A formal introduction from the inventor of portable insanity

edited November 2007 in General Chat
Hello, everyone! I greet you with a basket of the finest wares... that I could afford. A couple marbles and Lawrey's seasoning salt! Those marbles might be awfully tasty, but salt is evil and will make you fat, and everyone knows what that does :(.

My name is Kadath, no it is not pronounced 'Ka-daff' or 'Ka-deth' but it is pronounced 'Kay-death' and it has earned me the nickname Mr. Death because of such pronunciation, my taste for incredibly dark humour, as well as the fact that in some dead language 'Kadath' means the jester of death. In fact, if you want to be technical, my full name, Kadath Jhary Bird-Lopez means 'The jester of death who remains the eternal companion to champions and was born of the wolf and bird.' So yeah, my creation had to do with some sort of weird experiment between a bird and a wolf. Although I enjoy playing games, and I have a vast library of games, I am at heart, a writer. I have written over 30 short stories, and I am currently expanding that library with an anthology entitled 'Bizarro Gets the Clap,' and although 2 of the stories in it are slightly improved versions of my previous stories, the rest of it is comprised of new ones.

Call me a nerd, but I also love to study. My favourite study is of the human psyche. Insanity is such a brilliant device of torture, don't you think? I fell in love with it when I watched a brilliant rock opera from the eighties entitled "The Wall". It is the true story about a man named Syd Barret, though the movie changed his name to 'Pink.' He went mad, because when he was a child his father was killed in the second world war and his mother over protected him and did not prepare him for the true horrors of the world. When he finds his wife cheating on him, and he collapses under the stress of being a rock star, he takes all of his memories, all of the people who scarred him, and turns them into bricks. He uses these bricks to build a wall that protects his soul from being hurt by the outside, but the problem is the wall is not keeping him safe from his memories. In fact, he is only trapped inside with them. This movie is brilliantly told, no movie about an insane person is complete without a sex scene between a pair of cannibalistic flowers and a sequence where a dove explodes and turns into a Nazi war machine :p To anyone who has also watched this wonderful movie: I am aware that these are metaphors. I am very aware.

I someday want to end up writing and directing movies. Screw acting, acting is for chumps. I have already begun writing a screenplay for my first movie as well, loosely based on a story I wrote entitled 'The Idiotman.' The film, under the new name, 'How to plagiarize with your eyes closed' will unfortunately sacrifice some of the best parts of the story [Walt Disney being eaten by a Canadian Nazi Moose, the horrible Montana winds, etc] however it will still be deliciously warped. I have made 'movies' before, however, they aren't truly live or real animated movies. They were made in the game 'The Movies'. I shall provide links, they are easily the most retarded films you will ever watch. They are plotless [well, they have 'plots,' if you can call an inbred family of Nazis running from the queen of England who is really a gust of wind a 'plot'] but sometimes they can be hysterical in their horrible way. I have 3 main series.

The 'Pedophile #3' series.

Synopsis: Pedophile #3 is the Nazi patriarch of an insane inbred family. His son, Billy, also happens to be his own grandfather. Afro Nazi is a vengeful soul whose mother was killed by the air. The fugly duckling is at the same time a fugly ape and a fugly insect. And the air has a much deeper secret.. she is in fact, the queen of England in disguise to rid the world of Pedophile #3, his family, and his squad of evil soldiers!
When Toilet Cleaners go Wild!
When Nazis Don't Gargle Their Mouthwash
When Chickens Drink Dish Soap
The trailer for 'When Swedish Nannies go Wild'

The 'Moonface & Ratface' series.

Synopsis: A tribute as well as a mockery of traditional slapstick, such as Pink Panther and The 3 Stooges, Moonface & Ratface follows the exploits of a pair of mafia goons trying to make a living as they do the bidding of their don, Sackface. But Sackface is at war with another mafia, and Moonface and Ratface seem to be dying a alot..
Moonface & Ratface IN: Criminy Jicket
Moonface & Ratface IN: Cheese Flavoured Ham
Moonface & Ratface IN: Death of a moron

The 'Bastardman' series [currently on hiatus]
*WARNING* This series has A LOT of foul language!

Bastardman is a superhero. An evil superhero. To quote his theme, 'Bastardman! Bastardman! Spins a web, a web of lies! Doesn't care, if you die! Oh... shit! Here comes the bastardman!' He and his sidekick, Bitch, the boy asshole, fight the likes of the stroker and the flamingo. This series is currently only released in it's pilot form, Bastardman Episode 1: Two assholes and a flamingo is already 'made' in that all the scenes are set up, but voice issues have pushed it back SEVERAL months. I do not know if it will ever come out.

Bastardman Pilot

A little more personal information, if you care to know, I am 16 years old, I am living in Salt Lake City, Utah, I know 2 languages, English and Japanese, I am deeply in love with a girl named Emma but it's been hard since she has recently moved back to her home in Australia and I love Pink Floyd and the Japanese band 'The Pillows'.

Please leave comments on my horrible movies!


  • edited November 2007
    You're about as twisted as Max!
  • edited November 2007
    Thank you for the compliment :D! I forgot I mentioned that I am the prophet of the church of Gorbism, but I'll worry about that later. The almighty Gorby is still preparing his penguin army to destroy the slothful towels and throw the vain blow dryers into the bath tubs of many gluttonous children!
  • edited November 2007
    I feel obliged to offer this instructional pamphlet I wrote. It should assist you in undertaking the dilemmas stated above. Unfotunately, I cannot offer any refunds should it fail.

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