How do you feel about doing things for others?
Personally, I have done things out of the kindness of my heart, and more often than not, I have been just used and abused.
So the way I feel, I am not doing a fucking thing for anyone unless I am payed for it. I'm done being a nice guy!
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Since we still cannot edit our threads at this point, I have to add a comment.
NEVER EVER DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE WITHOUT GETTING SOMETHING FOR IT IN RETURN.
You do something nice for somebody else, they OWE you. That's the way it is.
And don't EVER EVER alow yourself to be at somebody's beck and call. That's a great way for people to lose respect for you.
When I do things for others, I do it out of kindness, NOT because I want something in return.
That just doesn't seem right to me.
If you always expect something in return when helping others, they are going to stop wanting your help.
You help others because you want to help, not because you want something in return. Isn't a "Thank you" enough?
That's the way I see it at least.
And sorry if I sounded harsh.
So even if you are there for someone, and don't expect anything in return, then how can you count on them being there for you when you're in need?
I have been there for people in the past, but when I was in need, they all of a sudden disappeared.
After a while you just get SICK of it! And that's why I say you should never do anything for anyone, unless you get compensated for it.
Nobody is looking out for you, except you. You're all you've got!
They'd definitely owe me, I took time out of my day and spent my car's fuel to take you somewhere, I expect something in return. A week is a hyperbole, at least watch my cat while I'm out or something. A little favor in return.
If you do everything without expecting anything in return people will just use you, they'll put all their problems on your shoulders until you don't even have time for your own problems. See how far that attitude gets you.
Okay, that was a bad example, but I meant helping a friend.
I didnt mean everything,
Its fine to ask a favor, but I meant forcing someone to help you because you helped them.
If you did something big for someone, then yeah, you should expect to be compensated, but I meant always making sure you get something in return for doing only a small favor.
If they are only interested in being you're friend so that you help them out, then... They don't sound like friends to me.
I feel good. I'm going to try and keep doing what I can for other people, it gives me some meaning in life I suppose
There are times when I've felt that people use me and it really hurts but I'm still going to try and do what I can for people, I'd feel to guilty to just give up on someone whose used me but I guess I'll learn my lesson eventually ![:\](https://community.telltalegames.com/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
I want to do things for people without anything given to me in return, although a thank you and perhaps even a bit of friendship is nice xD The only time I'd ever accept to be paid for doing something for someone is if I really needed the money but in the end, I honestly don't really want anything in return for helping others, I'm already privileged enough to have the necessities of life - which is why in the future, I want to be able to help those who aren't as privileged
I've only gained respect for helping people out, I'm sorry but I can't agree with making people owe me for deciding to help them out. When I buy someone food I make sure they don't pay me back - as I love food and want others to enjoy eating as well
If a friend wants me to be there for them, whether at a Birthday Party or for a deep conversation, I'll be there with no cost. I think relationships are more important than money. Think of it this way, you make everyone pay for your 'services', when the time comes and you need someone's help, would you be willing to pay for their 'service'?
Although I can understand being taken advantage of, I'm a soft sap who easily feels guilt so I'm bound to face those types of people, but I'll still give them chances to be fair.
Thanks, you definitely worded it better than I did.
And yeah, I agree with you.
I know what you mean. Stay more Kenny, less Lee.
That's a little too all-encompassing. Of course there will be some things I won't do without expecting something in return, but there are some things I will. If you ask me to paint your house for free, sorry. If a lady in a wheelchair I don't know and will never see again asks me for help getting something off the top shelf in a store with nothing but a thank you in return, sure, I'll be happy to help.
If you're in a relationship and are trying to keep score on who has done more for the other, you're doing it wrong.
You're essentially asking "how do you feel about being a decent human being".
I think it feels pretty good. I like helping out friends. Sometimes I pay for their meal and even get them gifts every so often as a thank you just for sticking with me, and in turn without me asking they do the same.
It's not like I haven't met people who've used me before, I definitely have, and I haven't talked to any of them in years. The ones who've stuck with me through thick and thin are the ones that I consider friends.
Acting like an asshole to everyone just because the people you've met haven't shown you gratitude honestly feels incredibly selfish. In the first place acting nice just for something in return isn't gonna get you anywhere. If you wanna be nice, just be nice. The other people don't matter.
It's much harder to be a good person than it is to be an asshole. But you'll feel better about yourself for being stronger (probably).
I guess I've had different experiences in my life. I don't believe every helpful act needs to be transactional. If I can help out, I will because I want to and it's NBD-- with personal gain being secondary. This is especially true for friends and family. But if I don't otherwise feel motivated, and/or when it's my job, then compensation is certainly more persuasive.
On the other side, I have nothing but respect for the good Samaritans out there and I don't take them for chumps. I think it's good form to offer reward for people who truly help you out of a pinch, even if they reject it.
But some forms of 'returns' don't materialize until much, much later. I'm talking years later. For example, a parent's investment in a child. In my case, my mom. I know and appreciate how much time and money she gave in raising me-- and now? I want to give that back in anyway I can. I pretty much do anything she asks for, I don't care. Cooking and lawn care? Done. If she wants me to drive her somewhere, I'll do it. If she wanted me to take her from New York to California and back nonstop, I would without hesitation.
But the funny thing? If she ever sent me a bill for her trouble (and it was a LOT), then that would taint my willingness. I might only feel motivated to do the bare minimum for her, rather than my best. Weird how that works.
This isn't to all say that being a doormat is noble, either. Like with many things in life, there needs to be moderation between respect for others and respect for yourself. There are ways you can offer to help someone - even someone you care about - that protects you and your interests as well. Relationships are complex, so YMMV.
Then you are doing it to get something back. You might feel used and whatnot but hey, you get one chance at life and you can surely choose who you want to become.
I try not to hold grudges towards anyone and just keep doing my thing.
This is so ridiculous.
Extra kudos.
Extra kudos.
I never understood this argument. Define "nice guy" and define "asshole". Is the guy who isn't a pussy and actually asks a girl out an "asshole"?
I don't understand either. Women...
Okay a little off topic, but honestly, I hate the whole nice guys finish last sentiment. I dated a genuine nice guy that I would have married if I could, but he ended up leaving me because he thought I deserved "better." Actual nice guys (not self-proclaimed nice guys that are rarely the actual nice guys) telling themselves they will finish last creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe some women prefer assholes, but definitely not all of them.
As @WarpSpeed said, it depends. Some things require a transactional element. If I help a friend move I would hope they would treat me to lunch or something. But sometimes you should just do things for people out of the goodness of your heart without expecting compensation for it. I'll take time out of my day to listen to a friend rant or give them advice. I'll give someone directions to a building they need to find if they ask. I don't expect anything from these, I just like knowing someone's day was made a little better or a little easier because of me.
I think A Christmas Carol has a good moral for this, where if you are too caught up in the personal transactions, people might not miss your company, but if you give even just a little out of the goodness of your heart, people will genuinely want to be around you. Of course don't do so much that you're a doormat to be walked over like you seen to have frustrations with, there are times to say no, but little random acts of kindness don't hurt for good karma.
You seem nervous. It's was just a point of view.
I don't really know what you are trying to insinuate about me or my comment. I have very personal issues with this particular point of view because someone I loved devalued himself to the point that I lost him, and it hurt incredibly for me to see him do that to himself. Sorry if it seemed I was attacking you, I just don't like people feeling like being a nice person won't "pay off" because it hurts more people than it helps.
EDIT: I am really confused as to why you accused me of being nervous.
No, no. I was wrong. You were calm.
Truly a sickening view on relationships only lonely cuck's adopt to make themselves feel marginally better about being fucked over for their lack of personality and lonely sexual frustrations.
One of the very few things that grosses me out to my core.
No problem, thank you for clarifying.
Why so nervous.
I don't get nervous around beautiful women, not like "nice guys."
Maybe why I can tag so much puss.
Honestly. Weather I will get something in return or not. I would still do it, unless that person who told me to do something was an asshole then no. I would probably confront him/her
Nice guy? Don't you mean fuck boy who pretends to be nice in order to get into your pants? (This is coming from someone who experienced this, don't try me)
I believe in being nice to people just for the sake of being nice, I don't care if I get anything in return, other than "Thank you"
Why must life be so transactional? By all means don't do things for folks who don't give a damn, but you usually get back the kindness and generosity that you invest in relationships.
Become a paramedic or EMT, we get paid doing nice things everyday