When you save a life, fan-fic.
Hey guys i'm writing a fan-fic when Lee saved Carley from Lilly's shot.
I hope you like it and if you have a tip i would like to hear.
Fabi games present...
In association with me,
When you save a life.
The first episode- the save.
Lilly hands reached for her pockets, Lee turned around and saw Lily grab her gun. Lily points at Carley's head. Shocked and enraged by Lily's actions Lee leaps and pushed out of the line of fire.
Boom.
"ahh...." He said, looking at his arm. It was bleeding.
But it didn't stop him. "Drop it!" he yalled as Lilly drop the gun. Kenny got mad and took his place, as Lee fell down.
"Leee!" Clementine yalled, thinking he died.
"Shit, we've gotta do something. Help me get him inside, Ben!" Carley said.
They both pulled him into the RV, putting him in the bench. "Katjaa, can you have a quick look on him?" Carley asked. "Sure" she put Duck down and went to help.[also, Duck wasn't bitten]
Carley and Ben went out, seeing Kenny and Lilly talking.
"What are we gonna do with her?" Ben asked.
"Let's leave her for the walkers" Kenny said.
"I'll die out here"
"You think i give a shit? You're a murderer, Lilly. We can't have you with us"
"I'm a murderer? You've had Lee with you this whole time"
"I don't care what he did before"
"You know?"
"Yeah. He told me. I don't give a shit. If we keep you with us, how long until you get me?"
"I was trying to protect all of us" Lilly said, looking at Carley and frowning.
"Lets just go" Kenny said.
I hope you like it and if you have a tip i would like to hear.
Fabi games present...
In association with me,
When you save a life.
The first episode- the save.
Lilly hands reached for her pockets, Lee turned around and saw Lily grab her gun. Lily points at Carley's head. Shocked and enraged by Lily's actions Lee leaps and pushed out of the line of fire.
Boom.
"ahh...." He said, looking at his arm. It was bleeding.
But it didn't stop him. "Drop it!" he yalled as Lilly drop the gun. Kenny got mad and took his place, as Lee fell down.
"Leee!" Clementine yalled, thinking he died.
"Shit, we've gotta do something. Help me get him inside, Ben!" Carley said.
They both pulled him into the RV, putting him in the bench. "Katjaa, can you have a quick look on him?" Carley asked. "Sure" she put Duck down and went to help.[also, Duck wasn't bitten]
Carley and Ben went out, seeing Kenny and Lilly talking.
"What are we gonna do with her?" Ben asked.
"Let's leave her for the walkers" Kenny said.
"I'll die out here"
"You think i give a shit? You're a murderer, Lilly. We can't have you with us"
"I'm a murderer? You've had Lee with you this whole time"
"I don't care what he did before"
"You know?"
"Yeah. He told me. I don't give a shit. If we keep you with us, how long until you get me?"
"I was trying to protect all of us" Lilly said, looking at Carley and frowning.
"Lets just go" Kenny said.
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Comments
But when you write, you should avoid pointing out every single detail.
For example you wrote
I would rewrite this so the paragraph isn't so choppy, like so:
Lilly hands reached for her pockets, Lee turned around and saw Lily grab her gun. Lily points at Carley's head. Shocked and enraged by Lily's actions Lee leaps and pushed Carley out of the line of fire.
I meant like editing what you have so far, not just the one paragraph. You don't have to do it but it will increase the quality of your fanfic
Lee looked around, seeing scared Clementine, Terrified Ben, and even more terrified Carley. Carley! Lee smiled knowing she's alive.
"Lee.. Please be okay... Please...." Clementine mumbled.
"C... Clem?" Lee said.
"Lee!" She smiled a little.
<center> [What happend?] < / center>
<center>[Are you okay?] < / center>
<center>[Where's Lilly?]< / center>
<center>[...]</center>
[What happened?]
"Lilly was going to shoot Carley. You saved her and your arm hurt" Clementine said.
"I feel better now, really" Lee said, Calming her down.
He looked at Carley, she was smiling.
"Is everyone okay?" Lee asked.
"More or less" Ben said.
"You look worse then i do kid" Lee said.
[Yeah yeah Omid said it, so what?]
"I didn't want anything to happen to you" Ben said.
"Aww, it's okay." Lee said.
"But i'm not a kid"
"when you'll be 20, you'll not be count as a kid." Kenny said from the driver seat.
Katjaa finished sewing up. "Can you get up now?" she said.
"I'll try" Lee said and slowly got up. "Thanks, Kat" he said.
"It's nothing" she came back to her son.
Clementine sat next to Lee. "I didn't want you to die"
"But i didn't, you need to be happy i'm not" Lee said.
[I'm glad i have you]
[my brother almost died,once]
[...]
"But he lived?"
"Oh yeah. It was scary though"
"This one time, these boys from the other side of town were hassling him. He was on his bike and they were in a truck throwing things at him, calling him names, stuff like that.
And this tough sun of a gun, he peddles up after them and he catches them, he pulls his bike up alongside the truck and jumps into the back and starts beating on 'em.
He teaches all three of 'em a lesson. But the truck's still moving, and just as he stands up to jump out, zooms underneath a tree and a branch hits him square in the face and he goes flying out the back.
Anyway, if he can live through that, i'm sure i'll live through this." Lee finished.
[This is from episode 3 after Doug/Carley died]
The road was blocked by a train.
"Well, we're just have to deal with this now" Lee said.
"We have a problem here" Lee said to the others.
"What's wrong?" Clementine said, slowly opening her eyes.
"The road is blocked by a train" Lee said.
"Oh..." Clementine said. They all got out the RV. "What will we do now?" Kenny said.
[Let's see if this train is abandoned]
[I don't trust this]
[everyone stay here]
[...]
"Lee's right, there might be folks that can hurt us, so be carful" Kenny said.
"Everyone should get comfy" Lee said as everyone sat down.
"Lee?" Lee heard. He turned around, seeing Carley. "Yeah?" he said.
"I wanted to talk to you for a sec---"
"Lee,why don't you and i check out the train?" Ben said.
"Okay." Lee said and looked at Carley in a "I'll talk to you later" face.