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Sell it to me!

hplikelikehplikelike
edited August 2009 in Tales of Monkey Island
stan.gif

Welcome to Stan's Salesperson Summer School (or, Stan's SSS, not to be confused with Stan's Super Sale of SAVINGS! tm)

Here you we will train you in the art of getting some green for your high quality merchandise. The key is to show your shoppers that they don't just want but CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT your goods, or give them a sale they just can't REFUSE. Pretend I'm one of the many customers wandering your store in need of some persuasion. Who needs to insult sword fight when you can get BIG BUCKS! by the way, I believe now is the time to mention my half off sale on slightly used insult sword fighting swords

So go ahead, convince me to bye something I don't need!

________________________________________
Stan gif from Legend of Monkey Island website.

Comments

  • bigdondoobigdondoo
    edited August 2009
    Here. BUY this thing you don't need.

    There, did it, what do I win?
  • rebel pk rrebel pk r
    edited August 2009
    Please by my used banana picker it been used more than once by the legendary Guybrush Threepwood and has appeared in two monkey island game number 1 and 4...........so what you say.... want to buy??????????????
  • hplikelikehplikelike
    edited August 2009
    stan2.gif
    Good beginnings, (by the way, great job with the celebrity enforcement. rebel pk r; you won't believe how many tissue boxes I've sold by claiming they belonged to Le Chuck) but you need more enthusiasm. Look here as I convince an old friend to buy a piece of paper.

    Yes, more enthusiasm, more convincing, more... well words. As I use keep the excitement of this potential customer. <-*credit totally goes to Silverwolfpet for his amazing movie* *as for the other video, credit to whoever GB2VIG0 is*
  • alexonfyrealexonfyre
    edited August 2009
    Here's some anti-biotic for that strange rash on your lower torso:

    $59.99: No questions asked
    $29.99: Questions asked
    $9.99: This conversation is on tape and if you know whats good for you then leave $4000 in unmarked non-sequential bills in a plastic bag in the shallow part of the canal under the pier.
  • AwesomepantsmanAwesomepantsman
    edited August 2009
    Ever wanted to go to a china shop without breaking anything?
    Flailing arm disorder scaring your customers away?

    Restrict your arm motion with DeSinge's patented arm-and-the-rest-of-you muzzle™!
    Previously worn by Mighty Pirate™ Guybrush Threepwood, this thing still reeks of him as if he never left it!
    Comes with free Grog Anistetic and hand amputation. Only 1337 pieces of eight!

    How was that, Stan?
  • Lennie MelvinLennie Melvin
    edited August 2009
    That was pretty good!
  • HaggisHaggis
    edited August 2009
    Here's my attempt, Stan. Please tell me if it's any good!
  • Edward VanHelgenEdward VanHelgen
    edited August 2009
    haggis, you convinced me :p where do i sign
  • HaggisHaggis
    edited August 2009
    Right here on the dotted line:



    ..............................................................................
    I, the undersigned, hereby sell my soul to Stan, no strings attached.
  • SilverwolfpetSilverwolfpet
    edited August 2009
    Oh, great! Now I have to wash my LCD!
    ....
  • HaggisHaggis
    edited August 2009
    Oh, I forgot to mention: print it out first.
  • hplikelikehplikelike
    edited August 2009
    Haggis, you have learned so much. Everything in that sales pitch was Pitch-er perfect. (ah ha ha ha) You are completely deserving of the

    Golden Stan Award for Excellent Salesmanshiptm
    goldstan.png

    Of course, this award is of the highest quality, pure 1000 Karat gold, and if you think I'm just giving it away, your CRAZY! However, as a sign of my pride in all that you've learned here, I'll let you have it for only one easy payment of "A Whole Lot of Money" or three easy payments of "A Big Sack of Cash". You won't be disappointed.
  • HaggisHaggis
    edited August 2009
    Do you also accept BayPal, the pyramid scheme universal payment system for pirates?
  • hplikelikehplikelike
    edited August 2009
    StonkBad wrote: »
    Ever wanted to go to a china shop without breaking anything?
    Flailing arm disorder scaring your customers away?

    Restrict your arm motion with DeSinge's patented arm-and-the-rest-of-you muzzle™!
    Previously worn by Mighty Pirate™ Guybrush Threepwood, this thing still reeks of him as if he never left it!
    Comes with free Grog Anistetic and hand amputation. Only 1337 pieces of eight!

    How was that, Stan?

    That was OK, but the real Genius comes not from the sales pitch, but the signature under it:
    [FREE ADVERTISING SPACE! BUY FOR CHEAP! 2 FOR 1!]

    ...I'm actually not sure why I just said that.

    THAT my friend, is brilliant! I've sold advertising space on billboards, magazines, body art, and even on underwear, but I've never thought to sell in on a signature. I think you know quite well why you just said that *wink wink, nudge nudge, arm wave arm wave*

    By the way, how would you like to advertise your advertising business on these nice pair of Silver's Long Johns!? Just tell me if you want it in styles Anglo, Dutch, or Latin, and as soon as the over-sized check clears, people will learn about your business with their briefs.
  • SilverwolfpetSilverwolfpet
    edited August 2009
    hplikelike wrote: »
    *wink wink, nudge nudge, arm wave arm wave*

    Stop making me laugh while I'm at work!! :p
  • AwesomepantsmanAwesomepantsman
    edited August 2009
    hplikelike wrote: »
    ...people will learn about your business with their briefs.

    Wow, I gotta check my briefs more often!
  • SHODANFreemanSHODANFreeman
    edited August 2009
    StonkBad wrote: »
    Ever wanted to go to a china shop without breaking anything?
    Flailing arm disorder scaring your customers away?

    Restrict your arm motion with DeSinge's patented arm-and-the-rest-of-you muzzle™!
    Previously worn by Mighty Pirate™ Guybrush Threepwood, this thing still reeks of him as if he never left it!
    Comes with free Grog Anistetic and hand amputation. Only 1337 pieces of eight!

    How was that, Stan?

    Sounds like a Billy Mays commercial.
  • thatdude98thatdude98
    edited August 2009
    Silverwolfpet wrote: »
    Stop making me laugh while I'm at work!! :p

    Laugh.
  • Lennie MelvinLennie Melvin
    edited August 2009
    Couldn't sleep last night so I drafted a quick version myself (I also watched a pretty cool meteor shower :D)
    ___________________________________________

    stan.gif

    Cash weighing down your pockets?

    Of course not! We're in the middle of gut-busting recession here! And don't think I don't know it - that's why I promise to offer you the best deals this side of the equator!
    No messing about, no sales jargon - let's make this short and sweet. And sweeeet it will be; with deals like these you'll find it hard to say no to your good friend Stan.

    So what'll be kid?
    Porthole defoggers?
    A Max plushie?

    These are going fast kid, don't wait... A moments hesitation and they'll be no limited edition Max plushie for you.
    And that's a tragedy I don't think either of us could bear...

    Cuddly toys not your thing? No need to panic, there's plently more deals where that came from.

    Novelty grog branded slippers?

    Can your friend Stan interest you in a fiiiiinne pair of previously owned 100% genuine grog branded slippers? Not much sweat on them either. Surely that's an offer you can't refuse; I'm talking a low low price for a high quality product. I'm bending over backwards here kid. I don't want you leaving Stan's empty pocketed and down-hearted.
    Nosiree!
    That would just break ol' Stan's heart.



    So whaddya say kid; will you take these beautifully crafted slippers off my hands - or should I say feet?
  • SilverwolfpetSilverwolfpet
    edited August 2009
    thatdude98 wrote: »
    Laugh.

    Ahahahaha! Stop it!! Stop it!!
  • roberttitusroberttitus
    edited August 2009
    Pale Man wrote: »
    Sounds like a Billy Mays commercial.

    RIP.... In all seriousness.... that man was my hero in life
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