What are your shortcomings you feel you need to work on?
Jennifer
Moderator
in General Chat
We all have shortcomings in our personalities that we need to work on. Share yours here, and get the support you need to overcome them. Please keep this thread civil. Everybody is free to discuss whatever they feel they need to work on, and this is meant to be a safe environment to do so.
Please don't insult people for anything they post in this thread. Please be supportive. Thanks. 
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I'll post a new reply, as I really am not comfortable to have my problems listed at the top of the thread. I have quite a few shortcomings myself, and I'm working on most of them, but I do need help on doing them, so I'm posting here to get support, and to support those who need it as well.
I'll rank mine in the order of difficulty for me:
1) Social anxiety: I have severe social anxiety. I've posted on here before that I was diagnosed with high functioning autism. I also had severe physical and emotional abuse when I was a kid, so it's hard for me to do anything in person. I'm usually good online, but I have to circle around several times before I can sum up the will to do things in person (and strangely, I like festivals and I've hosted conventions before, go figure).
1a) Am I working on this: Yes, finally.
I just joined an organization that has organized groups. I go to three groups for three hours three times a week. Some are small groups, and a few are really big (I have the hardest time in the big groups, but I'm now a month in, and I'm managing pretty good - I haven't skipped a day yet - which is big for me - as I failed out of college because my social phobias and depression got really bad after my dad passed away, and I had a hard time willing myself to keep going to class).
2) Memory and concentration problems. This is actually probably #1, but I've been working on my social phobias all my life, so I ranked that first. I currently have issues where I forget major things and have problems concentrating. It's gotten so bad that on some days I can't even understand programming code that I wrote myself. Once I even forgot the names of everyone outside of my immediate family (I didn't even remember that my sister was dating someone new (at the time), and he was my childhood friend - I could only remember my sister's ex-husband's name and they were seperated for almost a decade by that point). My doctors haven't been able to figure out what it is yet - they just know that it's not medication related and the first time I went in for a test my brain scans came back OK.
2a) Am I working on this: As best I can. My therapist suggested I keep a journal to keep track of things, to try to see if there is a pattern. I actually haven't started that yet. Now that I have it on my mind, I'm going to start it now.
3) Keeping on track with my projects: I have always jumped around from project to project, ever since I was a kid. I'd work on something, and then go to something else, and then go back to the first thing that I worked on, and then go back to the other thing, and jump around like that. It wasn't too bad, as I did used to get a lot of stuff done up to when I was a teenager. However, after my dad died and my depression got really bad, I had a really hard time going back to my projects and finishing them. I have three books a quarter written, I sometimes only update my webcomic a handful of times in an entire year, and I have a bunch of designs for animations and games that haven't gone past the concept stage.
3a) Am I working on this? Yes. I was actually just diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. I actually didn't even know that you could be diagnosed with ADD as an adult. Apparently, there is an Adult ADD diagnosis and it's a bit different than childhood ADD (the hyperactivity isn't included, and the symptoms actually fit me to a tee). I'm taking medication now, and it seems to be helping. I still need to push myself to do stuff though (though that's probably related to my anxiety and depression too), but I did manage to finish my first arc of my webcomic finally. I used my art group that I go to on Fridays to facilitate that. I just have to scan the comics in, and clean them up.
How much of a shortcoming this truly is, is open for interpretation, I suppose... but I've never been a people person, or able to properly communicate with others in anything that isn't written. I never know what to say or do most of the time, and I find social interaction horribly painful, awkward and draining. Especially with people my age. They might as well be a different species. I honestly feel like I have hardly anything in common with most of the people around me... always have done. As a result, I keep to myself, and stick to the solitude of my own company and mind. And on occasion, of course, wonderful places like this.
It's heart-warming to hear how you're working through your own short-comings.
Not to mention inspiring too, as I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I hope things only improve for you, going forward. You seem to be on a good path, which is great, so good luck to you.
Yeah, procrastinating is a very common problem people have, and I can definitely relate with that. I usually wait until just before a deadline before I do something (my mom does too, so I probably got it from her - not sure if it's a nature vs. nurture thing though - whether I got it from her genetically or just picked it up from seeing her do it).
If it's something that I need to do (like for work, or for a family member/friend), I will get it done, even if I have to overwork to do it due to procrastinating. However, if I don't need to do it, sometimes I'll procrastinate so long I only get it part done and then forget about it.
My short temper, my indecisiveness, my low self-esteem. Those are just three at the top of my head.
I'm with you brother.
I take everything too personally and I'm too easily irritated. Also, I become irrational when annoyed and moody on a daily basis.
Hey, Jennifer, we've never met in real life, but I've known your online persona for several years now, and it's awesome! And it's OK if you don't remember me back.
As far as social anxiety goes, throwing yourself out there to socialize is the only way out of it. One nice thing about being an adult is that your peer group is mostly responsible, and people aren't going to attack you, unless you're in a really bad neighborhood. The groups are a good first step. If the big groups are too hard, try concentrating on a smaller subset of the people in the group, to make it seem smaller.
Lots of things can interfere with memory, but your other issues are among them. If you're stressed out or depressed, you're not always processing everything going on around you, and it's easy to forget. Work on your other issues, but also be sure to put comments in your source code when you program. Pretend you're part of a team, and the other people need to know what you were thinking when you wrote that bit. Then you'll be able to know what you were thinking, too.
Keep working at it!
Replying to dumb and negative post.
1) I'm very, VERY impatient which is terrible for a beginning artist.
2) I daydream every free second I get. This is a blessing when I want to draw something but a curse when I'm in class and we're covering a new subject.
3) The one that probably gets me the most is my envious nature. Is it wrong to hate people who are happier than you? I know it is. Yet, why do I feel this way? Whenever I see someone more talented, confident, or "attractive", I just feel disdain towards them. This flaw really hits hard when I'm in the hallways and I see couples holding hands and kissing. "Why can't that be me?" I tend to say this sentence a lot...
[whale noises]
That's OK, everyone else in the restaurant wants to throw things at that spoon couple, too.
I procrastinate too much, but I'll work on it later.
I can get jealous pretty easily, though it's usually through paranoia. I also have a tendency to care less about how sensitive some people are and do things that, although I find okay, the other person gets really upset over.
1.) I'm confrontation-avoidant...until I explode.
2.) I'm rudderless, indecisive and incredibly anxious about it,
3.) I have poor self-discipline.
4.) I don't talk to people about my emotions or thought-processes.
5.) When I'm stressed I just want to get drunk/high and forget the world exists.
6.) I don't ask for help when I should, despite being legally disabled.
7.) When I'm nervous, I spaz out on my family and friends.
8.) My calm, charming, self-assured demeanor is a coping mechanism to keep myself from being consumed by my anxieties and inner demons.
Not being a morning person.
Thanks.
Yeah, it's great being in these kind of social groups as an adult. It was a bit awkward at first, as it felt a lot like school, but it's really nice to be able to sit at any table and not be ridiculed or bullied. Adults are much better at those types of things (although I've heard from other people that sometimes arguments happen - which is to be expected I suppose in any social situation - but it never gets to high school levels).
And, I'm really bad at commenting source code - I really should do that more often. It could definitely help.
I used to be a serious alcoholic. I've shaken it, mostly, but I still seem rely on it as the answer to pretty much any problem that comes my way - usually I think through it and do something else, but getting smashed still seems to be my instinctive reaction to...every hardship, really.
There's a difference between sober, and living in sobriety. Being sober is just not drinking. Living in sobriety is an changing your entire life.
If you haven't gone to AA, I seriously recommend doing so. The 12 steps work - if you truly are willing to apply them.
Oh yeah, this has been an almost 6 year effort for me now, so I've gotten some serious help along the way...but I was pretty scarily dependent. I still have a ways to go.
My sobriety has taught me, along with AA, that it is a project that I'm going to be working on for the rest of my life. and the best way that I find that I stay sober, If I Stay away from any and all of my old haunts as much as possible.
Any of my old Associates that are still partying and drinking, I stay the fuck away from them. Because I know for a fact that hanging around them is not going to help me to stay sober. How can it - when all of them are doing the same stupid shit I left behind?
Plus, a lot of times when you stop doing the same things that your friends were doing, and if they start treating you differently, that is what let you know whether or not they were truly your friends to begin with. Because REAL friends don't do that!
"New playground, new playmates." and I'm talking about friends, people that I actually go out and see in the real world. Not people that you enteract with online, like over Facebook, Twitter, or any of those others social websites.
Of course, I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know yourself.
Everything about my personality needs improvement. I'm just a fucking awful person and very annoying. I'm trying to fix myself, but shit's hard. I need to work on who I am, but I just don't want to.
On number 3, same thing. In school I often see couples kissing and I just get a bit sad and jealous.
My stuttering, and my short-temperedness.
Sounds like the main problem is how self-critical you are. If you don't mind my advice, try dealing with that first.
Good luck and let me know how it goes.
That's easier said than done.
nvm
1.) To stop being manipulated 24/7
2.) Grow a pair of balls and stick up for myself and my friend. I'm seriously sick of this toxic piece of shit girl bulling him for no fucking reason and when I mean "no reason" I actually mean no reason.
3.) Stop thinking that I should kill myself. I have a shit tone of bad days and my dumb ass thinking like that isn't going to make it better.
4.) Start being patient for once. It doesn't help because I'm wanting to become an artist and I keep getting pissy at my art style because it's not good at the moment.
5.) Over come anxiety. Yes I can't just over come it by night but I sure as hell can make a start if I tried.
6.) Stop being Lazy. Not only do I have homework to do but I also need to finish off; Making that House Assholder and start on my multi chapter fanfic.
Too lenient: I need to start letting people know I'm not someone to be walked all over
What is the bully doing?
I think most of other stuff ur being to hard on yourself and blaming yourself as the problem making it worse and you feel worse.
A lot of elements in ur life could make you feel suicidal and anxious which makes you unmotivated and lazy find the negative stuff and defeat it.
I faced similar problems in life the trick was the find the problem that is causing all this hurt not blaming yourself for all the problems.
First two tell me there is something really bothering you going on you need to face to heal
Basically interrupting our conversations during sciene and saying he's being annoying when he's doing nothing wrong. She also managed to get the whole class to gang up on him... twice.
Majority of the times when I do insult myself I don't mean it. It's what I mean by overcoming my anxiety really. But I agree with you that I should really stop it -when I do mean it-.
Thanks for the advice. Helpful as always
On the suicide part, everybody goes through this. I often have thoughts of suicide, and I fear that I will one day act on it, I tell myself that it will be over soon, my advice is to look forward to something and just remember that it is something that will eventually go away and for the last one, that sounds exactly like me. I just now started doing my homework again
Why did gang up over what?
Mean it or not change it all to positive things about yourself you stand no chance always being critical. You should be ur biggest fan because at the end of the day success and failure will always come down to your mentality. Believe and you will achieve
Too much self-pity. Whenever something doesn't go my way, my eyes well up with tears. I can't truly show affection to anyone but family, it embarrasses me to do so. Negative emotions are a different story.
What a mess.
1) I become angry too easily, especially at school. It is something I should've worked on years ago, since I've been talking about that situation with my professors and my family. Oh boy...
2) I'm too shy. I barely talk to people and I try to avoid many of them as best as possible. I just don't go well with other people.
3) I'M MOTHERFUCKING LAZY. And that's a really big problem. My laziness often leads me to not do my homework and/or not study for school, which later puts me in big trouble. And that happened way too many times to me.
4) I swear too much. It's something I should REALLY stop. I learned to swear at 2nd grade and since then, I've been getting in trouble cause of that. Hell, I even got sent to the principal... oh dear lord.
5) I get jealous too easily. Seriously, I've met people that are better than me in sports, classes etc. and that makes me hella upset. I just want to become like those people. Yet, I often think that I will never become as good as other people, even if I try too much.
6) I never focus on class and I draw on my notebooks. This also often leads me in trouble. It's just something I'm doing a lot when I'm bored in class.
7) I'm way too serious. Like I'm acting just some kind of adult instead of acting as a person of my age.
If you want something more specific, I've found that my self-critical side comes out when 1) I'm not busy doing something or 2) when I mess up publically. So avoid situations like those, you can do that by 1) planning a project and sticking to it and 2) realising that the mistakes you make are learning opportunities and others won't judge you or will forget because honestly, they don't care. If you're lacking in motivation, general health helps a LOT, get enough sleep, wake up early and have some fruit each day (it helped me), then move on to more difficult things like exercise and going out more etc. The combination of general health and self-improvement/growth from project planning and more meaningful relationships will make things a lot easier it just takes a bit of effort to get there.
Everything I'm saying is coming from personal experience and things that worked for me, good luck man, don't wait for the 'right moment', it doesn't exist, just go for it.
Those aren't why I feel self critical, I just always feel that way. I always stick to a project I plan and people judging me has never really been a huge problem. But, I never sleep anyway, I don't have fruit to eat, I already exercise, etc, etc. As I said, it's easier said than done.
Thank you for the support, but I'm afraid it's not that simple.
How does one bull another? Hmm.
Also for 3 I'm so sorry to hear that Char
((, just think of this