Who says i kept my head on straight, haha
I know just what you mean. Sounds like we have a bit in common here, @VengefulKenny, go… moreod to meet a fellow ex-Catlick
And that's good that he's goofy and chill, sounds kinda like me.
Don't ever change
Glad someone was able to ignore the heathen talk and just enjoy life as a human being.
For that I say: Amen!
Well, when I was a kid, I went to the beach once. It was a nice day out, lots of people there, and I wanted to go take a swim.
So I start walking towards the water when suddenly, whoosh, I fall down this deep ass hole in the sand. Actually, I don't even know if it was a hole, or if something under the water grabbed my leg and yanked me down. Either way, one second I was above ground, then the next I was deep underwater in some pit. Naturally, I freak the fuck out, and eventually manage to get back up the surface. I'm coughing up some water, because I nearly started drowning, and it seemed like absolutely no one saw what happened once I got back up, including my grandparents, which makes the situation all the more surreal; what the fuck even happened, and why did no one see it happen? Seriously, there were people all around me, but when I got back up, not a single person was so much as looking in my direction like "woah kid, what happened?"
I tried explaining to my grandparents that I just fell in a hole or some shit, and they acted like they didn't see anything happen to me. But I know for a fact that it happened.
I don't know if it really 'haunts' me as much as it confuses me. Every now and then, I think back to it, and I spend the next few minutes trying to figure out what and why the fuck it happened. I still went to the beach after that, and it never really scared me. But damn was it weird.
Well, when I was a kid, I went to the beach once. It was a nice day out, lots of people there, and I wanted to go take a swim.
So I start… more walking towards the water when suddenly, whoosh, I fall down this deep ass hole in the sand. Actually, I don't even know if it was a hole, or if something under the water grabbed my leg and yanked me down. Either way, one second I was above ground, then the next I was deep underwater in some pit. Naturally, I freak the fuck out, and eventually manage to get back up the surface. I'm coughing up some water, because I nearly started drowning, and it seemed like absolutely no one saw what happened once I got back up, including my grandparents, which makes the situation all the more surreal; what the fuck even happened, and why did no one see it happen? Seriously, there were people all around me, but when I got back up, not a single person was so much as looking in my direction like "woah kid, what happened?"… [view original content]
Actually, while I'm on it, I can think of one more situation that is closer to haunting than the above. Quite literally haunting, if you ask me.
I was even younger in this one, I think I was... 3, maybe?
So I'm in my house. I think it was my birthday or something. So I had a bunch of cousins and relatives over at my house.
I'm in my room, which is at the end of a hallway. On the other end of this hallway is my grandparents room (I live with my grandparents).
So we're all having a great time, when I decide to peek out the door, and down the hallway.
And what do I see? I see some fucking shadowy figure slowly walking out of the end of the hallway, coming towards me. I was still young, and it didn't really scare me, but my reaction was more like "hey, who's the shadowy man?"
So I see that, decide to duck back in the room and mention that somebody was in the hallway. One of my family members check it out, and see nothing in the hallway. I look back out and surely enough, nobody's there.
You see, here's the thing: there was no one in the room that figure came out of at the time, and there's no other way into that room besides walking down the hallway. So firstly, how the hell did it get in there? And secondly, what the hell was it?
I don't want to say it was ghost... but quite frankly, I got no clue what it was. It looked like someone's shadow, but it was clearly walking out of the room. And it didn't say anything, it didn't make any noise, it just marched out of the room and towards the end of the hallway where my room is.
I tell some people about what I see later, and naturally they just try to give me some normal answer: oh maybe someone was in that room, maybe it was just light from the window, etc etc.
And maybe they're right. Maybe that was just an overactive imagination making me see something that wasn't really there. I dunno.
I know this story may not be as harrowing as most of the stories here, but when I was 11, I almost tried to kill myself. We were at the school, during a long break we had before eating that lasted like half andhour. I had just talked to my classmates, or tried to talk to them, because at the moment I got into the conversation (I think it was something about Assasins' Creed, and as a fan of the game I couldn't help but say something, even when I knew I should never go where I'm not called) they looked at me with those eyes I will never be able to forget. They seemed horrorized, insulted, offended that I was talking to them. Their eyes said "Who are you? Who do you think you are to come and talk to us? How dare you even think you are as worthy as us to even talk to us?". They told me to fuck off, that they weren't talking to me, and when I left, I heard them talking about how annoying I am, how I'm nothing else than a bother to everyone, and my heart broke, like a tear in my flesh. I knew I was about to cry to I locked myself in the bathroom and cried there for life five minutes. I stared at the mirror, and I felt like I was the ugliest thing in the world. Who would love me? Me, an annoying little girl, a simple bother? I was convinced I wasn't supossed to be alive, that I was just a mistake, that I shouldn't have been born. I wasn't worthy. That was the first time I wished to be dead. I thought it would be so easy, just break the glass of the mirror and cut my wrists with it. Nobody would miss me, anyways, I would be releasing my classmates from me and my shit, I would be letting my parents pay enough attention to my little sister, who deserved it way more than me, and save the money they spend on me. I punched the glass with my bare hands only one time. I don't know what happened, but it felt likesomeone just had slapped me and forced some sense into me. That was also the first time my stories. The idea of the book I'm currently working on had born just a couple months ago, and I hand't told anyone. If I died, the story would die with me, right? I couldn't let that happend, I had to keep going for my story. I am the only person in the universe able to write THAT book, and if I left, the book would leave with me. So I dried me tears and went out. After that, my death wish got worse, but I would keep telling myself that I HAD to live, I owed it to my story, to all the stories that are born in my mind every day. With the time, I got better. I never went to terapy or aything, it scares me way too much, the thought that someone can almost read my mind. I got better by myself. Everyday I tell myself in front of the mirror that I'm worthy, and that it wasn't an accident I was born. There were millions of posibilities, but of all those possibilities, the one to get to exist was me. There are still some days I wish I was dead, but I know I'm getting better. I'm getting better by myself, and that makes me feel strong.
Something good came out of this: I didn't feel loved, so now I understand what love truly feels like. The possibility of someone caring enough for you, being important to someone, being worthy to someone, special to someone meant a lot more now. A simple kiss on the check from a friend, a hug from my parents, are a lot more precious now. To know how love feels like, first you must feel no love.
Wow, that was probably the most awkard thing I ever wrote in the Internet, and my inner writer just told everything in story mode, it seems. Hehe. Uncomfortable. Let's just forget about everything.
Suicide attempt. I wrapped a shower cord around my neck and squeezed until I couldn't breathe. I was 12. Thought of my sister (who was less … morethan a year old at that point) and took the shower cord off. Cried in the shower for 45 minutes. The only people who knows are online people and my grandmother. I hid the redness with a bathrobe and a scarf.
Also the one time (about 6 months after the above incident) where I was choking on pasta and my dad had to do the Heimlich maneuver on me. My vision darkened around the edges and went black and white. I really, truly thought I was gonna die.
Bullying, binge-eating disorder, a new sibling, and what I believe to be an undiagnosed mental illness, + my parents weren't paying me any attention. My life kind of just crumbled around me and I couldn't take it.
I was already thinking about suicide, and then I was in the shower and thought, "I could just do it. Right here, right now. No one would miss a fat, ugly failure like me. Maybe my parents would like me better if I were dead." The shower hose was right there.
Bullying, binge-eating disorder, a new sibling, and what I believe to be an undiagnosed mental illness, + my parents weren't paying me any a… morettention. My life kind of just crumbled around me and I couldn't take it.
I was already thinking about suicide, and then I was in the shower and thought, "I could just do it. Right here, right now. No one would miss a fat, ugly failure like me. Maybe my parents would like me better if I were dead." The shower hose was right there.
I don't usually say this about myself but here goes...
Ever since I was born, it's my own existence that haunts me. People treated me like crap, tricked me in believing I was making good things, school was no good either but what hell, because of these same ppl I nearly died TWICE (not counting this next one), I even once tried to say 'fuck it' and kill myself but deep down, I knew I would end up better than them and I DID! After 20 years of going around that shit, I OFFICIALLY have managed to scrap that page off my life and started a new chapter. Since then it's been a roundabout
And rightfully so. It's actually pretty traumatizing. I have nightmares about being back in that period of my life, and I actually have blocked out quite a lot of that time. It was only a few years ago, but I don't remember hardly anything between Christmas and June (which is when that state of mind was the worst).
It's just like a dementor-like feeling when I think about it - like all of the joy and meaning in the world is gone, and all that's left is complete darkness and destruction.
No one is going to make fun of you. Dogs are special and live in your heart. My Princess died at 3 from a heart attack at the groomer when I was 7, I still miss her.
Please don't make fun of me but the death of my little dog named Tucker. This happened back in 2013 and he was only 3 years old. It's funny … morehow attached you could get to a dog. So anyways I was with my older brother to go take him and my other small dog to go use the bathroom when some stray Yorkie dog scared Tucker, I also had a third dog who was a pit bull who didn't like Tucker, so the stray yorkie dog ran right past Tucker scaring him into my backyard with the pit bull, by this point I can already sense something bad was going to happen. My brother was the first to go back there and try to stop it, I saw my pit bull chase Tucker around I was quickly trying to get there and help my brother, but it wasn't enough, my pit bull eventually got to Tucker and bite him in his neck hard, I was screaming to top of my lungs for my parents to get out here, I can hear Tucker crying in pain and I even tried to bite my pit bull in hopes to get her to sto… [view original content]
Honestly, just the past me. Ever find recordings of you that are SOOOO cringe? Like I'm just nervous people think of me different now because of how crazy I was as a toddler and child.
I had same sort thing happen most important day of my life
My parent got divorced so me and brothers moved middle of nowhere in the country just fields from a big town. They all hated us as we were from capital a rival city even teachers ignored us horrible. To be judged and hated before we even spoke a word because where we from
My conclusion(I was 12 at the time) as cried myself to sleep was different as my line of taught was but they would all loved it if I killed myself everyone would forget me in two weeks all them bullies will laugh they have won.
Do I respect these people? Do I admire these people? Do I even want them to like me?
NO
Then why do I accept this abuse and still try impress them
Then all made sense everyone pushed me around as no consequence they felt better then me, my need for validation and acceptance off every person I met made me doormat, treat people how they treat you.
My family and close friends are most important to me and they think I'm awesome that's all validation I ever need.Only opinions that matter to me are those I care for and care about me.
So if can't handle reality I going go in and change it
I be my own hero the change I want to see.
So coming weeks about 8 different dudes giving me abuse everyday. Look I'm not perfect I visited each in school few needed mean words, few needed punches to get the message no one ever disrespected me again. Weird one guy who kept spitting on me and throwing pens at me shouting abuse everytime even looked at him. After few hard punches honestly after that never met nicer guy to me.
Best feeling when looked those people in the eye. I can sense it they knew after that day I was different person they really messed up.
We teach people how treat us from our reactions to situations. Allow yourself be disrespected and abused only get worse
Never ever seek validation of your worth off others as you will always feel empty and worthless no one deserves this power over you.
Everyone has faults, insecurity, weaknesses people are mostly concerned with themselves and how you can profit them. They will use your need for acceptance and validation off them to serve their needs not yours.
Be leader not a servant
Not everyone is a good person who has what best for you in mind a lot of toxic people will use you
Your Life is a gift share only with those who deserve it who care about you drop those who make you feel bad or worth less then them.
Best feeling in life having those people around you who think your as awesome as you think there are.
Like your story had a hero you needed on your darkest day who had all the answers?
You........you saved your own life, your imagination created worlds, books made this life worth living for you. At your lowest you had the strength and the character alone to be the change you needed. The validation and acceptance you always wanted and needed was within yourself not others never forget that.
I know this story may not be as harrowing as most of the stories here, but when I was 11, I almost tried to kill myself. We were at the scho… moreol, during a long break we had before eating that lasted like half andhour. I had just talked to my classmates, or tried to talk to them, because at the moment I got into the conversation (I think it was something about Assasins' Creed, and as a fan of the game I couldn't help but say something, even when I knew I should never go where I'm not called) they looked at me with those eyes I will never be able to forget. They seemed horrorized, insulted, offended that I was talking to them. Their eyes said "Who are you? Who do you think you are to come and talk to us? How dare you even think you are as worthy as us to even talk to us?". They told me to fuck off, that they weren't talking to me, and when I left, I heard them talking about how annoying I am, how I'm nothing else than a bother to everyone, and my… [view original content]
Please don't make fun of me but the death of my little dog named Tucker. This happened back in 2013 and he was only 3 years old. It's funny … morehow attached you could get to a dog. So anyways I was with my older brother to go take him and my other small dog to go use the bathroom when some stray Yorkie dog scared Tucker, I also had a third dog who was a pit bull who didn't like Tucker, so the stray yorkie dog ran right past Tucker scaring him into my backyard with the pit bull, by this point I can already sense something bad was going to happen. My brother was the first to go back there and try to stop it, I saw my pit bull chase Tucker around I was quickly trying to get there and help my brother, but it wasn't enough, my pit bull eventually got to Tucker and bite him in his neck hard, I was screaming to top of my lungs for my parents to get out here, I can hear Tucker crying in pain and I even tried to bite my pit bull in hopes to get her to sto… [view original content]
Well this one is pretty bad.
Anybody played Life is Strange? Well, good for you, I couldn't finish it, had to stop at Episode 2 ending. A couple of years ago, I and my girlfriend just finished with university, we wanted to meet her brother. He was going through a hard time and we wanted to help him.
When we arrived at his flat, at the 4th floor, he didn't answer to our ringing on the door. But we were able to hear somebody moving inside the flat. So I decided to try kicking the door in, while she was calling the police. When I tried the fourth time, with my shoulder, we could hear a bang. He shot himself, escaping alcoholism and divorce.
I guess she was much more broken than I, but both of us couldn't get rid of the thought that we had a chance to help him. Later on, we decided to split up, she's now living in Berlin, working for the sucide hotline, which I admire a lot.
Oh come now- we both know that isn't true. The human capacity to purge one's self of loneliness is far too remarkable a thing to give up on so easily. The meaning of human life far too interesting to let fall to "the grand scheme of things". The potential to fight against incapability too great to let your way stay barred. I don't know you... but I know of your ability, and low self-esteem in any person always surprises- a subject of certain fascination.
Jesus man, that's tough. I find animals' company more pleasant than humans, as there are true, beautiful beings and one's death could be so painful, especially if you're there to witness it. Remember that is was just an accident and there's no one to blame. Hope you're alright.
Comments
Amen, brotha!! Was nice meeting and chatting with ya
Well, when I was a kid, I went to the beach once. It was a nice day out, lots of people there, and I wanted to go take a swim.
So I start walking towards the water when suddenly, whoosh, I fall down this deep ass hole in the sand. Actually, I don't even know if it was a hole, or if something under the water grabbed my leg and yanked me down. Either way, one second I was above ground, then the next I was deep underwater in some pit. Naturally, I freak the fuck out, and eventually manage to get back up the surface. I'm coughing up some water, because I nearly started drowning, and it seemed like absolutely no one saw what happened once I got back up, including my grandparents, which makes the situation all the more surreal; what the fuck even happened, and why did no one see it happen? Seriously, there were people all around me, but when I got back up, not a single person was so much as looking in my direction like "woah kid, what happened?"
I tried explaining to my grandparents that I just fell in a hole or some shit, and they acted like they didn't see anything happen to me. But I know for a fact that it happened.
I don't know if it really 'haunts' me as much as it confuses me. Every now and then, I think back to it, and I spend the next few minutes trying to figure out what and why the fuck it happened. I still went to the beach after that, and it never really scared me. But damn was it weird.
That would suck...jeesh...I wonder how many drownings happen like that?
Actually, while I'm on it, I can think of one more situation that is closer to haunting than the above. Quite literally haunting, if you ask me.
I was even younger in this one, I think I was... 3, maybe?
So I'm in my house. I think it was my birthday or something. So I had a bunch of cousins and relatives over at my house.
I'm in my room, which is at the end of a hallway. On the other end of this hallway is my grandparents room (I live with my grandparents).
So we're all having a great time, when I decide to peek out the door, and down the hallway.
And what do I see? I see some fucking shadowy figure slowly walking out of the end of the hallway, coming towards me. I was still young, and it didn't really scare me, but my reaction was more like "hey, who's the shadowy man?"
So I see that, decide to duck back in the room and mention that somebody was in the hallway. One of my family members check it out, and see nothing in the hallway. I look back out and surely enough, nobody's there.
You see, here's the thing: there was no one in the room that figure came out of at the time, and there's no other way into that room besides walking down the hallway. So firstly, how the hell did it get in there? And secondly, what the hell was it?
I don't want to say it was ghost... but quite frankly, I got no clue what it was. It looked like someone's shadow, but it was clearly walking out of the room. And it didn't say anything, it didn't make any noise, it just marched out of the room and towards the end of the hallway where my room is.
I tell some people about what I see later, and naturally they just try to give me some normal answer: oh maybe someone was in that room, maybe it was just light from the window, etc etc.
And maybe they're right. Maybe that was just an overactive imagination making me see something that wasn't really there. I dunno.
I know this story may not be as harrowing as most of the stories here, but when I was 11, I almost tried to kill myself. We were at the school, during a long break we had before eating that lasted like half andhour. I had just talked to my classmates, or tried to talk to them, because at the moment I got into the conversation (I think it was something about Assasins' Creed, and as a fan of the game I couldn't help but say something, even when I knew I should never go where I'm not called) they looked at me with those eyes I will never be able to forget. They seemed horrorized, insulted, offended that I was talking to them. Their eyes said "Who are you? Who do you think you are to come and talk to us? How dare you even think you are as worthy as us to even talk to us?". They told me to fuck off, that they weren't talking to me, and when I left, I heard them talking about how annoying I am, how I'm nothing else than a bother to everyone, and my heart broke, like a tear in my flesh. I knew I was about to cry to I locked myself in the bathroom and cried there for life five minutes. I stared at the mirror, and I felt like I was the ugliest thing in the world. Who would love me? Me, an annoying little girl, a simple bother? I was convinced I wasn't supossed to be alive, that I was just a mistake, that I shouldn't have been born. I wasn't worthy. That was the first time I wished to be dead. I thought it would be so easy, just break the glass of the mirror and cut my wrists with it. Nobody would miss me, anyways, I would be releasing my classmates from me and my shit, I would be letting my parents pay enough attention to my little sister, who deserved it way more than me, and save the money they spend on me. I punched the glass with my bare hands only one time. I don't know what happened, but it felt likesomeone just had slapped me and forced some sense into me. That was also the first time my stories. The idea of the book I'm currently working on had born just a couple months ago, and I hand't told anyone. If I died, the story would die with me, right? I couldn't let that happend, I had to keep going for my story. I am the only person in the universe able to write THAT book, and if I left, the book would leave with me. So I dried me tears and went out. After that, my death wish got worse, but I would keep telling myself that I HAD to live, I owed it to my story, to all the stories that are born in my mind every day. With the time, I got better. I never went to terapy or aything, it scares me way too much, the thought that someone can almost read my mind. I got better by myself. Everyday I tell myself in front of the mirror that I'm worthy, and that it wasn't an accident I was born. There were millions of posibilities, but of all those possibilities, the one to get to exist was me. There are still some days I wish I was dead, but I know I'm getting better. I'm getting better by myself, and that makes me feel strong.
Something good came out of this: I didn't feel loved, so now I understand what love truly feels like. The possibility of someone caring enough for you, being important to someone, being worthy to someone, special to someone meant a lot more now. A simple kiss on the check from a friend, a hug from my parents, are a lot more precious now. To know how love feels like, first you must feel no love.
Wow, that was probably the most awkard thing I ever wrote in the Internet, and my inner writer just told everything in story mode, it seems. Hehe. Uncomfortable. Let's just forget about everything.
Care to explain why did you do that if you don't mind?
Bullying, binge-eating disorder, a new sibling, and what I believe to be an undiagnosed mental illness, + my parents weren't paying me any attention. My life kind of just crumbled around me and I couldn't take it.
I was already thinking about suicide, and then I was in the shower and thought, "I could just do it. Right here, right now. No one would miss a fat, ugly failure like me. Maybe my parents would like me better if I were dead." The shower hose was right there.
God, I feel bad for people with family and life problems. I can't believe it happens so many times. Suicide is one of my worst fears of this life.
I don't usually say this about myself but here goes...
People treated me like crap, tricked me in believing I was making good things, school was no good either but what hell, because of these same ppl I nearly died TWICE (not counting this next one), I even once tried to say 'fuck it' and kill myself but deep down, I knew I would end up better than them and I DID! After 20 years of going around that shit, I OFFICIALLY have managed to scrap that page off my life and started a new chapter. Since then it's been a roundabout 
Ever since I was born, it's my own existence that haunts me.
And rightfully so. It's actually pretty traumatizing. I have nightmares about being back in that period of my life, and I actually have blocked out quite a lot of that time. It was only a few years ago, but I don't remember hardly anything between Christmas and June (which is when that state of mind was the worst).
It's just like a dementor-like feeling when I think about it - like all of the joy and meaning in the world is gone, and all that's left is complete darkness and destruction.
The michael jackson thriller offical video long version was the most haunting thing ive seen and still is to this day
sleep paralysis is typically youre awake but youre unable to move youre body or speak if anybobdy didnt understand
No one is going to make fun of you. Dogs are special and live in your heart. My Princess died at 3 from a heart attack at the groomer when I was 7, I still miss her.
Honestly, just the past me. Ever find recordings of you that are SOOOO cringe? Like I'm just nervous people think of me different now because of how crazy I was as a toddler and child.
How meaningless we all are in the grand scheme of things and that I'll die alone and there's nothing I can do about it.
People falsely accusing me.
Of what?
Right..that comment was too edgy.
Dont mind me.
Well, you shouldn't have done all that stuff you didn't do.
I had same sort thing happen most important day of my life
My parent got divorced so me and brothers moved middle of nowhere in the country just fields from a big town. They all hated us as we were from capital a rival city even teachers ignored us horrible. To be judged and hated before we even spoke a word because where we from
My conclusion(I was 12 at the time) as cried myself to sleep was different as my line of taught was but they would all loved it if I killed myself everyone would forget me in two weeks all them bullies will laugh they have won.
Do I respect these people? Do I admire these people? Do I even want them to like me?
NO
Then why do I accept this abuse and still try impress them
Then all made sense everyone pushed me around as no consequence they felt better then me, my need for validation and acceptance off every person I met made me doormat, treat people how they treat you.
My family and close friends are most important to me and they think I'm awesome that's all validation I ever need.Only opinions that matter to me are those I care for and care about me.
So if can't handle reality I going go in and change it
I be my own hero the change I want to see.
So coming weeks about 8 different dudes giving me abuse everyday. Look I'm not perfect I visited each in school few needed mean words, few needed punches to get the message no one ever disrespected me again. Weird one guy who kept spitting on me and throwing pens at me shouting abuse everytime even looked at him. After few hard punches honestly after that never met nicer guy to me.
Best feeling when looked those people in the eye. I can sense it they knew after that day I was different person they really messed up.
We teach people how treat us from our reactions to situations. Allow yourself be disrespected and abused only get worse
Never ever seek validation of your worth off others as you will always feel empty and worthless no one deserves this power over you.
Everyone has faults, insecurity, weaknesses people are mostly concerned with themselves and how you can profit them. They will use your need for acceptance and validation off them to serve their needs not yours.
Be leader not a servant
Not everyone is a good person who has what best for you in mind a lot of toxic people will use you
Your Life is a gift share only with those who deserve it who care about you drop those who make you feel bad or worth less then them.
Best feeling in life having those people around you who think your as awesome as you think there are.
Like your story had a hero you needed on your darkest day who had all the answers?
You........you saved your own life, your imagination created worlds, books made this life worth living for you. At your lowest you had the strength and the character alone to be the change you needed. The validation and acceptance you always wanted and needed was within yourself not others never forget that.
My ineptitude in pleasuring anyone intimately.
That would've made me angry enough to do a lot of bad things
... what? I haven't even played the sgme with Arno... I don't even know in which game he is!
Or did I compeltly misunderstood the message?
PS: Everyone knows Edward is the best assasin.
If telltale deleting the walking dead a new frontier (my nightmere)
Umm lee.. I so sorry man
Well this one is pretty bad.
Anybody played Life is Strange? Well, good for you, I couldn't finish it, had to stop at Episode 2 ending. A couple of years ago, I and my girlfriend just finished with university, we wanted to meet her brother. He was going through a hard time and we wanted to help him.
When we arrived at his flat, at the 4th floor, he didn't answer to our ringing on the door. But we were able to hear somebody moving inside the flat. So I decided to try kicking the door in, while she was calling the police. When I tried the fourth time, with my shoulder, we could hear a bang. He shot himself, escaping alcoholism and divorce.
I guess she was much more broken than I, but both of us couldn't get rid of the thought that we had a chance to help him. Later on, we decided to split up, she's now living in Berlin, working for the sucide hotline, which I admire a lot.
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Oh come now- we both know that isn't true. The human capacity to purge one's self of loneliness is far too remarkable a thing to give up on so easily. The meaning of human life far too interesting to let fall to "the grand scheme of things". The potential to fight against incapability too great to let your way stay barred. I don't know you... but I know of your ability, and low self-esteem in any person always surprises- a subject of certain fascination.
Jesus man, that's tough. I find animals' company more pleasant than humans, as there are true, beautiful beings and one's death could be so painful, especially if you're there to witness it. Remember that is was just an accident and there's no one to blame. Hope you're alright.
That bad is it?
...Crud.