But y'know what? Sometimes it's fun to be a lonely old lady! You get to complain about your own generation!
Lmao, that's what I usua… morelly do actually.
I like your metaphor with the dogs, I'd just change it a bit. When it comes to me and other people, we're like laikas in a dog team, wandering in the snow in Jack London style. We've got a job and a goal to reach, so we have to communicate in order to make the team work. And once we've got to the destination and we make a stopover in the middle of Alaska, set up the fire, feed, etc., I kinda want to relax with other dogs but end up chewing my bone aloof from the others. It's comfortable for me but I feel like I miss something. Like I don't get to know other dogs. The next day our team sets off again and we spend days running through the snow, we don't know each other, we just work because there's no other way. No personal connection.
...Ok, I got carried away.
I don't like sunglasses; they're like a mask. A mask that conceals one's intentions and motives. They make people seem... shady. (Har har. Punishing.)
Eyes are an integral part of face-to-face communication with people, and sunglasses obscure them. It's so contradicting though because I struggle with maintaining proper eye contact. I guess it's like they have a window into my soul, whilst keeping their own blocked off. It's a bit unfair.
I don't like wearing sunglasses myself either, even though I'm kinda like a vampire when it comes to the sun. I admit that they are useful in certain situations, but for the most part, I'm a bit lazy and just put up with being blind on bright days.
I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts on the subject.
I wear sunglasses while driving, otherwise not much. (Back when I went skiing, I wore sunglasses then, too.) I see celebrities wearing sunglasses in camera interviews, and I wonder if they're just wearing them because the studio lighting is bright, or they don't want to look at the camera, or if they wear them indoors all the time.
Jackson Browne in the song "The Pretender" has a lyrics segment: "And then we'll put our dark glasses on, And we'll make love until our strength is gone." I've never understood that part of the song. I'd think your sunglasses would get all scratched and banged up.
I don't like sunglasses; they're like a mask. A mask that conceals one's intentions and motives. They make people seem... shady. (Har har. P… moreunishing.)
Eyes are an integral part of face-to-face communication with people, and sunglasses obscure them. It's so contradicting though because I struggle with maintaining proper eye contact. I guess it's like they have a window into my soul, whilst keeping their own blocked off. It's a bit unfair.
I don't like wearing sunglasses myself either, even though I'm kinda like a vampire when it comes to the sun. I admit that they are useful in certain situations, but for the most part, I'm a bit lazy and just put up with being blind on bright days.
I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts on the subject.
I say sometimes because I am usually comfortable with talking to just about anyone one on one or in a small crowd.
But when I’m in a really large crowd like in parties or weddings I just don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone and just stand and smile and look like a total goon.
I don't like sunglasses; they're like a mask. A mask that conceals one's intentions and motives. They make people seem... shady. (Har har. P… moreunishing.)
Eyes are an integral part of face-to-face communication with people, and sunglasses obscure them. It's so contradicting though because I struggle with maintaining proper eye contact. I guess it's like they have a window into my soul, whilst keeping their own blocked off. It's a bit unfair.
I don't like wearing sunglasses myself either, even though I'm kinda like a vampire when it comes to the sun. I admit that they are useful in certain situations, but for the most part, I'm a bit lazy and just put up with being blind on bright days.
I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts on the subject.
I understand that my post could be taken like that. It's really not that much of a deal to me; I just wanted to try and start some kind of conversation. Hmm... I suppose the subject that I chose is rather weird; I guess that shows my awkwardness. ✌? If it seems funny to you, then I'm glad that at least it made someone laugh.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to talk about having social anxiety, figuring out if anyone else has it and how they deal with it. It's good you feel open enough to talk about it, rather than letting it eat you. Mary Jane helps with anxiety a lot.
I understand that my post could be taken like that. It's really not that much of a deal to me; I just wanted to try and start some kind of c… moreonversation. Hmm... I suppose the subject that I chose is rather weird; I guess that shows my awkwardness. ✌? If it seems funny to you, then I'm glad that at least it made someone laugh.
Ever since I was a kid, whenever I was going to present anything to anyone, my first instinct was typically to assume that they'd immediately shoot it down and hate it. It's gotten better over the years but there's still always that lingering fear of leaving myself vulnerable to some sort of attack in the back of my mind. I want to say it's related to this persistent sense of disconnect that I often feel; this constant uncertainty of exactly how much I can truly relate to other people, and I end up being guarded around others as a result. At least that's the best I can describe it anyways.
I hope all of you who are bothered by your social anxiety can find it in yourselves to overcome it
I understand that my post could be taken like that. It's really not that much of a deal to me; I just wanted to try and start some kind of c… moreonversation. Hmm... I suppose the subject that I chose is rather weird; I guess that shows my awkwardness. ✌? If it seems funny to you, then I'm glad that at least it made someone laugh.
I'm usually quite protective of my dreams, ideas and deep thoughts; sharing them feels like opening a window to be attacked and ridiculed. When I do share something and nothing bad happens... I feel uneasy because I'm always anticipating it anyway.
So far, I can only think of one person in my entire life that has consistently ridiculed me; yet, I still apply this expectation to everyone around me...
I think I know what you mean by being unsure if you can truly relate to others. On one hand, there's many things that everyone can relate to, but on the other, we all experience things differently. Sometimes I feel foolish for ever believing that I can relate to and understand other people, since it can only be through my own perception...
Ever since I was a kid, whenever I was going to present anything to anyone, my first instinct was typically to assume that they'd immediatel… morey shoot it down and hate it. It's gotten better over the years but there's still always that lingering fear of leaving myself vulnerable to some sort of attack in the back of my mind. I want to say it's related to this persistent sense of disconnect that I often feel; this constant uncertainty of exactly how much I can truly relate to other people, and I end up being guarded around others as a result. At least that's the best I can describe it anyways.
I hope all of you who are bothered by your social anxiety can find it in yourselves to overcome it
There's nothing wrong with wanting to talk about having social anxiety, figuring out if anyone else has it and how they deal with it. It's good you feel open enough to talk about it, rather than letting it eat you. Mary Jane helps with anxiety a lot.
When I thought about it, I realized that social anxiety is actually a natural and rational reaction to the labels assigned to you by your support systems and society.
Think about it, you've been routinely rejected by your family your whole life. Told you're wrong, that you look wrong, that your hobbies are wrong, there's some fault in everything about you. So you've been instilled with the value that there is something off in everything you do and everything about you, and that ends up sticking with you in everything you do, becoming a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts. You embrace your "offness" because you've been convinced that you can never do things the traditional way, which means you've blocked off any chance of being accepted by "normal culture".
Now society, they don't like that. They think it's a sign of defectiveness. So not only are you being brought down by the people who are suppose to build you up, but you're deemed as broken by the system because of it, and some will treat you as what they think is fitting for something that's broken: like garbage.
Social anxiety is simply a hyper awareness of that fact. It's an acknowledgement of the glaring insecurities and an attempt to raise a shield to guard against any attacks on them. It's an appropriate response to past trauma when said insecurities were attacked. But again, "society" still thinks you're broken. A broken mind cannot function rationally, at least according to them, so your defense mechanisms are treated as yet another sign of defectiveness. What was suppose to hide the fact that you've been ruled as "broken" only makes them judge you as even moreso.
I don't know, just had this on my mind and wanted to make a rant. Feel free to disagree. Hope you all take care
I suffer from Social Awkwardness & Social Anxiety in some situations.
It doesn’t help that it’s coupled with my Dyspraxia. I also have OCD.
My Social Awkwardness is a weird one because I can get up and do Karaoke for example, but get me talking to people & I clam up completely. I act stupid sometimes, I overthink things, and I struggle to talk to people.
I can relate to Chandler Bing a lot, in that I tell bad jokes to deflect any insecurities & I have a lot.
While i’m not particularly bothered about being popular or liked, it does get me down when I see friends having a great time online in pictures with their mates.
I do have an amazing supportive Wife, and small but great group of friends, and get me taking about Video Games or Movies & I won’t shut up, but deep down, I do have my insecurities & while people like me & are supportive, I just wish I could be more confident sometimes & be able to make conversation.
Yeah, I know you don’t always have to talk, and I get that, and sometimes don’t, but it does get me down, and I often say the wrong things, and while I have been a lot more aware of it as of late, and my mates & wife care despite them giving me banter about being daft or dopey, I just overthink about things & wish I could be able to be funnier or say what I want to say sometimes instead of waffling, or saying the wrong things.
The fear of being yelled at or criticized isn't any less valid than the fear of being beaten. Emotional wounds are self evident even if they don't leave a visible mark. If you grew up in a home where physical abuse has been normalized its understandable to dread tense situations that could lead to altercations. That isn't any different from emotional abuse. If you have social anxiety it means you've been wounded in the past, and you're scared of being wounded again. The people who you grew up with wanted you to feel weak because weak people are compliant, and in their eyes that's the only way they can make you accept do what they feel is best for you. Your foundation is forcefully broken so they can impose their idea of what they believe you should be onto you, and whether you accept their advice or not, the takeaway you get from this is that you can't be trusted with your own mind. You've been conditioned to believe you will get disapproval in everything you do, because the very people who were suppose to be your gateway into the rest of social interaction are telling you your very being is wrong. If your own support system won't back you up, how can you expect anyone else to?
Maybe I'm wrong idk. This is just me contemplating, I don't have any certified experience on the topic lol still I hope you all manage to overcome your social anxiety if you have it
These people that have caused you to feel this way about socializing (or at least for me), the ones who look down at you and judge you, they've just learned that the only way they can appear tallest is to cut everyone else down. They're too insecure to let their beliefs or their social status stand up on their own merits, so they throw ad hominems at you in an attempt to solidify their own righteousness. Anyone who's judgements are worth their weight in salt wouldn't do this. The people who truly know how the world works understand that they don't need to visciously attack your worldview to effectively get their point across because a good argument should be self evident without needing to personally tear other people down. Their example should be what penetrates your core, not the blades of their words, that is the ultimate test of true strength, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
And hey that includes me lol disregard this whole post if you don't agree with it. You always have that right and if you feel that someone isn't respecting that then they aren't worth your time. Have a good one
I used to get really awkward and quiet at school. Seen as a nerd for the better part of middle school and high school. My advice, Try to get out, meet people and socialize
Yes, I used to be extremely socially awkward to the point that I often wondered if perhaps there was something wrong with like being mentally retarded or something, though due to ego I usually attributed it to me being far smarter than anyone else around me and therefore unable to understand them.
The truth is though that I grew up on the road, moving from one place to another, often having to introduce myself to new people and I was shy, I didn't really wanted to do that so instead stopped doing that, unfortunately that meant I hadn't really had any long lasting relationships and since I was also effeminate, small and nerdy I also got bullied a lot and found violence and acting strange was the best way to get people to stop which led to more social awkwardness, it got so bad that there was a point in which I was paranoid about everyone around me and I stopped talking, period, for like a whole year I didn't say a single word.
Afterwards though I ran out of the money I had saved and was forced to get a job, at first it was weird because I was like a scared deer and would basically panic at every social interaction, fortunately though even though I was 18 I looked like I was 14 or 12 so people mostly thought of it as adorable so I was able to get away with it, which was good because I actually found it so tiring and unnerving that all I would do when I got home alone was cry until I fell asleep, after a couple of weeks that stopped, after a month and a half I got used to my coworkers and eventually I just got accustomed to people in general.
It's not like I'm a social butterfly now but I am able to strike a conversation with anyone that talks to me, in a fairly normal fashion, still due to my upbringing I'm pretty bad at reading people and have a tendency to be both too blunt and too apologetic and since now I look like an adult I can't act all nervous and cutesy to get away with it, which is fine I guess, now I'm just the direct and to the point guy who is uncomfortably earnest but not really mean-spirited if that makes sense.
I still don't like social gatherings all that much but they don't cause me panic attacks anymore, just make me irritated and put me in a really sour mood, which is something I tell everybody in advance so that they are not surprised once they force me into one.
My psychologist believes that I may have a social communication disorder because I find it hard to interact with people I do not know and cope in unfamiliar situations. I also suffer from anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and have a form of depression. I am petrified to go to University because of this. This may be a form of autism, but I have been told that it may be mild on the spectrum if I was examined because I can understand facial features and am not egocentric.
I was bullied in primary school because I used to play with dolls and I personally believe this traumatised me and created a fear of communicating with people. I have just finished secondary school and hated it because I struggled in my friendship group. They made me feel like an outcast because my music genre was Rock / Metal and my interests only consisted of that and gaming.
I had to cut myself off every social event because of the way they treated me. My ‘friends’ idolised one boy because they were intimidated of not following his ‘orders’. I was targeted because I did not confirm the way they did and therefore provoked his behaviour.
I feel like I have written enough thus far and do not want to keep you here for another two hours, but hopefully some of you will understand why I struggle to maintain friendships.
One nice thing about online communities is you can find other people who like rock music and gaming! ?
University tends to be a lot friendlier than the schools before it, as the other kids transition into adulthood and learn to think more for themselves. Hopefully you'll find it a better environment. Good luck!
My psychologist believes that I may have a social communication disorder because I find it hard to interact with people I do not know and co… morepe in unfamiliar situations. I also suffer from anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and have a form of depression. I am petrified to go to University because of this. This may be a form of autism, but I have been told that it may be mild on the spectrum if I was examined because I can understand facial features and am not egocentric.
I was bullied in primary school because I used to play with dolls and I personally believe this traumatised me and created a fear of communicating with people. I have just finished secondary school and hated it because I struggled in my friendship group. They made me feel like an outcast because my music genre was Rock / Metal and my interests only consisted of that and gaming.
I had to cut myself off every social event because of the way they treated me. My ‘friends… [view original content]
One nice thing about online communities is you can find other people who like rock music and gaming! ?
University tends to be a lot frie… morendlier than the schools before it, as the other kids transition into adulthood and learn to think more for themselves. Hopefully you'll find it a better environment. Good luck!
I struggle to look people in the eyes a lot, and my eyes dart around when talking or listening & I do tend to look at the ground a lot when walking around outside.
What is it about eye contact that makes it difficult?
It's easy to stare at the wall, or the floor, or the TV, but why is it hard to look at someone's eyes?
In all honesty, when I go outside and I see more than like 3 people, I get uncomfortable
Idk I wasn't always like this, it was only until after I graduated from high school did I start feeling like this.
Extended eye contact is a threatening gesture, especially if you're reaching into your pocket while maintaining it. So we're socialized not to do it. If you don't make any eye contact, though, that's a sign of disinterest, so the trick is coming up with a comfortable medium.
What is it about eye contact that makes it difficult?
It's easy to stare at the wall, or the floor, or the TV, but why is it hard to look at someone's eyes?
Maybe it's like how you're told at a young age "don't stare at people", so to avoid that thought creeping into someone else's head you try to keep minimal eye contact. I know I usually do.
EDIT: Actually no. In a conversation I try to keep a balance of look away/look at. When I'm commuting somewhere I'll never look at someone for more than 2 seconds. Gets weird.
What is it about eye contact that makes it difficult?
It's easy to stare at the wall, or the floor, or the TV, but why is it hard to look at someone's eyes?
The wall, floor and TV aren't naturally analyzing you (unless you're really paranoid lol) and staring at someone is sort of an unspoken invitation for them to stare back. It's the fear that the people looking at you are trying to read into your appearance and behavior and that if they see through you far enough eventually they're going to validate the insecurities you feel in yourself, so I think it's a case of shutting yourself off from possible attacks or rejection.
It could also be that some of us aren't taught acceptable eye contact and we're aware that we don't have those skills so we'd rather just not try to engage in it than screw it up and make others think bad of us.
What is it about eye contact that makes it difficult?
It's easy to stare at the wall, or the floor, or the TV, but why is it hard to look at someone's eyes?
Extended eye contact is a threatening gesture, especially if you're reaching into your pocket while maintaining it.
Just wanted to clarify: do you mean reaching into your pocket like as if you were gonna pull out a knife or other threatening weapon, or like, just having your hands in your pockets at all?
Extended eye contact is a threatening gesture, especially if you're reaching into your pocket while maintaining it. So we're socialized not… more to do it. If you don't make any eye contact, though, that's a sign of disinterest, so the trick is coming up with a comfortable medium.
Obviously, reaching like you're going for a weapon is going to be more unnerving, but having your hands in any kind of hidden location is a threat if you're also targeting with your eyes. That's why when the nice police officer pulls you over for a traffic violation, you should look down when getting your driver's license, instead of staring at him while you reach for it.
And it doesn't apply if you're gazing at someone who is your romantic partner.
Extended eye contact is a threatening gesture, especially if you're reaching into your pocket while maintaining it.
Just wanted to c… morelarify: do you mean reaching into your pocket like as if you were gonna pull out a knife or other threatening weapon, or like, just having your hands in your pockets at all?
Obviously, reaching like you're going for a weapon is going to be more unnerving, but having your hands in any kind of hidden location is a … morethreat if you're also targeting with your eyes. That's why when the nice police officer pulls you over for a traffic violation, you should look down when getting your driver's license, instead of staring at him while you reach for it.
And it doesn't apply if you're gazing at someone who is your romantic partner.
(Don't worry about the lady with the knife. The man has a gun in his pocket. )
If you're not looking at anyone, you can get away with having your hands in your pockets, especially if it's cold, so you have an excuse. Things like your facial expression and posture probably have priority over hidden hands. Someone paranoid or who has experienced traps before might worry, though.
Wait... are you serious? I have my hands in my pockets all the time. But I don't stare at people...
What about having your hands behind your back? I do that too.
i can be p awkward i guess since my main insecurity is like people might think im boring so i talk a lot. people tell me i talk too fast so that's probably awkward. and some people think im dumb because a lot of stuff i talk about is dumb stuff no one cares about but for some reason i think it's better than people thinking i'm hella boring.
i can be p awkward i guess since my main insecurity is like people might think im boring so i talk a lot. people tell me i talk too fast so … morethat's probably awkward. and some people think im dumb because a lot of stuff i talk about is dumb stuff no one cares about but for some reason i think it's better than people thinking i'm hella boring.
no, that'd be kinda rude. most ppl don't say stuff like that to be polite but you can still kinda tell what they're thinking.
or it could just be in my head idk.
Oh. Well, if they think you're boring/stupid, fuck 'em. You don't need to be around people like that. Stay true to yourself. You shouldn't to bend for anyone. Just some advice
no, that'd be kinda rude. most ppl don't say stuff like that to be polite but you can still kinda tell what they're thinking.
or it could just be in my head idk.
yah i know. i try to tell myself that all the time about how i shouldn't care so much what others think but it's not so easy to actually convince myself to feel that way.
Oh. Well, if they think you're boring/stupid, fuck 'em. You don't need to be around people like that. Stay true to yourself. You shouldn't to bend for anyone. Just some advice
I had panic attacks because my ribs and chest hurt from bad posture so i thought i will get heart attack and die. Once i figured out the cause i was finally able to sleep well and relax.
I understand that; sometimes I worry too much about what other people think about me too. I think it's pretty natural to want be feel accepted - we are social creatures - but when it becomes quite stressful, it can be a problem.
When we think negatively of ourselves, it can feel like everyone else must think the same about us... but the truth is that we actually can't read other people's minds. Most of the time it's our negative thoughts obscuring our perception. Try to keep an open mind; there are plenty of reasons why someone should like you.
I fall into that negative thinking all of the time, and I know that it's hard to convince yourself that other people aren't as critical of you as you are of yourself. People who are overly critical of others are insecure about themselves; they have to create imaginary "problems" in other people so that they may feel better in comparison.
I think the important thing to remember is that we can't control what other people think about us. Sure, we can make an impression, but ultimately, what people want to think is out of our control. I know that it's easy to want to please everyone, but we can't always know what people want or expect from us. We can control what we think about ourselves though; it does take time, but it's very doable. You deserve some kindness for yourself.
yah i know. i try to tell myself that all the time about how i shouldn't care so much what others think but it's not so easy to actually convince myself to feel that way.
Comments
Ha ha, that's really cool! (no pun intended) I like your imagination there! You did a good job at conveying the message.
I don't like sunglasses; they're like a mask. A mask that conceals one's intentions and motives. They make people seem... shady. (Har har. Punishing.)
Eyes are an integral part of face-to-face communication with people, and sunglasses obscure them. It's so contradicting though because I struggle with maintaining proper eye contact. I guess it's like they have a window into my soul, whilst keeping their own blocked off. It's a bit unfair.
I don't like wearing sunglasses myself either, even though I'm kinda like a vampire when it comes to the sun. I admit that they are useful in certain situations, but for the most part, I'm a bit lazy and just put up with being blind on bright days.
I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts on the subject.
I wear sunglasses while driving, otherwise not much. (Back when I went skiing, I wore sunglasses then, too.) I see celebrities wearing sunglasses in camera interviews, and I wonder if they're just wearing them because the studio lighting is bright, or they don't want to look at the camera, or if they wear them indoors all the time.
Jackson Browne in the song "The Pretender" has a lyrics segment: "And then we'll put our dark glasses on, And we'll make love until our strength is gone." I've never understood that part of the song. I'd think your sunglasses would get all scratched and banged up.
I have it. Some days its worse than others. I Iisten to music to help it.
I sometimes have social awkwardness.
I say sometimes because I am usually comfortable with talking to just about anyone one on one or in a small crowd.
But when I’m in a really large crowd like in parties or weddings I just don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone and just stand and smile and look like a total goon.
I think you’re taking an accessory designed to avoid being blinded to death by the sun too seriously ?
I understand that my post could be taken like that. It's really not that much of a deal to me; I just wanted to try and start some kind of conversation. Hmm... I suppose the subject that I chose is rather weird; I guess that shows my awkwardness. ✌? If it seems funny to you, then I'm glad that at least it made someone laugh.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to talk about having social anxiety, figuring out if anyone else has it and how they deal with it. It's good you feel open enough to talk about it, rather than letting it eat you. Mary Jane helps with anxiety a lot.
Ever since I was a kid, whenever I was going to present anything to anyone, my first instinct was typically to assume that they'd immediately shoot it down and hate it. It's gotten better over the years but there's still always that lingering fear of leaving myself vulnerable to some sort of attack in the back of my mind. I want to say it's related to this persistent sense of disconnect that I often feel; this constant uncertainty of exactly how much I can truly relate to other people, and I end up being guarded around others as a result. At least that's the best I can describe it anyways.
I hope all of you who are bothered by your social anxiety can find it in yourselves to overcome it
Don’t worry, the post was good. Gave me something to think about ?
I'm usually quite protective of my dreams, ideas and deep thoughts; sharing them feels like opening a window to be attacked and ridiculed. When I do share something and nothing bad happens... I feel uneasy because I'm always anticipating it anyway.
So far, I can only think of one person in my entire life that has consistently ridiculed me; yet, I still apply this expectation to everyone around me...
I think I know what you mean by being unsure if you can truly relate to others. On one hand, there's many things that everyone can relate to, but on the other, we all experience things differently. Sometimes I feel foolish for ever believing that I can relate to and understand other people, since it can only be through my own perception...
I agree with you. I just wanted to point out that I was talking about sunglasses being a weird topic, not social anxiety.
And thank you.
When I thought about it, I realized that social anxiety is actually a natural and rational reaction to the labels assigned to you by your support systems and society.
Think about it, you've been routinely rejected by your family your whole life. Told you're wrong, that you look wrong, that your hobbies are wrong, there's some fault in everything about you. So you've been instilled with the value that there is something off in everything you do and everything about you, and that ends up sticking with you in everything you do, becoming a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts. You embrace your "offness" because you've been convinced that you can never do things the traditional way, which means you've blocked off any chance of being accepted by "normal culture".
Now society, they don't like that. They think it's a sign of defectiveness. So not only are you being brought down by the people who are suppose to build you up, but you're deemed as broken by the system because of it, and some will treat you as what they think is fitting for something that's broken: like garbage.
Social anxiety is simply a hyper awareness of that fact. It's an acknowledgement of the glaring insecurities and an attempt to raise a shield to guard against any attacks on them. It's an appropriate response to past trauma when said insecurities were attacked. But again, "society" still thinks you're broken. A broken mind cannot function rationally, at least according to them, so your defense mechanisms are treated as yet another sign of defectiveness. What was suppose to hide the fact that you've been ruled as "broken" only makes them judge you as even moreso.
I don't know, just had this on my mind and wanted to make a rant. Feel free to disagree. Hope you all take care
I suffer from Social Awkwardness & Social Anxiety in some situations.
It doesn’t help that it’s coupled with my Dyspraxia. I also have OCD.
My Social Awkwardness is a weird one because I can get up and do Karaoke for example, but get me talking to people & I clam up completely. I act stupid sometimes, I overthink things, and I struggle to talk to people.
I can relate to Chandler Bing a lot, in that I tell bad jokes to deflect any insecurities & I have a lot.
While i’m not particularly bothered about being popular or liked, it does get me down when I see friends having a great time online in pictures with their mates.
I do have an amazing supportive Wife, and small but great group of friends, and get me taking about Video Games or Movies & I won’t shut up, but deep down, I do have my insecurities & while people like me & are supportive, I just wish I could be more confident sometimes & be able to make conversation.
Yeah, I know you don’t always have to talk, and I get that, and sometimes don’t, but it does get me down, and I often say the wrong things, and while I have been a lot more aware of it as of late, and my mates & wife care despite them giving me banter about being daft or dopey, I just overthink about things & wish I could be able to be funnier or say what I want to say sometimes instead of waffling, or saying the wrong things.
I want to come back to this so here I go lol
The fear of being yelled at or criticized isn't any less valid than the fear of being beaten. Emotional wounds are self evident even if they don't leave a visible mark. If you grew up in a home where physical abuse has been normalized its understandable to dread tense situations that could lead to altercations. That isn't any different from emotional abuse. If you have social anxiety it means you've been wounded in the past, and you're scared of being wounded again. The people who you grew up with wanted you to feel weak because weak people are compliant, and in their eyes that's the only way they can make you accept do what they feel is best for you. Your foundation is forcefully broken so they can impose their idea of what they believe you should be onto you, and whether you accept their advice or not, the takeaway you get from this is that you can't be trusted with your own mind. You've been conditioned to believe you will get disapproval in everything you do, because the very people who were suppose to be your gateway into the rest of social interaction are telling you your very being is wrong. If your own support system won't back you up, how can you expect anyone else to?
Maybe I'm wrong idk. This is just me contemplating, I don't have any certified experience on the topic lol still I hope you all manage to overcome your social anxiety if you have it
I prefer my own company over the company of others.
These people that have caused you to feel this way about socializing (or at least for me), the ones who look down at you and judge you, they've just learned that the only way they can appear tallest is to cut everyone else down. They're too insecure to let their beliefs or their social status stand up on their own merits, so they throw ad hominems at you in an attempt to solidify their own righteousness. Anyone who's judgements are worth their weight in salt wouldn't do this. The people who truly know how the world works understand that they don't need to visciously attack your worldview to effectively get their point across because a good argument should be self evident without needing to personally tear other people down. Their example should be what penetrates your core, not the blades of their words, that is the ultimate test of true strength, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
And hey that includes me lol disregard this whole post if you don't agree with it. You always have that right and if you feel that someone isn't respecting that then they aren't worth your time. Have a good one
I used to get really awkward and quiet at school. Seen as a nerd for the better part of middle school and high school. My advice, Try to get out, meet people and socialize
Hmm...
Yes, I used to be extremely socially awkward to the point that I often wondered if perhaps there was something wrong with like being mentally retarded or something, though due to ego I usually attributed it to me being far smarter than anyone else around me and therefore unable to understand them.
The truth is though that I grew up on the road, moving from one place to another, often having to introduce myself to new people and I was shy, I didn't really wanted to do that so instead stopped doing that, unfortunately that meant I hadn't really had any long lasting relationships and since I was also effeminate, small and nerdy I also got bullied a lot and found violence and acting strange was the best way to get people to stop which led to more social awkwardness, it got so bad that there was a point in which I was paranoid about everyone around me and I stopped talking, period, for like a whole year I didn't say a single word.
Afterwards though I ran out of the money I had saved and was forced to get a job, at first it was weird because I was like a scared deer and would basically panic at every social interaction, fortunately though even though I was 18 I looked like I was 14 or 12 so people mostly thought of it as adorable so I was able to get away with it, which was good because I actually found it so tiring and unnerving that all I would do when I got home alone was cry until I fell asleep, after a couple of weeks that stopped, after a month and a half I got used to my coworkers and eventually I just got accustomed to people in general.
It's not like I'm a social butterfly now but I am able to strike a conversation with anyone that talks to me, in a fairly normal fashion, still due to my upbringing I'm pretty bad at reading people and have a tendency to be both too blunt and too apologetic and since now I look like an adult I can't act all nervous and cutesy to get away with it, which is fine I guess, now I'm just the direct and to the point guy who is uncomfortably earnest but not really mean-spirited if that makes sense.
I still don't like social gatherings all that much but they don't cause me panic attacks anymore, just make me irritated and put me in a really sour mood, which is something I tell everybody in advance so that they are not surprised once they force me into one.
My psychologist believes that I may have a social communication disorder because I find it hard to interact with people I do not know and cope in unfamiliar situations. I also suffer from anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and have a form of depression. I am petrified to go to University because of this. This may be a form of autism, but I have been told that it may be mild on the spectrum if I was examined because I can understand facial features and am not egocentric.
I was bullied in primary school because I used to play with dolls and I personally believe this traumatised me and created a fear of communicating with people. I have just finished secondary school and hated it because I struggled in my friendship group. They made me feel like an outcast because my music genre was Rock / Metal and my interests only consisted of that and gaming.
I had to cut myself off every social event because of the way they treated me. My ‘friends’ idolised one boy because they were intimidated of not following his ‘orders’. I was targeted because I did not confirm the way they did and therefore provoked his behaviour.
I feel like I have written enough thus far and do not want to keep you here for another two hours, but hopefully some of you will understand why I struggle to maintain friendships.
One nice thing about online communities is you can find other people who like rock music and gaming!
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University tends to be a lot friendlier than the schools before it, as the other kids transition into adulthood and learn to think more for themselves. Hopefully you'll find it a better environment. Good luck!
My parents told me the same thing, so I am holding onto hope. Thank you for your kind words.
What is it about eye contact that makes it difficult?
It's easy to stare at the wall, or the floor, or the TV, but why is it hard to look at someone's eyes?
I think it’s a confidence & awkward thing.
I struggle to look people in the eyes a lot, and my eyes dart around when talking or listening & I do tend to look at the ground a lot when walking around outside.
In all honesty, when I go outside and I see more than like 3 people, I get uncomfortable
Idk I wasn't always like this, it was only until after I graduated from high school did I start feeling like this.
Extended eye contact is a threatening gesture, especially if you're reaching into your pocket while maintaining it. So we're socialized not to do it. If you don't make any eye contact, though, that's a sign of disinterest, so the trick is coming up with a comfortable medium.
Maybe it's like how you're told at a young age "don't stare at people", so to avoid that thought creeping into someone else's head you try to keep minimal eye contact. I know I usually do.
EDIT: Actually no. In a conversation I try to keep a balance of look away/look at. When I'm commuting somewhere I'll never look at someone for more than 2 seconds. Gets weird.
The wall, floor and TV aren't naturally analyzing you (unless you're really paranoid lol) and staring at someone is sort of an unspoken invitation for them to stare back. It's the fear that the people looking at you are trying to read into your appearance and behavior and that if they see through you far enough eventually they're going to validate the insecurities you feel in yourself, so I think it's a case of shutting yourself off from possible attacks or rejection.
It could also be that some of us aren't taught acceptable eye contact and we're aware that we don't have those skills so we'd rather just not try to engage in it than screw it up and make others think bad of us.
Just wanted to clarify: do you mean reaching into your pocket like as if you were gonna pull out a knife or other threatening weapon, or like, just having your hands in your pockets at all?
Obviously, reaching like you're going for a weapon is going to be more unnerving, but having your hands in any kind of hidden location is a threat if you're also targeting with your eyes. That's why when the nice police officer pulls you over for a traffic violation, you should look down when getting your driver's license, instead of staring at him while you reach for it.
And it doesn't apply if you're gazing at someone who is your romantic partner.
Wait... are you serious? I have my hands in my pockets all the time. But I don't stare at people...
What about having your hands behind your back? I do that too.
Well, it depends...
(Don't worry about the lady with the knife. The man has a gun in his pocket.
)
If you're not looking at anyone, you can get away with having your hands in your pockets, especially if it's cold, so you have an excuse. Things like your facial expression and posture probably have priority over hidden hands. Someone paranoid or who has experienced traps before might worry, though.
Waiter: enjoy your meal
Me: thanks, you too
-representation of my life
i can be p awkward i guess since my main insecurity is like people might think im boring so i talk a lot. people tell me i talk too fast so that's probably awkward. and some people think im dumb because a lot of stuff i talk about is dumb stuff no one cares about but for some reason i think it's better than people thinking i'm hella boring.
has anyone ever actually told you that?
no, that'd be kinda rude. most ppl don't say stuff like that to be polite but you can still kinda tell what they're thinking.
or it could just be in my head idk.
Oh. Well, if they think you're boring/stupid, fuck 'em. You don't need to be around people like that. Stay true to yourself. You shouldn't to bend for anyone. Just some advice
yah i know. i try to tell myself that all the time about how i shouldn't care so much what others think but it's not so easy to actually convince myself to feel that way.
I had panic attacks because my ribs and chest hurt from bad posture so i thought i will get heart attack and die. Once i figured out the cause i was finally able to sleep well and relax.
I understand that; sometimes I worry too much about what other people think about me too. I think it's pretty natural to want be feel accepted - we are social creatures - but when it becomes quite stressful, it can be a problem.
When we think negatively of ourselves, it can feel like everyone else must think the same about us... but the truth is that we actually can't read other people's minds. Most of the time it's our negative thoughts obscuring our perception. Try to keep an open mind; there are plenty of reasons why someone should like you.
I fall into that negative thinking all of the time, and I know that it's hard to convince yourself that other people aren't as critical of you as you are of yourself. People who are overly critical of others are insecure about themselves; they have to create imaginary "problems" in other people so that they may feel better in comparison.
I think the important thing to remember is that we can't control what other people think about us. Sure, we can make an impression, but ultimately, what people want to think is out of our control. I know that it's easy to want to please everyone, but we can't always know what people want or expect from us. We can control what we think about ourselves though; it does take time, but it's very doable. You deserve some kindness for yourself.