I once had a dog named Princess, and she was a great dog. One day, at the vet, she died of heart failure, at only 3 years old. My neighbor's dog loved playing with her, and I will never forget the times that the dog would look to play with my dog, only to find she wasn't there.
I honestly don't know how to make friends either. I'm nice to people and all that, but it just doesn't work for some reason. I must be doing something wrong, or there must be something about me that I just can't control that puts people off. Either way, I can relate to how you feel. I have friends in my school too, but I never want to ask them to hang out outside of school since I don't want them to think "Why the hell would I want to hang out with this kid?"
I had one really amazing online friend when I was about 12, sadly he isn't around anymore since he went off to college. I haven't had someone like that since.
I don't want to seem awkward or anything, but I could be you friend. That seems weird typing it but I don't know how the hell people actually do it "Normally" so what the hell, right? I'm a guy, but I'm NOT a creepy pedo. It'd be nice to talk to someone that is in a very similar situation as me.
I can feel you and your brother. When I was 10-12 years old, my life was so exciting. I would hang out a lot with the older guys, I'd be in … morea car race with them, or climbing the roofs... Life was great back then.
But now my sister's away in the other city, studying in the university and I feel so lonely. I think that the problem is in me - I just don't know how to make friends. My only buddies are in my school and we have friendship simply because I see them every day. The summer is always a torture. My classmates have their own parties but I literally don't know anyone outside school and I feel so bored. You know, people say it's easy to befriend someone online but that's not true - I have no friends in the internet at all. I've been 5 years in MLP fandom and 3 years in TTG fandom but there's still nobody I know there and it's just awful.
You know, this picture sums up my personality:
P.S. Well, there was a guy, but he turned out to be a creepy pedo so that doesn't count.
I personally waited a few months to grieve before getting another dog. Actually, we weren't planning on adopting a dog but we read about two dogs, previously breeding dogs, who became homeless after becoming infertile, and they were about to be euthanized due to their wild behavior. I couldn't let that happen to them, so we took them home. A week ago was my fifth anniversary with them.
It's always a good thing to get another pet, but there's really no "replacing." It's like how you can make more friends, but if you have a late best friend, no one can replace him/her.
I lost a parent this year, I'm not too keen on my home life, and adulthood is downright horrifying to me so far.
I can do things to bette… morer my home life, but the rest sucks. However, know that you aren't alone and you have friends here that are there for you. In the wise words of the Steve Miller Band, you gotta get to hell before you get to heaven.
Haha, that picture is accurate for me too.
I honestly don't know how to make friends either. I'm nice to people and all that, but it just… more doesn't work for some reason. I must be doing something wrong, or there must be something about me that I just can't control that puts people off. Either way, I can relate to how you feel. I have friends in my school too, but I never want to ask them to hang out outside of school since I don't want them to think "Why the hell would I want to hang out with this kid?"
I had one really amazing online friend when I was about 12, sadly he isn't around anymore since he went off to college. I haven't had someone like that since.
I don't want to seem awkward or anything, but I could be you friend. That seems weird typing it but I don't know how the hell people actually do it "Normally" so what the hell, right? I'm a guy, but I'm NOT a creepy pedo. It'd be nice to talk to someone that is in a very similar situation as me.
A multitude of things have been bothering me, off and on. I don't always speak of my troubles, I keep it in for the most part. Guess I'll just let it out a little.
-Sometimes I get those stupid thoughts in my head, sometimes pretty grim. Sometimes... when I look at my family, I think about them one day dying. Everyone's older than me in my family, so no doubt, I'll be outliving my family... I get scared thinking of that.
-Due to the toxicity and prejudice of the Walking Dead forum, I always think when I post something about Clementine, if it's about her being the focal character or just something that favors her, I'll just be disregarded as an obsessed Clem fan. I never was told that directly, but I feel like that notion has been around me lately. And I hate when people spread bullshit about me. Seriously, it's bullshit seeing how much it's thrown around these days. Didn't have to worry about it before. I have an interest in the character and see a whole lot of goddamn potential for further continuity, I find continuity as valuable as a new story. I want to follow her story, that simple. There's nothing fucking obsessed about that. I'M NOT OBSESSED FOR LIKING A CHARACTER AND WANTING MORE STORY FROM THEM!!
-I'm thinking of giving up on making an alternate versions in stories I want to redesign. When I make something, like many creators, I like to share it. Most of all with the TWD game. I spent 3 months on S2 ep1 (finished), 2 months on S2 ep2 (not finished), several days on the alternate choices for S2, 1 day of research and 2 nights rewriting Ties That Bind. I posted the latter recently and it got immediately buried. Not the first time, tbh. It seems like I'm just wasting my time doing them, hardly any interest so what's the point of even continuing any of them?
-Last concern is next year. I'm sure everyone already knows what I'm gonna be doing. So much of my life is weighing on this. To make a living, to be able to travel, to be a success, to be able to stay close to family and friends still, to be able to see someone who means a lot to me. If I fail, it's over. It terrifies me. But I gotta try my best and learn not to be a lazy ass if I want to make it possible.
Well.. feel a little better letting some of that out.
Due to the toxicity and prejudice of the Walking Dead forum
this is why i'm kinda cautious about posting my thoughts/opinions on here, this thread included. regarding your problem though, i don't get why people think it's so bizarre that other want more time with clem. we've been building her character since season 1 and we're not supposed to have any kind of attachment? i don't think it's wrong to want to see more of her story...
as for your writing, i'm sorry to hear that. :c i wouldn't say they're a waste of time if your enjoying it though. it's important to make sure your doing these things for yourself first, then others second, otherwise, there's just no fun in it.
A multitude of things have been bothering me, off and on. I don't always speak of my troubles, I keep it in for the most part. Guess I'll ju… morest let it out a little.
-Sometimes I get those stupid thoughts in my head, sometimes pretty grim. Sometimes... when I look at my family, I think about them one day dying. Everyone's older than me in my family, so no doubt, I'll be outliving my family... I get scared thinking of that.
-Due to the toxicity and prejudice of the Walking Dead forum, I always think when I post something about Clementine, if it's about her being the focal character or just something that favors her, I'll just be disregarded as an obsessed Clem fan. I never was told that directly, but I feel like that notion has been around me lately. And I hate when people spread bullshit about me. Seriously, it's bullshit seeing how much it's thrown around these days. Didn't have to worry about it before. I have an interest in the charact… [view original content]
At one point, you have these problems you manage to push through with ease, but when it comes back again, it keeps you up at night.
So yeah, I just found out that my aunt has only 7 days to live. I should feel sad, but I feel... nothing... is it because I lost too many people that I'm used to the pain already? I'm supposed to feel bad right? But why do I feel just slightly bummed out?
maybe your just still in shock and it hasn't set in yet? or maybe this is how you cope? people react differently to tragic events, doesn't mean you don't care.
At one point, you have these problems you manage to push through with ease, but when it comes back again, it keeps you up at night.
So ye… moreah, I just found out that my aunt has only 7 days to live. I should feel sad, but I feel... nothing... is it because I lost too many people that I'm used to the pain already? I'm supposed to feel bad right? But why do I feel just slightly bummed out?
I guess losing so many people overwhelmed me and it sorta "hardened" me where it hurts less when I lose another. Honestly, she was a cool aunt, gave lots of chocolate when I was young and she cooks greats meals too.
maybe your just still in shock and it hasn't set in yet? or maybe this is how you cope? people react differently to tragic events, doesn't mean you don't care.
either way, i'm sorry for your loss :c
Well, I have no friends. I've been a loner ever since I was little. The people I did call "friends" don't even speak to me or ignore as If they didn't know I existed. I'm 15 and currently a freshman in high school, and it seems ever since I start HS people changed , it sucks, it really does. I am absolutely shy, (It's even worse with girls, haha). But being alone use to not bother me, but ever since I started middle school, it does. Hell its gotten so bad that if I don't get acknowledged for something (Like being one of the few guys in my school's choir) it hurts my feelings. I hope things change in the future, but you never know.
A multitude of things have been bothering me, off and on. I don't always speak of my troubles, I keep it in for the most part. Guess I'll ju… morest let it out a little.
-Sometimes I get those stupid thoughts in my head, sometimes pretty grim. Sometimes... when I look at my family, I think about them one day dying. Everyone's older than me in my family, so no doubt, I'll be outliving my family... I get scared thinking of that.
-Due to the toxicity and prejudice of the Walking Dead forum, I always think when I post something about Clementine, if it's about her being the focal character or just something that favors her, I'll just be disregarded as an obsessed Clem fan. I never was told that directly, but I feel like that notion has been around me lately. And I hate when people spread bullshit about me. Seriously, it's bullshit seeing how much it's thrown around these days. Didn't have to worry about it before. I have an interest in the charact… [view original content]
Maybe your coping mechanism is to push these thoughts away, as you said. I know it's hard, but when those thoughts arise, you have to consult and accept them as they coming. Pushing them away will cause a build up that leads to a mental breakdown, which is never good.
Also, I'm sorry about your aunt, and I hope you'll take solace in knowing that she'll be in a much better place.
I guess losing so many people overwhelmed me and it sorta "hardened" me where it hurts less when I lose another. Honestly, she was a cool aunt, gave lots of chocolate when I was young and she cooks greats meals too.
Well, I have no friends. I've been a loner ever since I was little. The people I did call "friends" don't even speak to me or ignore as If t… morehey didn't know I existed. I'm 15 and currently a freshman in high school, and it seems ever since I start HS people changed , it sucks, it really does. I am absolutely shy, (It's even worse with girls, haha). But being alone use to not bother me, but ever since I started middle school, it does. Hell its gotten so bad that if I don't get acknowledged for something (Like being one of the few guys in my school's choir) it hurts my feelings. I hope things change in the future, but you never know.
I felt the same way my freshman year. High school is like a filter that pulls out all of the people you don't need in your life.
You're breaking out of your coocon, little butterfly, and soon you will fly.
I'm going through a very rough time. I'm a young single parent looking for a career and dealing with loneliness and depression on a daily basis. It really sucks that New Year's Eve is going to be like any other day for me when so many others are out partying with loved ones.
I'm going through a very rough time. I'm a young single parent looking for a career and dealing with loneliness and depression on a daily b… moreasis. It really sucks that New Year's Eve is going to be like any other day for me when so many others are out partying with loved ones.
i'm in a similar position. I hope you feel better though I have skimmed through the other comments and it seems that we will have our own battles,
The internet is a wonderful thing, especially when it comes to connecting with people. Even if you have no friends in real life, people are less likely to judge you when you first encounter them on the internet.
But real life is also important. We need to find happiness in our real lives too; I hope you can find that for yourself.
i'm in a similar position. I hope you feel better though I have skimmed through the other comments and it seems that we will have our own b… moreattles,
The internet is a wonderful thing, especially when it comes to connecting with people. Even if you have no friends in real life, people are less likely to judge you when you first encounter them on the internet.
But real life is also important. We need to find happiness in our real lives too; I hope you can find that for yourself.
I'm not dead yet, I can assure you that is very, very sad.
Anyways, joking aside, my life is kind of a ridiculously convoluted mess and to explain it would prove to be quite daunting, as ridiculously self-important as it may sound I am quite a complicated character and I feel that partially explaining my life would fail to portray my character but I guess I could try to more or less tell my story in a concise manner.
So to start we have to clarify that I was a very feminine looking boy, to the point that I was often confused for a girl even though I've never worn girl's clothing, now I'm also Mexican and my father is very old-fashioned and grew up on a farm in a small town, so anyone familiar with Mexican culture that this was not a particularly good mix, add to this the fact that my mother is a very mean-spirited person that loves to make fun of people and we have a pretty bad recipe, so, on one hand, I very much liked how I looked and I purposefully did my hair in a very feminine way because I liked how I looked but, since my father was very much afraid that I was gay basically he pushed me extremely hard to be masculine, you know stuff like not being allowed to cry and basically to solve my problems through violence, like "Real men" do you know, besides all of this my mother would also tease, me she'd always refer to me using feminine pronouns and would introduce me as a daughter rather than a son when we met new people, which sometimes I didn't bother to correct because that was way less awkward, and on top of that we moved a lot so I never really developed a close-knit circle of friends besides my brothers, who didn't like me very much because of my personality, and on top of that due to my appearance and personality I got bullied quite a lot.
Anyway, the point being that the combination of all these factors made me develop a pretty bizarre personality, on one hand, I was very shy and quiet and communicated with other people by avoiding to speak, but my expression was always kind off stoic and sad, and though I looked very frail and delicate because I was also very thin and short, I was very, though, you know I'd fall and be bleeding and I wouldn't even change my expression, I'd just be like "I'm hurt again, I'm going to clean the wound", but here's what was strange I very much acted and looked like if someone were to tease me or even punch I'd just ignore them and let it slide, however, I was taught to be tough and although physical strength was far from being my strong point, I was extremely aggressive if someone teased me I jumped to the punches instantly and to compensate for my physical weakness I'd often use weapons like pipes, stones and sticks, and by the time I started attending high school I simply brought a knife with me which I would pull out on people that really pissed me off, but I never stabbed anyone with it as it was more for intimidation than anything else.
Point being that I was always either the girly boy or the psychopath, while I pretended this was fine and my family assumed this was fine to quote my brother when he introduced me to one of his friends "It's fine if you do anything to him, he has no feelings anyway." and the less said about what pubescent boys would with such a creature around the better (One of the mildest things I'd be willing to disclose is that there was a classmate that used to masturbate while touching my hair), anyways as you can probably guess I was actually extremely emotional and unstable but I had to keep up appearances because I didn't want to look like a fag (Hey, blame the culture) so I pretended to be this cold-hearted, logical and almost machine-like person, which didn't end up well, around the time I was 17 (Which according to most people I still looked like a10-year old girl by then) I finally had a nervous breakdown in the middle of a class, I just remember hearing a lot of noise slowly growing louder until I broke down and started yelling at everybody to shut up, then walked up to someone in the classroom (Who had been bullying me) and started punching him (Albeit with not much force because I was physically very weak) while both crying and laughing, then I walked out of the classroom, and well that was that, it's probably not surprising that shortly after I stopped going to school I just couldn't cope with all the stares and even after switching schools I just didn't feel good at all being around people.
In any case my family did not give much importance to the incident other than teasing me for being crazy and insisting on bringing it up to people because they thought it was funny, clearly failing to understand just how poor my psychological state was at the time, in any case not long after I started working because I didn't want to live there anymore and it was super scary, seriously I remember it being so awkward with me barely being able to communicate with my co-workers and stuttering almost every word due to nerves, I remember being so scared and stressed due to simply my complete lack of understanding of other people because I'd never had casual co-worker relationships like that (Other than my girlfriend and the odd friend I made here and there, at least from my perspective my relationships to classmates were hostile, all of them), so what I was going to say is that the strange feeling of having to talk with these people despite not knowing them overwhelmed me too much and I'd often just curl up in my bed and start crying when no one was looking because I had absolutely no idea how to feel, basically I was not raised to be a functional member of society at all and couldn't even function in a normal work environment...
Regardless time passed over time I grew accustomed to work and became pretty good at forming the casual but not particularly meaningful relationships one forms at work, and although I'm still socially awkward most people would not describe me as all that shy anymore, but besides finishing High School through tests I never really resumed my studies and while I pretty much had lost my Nihilism completely, growing even a strange fascination with making unlikely friends just so I could say "I made a new friend due to this strange situation", well after one of them turned out to be a convicted paedophile and another was a taxi driver that took me to his home to well fuck and I had to run away from there in complete shock, and well all of my friends refused to come pick me up when I was scared and alone, I kinda went back to being a loner but not as much as before, maybe they would have helped me if I had explained what was going on but saying "I was stupid enough to go to a random taxi driver's house and he almost raped me" is a pretty embarrassing thing to say, plus I do keep some of that stoicism.
In any case despite the long post that's actually a very concise version of my story that skips a lot of meaningful character-defining events, and the current status of my life is that I'm still working a job I don't like and am not really able to advance because I keep giving my money to my family because I guess I'm just stupid like that, now do keep in mind that this was a very trimmed version of my story and that all people are complicated and just because I painted my family with such a broad evil/abusive stroke that does not mean that's all there is to them, after all, they are my family and I do love them, but I feel that was necessary considering how long this post already is.
I'm not dead yet, I can assure you that is very, very sad.
Anyways, joking aside, my life is kind of a ridiculously convoluted mess and t… moreo explain it would prove to be quite daunting, as ridiculously self-important as it may sound I am quite a complicated character and I feel that partially explaining my life would fail to portray my character but I guess I could try to more or less tell my story in a concise manner.
So to start we have to clarify that I was a very feminine looking boy, to the point that I was often confused for a girl even though I've never worn girl's clothing, now I'm also Mexican and my father is very old-fashioned and grew up on a farm in a small town, so anyone familiar with Mexican culture that this was not a particularly good mix, add to this the fact that my mother is a very mean-spirited person that loves to make fun of people and we have a pretty bad recipe, so, on one hand, I very much liked how I looked and… [view original content]
Well they aren't as awful as I'm making them sound like I said for the sake of simplicity I painted everyone with broad strokes, but you know people are extremely complex beings, it's just that the thread asked for a sob-story and I somehow had to trim the story into a post which is already the longest post in the thread, so you know stuff had to be simplified, pardon me if I sound narcissistic but I do believe there's enough material in my life to write a pretty substantial book, the main issue would be the lack of a structure because there are no clear and simple character arcs in real life.
Yeah, you said that already in your original post. But you did say your mother was "mean spirited", and your father pushed you to be more manly so they couldn't have been perfect either. Well, it's like you said: I only know as much as you are willing to share.
Well they aren't as awful as I'm making them sound like I said for the sake of simplicity I painted everyone with broad strokes, but you kno… morew people are extremely complex beings, it's just that the thread asked for a sob-story and I somehow had to trim the story into a post which is already the longest post in the thread, so you know stuff had to be simplified, pardon me if I sound narcissistic but I do believe there's enough material in my life to write a pretty substantial book, the main issue would be the lack of a structure because there are no clear and simple character arcs in real life.
Thanks I really appreciate that. And being a single parent is incredibly taxing, it takes up basically all of my life. I love my sonnthough so it's okay, just wish I had a partner
I hope you come out of this rough time soon. Things always get better, they have to. Never lose hope, and take one day at a time.
Also, what is like being a single parent?
I'm glad you were able to share this with others. I can relate. My parents are not the most accepting when it comes to personal matters.
As a child, I used to run around with a towel on my head, pretending I was girl, and my parents would be enfuriated. They punished me for having fun, which was all I was doing.
Hopefully our generation of parents will be more accepting.
Once again, I'm very happy you were able to share this information with us. You are a very strong person and I hope things get better for you asap. It may get worse before it gets better, but it has to get better. It always will.
I'm not dead yet, I can assure you that is very, very sad.
Anyways, joking aside, my life is kind of a ridiculously convoluted mess and t… moreo explain it would prove to be quite daunting, as ridiculously self-important as it may sound I am quite a complicated character and I feel that partially explaining my life would fail to portray my character but I guess I could try to more or less tell my story in a concise manner.
So to start we have to clarify that I was a very feminine looking boy, to the point that I was often confused for a girl even though I've never worn girl's clothing, now I'm also Mexican and my father is very old-fashioned and grew up on a farm in a small town, so anyone familiar with Mexican culture that this was not a particularly good mix, add to this the fact that my mother is a very mean-spirited person that loves to make fun of people and we have a pretty bad recipe, so, on one hand, I very much liked how I looked and… [view original content]
Thanks I really appreciate that. And being a single parent is incredibly taxing, it takes up basically all of my life. I love my sonnthough so it's okay, just wish I had a partner
Well to start the month of December off I trusted the wrong person and got ripped off for 400 dollars, which left me in a hole. So I borrowed some cash off of my mother, (thanks again mom).
Then for Christmas I drove home to see my mom, had a lovely time. I left mom's house on the 28th and headed home. Its a 580 mile drive. About 45 miles from home I got driven off the road by an empty 18 wheeler logging truck. Broke my L2 vertebrate and did 4600 hundered dollars of damage to my new car. While I was being transported to the hospital the trucker and his friends got together and made up some bs to make me look like I was at fault.
At least this year is almost over and hopefully next year will go a bit better.
Comments
EDIT: Wanted to change this to a legit story.
I once had a dog named Princess, and she was a great dog. One day, at the vet, she died of heart failure, at only 3 years old. My neighbor's dog loved playing with her, and I will never forget the times that the dog would look to play with my dog, only to find she wasn't there.
same here. it's terrifying.
Haha, that picture is accurate for me too.
I honestly don't know how to make friends either. I'm nice to people and all that, but it just doesn't work for some reason. I must be doing something wrong, or there must be something about me that I just can't control that puts people off. Either way, I can relate to how you feel. I have friends in my school too, but I never want to ask them to hang out outside of school since I don't want them to think "Why the hell would I want to hang out with this kid?"
I had one really amazing online friend when I was about 12, sadly he isn't around anymore since he went off to college. I haven't had someone like that since.
I don't want to seem awkward or anything, but I could be you friend. That seems weird typing it but I don't know how the hell people actually do it "Normally" so what the hell, right? I'm a guy, but I'm NOT a creepy pedo. It'd be nice to talk to someone that is in a very similar situation as me.
Yup me too
I'm glad you're a happier person now!!!
and thank you!
I personally waited a few months to grieve before getting another dog. Actually, we weren't planning on adopting a dog but we read about two dogs, previously breeding dogs, who became homeless after becoming infertile, and they were about to be euthanized due to their wild behavior. I couldn't let that happen to them, so we took them home. A week ago was my fifth anniversary with them.
It's always a good thing to get another pet, but there's really no "replacing." It's like how you can make more friends, but if you have a late best friend, no one can replace him/her.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope that things get better for you in your life. Everyone deserves happiness.
I also wouldn't mind some friends
Just pm me, bro.
A multitude of things have been bothering me, off and on. I don't always speak of my troubles, I keep it in for the most part. Guess I'll just let it out a little.
-Sometimes I get those stupid thoughts in my head, sometimes pretty grim. Sometimes... when I look at my family, I think about them one day dying. Everyone's older than me in my family, so no doubt, I'll be outliving my family... I get scared thinking of that.
-Due to the toxicity and prejudice of the Walking Dead forum, I always think when I post something about Clementine, if it's about her being the focal character or just something that favors her, I'll just be disregarded as an obsessed Clem fan. I never was told that directly, but I feel like that notion has been around me lately. And I hate when people spread bullshit about me. Seriously, it's bullshit seeing how much it's thrown around these days. Didn't have to worry about it before. I have an interest in the character and see a whole lot of goddamn potential for further continuity, I find continuity as valuable as a new story. I want to follow her story, that simple. There's nothing fucking obsessed about that. I'M NOT OBSESSED FOR LIKING A CHARACTER AND WANTING MORE STORY FROM THEM!!
-I'm thinking of giving up on making an alternate versions in stories I want to redesign. When I make something, like many creators, I like to share it. Most of all with the TWD game. I spent 3 months on S2 ep1 (finished), 2 months on S2 ep2 (not finished), several days on the alternate choices for S2, 1 day of research and 2 nights rewriting Ties That Bind. I posted the latter recently and it got immediately buried. Not the first time, tbh. It seems like I'm just wasting my time doing them, hardly any interest so what's the point of even continuing any of them?
-Last concern is next year. I'm sure everyone already knows what I'm gonna be doing. So much of my life is weighing on this. To make a living, to be able to travel, to be a success, to be able to stay close to family and friends still, to be able to see someone who means a lot to me. If I fail, it's over. It terrifies me. But I gotta try my best and learn not to be a lazy ass if I want to make it possible.
Well.. feel a little better letting some of that out.
this is why i'm kinda cautious about posting my thoughts/opinions on here, this thread included. regarding your problem though, i don't get why people think it's so bizarre that other want more time with clem. we've been building her character since season 1 and we're not supposed to have any kind of attachment? i don't think it's wrong to want to see more of her story...
as for your writing, i'm sorry to hear that. :c i wouldn't say they're a waste of time if your enjoying it though. it's important to make sure your doing these things for yourself first, then others second, otherwise, there's just no fun in it.
and, i hope that goes well for you!
At one point, you have these problems you manage to push through with ease, but when it comes back again, it keeps you up at night.
So yeah, I just found out that my aunt has only 7 days to live. I should feel sad, but I feel... nothing... is it because I lost too many people that I'm used to the pain already? I'm supposed to feel bad right? But why do I feel just slightly bummed out?
maybe your just still in shock and it hasn't set in yet? or maybe this is how you cope? people react differently to tragic events, doesn't mean you don't care.
either way, i'm sorry for your loss :c
I guess losing so many people overwhelmed me and it sorta "hardened" me where it hurts less when I lose another. Honestly, she was a cool aunt, gave lots of chocolate when I was young and she cooks greats meals too.
Well, I have no friends. I've been a loner ever since I was little. The people I did call "friends" don't even speak to me or ignore as If they didn't know I existed. I'm 15 and currently a freshman in high school, and it seems ever since I start HS people changed , it sucks, it really does. I am absolutely shy, (It's even worse with girls, haha). But being alone use to not bother me, but ever since I started middle school, it does. Hell its gotten so bad that if I don't get acknowledged for something (Like being one of the few guys in my school's choir) it hurts my feelings. I hope things change in the future, but you never know.
My pudding cup is empty
I'm glad you were able to share some of theses events with us. I hope it was therapeutic for you.
Maybe your coping mechanism is to push these thoughts away, as you said. I know it's hard, but when those thoughts arise, you have to consult and accept them as they coming. Pushing them away will cause a build up that leads to a mental breakdown, which is never good.
Also, I'm sorry about your aunt, and I hope you'll take solace in knowing that she'll be in a much better place.
I felt the same way my freshman year. High school is like a filter that pulls out all of the people you don't need in your life.
You're breaking out of your coocon, little butterfly, and soon you will fly.
I'm so sorry!!!
Sending virtual pudding asap.
Thank you CooCoo for those kind words.
thx
Thank you mortal.
Thanks a lot, bro!
I'm glad your life is better now and I also try to be optimistic. And if it's not a secret, where do you live now?
My grandpa's in the hospital with pneumonia now. Fucking great. I swear to God, if 2016 takes him in the last few minutes, I'll burn the entire world.
I'm going through a very rough time. I'm a young single parent looking for a career and dealing with loneliness and depression on a daily basis. It really sucks that New Year's Eve is going to be like any other day for me when so many others are out partying with loved ones.
I'll keep him on my thoughts.
I'm sorry this is happening!
I hope you come out of this rough time soon. Things always get better, they have to. Never lose hope, and take one day at a time.
Also, what is like being a single parent?
i'm in a similar position. I hope you feel better though
I have skimmed through the other comments and it seems that we will have our own battles,
The internet is a wonderful thing, especially when it comes to connecting with people. Even if you have no friends in real life, people are less likely to judge you when you first encounter them on the internet.
But real life is also important. We need to find happiness in our real lives too; I hope you can find that for yourself.
Thank you for your wise words.
I have a sinus infection. Does that count?
And sorry to hear you're having a rough time.
I'm not dead yet, I can assure you that is very, very sad.
Anyways, joking aside, my life is kind of a ridiculously convoluted mess and to explain it would prove to be quite daunting, as ridiculously self-important as it may sound I am quite a complicated character and I feel that partially explaining my life would fail to portray my character but I guess I could try to more or less tell my story in a concise manner.
So to start we have to clarify that I was a very feminine looking boy, to the point that I was often confused for a girl even though I've never worn girl's clothing, now I'm also Mexican and my father is very old-fashioned and grew up on a farm in a small town, so anyone familiar with Mexican culture that this was not a particularly good mix, add to this the fact that my mother is a very mean-spirited person that loves to make fun of people and we have a pretty bad recipe, so, on one hand, I very much liked how I looked and I purposefully did my hair in a very feminine way because I liked how I looked but, since my father was very much afraid that I was gay basically he pushed me extremely hard to be masculine, you know stuff like not being allowed to cry and basically to solve my problems through violence, like "Real men" do you know, besides all of this my mother would also tease, me she'd always refer to me using feminine pronouns and would introduce me as a daughter rather than a son when we met new people, which sometimes I didn't bother to correct because that was way less awkward, and on top of that we moved a lot so I never really developed a close-knit circle of friends besides my brothers, who didn't like me very much because of my personality, and on top of that due to my appearance and personality I got bullied quite a lot.
Anyway, the point being that the combination of all these factors made me develop a pretty bizarre personality, on one hand, I was very shy and quiet and communicated with other people by avoiding to speak, but my expression was always kind off stoic and sad, and though I looked very frail and delicate because I was also very thin and short, I was very, though, you know I'd fall and be bleeding and I wouldn't even change my expression, I'd just be like "I'm hurt again, I'm going to clean the wound", but here's what was strange I very much acted and looked like if someone were to tease me or even punch I'd just ignore them and let it slide, however, I was taught to be tough and although physical strength was far from being my strong point, I was extremely aggressive if someone teased me I jumped to the punches instantly and to compensate for my physical weakness I'd often use weapons like pipes, stones and sticks, and by the time I started attending high school I simply brought a knife with me which I would pull out on people that really pissed me off, but I never stabbed anyone with it as it was more for intimidation than anything else.
Point being that I was always either the girly boy or the psychopath, while I pretended this was fine and my family assumed this was fine to quote my brother when he introduced me to one of his friends "It's fine if you do anything to him, he has no feelings anyway." and the less said about what pubescent boys would with such a creature around the better (One of the mildest things I'd be willing to disclose is that there was a classmate that used to masturbate while touching my hair), anyways as you can probably guess I was actually extremely emotional and unstable but I had to keep up appearances because I didn't want to look like a fag (Hey, blame the culture) so I pretended to be this cold-hearted, logical and almost machine-like person, which didn't end up well, around the time I was 17 (Which according to most people I still looked like a10-year old girl by then) I finally had a nervous breakdown in the middle of a class, I just remember hearing a lot of noise slowly growing louder until I broke down and started yelling at everybody to shut up, then walked up to someone in the classroom (Who had been bullying me) and started punching him (Albeit with not much force because I was physically very weak) while both crying and laughing, then I walked out of the classroom, and well that was that, it's probably not surprising that shortly after I stopped going to school I just couldn't cope with all the stares and even after switching schools I just didn't feel good at all being around people.
In any case my family did not give much importance to the incident other than teasing me for being crazy and insisting on bringing it up to people because they thought it was funny, clearly failing to understand just how poor my psychological state was at the time, in any case not long after I started working because I didn't want to live there anymore and it was super scary, seriously I remember it being so awkward with me barely being able to communicate with my co-workers and stuttering almost every word due to nerves, I remember being so scared and stressed due to simply my complete lack of understanding of other people because I'd never had casual co-worker relationships like that (Other than my girlfriend and the odd friend I made here and there, at least from my perspective my relationships to classmates were hostile, all of them), so what I was going to say is that the strange feeling of having to talk with these people despite not knowing them overwhelmed me too much and I'd often just curl up in my bed and start crying when no one was looking because I had absolutely no idea how to feel, basically I was not raised to be a functional member of society at all and couldn't even function in a normal work environment...
Regardless time passed over time I grew accustomed to work and became pretty good at forming the casual but not particularly meaningful relationships one forms at work, and although I'm still socially awkward most people would not describe me as all that shy anymore, but besides finishing High School through tests I never really resumed my studies and while I pretty much had lost my Nihilism completely, growing even a strange fascination with making unlikely friends just so I could say "I made a new friend due to this strange situation", well after one of them turned out to be a convicted paedophile and another was a taxi driver that took me to his home to well fuck and I had to run away from there in complete shock, and well all of my friends refused to come pick me up when I was scared and alone, I kinda went back to being a loner but not as much as before, maybe they would have helped me if I had explained what was going on but saying "I was stupid enough to go to a random taxi driver's house and he almost raped me" is a pretty embarrassing thing to say, plus I do keep some of that stoicism.
In any case despite the long post that's actually a very concise version of my story that skips a lot of meaningful character-defining events, and the current status of my life is that I'm still working a job I don't like and am not really able to advance because I keep giving my money to my family because I guess I'm just stupid like that, now do keep in mind that this was a very trimmed version of my story and that all people are complicated and just because I painted my family with such a broad evil/abusive stroke that does not mean that's all there is to them, after all, they are my family and I do love them, but I feel that was necessary considering how long this post already is.
Yes and I hope you get well soon.
It sounds like you had a really tough life. I find it admirable that you support your family, even if they weren't all that great to you.
Thanks!
Well they aren't as awful as I'm making them sound like I said for the sake of simplicity I painted everyone with broad strokes, but you know people are extremely complex beings, it's just that the thread asked for a sob-story and I somehow had to trim the story into a post which is already the longest post in the thread, so you know stuff had to be simplified, pardon me if I sound narcissistic but I do believe there's enough material in my life to write a pretty substantial book, the main issue would be the lack of a structure because there are no clear and simple character arcs in real life.
Yeah, you said that already in your original post. But you did say your mother was "mean spirited", and your father pushed you to be more manly so they couldn't have been perfect either. Well, it's like you said: I only know as much as you are willing to share.
Thanks I really appreciate that. And being a single parent is incredibly taxing, it takes up basically all of my life. I love my sonnthough so it's okay, just wish I had a partner
I'm glad you were able to share this with others. I can relate. My parents are not the most accepting when it comes to personal matters.
As a child, I used to run around with a towel on my head, pretending I was girl, and my parents would be enfuriated. They punished me for having fun, which was all I was doing.
Hopefully our generation of parents will be more accepting.
Once again, I'm very happy you were able to share this information with us. You are a very strong person and I hope things get better for you asap. It may get worse before it gets better, but it has to get better. It always will.
That partner will come, I'm sure.
I hope the best for you and your son!
Well to start the month of December off I trusted the wrong person and got ripped off for 400 dollars, which left me in a hole. So I borrowed some cash off of my mother, (thanks again mom).
Then for Christmas I drove home to see my mom, had a lovely time. I left mom's house on the 28th and headed home. Its a 580 mile drive. About 45 miles from home I got driven off the road by an empty 18 wheeler logging truck. Broke my L2 vertebrate and did 4600 hundered dollars of damage to my new car. While I was being transported to the hospital the trucker and his friends got together and made up some bs to make me look like I was at fault.
At least this year is almost over and hopefully next year will go a bit better.