Please share your Jokes

edited January 2016 in General Chat

Ok here is something new: lets share some Jokes. Why? because the World needs more humour. Please share verbal jokes (jokes that can be shared at parties)

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  • Ok then I will start: here are some pun jokes

    Joke: I am reading a book on anti-gravity, and its impossible to put down.

    Joke: I forgot to throw a boomerang, but it came back to me.

    Joke: I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

  • why do u think u are a joke Megami :/ ?

  • I don't get it :I

    enter image description here

    Oh wait now I do good one XD

  • What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re so pointless

    What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder

    I heard two peanuts walked into a park… one was a salted

    A boiled egg in the morning… is really hard to beat

    I’m reading a book on antigravity. It’s impossible to put down

    It’s not that the guy didn’t know how to juggle. He just didn’t have the balls to do it

    I’m glad I know sign language. It’s become quite handy

    I forgot how to throw a boomerang… but it came back to me

    When a clock is hungry. It goes back four seconds

    I once heard a joke about amnesia. But I forget how it goes

    When the power went out at the school… the children were delighted

    Those fish were shy. They were obviously Koi

    Those two men drinking battery acid… will soon be charged

    What is a pirate’s favorite letter? Tis’ the C

    The midget psychic escaped the prison. He was a small medium at large

    I’m inclined to be laid back

    Newspaper headline reads “cartoonist found dead at home” details are sketchy

    The magician who got frustrated… pulled his hair out

    The frustrated cannibal… threw up his hands

    The criminal’s best asset… **is his liability **

    I didn’t have the faintest idea, as to why I passed out

    Heard about the guy who got hit with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink

    There was once a cross eyed teacher… **who had trouble controlling his pupils **

    Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your genes

  • Person 1: Hey wanna hear a joke?

    Person 2: Sure, what?

    Person 1: Why does everyone hate cliffhangers?

    Person 2: I don't know, why?

  • Rekt. :D

    Markd4547 posted: »

    I don't get it :I Oh wait now I do good one XD

  • enter image description here

    Markd4547 posted: »

    What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re so pointless What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder

  • edited January 2016

    how do you find a song you like but dont know the name? google as many words of the song you remember and hope for the best. the lord said to john come forth and you shall recieve eternal life, but john came fith and won a toaster

  • yep

    Markd4547 posted: »

    I don't get it :I Oh wait now I do good one XD

  • I'm super excited for Telltale's The Walking Dead Season 1!

    I'm using Internet Explorer, by the way. :)

  • Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. I don't even know what a chicken is.

  • that's not a joke

    I'm super excited for Telltale's The Walking Dead Season 1! I'm using Internet Explorer, by the way.

  • ok you got me, my post was jokes from the last of us. they are really good however. there is no way I can be original

    Markd4547 posted: »

    What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re so pointless What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder

  • It is a joke, you just didn't get it.

    that's not a joke

  • yep I don't get it. please explain

    It is a joke, you just didn't get it.

  • I posted that message before Telltale had released the first episode to Season 1, and since Internet Explorer is super slow, the message appeared now instead of that particular period of time.

    yep I don't get it. please explain

  • ok thanks now I understand

    I posted that message before Telltale had released the first episode to Season 1, and since Internet Explorer is super slow, the message appeared now instead of that particular period of time.

  • Telltale in a nutshell

    Poogers555 posted: »

    Person 1: Hey wanna hear a joke? Person 2: Sure, what? Person 1: Why does everyone hate cliffhangers? Person 2: I don't know, why?

  • That was a roller-coaster tbh

    Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. I don't even know what a chicken is.

  • What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

  • edited January 2016

    NOT MY JOKES. These are jokes I've heard before.

    • weeaboos go to japan and be like "where are the subtitles"

    • Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? It wasn't born yesterday.

    • How many blacks does it take to start a riot? -1
    • Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
    • What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society.
    • What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
    • What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies? Hold my beer.
    • What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust
    • Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
    • What is one positive about the ghetto? HIV
    • Food is kind of like dark humor. Not everyone gets it.
  • ok that's pretty good.

    What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

  • What do you call a motorcycle gang of bisexual vikings in a monarchy? Bikings

  • Ah, Left Behind.

    Markd4547 posted: »

    What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re so pointless What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder

  • What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust

    What will people call Postman Pat when he retires? Pat

    What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot

    What's the difference between a wrist watch and Shia Lebouff? One tells time and the other says just do it

    Why didn't Superman save anyone in the Boston bombing? He's not real

    Why is 6 afraid of 7? It's not, numbers are incapable of feeling

    Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? She's dead

  • Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    I-interrupting cow.

    And now we wait

  • Are racist jokes ok?

  • better to be on the safe side. no they are not.

    Are racist jokes ok?

  • Ok. :(

    better to be on the safe side. no they are not.

  • I'd be fine with it as long as it isn't super racist.

    Ok.

  • Wanna hear a Redneck knock knock joke?

    Knock, Knock.

    Who's there?

    You.

    You who?

    Yahooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

    Yeah that was awful xD

  • edited January 2016

    That's kind of hard to do because some of mine can be considered downright offensive. And I don't want Telltale striking me with anything serious.

    I saw one from Gran Torino and it had me going, but I feel like it wouldn't fly well here.

    Edit: God Dammit! I just read one and it would feel perfect to add on to the thread! But it's super racist hehe.

    I'd be fine with it as long as it isn't super racist.

  • My ex-wife still misses me.

    But her aim is getting better!

  • I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

    Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

  • Thank you for sharing. That had me laughing a lot.

    NOT MY JOKES. These are jokes I've heard before. * weeaboos go to japan and be like "where are the subtitles" * Why can't you fool a

  • edited January 2016

    Camping:

    Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, they have set up their tent, and are now asleep.

    Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

    Robin replies: "I see millions of stars."

    "What does that tell you?" asks Batman.

    Robin ponders for a minute.

    "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident that the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you Batman?"

    "Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

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