more exact, my classmate. I keep thinking about her constantly, not to a point of obsession, but often. It's a strange feeling, to be honest.
Bad thing is, though, she doesn't really care about me (almost nobody does, anyway). We can talk friendly during the classes, joke around and stuff, but other than that, our interaction is limited. Even more, she has a boyfriend with whom she has been for more than 2 years by now, from what I've gathered at least. So, no hope of even trying. I obviously didn't tell her and I'm never going to, to spare myself from both rejection, misunderstanding and likely embarassment.
Makes me realize how really worthless I am. I'm a poor excuse for a man, meaning that I can't do anything right, I'm indecisive, inept and quite shy (even though I don't often show it publicly). I can't propose anything that would make me a better candidate than the other guy and that applies almost in any other situation.
All of this even causes me to listen to some songs about love (especially the ones with it being unreciprocated). Never thought I would.
Ah, well.
That must suck, but...
Assuming she were available, I wouldn't give up hope. Hell, even if she isn't, I would just wait to see if it ever changes. Are you afraid of being rejected because she's taken, or because you think she wouldn't like you?
Heh, both. In case of former, not because I'm afraid of her boyfriend, but because it wouldn't feel right.
Yeah, it really wouldn't be.
If I were you, and she ever was available, I'd seize the chance to get close to her and try to see what she thinks. Because throughout my relatively short life I learned that rejection isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just feels that way. I’m not saying it isn’t difficult, yes; it’s painful to put yourself out there, then be told that your feelings are not reciprocated. But the hardest part about rejection isn’t that it hurts you, it’s that it makes you believe someone wanted to hurt you. You pin all your hopes on one person, when it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to you transfer all of the responsibility on to them, you know?
Sorry, got a little carried away :P
Let's just say I'm the Butterfree too </3
THIS IS SO MUCH ME
I AM BUTTERFREE
me 3 '='
Nah, it's alright. I'd try and act, but, knowing myself, nothing will ever come of it, if it'd be left to me and me alone. But, thanks for the advice, anyway.
I feel ur pain bruh
Well, I don't know you too well, but know that I used to think about it the same way. I never thought I had a chance with anyone, I still do, but I'm convinced it can't be entirely true. If you only knew how many hours worth of school material my premature self had spent writing potential love stories in my head..
That's all they are, potential love stories. Just need to see the beauty in the in-between because the story lives before the “yes” or “no”, it’s all “maybe”, “possibility”. She loves me, she loves me not. Maybe, maybe not.
You don't know me too well, but guess what? It's exactly how I often think, even with the love stories.
Haha, that's nice. The word itself: may be. It is the optimism of uncertainty. It’s the way we say hope without having to say “hope”.
When I had a crush, I used all the pent-up energy I had and spoke into a typewriter. That's when I discovered how much I love writing poems, especially ones that describe how I'm feeling about something/someone, because they always get the best out of you. I found it to be the best method to express myself, and it brought me joy in dark times.
I find hope a vain exercise, for it gives you much, but is, in fact, empty. I'm a cynical person, lol.
Heh, maybe I should do something along these lines. Maybe I'll write a couple of poems, or a story, you never know.
And if it isn't mutual, I can write a couple more and publish them. That way, I can sell them and make profit. It's a win-win situation, lol.
Also, if she ever ends up breaking up with the guy, using a poem (or a song, if you like to compose) is probably the best way to show her who you are, makes your feelings as clear as they get. If it ends up being mutual, it's great. If it doesn't, you've got a piece of art to keep.
I'm sure you're just looking at this realistically opposed to wishfully, but in order to have a chance, you sort of have to give yourself one, right? I suppose all you can really do is be patient, keep yourself around her, and hope that you are granted a window of opportunity (obviously this would be different if she didn't have a boyfriend). If nothing ever ends up coming of it, at least you could take pride in the fact that you had tried.
Anyway, you'll probably figure out what's best for yourself here. Good luck with whatever that ends up being.