I Messed Up

edited January 2015 in General Chat

So... I'm not sure if this is the best place to ask for advice, but as of right now, I'll give it a shot. Let me tell y'all what exactly went down.

A certain lady-friend of mine and I were having a heated argument over some stupid, insignificant subject. She had invited me over to her house to 'help her study', and it sort of just happened. During the fight, there were lots of name-calling, petty insults and childish remarks with rude gestures. It was just like any other disagreement I'd get into in real life, and I remember being frustrated, but not enough to come across as angry, until she shouted something at me that struck a bit too close to home for comfort. My temper flared.

And because of that, as soon as the words left her mouth, I had impulsively shoved her away from me. Now, I have a pretty stocky build, and often times when I'm riled up, I forget my own strength. I used more force than necessary and she smacked her head against the opposite wall. I tried to apologize. Really, I did. But her parents came charging into the room first due to hearing all the commotion, and kicked me out of the house before I could form a complete sentence. I had never laid a hand on - let's call her Maria - Maria, ever, even in a friendly way. So the fact that I lost my own self-control and manhandled her in an aggressive manner for the very first time shames me.

This event actually took place a couple days ago. I tried texting/calling her, but she wouldn't pick up her phone. Still doesn't. She's one of the only girls I can truly relate to, and we've been close friends for a very long time. I don't think I'm gonna be welcome in her house again anytime soon, so I'm lost on how to make amends. Any suggestions?

EDIT: We've managed to talk it out. Thanks to y'all for throwing in your two cents.

Comments

  • Well try to control your temper next time, Also she might need time, Don't approach her immediately, Only do it when you believe she's ready, People need time after stuff like this. The time will come and take things easy, Apologize and explain how you feel, She'll probably forgive you, but the parents are the ones you should be concerned about, Just give her time, explain what happened and hope for the best, Good Luck and I hope everything works out.

  • Is this 'lady-friend' a girlfriend or just a platonic friend?

    Okay so firstly you mustn't be too hard on yourself for losing your temper physically: they're a huge rights focus on 'never hit a girl :o :o :o' but really, we're all human and hitting a girl is as bad as hitting a boy, and I'm willing to bet if you'd shoved a boy in the playground or whatever you wouldn't feel so bad. So yeah, don't be too hard on yourself.

    Secondly, in terms of repairing the situation, it may not be what you want to hear, but if she doesn't want to talk to you then there's really not much you can do. Make sure not to bother her and give her time and she might come round to forgive you, but stuff like physical violence can really imprint on people, especially when they're young, and so she'll definitely need some time to get over it.

    It is an important lesson, though, to remember that you won't be able to make amends with every bad thing you do in your life, and you won't be able to be friends with all the people you want to. That's just sort of life. Take solace in the fact that you're less likely to lose your temper in such a manner again because you have seen the effects it has.

    Treat this as a learning experience, basically, and don't keep texting/calling her. Give her some time and she might feel better about it. But she might not, and that's okay, and that's life.

    One of the worst things you could do is to have a mutual friend try to bridge the gap between you: she'd want something like this to be kept as private as possible, and knowing you'd told other people would just make her feelings 10x worse.

  • edited January 2015

    Pay no attention to this part First off, if she was really a true friend, she wouldn't have had shouted at you using your "personal issue" as an insult. Just saying.

    Pay attention to this part Anyhow, I recomend you writing a text and send it via mail (not email nor text), asking for forgivness to "Maria" and both of her parents and that, using a physical impulse at her in an heated argument, is the worst thing you have ever thought and done. You can add that she said the "thing too close to home comfort" since her parents kicked you out before you could explain what happened, but I DO NOT recomend it.

  • edited January 2015

    That is so untrue. He didn't say 'personal issue' he said it was something close to his heart, which doesn't make it an 'issue' he has.

    It's something that happens in bad arguments and friends have bad arguments sometimes. Same's true of our relationships. If my husband brought up something I'm insecure about in an argument, I'd be upset, yeah, but I wouldn't feel like he wasn't a 'true' partner.

    People fuck up, especially young people.

    The letter idea is reasonable but risky.

    FauDeef posted: »

    Pay no attention to this part First off, if she was really a true friend, she wouldn't have had shouted at you using your "personal issue" a

  • edited January 2015

    Thanks for the advice.

    Oh, and she's a platonic friend. No romance.

    Flog61 posted: »

    Is this 'lady-friend' a girlfriend or just a platonic friend? Okay so firstly you mustn't be too hard on yourself for losing your temper

  • Thanks.

    Saltlick123 posted: »

    Well try to control your temper next time, Also she might need time, Don't approach her immediately, Only do it when you believe she's ready

  • You've got a point there. I misunderstood, thinking that, since it was to close for comfort, it was personal opinion. Thank you for correcting me.

    The letter migh be risky, but you may not know what happens if you don't try.

    Flog61 posted: »

    That is so untrue. He didn't say 'personal issue' he said it was something close to his heart, which doesn't make it an 'issue' he has. I

  • That's applicable to any action possible :P

    FauDeef posted: »

    You've got a point there. I misunderstood, thinking that, since it was to close for comfort, it was personal opinion. Thank you for correcting me. The letter migh be risky, but you may not know what happens if you don't try.

  • edited January 2015

    First of all, be aware that you could be charged with a crime for what you did. The best way to avoid any legal implications is to do nothing, and that's probably how you should start.

    If she feels unsafe around you now, the damage is probably irreparable.

    If it helps to do something, check Hallmark (or wherever) for real, paper I'm Sorry cards, but don't send anything yet. If you've texted her and she's ignored it, that probably means she sees that you're sorry for what you did, but she's not ready to decide what to do next.

    EDIT: I should clarify that I am not an attorney, and you shouldn't rely on anything I write as legal advice.

  • Ouch that's a toughie. I don't use my arms in a confrontation unless they do first, so I can't give advice from a "been there" standpoint. All I can say is that it's probably best to give it time, maybe even a lot of time. She'll calm down and then you can apologize, whether she forgives you well enough to return to your previous stature is up in the air.

  • edited January 2015

    I would say that it's up to her to decide to forgive you or not. Losing your temper or not, I have the same anger management issues as you, and I often resort of yelling or insulting someone and even trashing my room on a few occasions. So I understand what you're trying to get across in the fact that you didn't mean it.

    But I've never gotten into a yelling match with a friend, so, that in itself kinda makes me think that the friendship itself is toxic. As a woman myself, I would never want to speak to or see the man or friend who put their hands on me, accidentally or intentionally. There's nothing you can do except to let her work it out for herself. And if she never wants to see you again, then let that be the lesson you take away to try and work on your anger issues/temper.

    Also, don't smother her with texts and calls and trying to get through to her, it just seems creepy if you are constantly barraging her with ways of trying to communicate with her. If you made it clear your sorry, it's her decision from their to decide how to handle it.

  • edited January 2015

    Well, I didn't smother her with texts and calls.

    I only tried texting to her once and calling her twice.

    I would say that it's up to her to decide to forgive you or not. Losing your temper or not, I have the same anger management issues as you,

  • You seriously need to get yourself under control. I'm 28 years old and i've never acted that way to women, ever, and i got PTSD. Try talking to her again in a week or two after everything cooled down.

  • That's pretty...Pretty fucked up.

    You should let her push your head into a wall.

  • edited January 2015

    I've always been hotheaded and impulsive. It's just who I am. Sometimes I let my emotions get the better of me, and this kind of thing happens.

    Anyhow, the issue's mended. Cheers for throwing in your two cents though, I guess.

    CrazyGeorge posted: »

    You seriously need to get yourself under control. I'm 28 years old and i've never acted that way to women, ever, and i got PTSD. Try talking to her again in a week or two after everything cooled down.

  • Are you being sarcastic or serious? I can never really tell. Especially on the internet.

    That's pretty...Pretty fucked up. You should let her push your head into a wall.

  • A little bit of both...

    What you did was wrong and I know myself that it can be hard to control but you need to. I'm going to be honest...She may never forgive you. However revenge is a nice thing and with the other person willing...It gets a certain satisfaction.

    Wolverisk posted: »

    Are you being sarcastic or serious? I can never really tell. Especially on the internet.

  • but pushing my head into a wall seems rather harsh, even if she wanted 'revenge'.

    But her head being pushed into a wall...

    If it's fine then okay but remember...People forgive but not forget.

    Wolverisk posted: »

    Hm. I know I'm the one in the wrong here, but pushing my head into a wall seems rather harsh, even if she wanted 'revenge'. However, t

  • Hm.

    I know I'm the one in the wrong here, but pushing my head into a wall seems rather harsh, even if she wanted 'revenge'.

    However, the issue has been fixed, and save for a couple awkward pauses here and there, she seems willing to hang around as long as I don't pull any sudden moves.

    A little bit of both... What you did was wrong and I know myself that it can be hard to control but you need to. I'm going to be honest..

  • but pushing my head into a wall seems rather harsh, even if she wanted 'revenge'.

    But her head being pushed into a wall...

    If it's fine then okay but remember...People forgive but not forget.

    Wolverisk posted: »

    Hm. I know I'm the one in the wrong here, but pushing my head into a wall seems rather harsh, even if she wanted 'revenge'. However, t

  • How old are you? How did you escape the girl's father unharmed?

    Wolverisk posted: »

    Hm. I know I'm the one in the wrong here, but pushing my head into a wall seems rather harsh, even if she wanted 'revenge'. However, t

  • edited January 2015

    Think the forum gobbled up your reply.

    Also, it went down like this: I shoved her, she toppled over and thumped the back of her head against the wall. Her head did not get pushed into the wall. I wasn't that angry, Jaysus.

    EDIT: Nevermind. I see your reply.

    A little bit of both... What you did was wrong and I know myself that it can be hard to control but you need to. I'm going to be honest..

  • Just turned eighteen.

    As for the second question, I honestly don't know. He did look severely pissed off.

    CrazyGeorge posted: »

    How old are you? How did you escape the girl's father unharmed?

  • I never thought you pushed her head INTO the wall...When I said into I meant against, sorry for the confusion.

    Wolverisk posted: »

    Think the forum gobbled up your reply. Also, it went down like this: I shoved her, she toppled over and thumped the back of her head agai

  • If it was me bro, he took it a lot better than i would have. I lose my temper pretty easy too when it comes to family or my PTSD Triggers.

    I won't lie.

    Wolverisk posted: »

    Just turned eighteen. As for the second question, I honestly don't know. He did look severely pissed off.

  • Let her work things out, you said your sorry's and that you didn't intentionally mean to harm her, it's her decision from here.

    Wolverisk posted: »

    Well, I didn't smother her with texts and calls. I only tried texting to her once and calling her twice.

  • Ah. Okay.

    I never thought you pushed her head INTO the wall...When I said into I meant against, sorry for the confusion.

  • Well then, I suppose I'm lucky you weren't her father.

    CrazyGeorge posted: »

    If it was me bro, he took it a lot better than i would have. I lose my temper pretty easy too when it comes to family or my PTSD Triggers. I won't lie.

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