Thanks for the Support, Advice, and Motivation Community
So, long story short, I am having a really rough time as of lately. Actually, the rough time hasn't ended since July of 2014. I'm not dealing with a lot, just dealing with some things I don't know how to deal with. Basically, I just need someone to talk to. I hate asking for help like this, but I just need some support.
Particularly, from the older users on the forums or just people with life experience of living in the real world dealing with school, college, work, having a job and paying bills. Basically being an adult. But I also want help on how to deal with massive amounts of stress, and that isn't age specific.
Does growing up mean giving up on the dreams you've had since you were a child? Is there a balance between being an adult and living an adult life and still being able to do the things you love?
I just have this overall, looming feeling of dread that life is literally all about just giving up on what you want most in life because you're not good enough to ever achieve it. Want to be a writer? Too bad, your writing and ideas suck. Want to be an artist? You are terrible. Want to live a life where you can still do these things? No, you have to live a life according to what society says you need to do. You can't write and draw, life is about working all the time, pleasing your family, and devoting your time to everything else because your hobbies are worthless and won't make you any money.
I just need to know that I can still live a life where I can do the things I love, or is all life is it work, paying for bills, and then getting married having children and then hoping by the time you can't take care of yourself that you have paid off your debt and your children still want to be around you enough so that they will help you instead of dump you into a nursing home?
I'm only 22 and I feel like I'm in crunch time of life. I feel like in order to do school, and have a job like everyone says I need to have, in order to do that I have to give up my hobbies and what makes me, me.
Is that true? Is life really that awful?
EDIT Feb. 1st 2015
So, I was at a pretty low point when I posted this. But I am really humbled at the amount of support that people on here, through the internet, and in real life have to share with me.
I should probably elaborate on what I meant when I said, 'dreams' in the earlier post title.
To me, dreams are the things that we think about constantly. That we have in our minds almost every second of the day. Everyday I am thinking, calculating, piecing together the stories of the characters in my mind. Those are my dreams, to bring those stories to fruition so that they are no longer confined to my mind, no longer ideas, but real in some shape or form. That's why I've always been an artist, and that's why I decided to write so many years ago. I wanted to make my dreams, in my mind, something, solid.
I know some people may think dreams mean becoming the president, becoming the biggest singer / actor in Hollywood. Hell, some people just dream of having a family and a home one day. But, we have to be real. Life happens. And, life is a lot of loss. And sometimes, that loss becomes sacrifice so that we don't lose as much. If it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be and we have to make the most of it. We have responsibilities we have to do, so that we can make it day by day. And I have to remember, that I won't be a college student forever. So, when I get my degree and finish this stupid college path, my life will change. It won't be so hard, at least I think so.
I will continue to fight, like I feel I always have. Fight to keep on getting up everyday, fight to see my dreams and stories come to fruition. If that means giving up on a few things, like living in a big house in a nice neighborhood or having a family of my own, then that's just what I have too do.
Thanks everyone who put in their two cents and helped in their own ways.
Comments
I've always looked at dreams as pathways to walk on in Adulthood, isn't that why we have dreams of being actors/actresses, storywriters, chefs, artists, dancers etc.? I don't see how adulthood can be defined by your hopes and dreams, being an adult means you're at the age of an adult, acting like an adult is what people tell you, they say you should act like an adult to be a role-model for us younger individuals which most of the time we don't really look for role-models because we have our own dreams of who we wish to become.
What is life is all we do is strive but never truly live? Giving up our dreams just to live a gloomy life sounds the opposite of what the word live means. I can see anyone being able to write, people don't usually write every single genre of books, there's different genres for different ways people like to write and what they like to write about. As for artists, a blue shade of paint sold for a million dollars - think about that. Honestly if life is all about making money and giving up your dreams it doesn't feel worth it HOWEVER you have to make sacrifices for your dreams, some people suffer and go through so much pain just to achieve their dreams but those people never gave up, some people easily achieve their dreams but not everyone is that lucky, if you want your dream to come true, it's something you'll have to try hard to earn, if you think your dreams will never come true then how can they? You won't let them if you have doubts at such possibilities. As for family, I think a family should support each member in whatever it is they wish to do, it's your own life, live the way you want to live it.
Life is not that awful, at least not if you decide to make your own life that awful. You really don't have to give up your dreams, if people tell you that it's pretty evident they've given up on theirs, however, for some people their dreams can't come true because they live a horrid life, it makes me sad when people can't live the life they want to, just remember that if you're going to give up your dreams for the life you're expected to have, that's your choice but one day you might see an opportunity pass by but cannot take that opportunity as you had given up your dream already. Life is different for everyone, they can't tell you what your life is especially when you don't know yourself, everyone lives their life differently, it's part of what makes us individuals and dreams are also parts of us that make us different and more unique but sometimes to make a dream come true it takes hard work, take one step back then move two steps forward, I've met allot of adults who've told me that the hardest point in life is the beginning of adulthood, your life can be more than work, paying bills and doing what people tell you to do but it all depends on the decisions you make.
Growing up is becoming self-supporting and realizing that you shouldn't give a damn about what anyone says and that you can live your life in whatever way you want.
Cannabis Indica
Sleep 8 hours, study or work 8 hours, do hobbies for 8 hours. ez life
Life is amazing
It doesn't mean giving up on your dreams, but sometimes it means making difficult choices between some desires and others, and sometimes it means compromise.
The example of writing, you can keep reading, keep practicing, keep trying to get better if that's what you really want to do. You may never get a book deal, and you may have to live with that, and then the choice is if you want to keep doing it for your own enjoyment or not. I'd like to be a writer, but I'd also like to be self-sufficient by the tiime I'm 27. As to compromise, there's a relatively easy job opportunity for me, doing something I really don't want to, but it would give me enough money and freetime so I could write on the side - that's a [potential] compromise.
Though I will say, it depends on your situation - namely your financial background and your education. You do have people who work all the time, or even need two jobs to stay afloat. Here in Korea you see a lot of people who work in a store (I'm presuming they own it) and basically are there from open to close. I was walking by this one place (furniture store?) and the guy had a treadmill and television in the store so he could work out when there weren't any customers. The French have an expression "Metro - Boulot - Dodo" (Train, work, sleep), and there are people who have to live like that. Those people presumably find other sources of joy in their life, so they aren't miserable, but yes, being a slave to the grind is very much alive and well.
A part of it, sometimes you do need to give up on some of your dreams for the betterment of something else, but no one can make you give up on them.
There is a balance to be struck between growing into an adult with responsibilities, commitments etc. and also just learning how to enjoy living at a basic level. Think of those who dedicate their lives to become rich and successful. Sure, achieving these things brings freedom and a certain amount of happiness to people's lives, but it's not a simple equation of money + success = happiness. Think of celebrities involved with drug abuse. Can we say these people are truly happy?
If external sources are telling you that you are not good at something or are terrible at it, before listening, look within yourself for answers. If something brings you great enjoyment, even just attempting to do it, it doesn't really matter if certain others think you are terrible at doing it. If it brings you enjoyment and it makes you happy, keep doing it! Especially if you think you are good!
In reality, there are few people who can successfully blend their hobbies with work. For most, work is a way to make money in order to do the things you love (travelling, going to concerts etc.) In this way, life can be a grind, especially with the commitments that come with growing up. For a time, you may have to let go of doing what you love to ultimately benefit you and those around you.
And no, you shouldn't give up on your dreams, at least not without some reasoned thought on issues such as whether it may be possible; money constraints, physical issues.
I obviously don't know you personally, but I would say the same to anyone else. Everyone can create an experience of life which is good and fulfilling for them. My ideal life is going to be different from yours, but I won't stop striving for that ultimate goal because someone else is telling me that I can't do it. No one else can live your life. Life is ultimately what we make of it as individuals.
Well when i was a kid i wanted to be a race car driver. My teacher at the time told me that was stupid, and wrote me up for being a "cut up." Now i'm just happy being me, I don't really care about that anymore. I always thought i was good enough to be a race car driver, even if things didn't work out.
I think you know me better than that.
They sit there in their glass towers of stone and marble, where they cast their gaze downward onto the subjects below, where time sits still, nothing changes, nothing gained. I cut off myself from the noise, it is so deafening, the endless want, need , attention or desire. What comes before all, no one can say. I found my answers in the Trees.
They exist in a layer of false positives,
It sometimes means making difficult choices between what you want to do and what is better for you and the people that depend on you, however you should never give up on them and always have them as your motivation to keep going and be better, you might reach them someday,and if you don't, remember that someone that tried and failed did more than someone who just gave up.
Fuck society, do what you want to do.
People tell you "no" and push you on the ground, then stand back up yell "yes" really loud in their face and walk off because they don't deserve to be around you. If people give up on their dreams then that's their own fault, let them have a boring life.
Hollay, you always start such great topics!
I like to be fuzzy about my age here, except to say that I'm old enough to have played the LucasArts adventures games when they first came out. Maniac Mansion was released in 1987, and it will turn 28 this year, so there you go.
The first thing you have to do is take care of the basics. You need to make enough money to live somewhere, eat, and have enough reasonably fun things to do. If you have to take a crappy job to accomplish this, that's what you have to do, but you hope it's a temporary thing.
The other thing is, dreams are like fantasies, and they leave out a lot of the complications. I had a friend who dreamed of teaching in elementary school, until she actually did it and found out what it's really like. She's not a teacher anymore.
Somewhere in between these is real life. You hope you can find something you love to do that you can also get paid for. It may not be what you originally envisioned, but it winds up being good and making you happy.
Want to have kids? That's another topic altogether. Parents often have to make sacrifices to their careers in the name of family. But then, what is life really supposed to be about, anyway?
Good luck!
It really depends on what your dream is.
I've given up on a lot of things in life, but the only two things I'm still clinging too are my art, and my novel ideas. If they are the only two good things in my life that I can hold onto, then I'd be fine. But I feel as if I have to give those up just to make it by in life.
You think so? I feel like I'm always the most depressing person on these forums. lol
Well, in all honesty I'm lacking any sort of sane, or rational adult figures in my life at the moment and I can't seem to find anyone to help me with advice. So, anything you could tell me could help.
Lately I've been realizing that the job I am aiming for, that would take care of all of those needs would require me to give up on my most cherished things in life. It may sound silly, but my hobbies are the most precious things to me, they're the only constant in my life and I can't let them go or I don't know what would happen to me. Which, if I wanted to find another job I'd have to switch my major and I don't even know where to start looking for another sort of field to study in.
My only dream at this point, if I achieve nothing else in life is to get my first book published. I've done my research, I know it's incredibly hard and time consuming and I won't break even money wise, but that's not the point for me. It's an accomplishment all my own, something I did. I'm being realistic about it, I know it's about one of the hardest things someone can do. But when I feel like I'm too horrible of a writer to even attempt to begin the process, I feel like the only thing I love in my life anymore is something I have to give up on.
I'm still trying to figure out if there's even a happy medium or if it's just work and paying off debt. From what I've been through in the past year, life is all work and sacrifices, there's nothing good about it once you become an adult. And I don't want to feel like that, but no one is proving me wrong. My own mother told me in regards to my hobbies, to "Grow the fuck up and start living in the real world."
No, I don't want kids. Because what little time I have I don't want to spend on something like a baby for the sole reason of my parents guilt tripping me to give them grandchildren. Why? Because if my mom doesn't have some, she will be heart broken. Don't mind what I want, it's all about telling me how hurt and empty their lives will be if I don't give them grandchildren. Then they tell me, good luck finding a man who wants to marry you if you don't want to have kids. I am already a 0 on the attractiveness scale, it's not like I've been having much luck anyways.
And I appreciate your response, thank you for your concern and kind words.
If we did what we wanted all the time, then how would we pay our bills, pay off our debt? Put food on the table? We have to work, and to get a job that provides all that you have to go to college. And to get to college you have to have money and a car. And when the people who buy you that car say, "it's for college and if you don't go we will take away your only mode of transportation", I'm not exactly in a position to do what I want anymore.
I understand what you mean, since the majority of my peers have become too much of a toxic influence on my life at this point that I can't rely on them for advice anymore, and that what they want and what I want is very different. And I don't want what they want. I don't want to live the life they want me to live. I want to be happy. But I feel far to indebted to other people now to live my own life.
Here's your answer.
Just don't give a fuck. Why worry about all that, why? You want a happy life or a boring office space life that everyone else does?
Just, don't...You have your goals, you only get one life, use it well.
This is all very true. But I'm still hesitant to believe in my own ability to accomplish anything.
I guess I should reword that a bit, what I meant it, do we give up on the things we want most in life when we become adults? For me, I have been wanting to be a writer since I was 13, and I've been an artist ever since I could remember. All I want is to get a book or books published, I don't aspire to be a best seller, hell I don't even aspire to make considerable profit from it. The thing is, I don't even think I'm good enough to attempt this.
I do know you better than that, I think. I just recently realized though, I kind of have no real way of feeling about things. For so long I listened to what my parents said, tried to do what they did, because they made it seem like there way of doing things was the only way. Now though, with the ways things are in the family and particularly between them, I am doubting them so much at the point that I don't even want to consult them on things. So, the sense of confusion sort of comes from knowing all my basis of my core beliefs have been almost molded by two people whom have built their lives in a very different manor than mine will be built.
And you last sentence was too cryptic for me to understand... lol
I agree whole heartedly with the first paragraph. I know money and success don't equal happiness, I know too many people who have these things and yet are still some of the most illogical and so out of touch with what people who aren't like them want in life.
Thank you, that's a very good way of looking at it. I am pretty hard on myself, and I base my worth and value way too much on what other people have to say about me. That, and I have a bad habit if fabricating hatred I feel others have towards me, and projecting it on myself.
And the things I love are nothing so big as travelling and going to concerts, all I want to do is be able to keep on being an artist even when I have a job that has nothing to do with being an artist. I just want to keep my hobby, what makes me most happy in my life. Without it, I don't know who I am, like I've said before, my creative outlets are the only concrete things about myself and the only concrete things in my entire life. I can't imagine giving them up.
Thank you very much for all the advice, it was very encouraging and yet still very grounded in reality.
Golden, you have to have a way to put food on the table, to pay bills, to function in today's society you need to have a source of income to live. That's just the way things are. If I really lived according to how I wanted, I'd do nothing but write, draw, and play video games. But I can't take care of myself that way. And I know that.
I know that, and I feel like I've wasted the first 22 years of it.
Betterment of something else? Do you mean like finding a job that pays the bills in order to survive?
As a younger member of the forums, I can safely say I don't know, and I wish I would never know. All I know is life is tough, and the answer is probably yes. It's still possible to follow your dreams, and I'm sure some people have, but it doesn't seem likely. I'm worried about growing up because I'll probably end up in the same situation, anyhow I hope you find what you're looking for.
I for one personally think your writing is good. It might not mean much coming from some random person from the internet, but it's something. Judging by the awesome fanbase you've acquired in the Dead Of Winter project, I would say your chances are good. By the way did you release any chapters? I haven't read anything from you in a while :c. So as of now, being the young person I am, I'd like to say to try your best, and hope for the best. I don't know how much of this works, but try to believe in yourself, or at least believe things will get better.
Pretty much how I feel, so I'm glad you made this interesting thread.
In my opinion you shouldn't give up anything you don't want to, and stay true to yourself. But then again, what matters more? Food on the table or being yourself? Perhaps in that situation people must find a balance between the two. There's hardly any point if you can't do what you want, but you need to survive in life, so I guess having a bit of the two would be good, but how? I'm not sure. Life shouldn't restrict you from giving up the things you want to do, at least that's how I see it, but that just feels like I'm whining about how life is unfair, which it is. So honestly I don't know, sorry this isn't a good answer. xD
ughhhhhh ok i wrote something cool and i fucked up and clicked the back buttom, so ill shorten it even more.
i didnt read the comments so ill just ask you this: what is your dream? was it writing or was it an example?
me and you are almost in the same damn vote so i could help you here, but just clarify me on some things. im here to help:)
Dat feeling. Dat feeling is the worst... XD
And yes, my ultimate goal in life is to get a book published. Not just one book, I've got a few different series and ideas planned in my mind. Some of which I have been stewing on since 2010, but just haven't had enough confidence to actually start.
Really? Are you getting onto the career oriented lifestyle that doesn't necessarily match up with what you really want to do?
ok.well haha well no im not to far like you but im sure struggling. im in collage and im not quite sure in which direction to take. and im having problems with a class, well its fucking math. and ever since i was a kid, well not ever since i was a kid it wasnt the only thing that i dreamt of being, but when a bit younger i wanted to have a career making games. now that i know what i have to do, math!, and seeing how hard it could be to get in the gaming industry. but also my curiosity of other things in other fields, it just sometimes... complicates things. also like you i feel like i can write some stories and something cool but yet sometimes i feel like you said not that cool of ideas to others.
but let me tell you this. if you are set in that just keep doing it. dont let shit bring you down. i know fucking cliche right but its true. now it is true you might have to compromise some, but if you really need to get a job to like you said "survive" in this world, try to get something that is close to that of what you want to do. if you really want to achieve that dream, know that its not its never too late, really.specially if you feel you got a story to tell. write that shit down. make sure you dont forget them, and if you want revise them and edit them.
dont give up hope, if you really want it youll keep that hunger driving your desire.
Mhm, sometimes.
But don't force yourself into something you will hate, just get a job but don't forget your dreams.
You're an amazing person Hollay and it's never too late to follow what YOU really want to do.
You don't have to go to college.
You know today, i asked god for protection, and a few moments later the people behind me got into a car accident but my car remained untouched. God is good to those who ask for help.
I only mentioned kids because you did, thinking you needed to have some to avoid being dumped in a nursing home. Though at 22, by the time you need something like that in 60-70 years, there will almost certainly be self-driving cars, we might have robot caretakers, and nursing homes will definitely not be as they are today. So don't worry about that just yet.
There are careers that consume your life if you let them. I've avoided those, myself. Not sure what your major is, but at 22, it's probably too late to change unless you're pretty sure it isn't what you want to be doing after all.
If you can manage to get regular days off from your future job, then that's all you need to ensure you have enough time for art and writing. You just need to prioritize the things you want to do. Imagine if you considered art "essential" and paying bills "as time permits." OK, the bills do have to get paid, preferably before their due dates, but if you make it a point to give your hobbies importance, you will find time for them.
Especially without kids.
By the way, if you're having problems getting novels together, try writing some short stories and putting them online, and asking for feedback. You might get some good tips from that, or if everyone likes them, maybe it will improve your confidence a little. Besides, when your paperback hits five million copies, the fans are going to be obsessive about digging up your earlier works.
Then try or you'll never be sure, and never give up,make sure that if you fail, it isn't because you didn't try, believe me, you have the abillity to acomplish anything you want to do.
Remember, those things that you love are part of what makes you who you are, don't give yourself to the world in exchange of an unhappy life just because everyone else did to be "succesful", you might win a lot of money, and people might tell you you're succesful, but remember you'll never be truly succesful in your life until YOU are happy.
Sometimes I forget that he's there for me, I just want to be strong enough to make it on my own, and sometimes I feel weak when I think that God will take care of everything. But in the end, your completely right.
Also, really glad to hear your okay George.
Don't listen to what others have to say to YOU.
YOU are the master of your life. Even if you do not become a writer or an artist, you can always put your creativity to the Internet and get a lot of pleasant criticism from other people
Look closely and you'll see that life, albeit a complicated thing, there happen both successes and failures, but
NO TEST, WHICH WE COULD NOT TO WITHSTAND!
Be strong, and you will live a happy life
Lot of things I do to deal with stress. I have a lot of it, and acquire it quickly and easily. I meditate in the morning, I work out constantly, I go on vacations/minivacations, I drink and party when I get the chance, I hang out with friends in what free time I have. My favorite is working out and meditating, I can put all of my anger, hate, mistrust, and the like into my work outs and release them. Meditating calms me and helps me think straight, so I usually do that in the morning.
Balance, yes, but it isn't usually one you like. It usually consists far more of what needs to be done and far less of what you want to do. You can live your dreams, anyone can, but most aren't willing to put in the time and effort and/or are to afraid to chase them. I am too afraid to chase mine, so I have designated my dream as nothing more than a hobby.
Yes. That's all life is, but instead of viewing it as a negative try to find the happiness in it. Children, sunny days, weekends, friends and family, Christmas. Truth be told chances are you won't live your dreams, because you weren't born into that life. It is possible to live your dreams, and if you have the "spunk and prowess" to do that then I would suggest it, but the vast, vast majority of people don't. That's for you to decide.
YOU'RE TOO OLD, We got to put you down. Old Yeller Style. When i was 22, i thought i was going to be happy school teacher.
Note I was careful to say that 22 is too late to change your "major", not your "career". It's never too late to change your career. It's easy to exploit the many managers foolishly believing they need to get some "fresh thinking" into their organizations.
I don't worry about anything anymore. I have flower powers.
For most people. There are a lucky few who can get away with being writers, astronauts, singers, but the world is in need of soulless drones to crunch numbers a lot more than them. Only the very best get to follow their dreams, and statically speaking OP, you're not one of the very best.
I'm not looking to be the next Tolkien, hell I'm not even looking to be a name remembered in History. I love Astronomy but I don't want to be a damn astronaut, I know my limitations physically, and mentally. I want to be a writer but don't particularly care if my books even become paperback books, all I want from my writing and books and stories is to be able to inspire and help people. I love music but I don't want to be the next Hollywood centerpiece for the tabloids.
From the way it sounds, you seem to be one of those soulless drones to crunch numbers. I'm basing that assumption off of the same frame of of thinking you used to deduce that I'm not capable of even doing something my heart desires.
But I really should thank you. That sort of slap to the face is just what I needed to get off my ass and get to work on what I really want.
Statistically he probably is, as will you be, as am I. It isn't a slap in the face, it's a simple truth. If you've got the fire in your belly from a comment like that then hop to it and get your dream career in the works! Just make sure that fire stays lit or you'll be right back where you started, wondering if your dreams are obtainable.
Thank you. For all of this, it all really helped me. It was a good pat on the back and slap in the face. (In a good way. If my dreams are never achieved because I couldn't believe in myself enough, then it's my fault, and it'll be only be to blame if I never get to see them come true.
I'll be working harder from now on, not to give up.