KINGDOM HEARTS Series Parody review (Immature language, spoilers and more, not adviced for kids)
KINGDOM HEARTS Series Parody review (Immature language, spoilers and more, not adviced for kids to read)
PROLOGUE REVIEW:
Kingdom Hearts is a product of Square Enix and Disney and they made it the next big gay orgy in all of gaming that give little children the feeling of sex before they even knew what it was.
Tetsuya Nomura the director of the this gay foundation was smoking crack while directing and making the game.
He didn't knew WTF he was drawing on the board but Disney liked it anyway because it could sell toys and earn them a lot of money.
During development of the game Nomura started hitting his wife around when she looked at his drawings because it was not supposed to be shown anyone outside of SE and Disney.
His wife left him and took the kids away... Since that day Nomura decided to make Kairi useless!
Kingdom Hearts
Sora is our main hero and has two GAY friends with the most stupidest hair styles ever made (COUGH FF15 COUGH).
Kairi tells Sora how she ended up on their island and watched them jack off to a porn actrice on the internet named Kairi since that day she calls herself Kairi because she wants to be a skank and to be famous.
They show of how strong their frienship is by HARDLY interacting with each other, Kairi letting Sora do their dirty work and Riku trying to get Sora's girl yeaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
They want to leave the islands on a raft but they have boats so all my work was for nothing.
The islands get attacked by a big ball of SEMEN that spawns HEARTLESS (Vaginas).
The attack seperates the three friends and they all land on different Worlds in the galaxy.
Sora meets the two loyal body guards of the Pimp Lord himself Mickey Mouse (Jesus Christ). Donald and Goofy are tracking the big Keyblade a ancient mystery weapon wielded by the chosen one that in the next few games can buy on Ebay.
Riku meets Maleficent (Gangsta) she is a drugs ''lord'' and makes Riku her bitch and make him do all her dirty jobs.
Kairi is locked up by Maleficent for future plot reasons.
Sora and Riku have many encounters that go like
''Sora, I see you have new friends and this ancient old looking cunt told me you care way more about a Duck and a Dog than me and Kairi you know what I am going to sell crack to Pinnocio goodbye''
Sora finally decided to have enough of this bullshit and decided to assault (insert porn here) Maleficent when he found out where she lived.
BUT WHAT A TWIST MALEFICENT WAS NEVER TRULY THE VILLIAN AT ALL!
Out of the shadows comes Tetsuya Nomura GANG BANGING the three heroes from behind!!
The ending of KH1 follows now...........
After defeating Nomura and locking Kingdom Hearts and restoring all worlds Riku and Mickey have not been found so the journey continues.
Kingdom Hearts Re chain of memories
Sora enters a mystery castle that is a base to the mystery organization named ORGANIZATION AUTISM!!
They don't have feelings, they have bad social interactions and wear the same shit everyday and CUM on the walls to make everything look the same.
Also it's a recycle of the plot of KH1 and the end boss is showing of his cock to Sora and Riku yeaaaaah and so Rule 34 Autism was made.
Kingdom Hearts II
This is the most gayest game of all time. Roxas (our protagonist in the first three hours of KH2) starts mastrubating to Cinderellas death step mother who was burned alive you see Roxas is that kind of guy to jack off to anything death related.
This time there is ACTUAL interactions between characters unlike KH1 which had hardly any GOOD interactions (this is how you piss off KH fans)
The game is more streamed lined more linear but they got rid of those god awful platforming thank you. The gameplay and graphics are amazing though best hack and slash ever!!
Sora Donald and Goofy find Mickey and Riku and all go home.
KH 358/Days without a refrigerator!
In this game you follow the negrophilia addict Roxas with his gang bang of Autism destroying the HEARTLESS (Vaginas) for KINGDOM HEARTS (Pedo paradise).
KH Recoded:
Kingdom Hearts had to shit out another title and well it was the Matrix
The ending was only worth it trash game.
KH Birth By Plot
Many people thought that this was ACTUAL Kingdom Hearts 3 (A game that fans will suck Square Enix and Disney's cock for 24/7 just to play 5 minutes).
But it wasn't it was a prequel to KH1.
The plot is easy to follow (said hardly any KH fan at this point when this review is online).
It starts with three NEW heroes instead named: Terra (total fag) Ventus (A dumb kid) and Aqua (Mastrubation material) taking on the Keyblade exams to become masters and protectors of the world.
Terra fails because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants.
Aqua succeeds because TITS ARE WAY BETTER THAN DICK!
Ventus starts crying... For standing still -_______-
To understand the hole plot of this game you have to play through the characters story's.
Terra is Riku 2.0 and Nomura wants to put his keyblade in him (Uranus)
Ventus is fapping to Terra... Screaming... Crying... Talking about Terra... Acting like a kid... Yeah he is shit.
Aqua: She is basicly screaming for surprise sex (rapists to attack her) in her story
THE ENDINGS ARE SHIT!!
KH Wet Dream Distance
Because this series was reaching it's 10th anniversary very soon with Kingdom Hearts 1 Square wanted another KH title not named KH3.
This game takes place after KH2 not named KH3 and came out on the 3DS really clever Square (sarcasm)
Sora and Riku are going to do the Keyblade exams and to become masters they need to forget their own form of fighting and learn a new one while achieving new powers... They ignore this and start cathing Pokemon in the wild now.
But what does the title mean of this game ''Wet Dream Distance'' well that is very easy to explain. In order to become masters and defenders of the Worlds Sora and Riku need to go into the Sleeping Realm (A boys porn fantasy) and learn new powers and a fighting style.
Sora and Riku have to face Dream Eaters (pokemons) in all new worlds and close all the Vaginas.
But they have a new enemy... ORGANIZATION PEDOPHILIA!
Nomura reveals that he made the organization by Time travel YES THEY WENT FULL 360 TURN WITH DOCTOR WHO NOW!
Kingdom Hearts III
A game never to be released because Square wants to milk the hype train of KH3 by releasing 100 thousands of remasters.
Character description:
(Jesus Christ) Mickey Mouse
Every Kingdom Hearts fan looks at him as a God, showing of his bad assery in his fight scenes. He hanged out with a hooker (Aqua) and orders his slaves (Goofy and Donald) around GET HIM HIS OWN GAME!!
Donald Duck
Donald Duck is a Nazi officer and royal body guard and practicing dark magic in order of Jesus Christ himself to keep order (A new world order) to the galaxy.
He claims to be a all powerful magician but get his butt kicked every single second and decides not to heal Sora when he really needs it.
Goofy
Goofy is a bad ass that also never heals you and survives death scenes and fucks some bitches. He once worked with the DICKtator Aladeen
When Aladeen started losing his DICK Goofy left looking for a true leader... The leader he found was Jesus Christ. He became his royal Captain of the guards and royal body guard of Jesus himself.
Sora La Sadistic bastard!
Sora has not only shown that he is dumb multiple times he enjoys watching people suffer extreme death expierences! He also has shown no care for his mon who is presumably dead since the attack on the Islands.
In almost in every Kingdom Hearts game Sora threw Donald and Goofy of high buildings while smilling and enjoying it IF Sora didn't had the Key they would probably just murder him in cold blood.
When he fought Maleficent for the second time he tried to smash her head in while aided by Donald and Goofy.
Sora while walking around on her death SMASHED CORPSE! Smiles around proud on his victory like a true sadist.
When he saw the boss of the villians in Re chain of memories he just watch him die slowly and screaming he also did that in KH2 final battle.
There are more instances of this in KH but than this would be 50 pages long.
Maybe we should be glad he tried to kill himself in KH1
Riku
Riku is Sora gaybutt fuck mate. At a young age they created the world of GAYNESS to the young video game audience
The last 15 years we hear him talk about how much he is ashamed of what happened in KH1... Let that sink in for a moment...
Kairi
She is a damsell in distress for the boys and has a heart of PURE (Slutty) light no seriously she is one of the seven people in the galaxy to have a pure heart of light.
Maleficent And Pete
Maleficent is a GANGSTA homie!
She is not only good with drugs and beating everyone at GTA but secretly Nomura in disguise to fool everyone even Pete.
Pete has sex with her and helps her in her Evil plans he also smuggles used condooms for Donalds nephews so they can sell it in their sex shop.
Organization Autism
enough said about these weirdos they even alow Michael Jackson in their little gay camp.
Axel
This weird dude falls in love with Roxas and becomes his personal stalker.
Queen Minnie Mouse
@!Z(.
She was the one to banish Pete to another dimension for just being annoying. She smiled watching him get locked up far away from social people and slowly started turning insane untill Maleficent freed him to rule the galaxy together... She had zero reason beside canon issues.
One time when Jesus left the castle Minnie had to keep a eye out Maleficent attacked the castle and all was lost... Minnie smilled at this:)
Minnie might be the most sadistic person here in the series and she enjoys pain because she smiles when she get hit by a heartless... That I did not make up.
There are way to many characters to cover in this series I stop here you get the point.
Fandom:
To parents reading: How a gamer looks like after playing Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts probably has one of the most die hard fanbase of all time and they are toxic to:)
They complain and hate each other all day and pray for KH3 to ever release (will not release)
They will buy anything KH related and go to church to suck Jesus statues penis so Mickey might come down here on earth.
They think that Kingdom Hearts has this amazing convoluted plot and if you don't like it it means you have never played Kingdom Hearts according to them but it's completely stupid.
Some of these fans are just depressed and others write fanfiction like
- Sora X Kairi Mature
- Riku X Sora Gay story's
- Donald X Goofy Mature
- Riku killing Kairi for Sora
- Tera X Xehnort
- KH3 fanfiction
- Mostly sex related because most fans will never get laid in life.
How to annoy a Kingdom Hearts fan in no order by Joshua007:)
- Why does Ventus look like Roxas?
- I have played KH 1 and KH2 am I ready for KH3?
- There are plot holes in the serie
- Riku is a shit character
- Roxas is a bad character nobody cares about
- That the series is shit
- IGN
- IGN
- Kingdom Hearts 1 is bad or just insult KH1 like seriously KH1 is treated like the holy grail of this series while ignoring it's mistakes:)
Enemies on the Kingdom Hearts fans:
- Brains
- Fans
- Haters
- IGN
- Waiting
Fan art
Gay orgy
Don't take this to seriously I am a big fan myself and I run away from the storm now
Comments
Not again...
HA sex jokes are SO funny X D X D XD
Seriously though why would you do this again
Please ban this guy already. It wasnt funny the first time he did it.
UuuUuhhmmm.... Goodbye.
Wouldn't want to overuse the Nathan Drake smile, so I'll get something else.
Actually I am pretty done with these ''parody's'' if I do it again the mods can ban me for a while
I mostly did it for a friend the mods can close this if they want
A friend of my wanted me to do a KH parody well two of them.
They wanted to see it so I made it and I am done ith these parody's
this thread needs to be fucking hung up in a museum for all to see holy shit
If you don't like it THAN WHY DID YOU REVIVE IT?
Or do you mean something positive?
it was positive, this thread is fucking beautiful
THANK YOU