There's nothing wrong with the two of you being friends,
( If you feel like you can live with that, and not regret not knowing what might of happened if you told her your feelings for her). But, confessing your feelings could risk your friendship with her. You would really have to think about what's more important to you.
I think I've gotten fairly better at it over time. I feel fine around most women, it's mainly actually just a particular girl I was talking … moreabout in my last message, I just generalized it to "women my age" to remain vague. But what the heck?
I think of her as a friend, but I still get fairly nervous around her. I mean, I did kind of have feelings for her, but then she started dating this other guy and now it feels kind of awkward being around them. She didn't know how I felt, and I never plan on telling her, but still. I want to be her friend but I guess I don't want to get in the way of her relationship with the other guy.
I don't know. Is it weird for a straight girl to be friends with a straight guy while dating another guy? Would that make the guy she's dating uncomfortable?
I definitely won't tell her my feelings while she's with the other guy. That'd make it impossible to still be friends.
If she liked me back (ha), that'd be different. But we're just friends and I'm cool with that. I think of it this way; Romantic relationships don't last forever, friendships do... Sometimes. And honestly, I don't believe I'll ever deserve to be with someone like her. She deserves better. Much better. So, in a way, I'm happy she's with the other guy. (And I'm not trying to tell some sob story to make everyone feel bad for me. It's just how I feel. And I don't want any replies like "Ohh, you're too hard on yourself, everyone deserves love!" or anything like that. It makes me feel worse. So don't, okay?)
There's nothing wrong with the two of you being friends,
( If you feel like you can live with that, and not regret not knowing what might o… moref happened if you told her your feelings for her). But, confessing your feelings could risk your friendship with her. You would really have to think about what's more important to you.
I think I've gotten fairly better at it over time. I feel fine around most women, it's mainly actually just a particular girl I was talking … moreabout in my last message, I just generalized it to "women my age" to remain vague. But what the heck?
I think of her as a friend, but I still get fairly nervous around her. I mean, I did kind of have feelings for her, but then she started dating this other guy and now it feels kind of awkward being around them. She didn't know how I felt, and I never plan on telling her, but still. I want to be her friend but I guess I don't want to get in the way of her relationship with the other guy.
I don't know. Is it weird for a straight girl to be friends with a straight guy while dating another guy? Would that make the guy she's dating uncomfortable?
After a few years we tried to forgive him for it, but I don't think we ever truly did. He's been saying that it was Her fault for getting him locked up. That it was HER fault that he lost those years with us.
I thought I could trust him... But he's no different. I don't think I can even trust myself.
But acceptance is the way to heal, But IS THAT REALLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO!?
We're not much different from the animals we came from. We think we have full control over ourselves, but we don't. There are promises that we break. We lie to people. We forget important details. There are things we believe that aren't right to do, but we do them in our own ways. All because we are often persuaded by ourselves that it is okay to do. We step back from it, and see what we've done, and we feel ashamed of ourselves for it and try to move on....only to be persuaded again by the slightest of temptation, given time.
And that's where acceptance plays. Do we just let it go and say these things were just meant to happen, or do we come to terms that there is something that isn't truly "us"? We wouldn't have done those things if we were in our "Right minds". Drug use just amplifies the results. All of us have mental barriers that can be broken, given the right situation, in good or in bad ways. Even our sense of what is right and wrong can be altered, given enough exposure.
The apocalypse wouldn't actually change who we are. It would only give us to chance to let our hair down, and let our minds grow wild and unmonitored. Like a hedge without it's hedge trimmer. Holding back how far the branches can truly spread.
Hmm. Looks like there are a few branches that need to be trimmed, but why not set the whole thing ablaze and not worry about having to trim it anymore?
Well, I don't know the guy too well, but from what I've seen he seems like a pretty solid guy.
Can never know for sure, I guess. I trust her judgement though.
Holy crap, this thread is getting depressing as hell. Now I know where to go if I ever need re-assurance that mankind is fudged. My heart goes out to all you people suffering from such traumatic events.
don't know. Is it weird for a straight girl to be friends with a straight guy while dating another guy?
If it's completely "just fri… moreends" and no one tries to "make a move", then yeah, that's fine. I don't see why not.
Would that make the guy she's dating uncomfortable?
Only if the guy she is dating is controlling, possessive and insecure.
I've been wanting to die for a while now. But I have one thing I wanted to do before I go. That is to see what TFS would be like. After that, I don't give a fuck what happens to me.
And I don't NEED YOUR PITY. Like @Acheive250 said, it would do nothing but make me feel worse, and probably would convince me to end it sooner. This is something I have to figure out on my own. And to not give up on my last goal.
But if I ever go offline for more than a week. You'll know I'm not here.
I'm sorry.....
I just feel so lost.
I've been wanting to die for a while now. But I have one thing I wanted to do before I go. That is… more to see what TFS would be like. After that, I don't give a fuck what happens to me.
And I don't NEED YOUR PITY. Like @Acheive250 said, it would do nothing but make me feel worse, and probably would convince me to end it sooner. This is something I have to figure out on my own. And to not give up on my last goal.
But if I ever go offline for more than a week. You'll know I'm not here.
My sister did, too... By my dad.
After a few years we tried to forgive him for it, but I don't think we ever truly did. He's been saying … morethat it was Her fault for getting him locked up. That it was HER fault that he lost those years with us.
I thought I could trust him... But he's no different. I don't think I can even trust myself.
But acceptance is the way to heal, But IS THAT REALLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO!?
We're not much different from the animals we came from. We think we have full control over ourselves, but we don't. There are promises that we break. We lie to people. We forget important details. There are things we believe that aren't right to do, but we do them in our own ways. All because we are often persuaded by ourselves that it is okay to do. We step back from it, and see what we've done, and we feel ashamed of ourselves for it and try to move on....only to be persuaded again by the slightest of temptation, given tim… [view original content]
I'm sorry.....
I just feel so lost.
I've been wanting to die for a while now. But I have one thing I wanted to do before I go. That is… more to see what TFS would be like. After that, I don't give a fuck what happens to me.
And I don't NEED YOUR PITY. Like @Acheive250 said, it would do nothing but make me feel worse, and probably would convince me to end it sooner. This is something I have to figure out on my own. And to not give up on my last goal.
But if I ever go offline for more than a week. You'll know I'm not here.
I’m extroverted when I want to be when I’m with people I like and have same interests as me I’m really talkative but when I was in high school my parents never let me leave the house and hated all my friends so I guess back then I was forced to be introverted
Do you have anyone that you trust enough to talk about this with? From my experience, I've learned that talking about my emotions really helps me deal with them. But if you don't have anyone to talk to, another thing I do is write an email/text message. Just write a huge message and pour all of your emotions and feelings into it. Write it as if you're writing it to someone you know or love. Get everything out. And then delete the message. I don't know why, but it helps. Sometimes I don't delete the message though, I keep it to look back on later in life.
I used to feel the same as you do. There were very few things that kept me going, most of which were videogames. I was more interested in fictional stories than I was for my own life. Which isn't bad. Those games and stories got me through that hard time in my life.
As Joel would say, life is all about "Finding something to keep fighting for". And it's true. I'm sure given the choice, none of us would be here today. Had we gotten a warning before we came out that life is about 90% pain and 10% happiness, that all life ever wants to do is see you suffer and then laugh in your face, I'm sure we all would've refused to come out.
But you know what I've learned? It's that life is never going to give you a break. It's never going to apologize and go easy on you. Life is mean. Life is cruel. It's the people that are going to get you through (and the cats.). Genuine, kind, caring people that will give your life meaning. It doesn't seem like they exist until you meet one. Then you realise that they're actually everywhere, you just have to want to see them. You have to want them to exist. People are strongest when they work together. And what's stronger than pointing your middle finger at life and being happy despite it's attempts at making you miserable? To still be able to smile in the morning and not let the fact that your pay check hasn't arrived yet bring you down? To sing and dance even while life is booing and throwing tomatoes at you? Life isn't going to want you to be happy, it's the people that love you that will make your life happy, whether life permits it or not.
It's not life that's worth living, it's the things that share life with you that make it worth living.
Phew, I'm exhausted now. I need chocolate. Of course, chocolate! It's the people, cats and the chocolate that make life worth it.
Well, I hope in all of that I've managed to say something worth saying. I don't usually feel this way, so I'm gonna put that fourth paragraph into my bio so I can easily access it to remind myself of how I can feel when I want to.
I'm sorry.....
I just feel so lost.
I've been wanting to die for a while now. But I have one thing I wanted to do before I go. That is… more to see what TFS would be like. After that, I don't give a fuck what happens to me.
And I don't NEED YOUR PITY. Like @Acheive250 said, it would do nothing but make me feel worse, and probably would convince me to end it sooner. This is something I have to figure out on my own. And to not give up on my last goal.
But if I ever go offline for more than a week. You'll know I'm not here.
I appreciate the support and I'm glad you've found your answers. But for some crazy reason I don't feel that it's enough, And I envy that in you.
Of course, all those things are comforting, I believe that there's even ways to take comfort out of pain, but what if you believe that when you die all of your experiences are erased? You don't remember what they even felt like, along with every other thought and emotion you ever had. That is my greatest fear. I would gladly jump out of an airplane with a hornet's nest strapped to my back and fall into a rotten corpse of a large creature (My other greatest fears) If it would prevent that from happening.
I've been holding onto these thoughts for years, and nothing has convinced me that that isn't waiting for me when I die. I can only try to forget about it and let other things distract me, but the thoughts always come back. Instead of holding onto the suspense of what is to come, I'd rather throw myself into it and have it be done with. But the last goal is "here". And maybe, by the time that's finished, I'll have found another goal to reach, or the thoughts no longer bother me as much as they do now and I could live with that.
Edit:
There's probably more to this than I'm thinking right now. I've always that helping someone else and having take me would be pretty relieving. Having it mean that I wouldn't leave because of just my own purposes. But so far, no opportunities have come up like that, and it's probably the reason why I didn't end my life before I came up with my goal. (I was originally planning to end it after ANF, but to luck be given, TFS was announced right after.) But-- I've been blinding myself to what is behind that, and what should be held more important. Helping others. Donating my blood to help save other's. Providing as much help as I can. Just being there for them to know their not alone. All things I usually cherish, but was blinded by this whole predicament.
Do you have anyone that you trust enough to talk about this with? From my experience, I've learned that talking about my emotions really hel… moreps me deal with them. But if you don't have anyone to talk to, another thing I do is write an email/text message. Just write a huge message and pour all of your emotions and feelings into it. Write it as if you're writing it to someone you know or love. Get everything out. And then delete the message. I don't know why, but it helps. Sometimes I don't delete the message though, I keep it to look back on later in life.
I used to feel the same as you do. There were very few things that kept me going, most of which were videogames. I was more interested in fictional stories than I was for my own life. Which isn't bad. Those games and stories got me through that hard time in my life.
As Joel would say, life is all about "Finding something to keep fighting for". And it's true. I'm sure given the choice, n… [view original content]
I'm not that awkward in everyday life I guess - I have no problem with public presentations, arguing with my teachers or trying to steal the spotlight. But I'm sooo bad at getting close to people. Probably that's why I ended up with zero friends at the age of 16. I just don't know how to bond with kids my age. I eitehr feel awkward or bored or we act like besties and then it turns out to be superficial and fake. I'm not some sociopath of course, I can care for others, I have a great relationship with my family members and we're best friends with my sister. But everyone else around... I only feel comfortable around my classmates in school, when there's something binding us. The outer world looks like an unexplored jungle to me. I'm a teenager yet I spend my weekend all alone like an old lady. That's making me really downtrodden.
I'm starting to get what you're saying, @Acheive250 .
As Cocoa said in our PM's
I feel that those who are completely content with their existence only picked the answers they were most comfortable without fretting over their validity.
So basically I just need to find a way to tell those thoughts to go shove it. And I can finally be free. Is it really that complicated? Or am I, once again, just overthinking my very existence?
Sometimes I just want to take a hammer to my head to stop myself thinking so critically
This is something that's been going on for long time. And being there to help me through it, was different. (Even if it wasn't actually intitional) Normally, I would've had no one to help me through it. It would take much longer for me to straighten out. But you've managed a crunch about a month's worth of soul searching into about 2 days, And I'm grateful for it.
I would tell you I would return the favor, but I don't know if you can trust my opinion after how sporadic I was. I'd understand, I can hardly trust my own thoughts anymore...
I can’t talk to girls my age at all, and I can’t even go anywhere near guys without starting arguments or just about dodging a fight. When I am in an argument, that’s when my awkwardness kicks in the most: my brain basically goes retarded and I can’t think straight, making my logic make zero sense despite me knowing this so I would then lose those arguments, then my stubbornness tells me that I’m not wrong even though I am so I basically end up arguing with an entire year group despite knowing that they are right.
Also I just will not whatsoever argue with a teacher, even when I am in the right, cos I only know that they don’t give a crap and it will just get me nowhere...pretty much all the time, I nearly got a detention once for missing a single maths question out. Also, due to my awkwardness, I’d refuse to leave the house to hang out with my friends unless I am at school, likely cos they hang out with ppl I don’t know and if we had to be introduced I’d be like hehehe fuck ?
I'm not that awkward in everyday life I guess - I have no problem with public presentations, arguing with my teachers or trying to steal the… more spotlight. But I'm sooo bad at getting close to people. Probably that's why I ended up with zero friends at the age of 16. I just don't know how to bond with kids my age. I eitehr feel awkward or bored or we act like besties and then it turns out to be superficial and fake. I'm not some sociopath of course, I can care for others, I have a great relationship with my family members and we're best friends with my sister. But everyone else around... I only feel comfortable around my classmates in school, when there's something binding us. The outer world looks like an unexplored jungle to me. I'm a teenager yet I spend my weekend all alone like an old lady. That's making me really downtrodden.
I can’t talk to girls my age at all, and I can’t even go anywhere near guys without starting arguments or just about dodging a fight. When I… more am in an argument, that’s when my awkwardness kicks in the most: my brain basically goes retarded and I can’t think straight, making my logic make zero sense despite me knowing this so I would then lose those arguments, then my stubbornness tells me that I’m not wrong even though I am so I basically end up arguing with an entire year group despite knowing that they are right.
Also I just will not whatsoever argue with a teacher, even when I am in the right, cos I only know that they don’t give a crap and it will just get me nowhere...pretty much all the time, I nearly got a detention once for missing a single maths question out. Also, due to my awkwardness, I’d refuse to leave the house to hang out with my friends unless I am at school, likely cos they hang out with ppl I don’t know and if we had to be introduced I’d be like hehehe fuck ?
I'm really glad that you've found some light, a reason to keep going on, and that there are some wonderful people that have helped you through it.
...I'm not sure why you're thanking me though... I didn't even post the message that I had written up in response to your "I just feel lost" post. The intention was there but... I don't know, I've been feeling kinda off lately, not posting the messages that I write, not feeling confident in what I want to say... I'm not sure what's going on with me.
I think you're really nice and cool. You're one of the few people that I enjoy talking to here....
I'm really sorry that I wasn't there to help you though...
Thanks to all of you, @Acheive250 , @Cocoa2736 , @Psychokinesis , @WarpSpeed
This is something that's been going on for long time. And … morebeing there to help me through it, was different. (Even if it wasn't actually intitional) Normally, I would've had no one to help me through it. It would take much longer for me to straighten out. But you've managed a crunch about a month's worth of soul searching into about 2 days, And I'm grateful for it.
I would tell you I would return the favor, but I don't know if you can trust my opinion after how sporadic I was. I'd understand, I can hardly trust my own thoughts anymore...
Do you have anyone that you trust enough to talk about this with? From my experience, I've learned that talking about my emotions really hel… moreps me deal with them. But if you don't have anyone to talk to, another thing I do is write an email/text message. Just write a huge message and pour all of your emotions and feelings into it. Write it as if you're writing it to someone you know or love. Get everything out. And then delete the message. I don't know why, but it helps. Sometimes I don't delete the message though, I keep it to look back on later in life.
I used to feel the same as you do. There were very few things that kept me going, most of which were videogames. I was more interested in fictional stories than I was for my own life. Which isn't bad. Those games and stories got me through that hard time in my life.
As Joel would say, life is all about "Finding something to keep fighting for". And it's true. I'm sure given the choice, n… [view original content]
...Doing better than me. It sounds like you actually want to be close with people but just don't know how. Me? I want to be close with people and don't know how... and don't want to be close with people!
Like two dogs tied together with a rope and they both keep running in the opposite direction. In order for them to get somewhere, one of the dogs have to compromise and let go of their desire to go where they want, but neither of the dogs want to, they are both firm in their belief. (cognitive dissonance.)
But y'know what? Sometimes it's fun to be a lonely old lady! You get to complain about your own generation!
"What's with all the kids these days and their "selfies"?"
"Why can't the youth of today spell "laugh out loud"?"
"Back in my day, kids knew how to be respectful and were obedient! They didn't lie either! Not one bit! Not like today's trash!"
"Why don't my grandchildren visit me anymore?"
I'm not that awkward in everyday life I guess - I have no problem with public presentations, arguing with my teachers or trying to steal the… more spotlight. But I'm sooo bad at getting close to people. Probably that's why I ended up with zero friends at the age of 16. I just don't know how to bond with kids my age. I eitehr feel awkward or bored or we act like besties and then it turns out to be superficial and fake. I'm not some sociopath of course, I can care for others, I have a great relationship with my family members and we're best friends with my sister. But everyone else around... I only feel comfortable around my classmates in school, when there's something binding us. The outer world looks like an unexplored jungle to me. I'm a teenager yet I spend my weekend all alone like an old lady. That's making me really downtrodden.
And if you ever need to talk. I'm here. I've been dealing with lots of emotions lately and I'd be happy to help someone else through them as well. Sometimes I find it easier to talk to people who I don't have an emotional connection to. Mainly so that if I sound crazy, it doesn't matter. That's where this forum comes in handy!
When it comes down to it, life is about enjoying as much of it as you can, right? And if it weren't for sadness, there wouldn't be happiness, right? ...Right? Ugh, I'm getting really philosophical again, aren't I?
Well, when you feel down, try and focus on the things that make you excited. Whether it be going to see that movie you've been anticipating for ages, or just awaiting the moment your shift ends and you get to go home, hug your dog and play The Last of Us. Sometimes, all I have to do is choose to be happy. I know it's not that easy for everyone, but it's worth a try.
Thanks to all of you, @Acheive250 , @Cocoa2736 , @Psychokinesis , @WarpSpeed
This is something that's been going on for long time. And … morebeing there to help me through it, was different. (Even if it wasn't actually intitional) Normally, I would've had no one to help me through it. It would take much longer for me to straighten out. But you've managed a crunch about a month's worth of soul searching into about 2 days, And I'm grateful for it.
I would tell you I would return the favor, but I don't know if you can trust my opinion after how sporadic I was. I'd understand, I can hardly trust my own thoughts anymore...
I've been feeling kinda off lately, not posting the messages that I write, not feeling confident in what I want to say... I'm not sure what's going on with me.
I've felt that way, too, wanting to write something but not sure it would do any good, so I wind up not writing it. Fortunately, a lot of people in here, yourself included, are writing things better than I would have!
I'd say it's OK to think it over for a while before posting or responding. You might think of a better way to express yourself.
I'm really glad that you've found some light, a reason to keep going on, and that there are some wonderful people that have helped you throu… moregh it.
...I'm not sure why you're thanking me though... I didn't even post the message that I had written up in response to your "I just feel lost" post. The intention was there but... I don't know, I've been feeling kinda off lately, not posting the messages that I write, not feeling confident in what I want to say... I'm not sure what's going on with me.
I think you're really nice and cool. You're one of the few people that I enjoy talking to here....
I'm really sorry that I wasn't there to help you though...
But you did. Just us discussing the odd memories we both had was enough for me to realize why I love being alive. The memories. Like the backboard of Morality. Without those previous experiences we would have nothing to build off of. And to step back for a moment and admire them for their.... Oddity. It also helped me to understand better what my biggest fear is. Is to lose all those experiences. I had a post to Achieve that had more about this, but the mods took it away for some reason. Hopefully it will pop up here soon, like when it happened before.
No matter good or bad, these memories have some meaning to us, or else we wouldn't remember it. And to have them become lost... it's just--...
I shouldn't think like this again
I hope you're alright. And I know, it's so easy to want to just close ourselves off. But I looked back in my past, saw how it never did me any good to keep it to myself, and I got fed up with it. I decided it was time to do something different, because there was no guarantees it would've turned out differently than it did last time. And it turned out better. Not having to spend weeks with it swirling in my mind like a hurricane. Now, it has been broken up. Into thunderstorms that have been scattered across my mind, dissipating due to its source being extinguished.
I'm not sure how well this would help with what's been going on. We all have our own Grievances. I just wanted you to know that I want to help however I can. And we're here for you
I'm really glad that you've found some light, a reason to keep going on, and that there are some wonderful people that have helped you throu… moregh it.
...I'm not sure why you're thanking me though... I didn't even post the message that I had written up in response to your "I just feel lost" post. The intention was there but... I don't know, I've been feeling kinda off lately, not posting the messages that I write, not feeling confident in what I want to say... I'm not sure what's going on with me.
I think you're really nice and cool. You're one of the few people that I enjoy talking to here....
I'm really sorry that I wasn't there to help you though...
Thank you. And I'll keep that in mind if it comes back (which I have no doubt that it will, since I thought I was over it last time) But these are some good things to think about when it happens.
I think I get what you mean with that first part. Because I haven't told anyone I see face-to-face that I have these problems. They've seen some of the negative outcomes of this, but I haven't told them outright what was causing it. I just don't have the confidence to tell them, And if I did I'd stumble over my words and they would have a hard time getting the main concept. I'd probably have to have them read over these comments in order to have them get a grip at what I'm trying to say.
And I totally get that philosophy. I think that's how I can sometimes find comfort out of such bleak moments. Reminding myself that it will pass (though my instantaneous thought tells me that it won't go away and I start to believe that it won't and it scares me) and that the experience will make everything on the opposite spectrum that much sweeter.
And setting goals is also a good way to cope, but I guess I don't use it as much as I should..
And making yourself feel happy... I guess it's plausible, since It doesn't take me much to convince myself to become angry at something. I just need to figure out how to bend it towards something positive.
I want to try my best to give you some help back in return, too. But, I would understand if you don't find my opinion very trustworthy. Sometimes I go to some very risky methods to prove a point. And my recent frame of mind is starting to make me overlook the consequences for it.
Take care
Just an extra thought.
I had a little experiment a week or so ago with having myself fast for 2 days. While I was in the middle of my shift, feeling like crap, I suddenly felt so happy I wanted to cry and my anxiety became almost unnoticeable. It was really weird, there was no outside reason for that sudden emotional change. If only I can get those results through easier to attain methods... Working out again, maybe? Would kill two birds with one stone, if that's correct.
TL:DR I thank you for your support and I get everything you're saying. I'll give it a shot next time I'm feeling this way. I'll also try my best to help you out if you ever get in sort of a grind. Would completely understand if you don't find my POV very trustworthy. I've gone through some extremes.
I'm really glad you're feeling better.
And if you ever need to talk. I'm here. I've been dealing with lots of emotions lately and I'd b… moree happy to help someone else through them as well. Sometimes I find it easier to talk to people who I don't have an emotional connection to. Mainly so that if I sound crazy, it doesn't matter. That's where this forum comes in handy!
When it comes down to it, life is about enjoying as much of it as you can, right? And if it weren't for sadness, there wouldn't be happiness, right? ...Right? Ugh, I'm getting really philosophical again, aren't I?
Well, when you feel down, try and focus on the things that make you excited. Whether it be going to see that movie you've been anticipating for ages, or just awaiting the moment your shift ends and you get to go home, hug your dog and play The Last of Us. Sometimes, all I have to do is choose to be happy. I know it's not that easy for everyone, but it's worth a try.
... I didn't realize that it helped. I'm glad that you had the courage to reach out, and that there were people that helped you. I know it's not easy.
I understand that too, I dwell way too much on the past and worry way too much about the future. It can take over your reality and your presence in the moment.
I really appreciate your concern about me, but... I'll be okay for now.
In response to what you said in your other post...
I haven't told anyone I see face-to-face that I have these problems.--I just don't have the confidence to tell them, And if I did I'd stumble over my words and they would have a hard time getting the main concept.
I have a suggestion to write out what you want to say, (that way you can think it through and make sure it's clear) and then either read it out to them, or memorize and rehearse it. I admit that doing it like that can make you feel stupid initially because it feels unnatural, like your reading from a script, but if you concentrate on just getting the first couple of words out, the rest will follow.
But you did. Just us discussing the odd memories we both had was enough for me to realize why I love being alive. The memories. Like the bac… morekboard of Morality. Without those previous experiences we would have nothing to build off of. And to step back for a moment and admire them for their.... Oddity. It also helped me to understand better what my biggest fear is. Is to lose all those experiences. I had a post to Achieve that had more about this, but the mods took it away for some reason. Hopefully it will pop up here soon, like when it happened before.
No matter good or bad, these memories have some meaning to us, or else we wouldn't remember it. And to have them become lost... it's just--...
I shouldn't think like this again
I hope you're alright. And I know, it's so easy to want to just close ourselves off. But I looked back in my past, saw how it never did me any good to keep it to myself, and I got fed up with it. I decided it w… [view original content]
This was slightly different to my usual over-analysis. I was feeling really numb, emotionless and detached, and I try to avoid talking to people when I'm like that because I don't really care about what I'm saying and I don't want to end up saying something that I'll regret.
I don't even know if what I write is worth anything. I feel like I divert the conversation to about me and how I feel about things... Does it seem that way to others or is that me being too critical on myself? Be honest.
I've been feeling kinda off lately, not posting the messages that I write, not feeling confident in what I want to say... I'm not sure what'… mores going on with me.
I've felt that way, too, wanting to write something but not sure it would do any good, so I wind up not writing it. Fortunately, a lot of people in here, yourself included, are writing things better than I would have!
I'd say it's OK to think it over for a while before posting or responding. You might think of a better way to express yourself.
I think it's understood that everyone is posting their own personal opinions and experiences, unless stated otherwise. And that's what makes the forum interesting, to me at least.
In real life talking conversations, it may be considered rude to talk about yourself for an extended time to the exclusion of others being able to speak, but that literally cannot happen on a forum. You can't interrupt someone in the middle of their post (OK, unless you're a moderator...), and if someone isn't interested in your wall of text, they skip it.
This was slightly different to my usual over-analysis. I was feeling really numb, emotionless and detached, and I try to avoid talking to pe… moreople when I'm like that because I don't really care about what I'm saying and I don't want to end up saying something that I'll regret.
I don't even know if what I write is worth anything. I feel like I divert the conversation to about me and how I feel about things... Does it seem that way to others or is that me being too critical on myself? Be honest.
But y'know what? Sometimes it's fun to be a lonely old lady! You get to complain about your own generation!
Lmao, that's what I usually do actually.
I like your metaphor with the dogs, I'd just change it a bit. When it comes to me and other people, we're like laikas in a dog team, wandering in the snow in Jack London style. We've got a job and a goal to reach, so we have to communicate in order to make the team work. And once we've got to the destination and we make a stopover in the middle of Alaska, set up the fire, feed, etc., I kinda want to relax with other dogs but end up chewing my bone aloof from the others. It's comfortable for me but I feel like I miss something. Like I don't get to know other dogs. The next day our team sets off again and we spend days running through the snow, we don't know each other, we just work because there's no other way. No personal connection.
...Doing better than me. It sounds like you actually want to be close with people but just don't know how. Me? I want to be close with peopl… moree and don't know how... and don't want to be close with people!
Like two dogs tied together with a rope and they both keep running in the opposite direction. In order for them to get somewhere, one of the dogs have to compromise and let go of their desire to go where they want, but neither of the dogs want to, they are both firm in their belief. (cognitive dissonance.)
But y'know what? Sometimes it's fun to be a lonely old lady! You get to complain about your own generation!
"What's with all the kids these days and their "selfies"?"
"Why can't the youth of today spell "laugh out loud"?"
"Back in my day, kids knew how to be respectful and were obedient! They didn't lie either! Not one bit! Not like today's trash!"
"Why don't my grandchildren visit me anymore?"
I am but I'm also really sarcastic so its not a good mix. I have a small group of close friends I keep and that's all I need. Its hard for me to make new friends.
Comments
Only when I’m not using any form of technology to communicate
There's nothing wrong with the two of you being friends,
( If you feel like you can live with that, and not regret not knowing what might of happened if you told her your feelings for her). But, confessing your feelings could risk your friendship with her. You would really have to think about what's more important to you.
I definitely won't tell her my feelings while she's with the other guy. That'd make it impossible to still be friends.
If she liked me back (ha), that'd be different. But we're just friends and I'm cool with that. I think of it this way; Romantic relationships don't last forever, friendships do... Sometimes. And honestly, I don't believe I'll ever deserve to be with someone like her. She deserves better. Much better. So, in a way, I'm happy she's with the other guy. (And I'm not trying to tell some sob story to make everyone feel bad for me. It's just how I feel. And I don't want any replies like "Ohh, you're too hard on yourself, everyone deserves love!" or anything like that. It makes me feel worse. So don't, okay?)
If it's completely "just friends" and no one tries to "make a move", then yeah, that's fine. I don't see why not.
Only if the guy she is dating is controlling, possessive and insecure.
My sister did, too... By my dad.
After a few years we tried to forgive him for it, but I don't think we ever truly did. He's been saying that it was Her fault for getting him locked up. That it was HER fault that he lost those years with us.
I thought I could trust him... But he's no different. I don't think I can even trust myself.
But acceptance is the way to heal, But IS THAT REALLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO!?
We're not much different from the animals we came from. We think we have full control over ourselves, but we don't. There are promises that we break. We lie to people. We forget important details. There are things we believe that aren't right to do, but we do them in our own ways. All because we are often persuaded by ourselves that it is okay to do. We step back from it, and see what we've done, and we feel ashamed of ourselves for it and try to move on....only to be persuaded again by the slightest of temptation, given time.
And that's where acceptance plays. Do we just let it go and say these things were just meant to happen, or do we come to terms that there is something that isn't truly "us"? We wouldn't have done those things if we were in our "Right minds". Drug use just amplifies the results. All of us have mental barriers that can be broken, given the right situation, in good or in bad ways. Even our sense of what is right and wrong can be altered, given enough exposure.
The apocalypse wouldn't actually change who we are. It would only give us to chance to let our hair down, and let our minds grow wild and unmonitored. Like a hedge without it's hedge trimmer. Holding back how far the branches can truly spread.
Hmm. Looks like there are a few branches that need to be trimmed, but why not set the whole thing ablaze and not worry about having to trim it anymore?
Hmm hmm Ha Ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Well, I don't know the guy too well, but from what I've seen he seems like a pretty solid guy.
Can never know for sure, I guess. I trust her judgement though.
Holy crap, this thread is getting depressing as hell. Now I know where to go if I ever need re-assurance that mankind is fudged. My heart goes out to all you people suffering from such traumatic events.
I'm sorry.....
I just feel so lost.
I've been wanting to die for a while now. But I have one thing I wanted to do before I go. That is to see what TFS would be like. After that, I don't give a fuck what happens to me.
And I don't NEED YOUR PITY. Like @Acheive250 said, it would do nothing but make me feel worse, and probably would convince me to end it sooner. This is something I have to figure out on my own. And to not give up on my last goal.
But if I ever go offline for more than a week. You'll know I'm not here.
Whatever keeps you going at the moment is fine.
Yah. Whatever it takes to allow my mind to change. Even though this will eventually come back, whether I like it or not.
Damn... somebody quote this ??????
Uhh, "TFS"?
"The Final Season".Walking Dead.
Thanks.
I’m extroverted when I want to be when I’m with people I like and have same interests as me I’m really talkative but when I was in high school my parents never let me leave the house and hated all my friends so I guess back then I was forced to be introverted
Do you have anyone that you trust enough to talk about this with? From my experience, I've learned that talking about my emotions really helps me deal with them. But if you don't have anyone to talk to, another thing I do is write an email/text message. Just write a huge message and pour all of your emotions and feelings into it. Write it as if you're writing it to someone you know or love. Get everything out. And then delete the message. I don't know why, but it helps. Sometimes I don't delete the message though, I keep it to look back on later in life.
I used to feel the same as you do. There were very few things that kept me going, most of which were videogames. I was more interested in fictional stories than I was for my own life. Which isn't bad. Those games and stories got me through that hard time in my life.
As Joel would say, life is all about "Finding something to keep fighting for". And it's true. I'm sure given the choice, none of us would be here today. Had we gotten a warning before we came out that life is about 90% pain and 10% happiness, that all life ever wants to do is see you suffer and then laugh in your face, I'm sure we all would've refused to come out.
But you know what I've learned? It's that life is never going to give you a break. It's never going to apologize and go easy on you. Life is mean. Life is cruel. It's the people that are going to get you through (and the cats.). Genuine, kind, caring people that will give your life meaning. It doesn't seem like they exist until you meet one. Then you realise that they're actually everywhere, you just have to want to see them. You have to want them to exist. People are strongest when they work together. And what's stronger than pointing your middle finger at life and being happy despite it's attempts at making you miserable? To still be able to smile in the morning and not let the fact that your pay check hasn't arrived yet bring you down? To sing and dance even while life is booing and throwing tomatoes at you? Life isn't going to want you to be happy, it's the people that love you that will make your life happy, whether life permits it or not.
It's not life that's worth living, it's the things that share life with you that make it worth living.
Phew, I'm exhausted now. I need chocolate. Of course, chocolate! It's the people, cats and the chocolate that make life worth it.
Well, I hope in all of that I've managed to say something worth saying. I don't usually feel this way, so I'm gonna put that fourth paragraph into my bio so I can easily access it to remind myself of how I can feel when I want to.
I appreciate the support and I'm glad you've found your answers. But for some crazy reason I don't feel that it's enough, And I envy that in you.
Of course, all those things are comforting, I believe that there's even ways to take comfort out of pain, but what if you believe that when you die all of your experiences are erased? You don't remember what they even felt like, along with every other thought and emotion you ever had. That is my greatest fear. I would gladly jump out of an airplane with a hornet's nest strapped to my back and fall into a rotten corpse of a large creature (My other greatest fears) If it would prevent that from happening.
I've been holding onto these thoughts for years, and nothing has convinced me that that isn't waiting for me when I die. I can only try to forget about it and let other things distract me, but the thoughts always come back. Instead of holding onto the suspense of what is to come, I'd rather throw myself into it and have it be done with. But the last goal is "here". And maybe, by the time that's finished, I'll have found another goal to reach, or the thoughts no longer bother me as much as they do now and I could live with that.
Edit:
There's probably more to this than I'm thinking right now. I've always that helping someone else and having take me would be pretty relieving. Having it mean that I wouldn't leave because of just my own purposes. But so far, no opportunities have come up like that, and it's probably the reason why I didn't end my life before I came up with my goal. (I was originally planning to end it after ANF, but to luck be given, TFS was announced right after.) But-- I've been blinding myself to what is behind that, and what should be held more important. Helping others. Donating my blood to help save other's. Providing as much help as I can. Just being there for them to know their not alone. All things I usually cherish, but was blinded by this whole predicament.
??? ? ??ℂ??ℕ? ℍ??? ?? ?ℝ??ℕ
I'm not that awkward in everyday life I guess - I have no problem with public presentations, arguing with my teachers or trying to steal the spotlight. But I'm sooo bad at getting close to people. Probably that's why I ended up with zero friends at the age of 16. I just don't know how to bond with kids my age. I eitehr feel awkward or bored or we act like besties and then it turns out to be superficial and fake. I'm not some sociopath of course, I can care for others, I have a great relationship with my family members and we're best friends with my sister. But everyone else around... I only feel comfortable around my classmates in school, when there's something binding us. The outer world looks like an unexplored jungle to me. I'm a teenager yet I spend my weekend all alone like an old lady. That's making me really downtrodden.
I'm starting to get what you're saying, @Acheive250 .
As Cocoa said in our PM's
So basically I just need to find a way to tell those thoughts to go shove it. And I can finally be free. Is it really that complicated? Or am I, once again, just overthinking my very existence?
Sometimes I just want to take a hammer to my head to stop myself thinking so critically
Thanks to all of you, @Acheive250 , @Cocoa2736 , @Psychokinesis , @WarpSpeed
This is something that's been going on for long time. And being there to help me through it, was different. (Even if it wasn't actually intitional) Normally, I would've had no one to help me through it. It would take much longer for me to straighten out. But you've managed a crunch about a month's worth of soul searching into about 2 days, And I'm grateful for it.
I would tell you I would return the favor, but I don't know if you can trust my opinion after how sporadic I was. I'd understand, I can hardly trust my own thoughts anymore...
I can’t talk to girls my age at all, and I can’t even go anywhere near guys without starting arguments or just about dodging a fight. When I am in an argument, that’s when my awkwardness kicks in the most: my brain basically goes retarded and I can’t think straight, making my logic make zero sense despite me knowing this so I would then lose those arguments, then my stubbornness tells me that I’m not wrong even though I am so I basically end up arguing with an entire year group despite knowing that they are right.
Also I just will not whatsoever argue with a teacher, even when I am in the right, cos I only know that they don’t give a crap and it will just get me nowhere...pretty much all the time, I nearly got a detention once for missing a single maths question out. Also, due to my awkwardness, I’d refuse to leave the house to hang out with my friends unless I am at school, likely cos they hang out with ppl I don’t know and if we had to be introduced I’d be like hehehe fuck ?
I relate to that alot. I couldn't convince anyone of anything to save my life.
Sorry to hear that. If you ever need a mood lightener, you let me know ?
Man that one test I took at the hospital today was really hard and made me sick....I never wanna do that again!!!!
I'm really glad that you've found some light, a reason to keep going on, and that there are some wonderful people that have helped you through it.
...I'm not sure why you're thanking me though... I didn't even post the message that I had written up in response to your "I just feel lost" post. The intention was there but... I don't know, I've been feeling kinda off lately, not posting the messages that I write, not feeling confident in what I want to say... I'm not sure what's going on with me.
I think you're really nice and cool. You're one of the few people that I enjoy talking to here....
I'm really sorry that I wasn't there to help you though...
...That was beautiful.
People, cats & chocolate: Life's Essentials.
...Doing better than me. It sounds like you actually want to be close with people but just don't know how. Me? I want to be close with people and don't know how... and don't want to be close with people!
Like two dogs tied together with a rope and they both keep running in the opposite direction. In order for them to get somewhere, one of the dogs have to compromise and let go of their desire to go where they want, but neither of the dogs want to, they are both firm in their belief. (cognitive dissonance.)
But y'know what? Sometimes it's fun to be a lonely old lady! You get to complain about your own generation!
"What's with all the kids these days and their "selfies"?"
"Why can't the youth of today spell "laugh out loud"?"
"Back in my day, kids knew how to be respectful and were obedient! They didn't lie either! Not one bit! Not like today's trash!"
"Why don't my grandchildren visit me anymore?"
I'm really glad you're feeling better.
And if you ever need to talk. I'm here. I've been dealing with lots of emotions lately and I'd be happy to help someone else through them as well. Sometimes I find it easier to talk to people who I don't have an emotional connection to. Mainly so that if I sound crazy, it doesn't matter. That's where this forum comes in handy!
When it comes down to it, life is about enjoying as much of it as you can, right? And if it weren't for sadness, there wouldn't be happiness, right? ...Right? Ugh, I'm getting really philosophical again, aren't I?
Well, when you feel down, try and focus on the things that make you excited. Whether it be going to see that movie you've been anticipating for ages, or just awaiting the moment your shift ends and you get to go home, hug your dog and play The Last of Us. Sometimes, all I have to do is choose to be happy. I know it's not that easy for everyone, but it's worth a try.
I've felt that way, too, wanting to write something but not sure it would do any good, so I wind up not writing it. Fortunately, a lot of people in here, yourself included, are writing things better than I would have!
I'd say it's OK to think it over for a while before posting or responding. You might think of a better way to express yourself.
But you did. Just us discussing the odd memories we both had was enough for me to realize why I love being alive. The memories. Like the backboard of Morality. Without those previous experiences we would have nothing to build off of. And to step back for a moment and admire them for their.... Oddity. It also helped me to understand better what my biggest fear is. Is to lose all those experiences. I had a post to Achieve that had more about this, but the mods took it away for some reason. Hopefully it will pop up here soon, like when it happened before.
No matter good or bad, these memories have some meaning to us, or else we wouldn't remember it. And to have them become lost... it's just--...
I shouldn't think like this again
I hope you're alright. And I know, it's so easy to want to just close ourselves off. But I looked back in my past, saw how it never did me any good to keep it to myself, and I got fed up with it. I decided it was time to do something different, because there was no guarantees it would've turned out differently than it did last time. And it turned out better. Not having to spend weeks with it swirling in my mind like a hurricane. Now, it has been broken up. Into thunderstorms that have been scattered across my mind, dissipating due to its source being extinguished.
I'm not sure how well this would help with what's been going on. We all have our own Grievances. I just wanted you to know that I want to help however I can. And we're here for you
Thank you. And I'll keep that in mind if it comes back (which I have no doubt that it will, since I thought I was over it last time) But these are some good things to think about when it happens.
I think I get what you mean with that first part. Because I haven't told anyone I see face-to-face that I have these problems.
They've seen some of the negative outcomes of this, but I haven't told them outright what was causing it. I just don't have the confidence to tell them, And if I did I'd stumble over my words and they would have a hard time getting the main concept. I'd probably have to have them read over these comments in order to have them get a grip at what I'm trying to say. 
And I totally get that philosophy. I think that's how I can sometimes find comfort out of such bleak moments. Reminding myself that it will pass (though my instantaneous thought tells me that it won't go away and I start to believe that it won't and it scares me) and that the experience will make everything on the opposite spectrum that much sweeter.
And setting goals is also a good way to cope, but I guess I don't use it as much as I should..
And making yourself feel happy... I guess it's plausible, since It doesn't take me much to convince myself to become angry at something. I just need to figure out how to bend it towards something positive.
I want to try my best to give you some help back in return, too. But, I would understand if you don't find my opinion very trustworthy. Sometimes I go to some very risky methods to prove a point. And my recent frame of mind is starting to make me overlook the consequences for it.
Take care
Just an extra thought.
I had a little experiment a week or so ago with having myself fast for 2 days. While I was in the middle of my shift, feeling like crap, I suddenly felt so happy I wanted to cry and my anxiety became almost unnoticeable. It was really weird, there was no outside reason for that sudden emotional change. If only I can get those results through easier to attain methods... Working out again, maybe? Would kill two birds with one stone, if that's correct.
TL:DR I thank you for your support and I get everything you're saying. I'll give it a shot next time I'm feeling this way. I'll also try my best to help you out if you ever get in sort of a grind. Would completely understand if you don't find my POV very trustworthy. I've gone through some extremes.
... I didn't realize that it helped.
I'm glad that you had the courage to reach out, and that there were people that helped you. I know it's not easy. 
I understand that too, I dwell way too much on the past and worry way too much about the future. It can take over your reality and your presence in the moment.
I really appreciate your concern about me, but... I'll be okay for now.
In response to what you said in your other post...
I have a suggestion to write out what you want to say, (that way you can think it through and make sure it's clear) and then either read it out to them, or memorize and rehearse it. I admit that doing it like that can make you feel stupid initially because it feels unnatural, like your reading from a script, but if you concentrate on just getting the first couple of words out, the rest will follow.
This was slightly different to my usual over-analysis. I was feeling really numb, emotionless and detached, and I try to avoid talking to people when I'm like that because I don't really care about what I'm saying and I don't want to end up saying something that I'll regret.
I don't even know if what I write is worth anything. I feel like I divert the conversation to about me and how I feel about things... Does it seem that way to others or is that me being too critical on myself? Be honest.
I think it's understood that everyone is posting their own personal opinions and experiences, unless stated otherwise. And that's what makes the forum interesting, to me at least.
In real life talking conversations, it may be considered rude to talk about yourself for an extended time to the exclusion of others being able to speak, but that literally cannot happen on a forum. You can't interrupt someone in the middle of their post (OK, unless you're a moderator...), and if someone isn't interested in your wall of text, they skip it.
Lmao, that's what I usually do actually.
I like your metaphor with the dogs, I'd just change it a bit. When it comes to me and other people, we're like laikas in a dog team, wandering in the snow in Jack London style. We've got a job and a goal to reach, so we have to communicate in order to make the team work. And once we've got to the destination and we make a stopover in the middle of Alaska, set up the fire, feed, etc., I kinda want to relax with other dogs but end up chewing my bone aloof from the others. It's comfortable for me but I feel like I miss something. Like I don't get to know other dogs. The next day our team sets off again and we spend days running through the snow, we don't know each other, we just work because there's no other way. No personal connection.
...Ok, I got carried away.
Me. And I hate it. My awkwardness makes me ugly.
Probably a third of the people in this community, if I'm being to the point.
Though I suppose that depends on how you define either of those terms.
I am but I'm also really sarcastic so its not a good mix. I have a small group of close friends I keep and that's all I need. Its hard for me to make new friends.
...Majority rules?
...I...guess....
Hahaha, I just looked back at that and realized it made no sense at all!
Excuse my nonsense, I had stayed up late the previous day working on something...