What episode would you rewrite?

UrbanRodrik · October 2016

((This is a double post.))

LoseMyHome · October 2016

I actually did a rewrite shortly after the season ended, I posted it on tumblr here. (Not posting it here because it's way too long, also I'm not that proud of the writing quality and I do have slightly different opinions now than what I presented in my post)

Of course, this is also before I made some more conclusions that I would have changed too, including changing Bonnie and Jane's introduction and keeping Mike as Ralph.

enzeruanimefan · October 2016

Amid the Ruins

Jane's sister would be another peer relative, like a cousin or brother or something. That way, she'll seem like less of a Molly clone.
Sarah can still both be saved and left to die at the trailer park, but saving her does not involve violence. Nick, if saved by Walter, is not seen here. Luke's injuries are instead changed to bruises so that he's still useless at the trailer park, but hurt in a way that doesn't need to incapacitate him later.
If you axed the walker instead of Sarita's arm, she's still dying from the bite, but she's also still able to speak clearly. She will try to get Kenny to believe that Clementine tried to help. She dies from the bite roughly around the time that Clem returns with Luke and Jane and will try to attack in the middle of the group discussing where to take Rebecca for when the baby comes.
When checking the museum, Clem discretely tells Bonnie that Mike seems familiar. They have a quick chat about it.
Bonnie never worries about Jane leaving unless it's revealed that Bonnie has a crush on her.
Sarah survives at the Observation Deck.
Jane leaving is determinant.
Rebecca's state of health differs depending on whether or not you chose to stay an extra day at the deck. Instead of her being a walker triggering the first shot, it's something else she does while she's healthier.
Arvo confesses that the group forced him to ask where his gun is after the encounter on the deck and that he was then to lead them to culprit(s). If Clem gave Arvo back all the supplies at the deck, he and his sister vouch for Clem before the shootout. If she stole from him, Arvo will ask for Clem's group to be shot. If she was indecisive, something is different from either scenario.
BEFORE the episode cuts to black, the shootout begins and we SEE that at least one casualty on each side occurs. Then, Clem is shot at, but we don't know if the bullet hit or missed her because that's exactly where the episode cuts off.
There is a discussion between Clem and Rebecca over what the baby's name should be. Rebecca brings up the list of names that she and Alvin had at the cabin, Kenny suggests Alvin, Jr., and Clem can either suggest a name she wanted, the name of a dead person she cared about, or the names that Christa and Omid had come up with.
By the end of the episode, it is revealed that Mike is the one who attacked Christa in the woods. Clem will ask what happened to her, and she will also be given the choice to forgive Mike or get rid of him, either by getting the group to leave him behind or by killing him herself. If the choice to try to kill him did not appear this episode, it should be saved for potentially the next episode.
At least one other 400 Days character appears in the episode after the group finishes escaping from Howe's, or one of them is seen fleeing through the walker herd.

DabigRG · October 2016

Huh. Okay, its just an easy assumption to make when you've said you don't like both Clementine and Arvo and referred to Michelle as a brat.

I know there's some threads about disliked characters still open for posts, so maybe you can go into why there!

DabigRG · October 2016

[removed]

DabigRG · October 2016

Uh...you know what, I'll say it. Posts of length like these are the reason I encouraged using one episode per post: so people can have an easier time reading it.

No harm intended pal, just trying to keep things easily readable. I haven't actually read it passed the first sentence, though, so maybe I'm putting my foot in my mouth.

EDIT: Okay, so just read through it and I must say this is pretty dang amazing!

The Russians names are Buricko the bald guy, Vitali the crazy guy, and Natasha is Arvo's sister, if you wanted to know.

Imagining Sarah sitting on Bonnie's lap is hilarious. Poor Bonnie.

The final scenes confuses me a bit, so a few questions:
1. So Nick can die when Arvo shoots him because...?
2. Why can Nick live through Arvo shooting him?
3. What happens to Arvo since you didn't mention anything after he shoots?
4. As for the final choice, if you shoot Kenny, is Bonnie the only one who dies or does Jane die as well?
5. And what happens if you look away?

I'd suggest double-spacing certain paragraphs a bit and highlighting Episode titles and major plot events(Save Nick/Sarah) to make it easier for others to read.

Good job!

DabigRG · October 2016

Neat, I'll have to check it out! Though if it's episode by episode, you can either post one episode per post or post them as chapters of the respective episode. Or, you can also summarize each change per plot point or character per episode.

DabigRG · October 2016

Okay, review time!

Jane's sister would be another peer relative, like a cousin or brother or something. That way, she'll seem like less of a Molly clone.

Interesting way to diverge the two.

If you axed the walker instead of Sarita's arm, she's still dying from the bite, but she's also still able to speak clearly. She will try to get Kenny to believe that Clementine tried to help. She dies from the bite roughly around the time that Clem returns with Luke and Jane and will try to attack in the middle of the group discussing where to take Rebecca for when the baby comes.

Huh. That is something of a smart change. Kinda have to wonder the circumstance around her attacking.

Bonnie never worries about Jane leaving unless it's revealed that Bonnie has a crush on her.

Cuse me?

Jane leaving is determinant.

Okay, why? What determines it? What are the major changes, if any?

Rebecca's state of health differs depending on whether or not you chose to stay an extra day at the deck. Instead of her being a walker triggering the first shot, it's something else she does while she's healthier.

Okay, that is a good change.

Arvo confesses that the group forced him to ask where his gun is after the encounter on the deck and that he was then to lead them to culprit(s). If Clem gave Arvo back all the supplies at the deck, he and his sister vouch for Clem before the shootout. If she stole from him, Arvo will ask for Clem's group to be shot. If she was indecisive, something is different from either scenario.

Holy shit, Arvo is hardcore! I mean, I like that there's both a difference and some genuine menace to him now, but jeez! Beware the Quiet Ones, Indeed!

BEFORE the episode cuts to black, the shootout begins and we SEE that at least one casualty on each side occurs. Then, Clem is shot at, but we don't know if the bullet hit or missed her because that's exactly where the episode cuts off.

Ooh...another good change. I'm a little half and half on whether actually showing someone get hit hinders the cliffhanger or not, but yeah.

There is a discussion between Clem and Rebecca over what the baby's name should be. Rebecca brings up the list of names that she and Alvin had at the cabin, Kenny suggests Alvin, Jr., and Clem can either suggest a name she wanted, the name of a dead person she cared about, or the names that Christa and Omid had come up with.

Ooooh! Something that actually has long-term affect with Clementine's input. Good eye, mate!

By the end of the episode, it is revealed that Mike is the one who attacked Christa in the woods. Clem will ask what happened to her, and she will also be given the choice to forgive Mike or get rid of him, either by getting the group to leave him behind or by killing him herself. If the choice to try to kill him did not appear this episode, it should be saved for potentially the next episode.

Huh. A deadly moral dilemma? Sounds interesting. Also, genuinely surprised to see this made into a long term subplot. Why didn't I think of that?

At least one other 400 Days character appears in the episode after the group finishes escaping from Howe's, or one of them is seen fleeing through the walker herd.

Good job! You should consider applying for a writing job at Telltale!

DabigRG · October 2016

Episode 3, But it wouldnt just be a rewrite. I would split it into 2 episodes because my major gripe is that its to short. So the season would be 6 episodes long. The third episode would be a bit boring, but would have more world and character building to tee up the new 4th episode.

Smashing idea, love! The amount of time spent there is a hurdle I've been struggling to properly deal with myself.

I would open the next day with breakfast. The prisoners would be served a gruel like food while establishing that the inhabitants of Howes are eating better stuff.

I would give Reggie lots of dialouge here. I would have him establish a lot of world building here, the hierarchy of Howes, where Tavia and Troy fit into the scheme of things, how the work details are handed out, when meal times and bathroom breaks are given out.

World Building!

On the third day I would have the walker attack in the expansion and the talk with Carver. Afterwards we work with Rebecca and use that time to make her and Clem much more friendly.

Smart choice, since even I think Rebecca was definitely the worst member of the Cabin Group despite having a relatively complete arc. The most interesting thing about her is also the reason she feels so shallow at times, in my opinion.

On the next day we work with Sarah and Becca. This is a setup by Carver to see how Clem reacts when Becca is rough on Sarah. In my playthrough it would end with Becca and Clem fighting, but choices presenting other options would be available.

Great minds think alike, I see.

At this point Luke shows up, but instead of going strait for the radio that night, the mission is to get Luke some food. The next day the food count is off and what ever random NPC or 400 days character is in charge of the food gets punished by Carver severely. That night the group resolves to escape and the episode ends.

Not gonna lie, I think that's hilarious!

Kenny remains unconscious for a couple days.

That's another rough idea I've briefly considered. I think the fact that Clementine determinately wakes up minutes before he does in the actual game is one of the main issues.

Durring this time we see Clem work but we also see Carver more. We learn some backstory and we find out that Carver really does want Clem to join his community and earnestly believes her much more capable than anyone besides himself. Basically Carver gets how much a Badass Clem is more than anyone else.

Thank you! Carver, and by extension Luke, Alvin, and Carlos, really suffered from not having this!

we find out that Carver plans to publicly execute Luke soon

Ummm...! That's kinda melodramatic/corny if I'm being frank, but okay; at least something of interest is happening between them.

I really do think this arc at Howes hurts everything that follows. With more time to let the story breathe the payoffs of AJ's birth and the Kenny/Jane fight wiuld have more weight behind them.

You know what, you're right! Which also leads me to assume that Jane will get a lot more screentime.

Great work! :Smile:

IronWoodLover · October 2016

Ok.
Oh boi, am I nervous.

Right, so, I have word documents on this stuff and I'll leave a link to their online versions just in case anyone wants specific details about my shitty ass versions. Just note that these documents are not revised, not finished (and probably won't be for some time since I don't feel like it ^~^) and have bad line identification. There's also cringy dialogue. Looots of it. It wasn't meant to be the actual dialogue I pictured on these imaginary scenes so it's only there to get the message across.
Alright, here we go.

Amid The Ruins

Objectives with this rewrite (while keeping the original episode's main themes):

Make this episode more... uncomfortable? In a good way? ... by adding the feeling of being lost and have our group completely spread out. Everyone is missing and through the episode Clementine tries to get everyone back together.
Improve the consequences of stealing from Arvo. If you have your players make such moral compromises at least give them some sort of reward?
Improving Sarah's involvement after being saved from her determinant death.
Rewarding the players who saved Nick (not me x.x) in some way.
Not having Nick randomly dying. He's given another determinant death scene in this episode, but can still survive the episode.
Have a darker episode. Make the episode worth of its slide.
Removing pointless choices such as crawling through the ticket booth or holding the baby from the major choice list.
Although it isn't the main objective, I tried to add some new branching to the episode because the episode itself wasn't that bad in that regard.

Pre-episode considerations:

The herd is very, very, very big. Like, really massive! Unlike any other we've seen in the past.
So, as we all know, North of Howe's is Parker's Run where the group originally meets.
There's more made up locations, crucial to this plot, I created:
A pitstop Northwest of Parker's (farther from Howe's). It's very much alike Gill's pitstop from 400 days. It's not in the woods, but very close to them. Obviously there's a road passing by it.
A small cabin Northeast of Howe's. About 1 mile away from Parker's. The cabin's alike Mathew's cabin just slightly bigger. Three divisions. Bathroom (which is never used). Living room (with a lot of windows, an old sofa, a dining table w/ chairs and a broken TV). And a bedroom (I don't think I have to describe what's on a bedroom).
The trailer park is just like it's presented in the original. It's between Parker's and Howe's.

First Scene (The Herd)

If Sarita's arm was cut: The episode begins like in the original version with Sarita still in shock. While Sarita is mumbling 'You... you...' Clem has dialogue options to tell Sarita to stay quiet, to run or say she's sorry. Sarita doesn't scream like in the original one. Instead, she faints. Walkers are attracted to her blood so Clem has to kill one or two before Kenny and Mike get there. Kenny quickly grabs Sarita and starts running, Mike and Clem follow right behind. Walkers nearby are attracted to Sarita's blood and start following Kenny. They block your way separating you from Mike and Kenny. Clem is alone.
If you killed the walker: It plays out just like in the original one, but instead of having Clem just getting randomly separated from Kenny and Mike, she trips on the walker that bit Sarita, now dead lying on the ground. Once she gets on her feet, Mike, Kenny and Sarita are nowhere to be seen. Clem is alone.
Luke and (Determinant!)Nick are seen running after Sarah like in the original. Nick isn't randomly shot.
Clem keeps going through the herd until she finds Bonnie and Rebecca. They both seem extremely terrified and Rebecca looks in pain. Clem approaches them and discovers that Rebecca had her water break (is that how you say it in English? ^~^). The three stand there not knowing what to do. Rebecca claims that she can keep going. Bonnie says that they should find a safe place. The first of the five major choices is: Go back to Howe's or Try to find the others at Parker's. Rebecca and Bonnie will agree with either and the three of you start heading there. (more specific dialogue in the link below)
The usual 'There's too many of them. Do you see any openings?' scene still happens. Once Clem finds an openning, Rebecca and Bonnie quickly shimmy through it, but the walkers quickly reagroup leaving Clem on the other side. Clem calls Rebecca and Bonnie but gets no answer. She is left alone, again.
Clem keeps walking against the herd. She smears some walker guts in herself before entering the woods. The scene ends.

Second Scene (Trailer Park) (It's worth noting that it's still nightime and it will be that way until the very end of the episode. Let's assume the group leaves Howe's around 10 - 11pm. Right now, it's around midnight.)

Clem is walking alone through the woods, still within the herd and headed to Parker's. She sees a great concentration of walkers heading towards a different direction from the rest of the herd. She is about to loose interest when she hears someone scream. It's Sarah. Clem heads in the scream's direction.
She reaches the Trailer Park. She keeps heading toward the noise. She sees about fifty walkers going against an RV, and, on top of tit is Sarah, Luke and (D!)Nick. Sooner or later the RV was going to fall over resulting in whoever was on top of it to be devoured by walkers. The situatiopn called for quick action (worth noting that there were also a lot of walkers inside the RV).
Nick/Luke spots Clem and points to a nearby RV stationed about 5 meters from their RV whispering that Jane's there trying to help. You enter it.
Inside the second RV you find 3 wandering walkers who disregard you presence (because of your stench ). You struggle to close the door without letting any other walkers enter. You head into the room which has a skylight only to find Jane is inside already climbing up. You both get up.
You ask Luke/Nick what's going on (whispering). He tells you about Sarah's state. He tells you that they followed her there and got surrounded by walkers once she started screaming.
Clem gives her pep talks to Sarah (from one RV to another). More and more walkers start going against Sarah's RV. Jane as usual sugests 'Look, guys, we gotta get her up, or we gotta...'. As more, and more walkers join the force against Sarah's RV, Jane sugest finding something in order to make some sort of bridge between the two RVs. A convininet thick and large wood plank will be on Clem's RV's roof.
Clem and Jane drop the plank, Luke and Nick grab it from the other side. Jane hurries Luke and (D!)Nick to cross the board. Clem reminds her that Sarah is still not moving. Jane goes silent.
If Nick is alive he tells Luke to go to the other side since he's heavier and is in no shape to carry Sarah ('cause of the beating Carver gave him). Luke reluctantly agrees.
If Nick's dead, Luke stays on top of Sarah's RV.
Their RV is on the verge of falling. Nick/ Luke will deliver Clem's original line 'Sarah, we have to go. Are you listening?'. Sarah responds based on the previous pep talk, like in the original. Jane will, as usual, tell him 'Luke/Nick, if she doesn't want to go you can't make her. Don't let her take you down too (literally!)'.
Clem now has her second major choice: 'It's too risky, you can't stay there!' or 'You have to try!'. Remaining silent will result in Luke/Nick making his own decision. Luke will decide to help, Nick will choose to leave.
If Nick is alive and he stood to save Sarah. Nick will forcefully grab Sarah who will squirm, but after a while he manages to control her. Slowly, he steps on the board. Everything seems to be going ok, but halfway through the board a 'crack' is heard. With little time to think, and knowing what's about to happen, Nick throws Sarah with as much force as he can, but he falls to his death. Jane and Clem manage to grab Sarah's arms, but Nick falls to his death. You (the player, not Clementine) see him getting devoured. Freaky shit. You see walkers disemboweling him. Eating his members. Ripping of his eyeballs. And screaming. Lots of screaming. Seconds after, he goes silent.
Clem and Jane grab Sarah by the arms. She refuses to cooperate. Affected by Nick's death, she cries and screams and calls for Carlos. Clem gives her an hardcore speech, tells her to look down to see what awaits her if she doesn't cooperate and orders her to move. Sarah seems to slowly become aware of what's happening and stops fighting. Clem and Jane pull her to safety.
Luke is looking in shock to the now feasting walkers. He says he can't believe Nick's gone and feeling sorry for giving him so much shit in the past few days. Clem will tell him that Nick was brave, Jane will claim that Nick'd want him to move on. Luke feels ashamed that he just left them and that he could've done more. Jane 'comforts' him by claiming that he'd be death in Nick's place if so. The group heads down to the RV.
Nick is alive and he left Sarah. Nick reluctantly heads for the board, mumbling to Sarah that he's sorry. He makes it to safety. Before the RV falls, Sarah will either say 'Clementine?/Nick?' depending on your relationship w/ her. The RV falls with Sarah in it. She hits her heads in a rock on the ground. She has a facture on the cranium and dies painlessly and instantaneously. Luke tells Nick that there was nothing he could've done. Nick disagrees and looks extremely affected by what just had happened. Jane claims that a girl like Sarah would never make it in that world and that they had to move one. The group heads down to the RV.
Nick is dead and Luke stood to help Sarah. Luke will forcefully grab Sarah who will skirm, but he manages to control her. Slowly, he steps on the board. Everything seems to go ok, but halfway through the board a 'crack' is heard. Whith little time to think and knowing what's about to happen, Luke tries to run forward as fast as he can, but when he's almost to the other side the board cracks open and they both fall. Jane and Clem barely manage to grab Luke arms who quickly pushed himself up. Sarah falls to her death. You see her getting devoured. Freaky shit. You see walkers disemboweling her. Eating her members. Ripping of her eyeballs. And screaming. Lots of screaming. Seconds after she goes silent. Jane tells Luke there was nothing he could've done. He mumbles in agreement in an extremely sad tone. The group heads down to the RV.
Nick is dead and Luke left Sarah Luke reluctantly heads for the board, mumbling to Sarah that he's sorry. He makes it to safety. Before the RV falls, Sarah will either say 'Clementine?/Luke?' depending on your relationship w/ her. The RV falls with Sarah in it. She hits her heads in a rock on the ground. She has a facture on the cranium and dies painlessly and instantaneously. Jane tells Luke that there was nothing he could've done. Luke mumbles in disagreement. Jane tells him that a girl like Sarah could never make it in that world. Luke remains silent. Jane tells Luke that he has to move on. The group heads down to the RV.
Down in the RV, Jane and Luke willhead towards the 3 wandering walkers to kill them. Clem is left with Nick/Sarah/no-one.
If Nick's alive; Clem will ask him if he's ok. He still resents leaving Sarah. Clem tries to comfort him by saying that there was nothing he could've done otherwise he would've died too. Nick remains in silence, clearly not convinced and still upset.
If Sarah's alive; she will still look really shaken up by what had just happened outside. Clem will ask her if she's ok. Sarah tells Clem that she thought she would leave her. Clem will tell her that she could never leave her friends behind/another person behind. Sarah tells her she should have left her behind. She will start crying and resenting that if she had just moved, Nick wouldn't be dead. Clem tries to calm her down and tell her to never think about things like that. Sarah starts frantically crying in silence while calling for 'Daddy'.
If everyone's dead : /; Clem will help Luke and Jane. (She kills the 3rd walker).
After killing the walkers Luke and Jane call Sarah/Nick/Clem. They all starts smearing. After they're done, Jane'll ask if everyone's ready.
If Sarah is alive; she starts crying and telling the other that she can't, that she needs her dad. Luke tries to comfort her, telling her that it's gonna be ok and that they'll protect her. Sarah remains unconvinced. Luke tells her to just grabs his and Clementine hand, and to close her eyes. Still crying and reluctantly she agrees and complies.
Jane opens the RV's door. Some walkers enter the house. Two or three bump into Jane (who's leading the line) but ignore her. The group heads outside.
End of the 2nd scene. (Continued on a post down below.)

https://1drv.ms/w/s!Ar4iO863L1aTsXZsKWLnfySDVqRq (WIP)

EDIT: Added Sarah's last words, corrected some typos, re-did the objectives and added Jane, Luke and Clementine's reactions to Sarah's/Nick's death. Finished scene number 2!

Give No Shelter

(I'm leaving this here since it's really small).
As said above, this is just some stuff to make this episode very branched 'a la Mass Effect 2 style'. Meaning that basically, everyone aside from Michonne, Pete and Sidiqq can die or stay alive (antagonists such as Norma, Jonas, Zachary and Randall too!) Better writting isn't what I aimed for here.
There is no way to resume that document any shorter than it already is and copying it in here would result in a way too big (or.. bigger than it already is ^~^) and ugly ass post so I'll just leave the online document.

https://1drv.ms/w/s!Ar4iO863L1aTsXQY1met0S8bk9Ow (Finished)

DabigRG · October 2016

Admittedly, I brought that on myself. :P I was trying to keep one episode per post, but I guess your setup works since you designated everything and kept the other episodes to minimum. Just make your write up of other episodes be either a separate post or a reply.

As for any extensive talk about Character arcs, I suggest posting in either dan#####'s or zombiebonnie's topics.

EDIT:Now for what you've posted here:

Herd scene

I like that Clementine is essentially getting everyone else out of the herd before getting out herself, even if unintentionally.

Trailer park, Jane, speech

Interesting take on that scene. Kinda wondering how/why Jane ended up there, though. And yes, Clementine giving Sarah a speech from across the roofs of two trailers with a sea of walkers surrounding them is dynamic, but a little silly.

Nick saves Sarah, Luke saves Sarah

Holy shit! Gorey much? Also, big nitpick here, but considering how walkers tend to clump together, I sincerely doubt we'd see much of what's happening to them unless directly above and even then, it'd just be arms flailing, legs kickings, them trying to get up, and the occasional blood skeet during the first few seconds before the walkers cover them completely.

gotta slepp now, will continue this later x.x

"Sleep," she says.

IronWoodLover · October 2016

Well, I realize this might not be what you want for this thread... Should I just dumb it down to the original geberal idea and then copy the detailed explanation to Dan's topic? Cause if I continue to write Amid The Ruins and No Going Back this is going to get huge. Please, let me know what you want, this is your thread.

Oh and I'm definitely taking Alvin's character arc to another thread. That's really out of place here.

DabigRG · October 2016

Love how you replied after I editted mine.

The episodes themselves are fine here, just try to keep them confined to one episode per post/self-reply. Its up to you if you want to divide a single episode into one or so chapters per post, though.

The Alvin character arc (which isn't even typed in here, but still) should definitely go into Dan's and/or zombiebonnie's topic. You can keep a link to it and/or briefly detail how the arc is being developed in an episode, though.

Just tryin to keep things easy to read, ya know? [He says like a hypocrite.]

Also, my review of what you've done so far is editted up above but I'll repost it here:

Herd scene

I like that Clementine is essentially getting everyone else out of the herd before getting out herself, even if unintentionally.

Trailer park, Jane, speech

Interesting take on that scene. Kinda wondering how/why Jane ended up there, though. And yes, Clementine giving Sarah a speech from across the roofs of two trailers with a sea of walkers surrounding them is dynamic, but a little silly.

Nick saves Sarah, Luke saves Sarah

Holy shit! Gorey much? Also, big nitpick here, but considering how walkers tend to clump together, I sincerely doubt we'd see much of what's happening to them unless directly above and even then, it'd just be arms flailing, legs kickings, them trying to get up, and the occasional blood skeet during the first few seconds before the walkers cover them completely.

gotta slepp now, will continue this later x.x

"Sleep," she says.

LoseMyHome · October 2016

It's only for amid the ruins and no going back

DabigRG · October 2016

Okay...I'd prefer if you posted one at a time, but you can do both if you think their short enough to not be an essay.

IronWoodLover · October 2016

Kinda wondering how/why Jane ended up there, though.

Jane was going toward Parker's as everyone else. Since she wasn't delayed by Rebecca and Bonnie like Clem did, she gets there first.

She is passing by and hears the screams. She is conflicted by a moment on whether she should go and help, or just keep walking (kinda like what she did in the original, where she gets conflicted on whether to help Rebecca and Clem or just keep walking) but ends up deciding that she should try to help.

Oh, and the fact that Clementine might've been there with Sarah certainly contributed to her good decusion (cuz of the wierd obssession).

Edit: help, forgot to respond to the rest of your post.

And yes, Clementine giving Sarah a speech from across the roofs of two trailers with a sea of walkers surrounding them is dynamic, but a little silly.

Now that I've tought about it, this could actually result in great cinematography. Like, the camera POV would show everything from a profile POV like making some sort of parallel between the devil and the angel in your shoulder. Jane (the 'devil') on the right RV with you telling you that there's no time and Luke/Nick (the 'angel') on the other side trying to help Sarah.

Holy shit! Gorey much?

Yeah, I probably exagerated. I'm just trying to give the vibe that this episode would be really gory one. An episode that you'd look back to and think of it as your worst nightmare. The freaky slide certainly gave me that vibe.

I'll be fixing the post and continuing Amid The Ruins later!

MarijaaNo7 · October 2016

Haven't seen a longer post (on here) in a while.

DabigRG · October 2016

From me specifically?

MarijaaNo7 · October 2016

Hahaha, both I guess!

DabigRG · October 2016

Jane was going toward Parker's as everyone else. Since she wasn't delayed by Rebecca and Bonnie like Clem did, she gets there first.

Ah yes, that makes sense. From the way it came across, I thought it was more like "Oh and btw, Jane is here too." Well, either that or she really wanted some of one of em.

Oh, and the fact that Clementine might've been there with Sarah certainly contributed to her good decusion (cuz of the wierd obssession).

Who's weird obsession: Jane or Clementine's?

Now that I've tought about it, this could actually result in great cinematography. Like, the camera POV would show everything from a profile POV like making some sort of parallel between the devil and the angel in your shoulder. Jane (the 'devil') on the right RV with you telling you that there's no time and Luke/Nick (the 'angel') on the other side trying to help Sarah.

My point exactly: great angles, narmy implication. Narm charm, perhaps?

Yeah, I probably exagerated. I'm just trying to give the vibe that this episode would be really gory one. An episode that you'd look back to and think of it as your worst nightmare. The freaky slide certainly gave me that vibe.

Yeah, "probably." Though to be fair, that slide is another example of Narm Charm: symbolic imagery, "edgy" feeling.

UrbanRodrik · October 2016

1:i dunno i just feel like more people would pick Sarah over Nick and because i feel like a trick choice would be fun to have since most of telltale s choices are illusion of choice based
2:Because Nick get s hit on less vital parts compared to Sarah who would have frozen for a second making her a target for Natasha
3:this one i gotta edit since i accidentally created a plot hole with Arvo getting shot at the beggining
4:Already edited it
5:Edited

DabigRG · October 2016

2 and 3.

Actually, I was referring to when Nick goes with Clementine and Arvo shoots him, knocking Clementine out as well.

Kenny/Lee · October 2016

I'd rewrite the S2 S1.

I would have it pick up with Lee saying goodbye to Clementine, and then having Clementine pull the trigger on me. And then all the sudden have Lee wake up in the mansion in Savannah, indicating that the part where Clementine goes missing and the events that followed, were in fact just a dream.

UrbanRodrik · October 2016

oh what i meant was that if Nick was dead ((Due to not being able to patch him up at the beggining of the episode he would die and the scene would go out like in the original episode )) and Nick would die if you chose sarah in the beggining due to his wounds reopening plus the new bullet wound from a stronger gun this time and if Nick just got without any other wounds he would survive ((Since clem survived that shot why would Nick not be able to.))

marcelmkol · October 2016

I would rewrite S2 EP5, because if i rewrote it, the choices would be harder to make.

First off, I would replace Jane in Luke's place (Jane would freeze to death instead of Luke).

Then when Clementine goes outside (because woken by noise), she see's Bonnie, Mike and Arvo taking there supplies.

(Bonnie didn't ask Luke to leave with them because she thinks he wouldn't leave Clem and take all the supplies).

Arvo shoots Clementine, and Kenny shoot's Arvo and Kenny, Luke and Clementine go in the truck and drive away.

Kenny and Luke have an argument while there driving.

They run into a road blocked with cars.

Then Kenny goes and try's to find diesel in the cars during the storm.

Luke talks to Clementine about leaving Kenny.

Walkers come, and Clementine try's to drive, but she crashes.

Luke and Clem get out and find a rest stop.

Kenny comes in.

Luke and Kenny have a fight to the death because of whatever reason you think is suitable.

Kenny has Luke's machete at his throat and Luke is blocking it.

You have the choice to kill Luke or Kenny (A much harder decision).

If I wrote something that's wrong or wrote something you don't agree with/want to change, please let me know.

Please don't be rude

Thanks for reading.

DabigRG · October 2016

Oh okay. You mentioned him getting shot and presumably dying but then mentioned him during the car ride, so I got confused. Thanks!

BetterToSleep · October 2016

Praise; praise; praise!

BetterToSleep · October 2016

All that you have proposed is truly fantastic!

The next day the food count is off and what ever random NPC or 400 days character is in charge of the food gets punished by Carver severely.

Although not severely, I believe that Tavia should be the one that is in charge of rations and the one that is punished. She had little screentime in "In Harm's Way" and poor characterization.

IronWoodLover · October 2016

Third Scene (In The Woods) (2 to 3 am)

The group leaves the RV but are unable to push through any longer due to the great walker density there is now in the Trailer Park. Sarah, if alive, keeps strongly gripping Luke and Clementine's hands. The group stops for a moment.
Jane says that they have to push through the cluster of walkers. She then starts scanning the area for a good enough walker. When she finds one, she tells Clem to get its attention. After she does, and Jane cuts off the walker's mouth, she tels everyone that they have to stay close because if they fall behind she won't be able to come back to them. They leave the walker infested Trailer Park and head into the woods.
The herd still hasn't passed. The group finds an abandoned car nearby and enter it to decide what they should do.
Jane mentions that this herd is bigger than any she had ever encountered. Clem tells everyone that Rebecca is having the baby. Luke, extremely worried, asks her where she saw Rebecca last.
If you told them to go back to Howe's; Clem tells Luke that last time she saw them, they were heading back to Howe's, but got separated. Luke says that they should go find her. Jane objects that even if they find her they don't have blankets, water or food for Rebecca to deliver her baby. Nick/Luke sugests that someone should scout ahead and see if they find something. Clem tells that someone should also check Parker's Run to see if someone made it. Jane says that she and Clem are going to Parker's to see if they find someone or something to help Rebecca have her baby. Luke and Nick/Sarah/Luke are/is meant to go to Howe's look for Rebecca (D!)and get Sarah to a safe place. Jane tells them that they'll meet them at Howe's once they finish scavenging.
If you told them to go to Parker's Run; Clem tells Luke that last time she saw them, they were heading to Parker's, but got separated. Luke/Nick shows worry and disbelief that Rebecca made it to Parker's after her water break. He says that they all have to go and check if anyone made it to Parker's. Jane objects, telling him that he is in no shape to travel (D!)and that Sarah won't be able to keep going. She tells them/him to go back to Howe's, to try to find food, blankets and water for Rebecca to have the baby (D!)and to get Sarah to a safe place. She then says that she and Clem will go scout ahead, check on Parker's Run and that if they find Rebecca they'll take her to Howe's.
Luke and Nick/Sarah start walking South with the herd (Sarah, if alive, gripping his hand), Jane and Clem head North, against the herd.

On their way to Parker's, Jane and Clem have the usual Sarah conversation. ('I don’t know about this… The way Sarah is. She’s gonna cause problems.'/'Look, kid. It may be hard to hear but, you weren’t going to be able to save Sarah. She wasn’t going to be able to make it in this world.'). Clem, as always will question why she sudenly lost her hope on Sarah ('What happened in there? When we were in there you were ready to help. But then… something changed.'), and the conversation goes on as usual. Jane tells Clem about her sister and how she couldn't save her.
They finally reach Parker's that is infested with walkers. Clem rhetorically asks if that herd even has an end. Jane will show worry and claims that it might take days before it passes the area.
They search around for a bit, but found no dead walkers, no dead friends and no signs of a fight. They asume nobody made it.
If Clem and Jane are only there to check on Parker's; Clem susgests going back, but Jane protests that they shouldn't go empty handed.
Jane checks the map (that actually exists in the original episode!). She sees that there is a pitstop not that far from there. She sugests scavenging it. Clem says that it might be already scavenged but Jane responds that they don't have a better option. They keep heading North.

Still walking through the herd, Clem and Jane keep going and Jane finally reveals her intentions. She claims she knew that finding her friends was a shot in the dark. She then warns Clem that her group is scattering and that she's seen it before. And the conversation goes on as usual. (Adapted dialogue in the link in the post above).
They reach the end of the herd and get out of the woods. Clem shows relief and says that she thought it didn't have an end.
They find the road and spot the pitstop. They head there.
Once they get there, they see about 10-15 walkers banging on the pitstop's front door. Jane says that it might be just a noisy animal inside. Jane says that they have to find a way to get the walkers off the front door. Clem spots a truck in good shape stationed nearby. She sugests usuing the horn to attract the walkers. Jane likes her plan ('Like moths to a flame'). They silently head towards it.
On their way, Jane spots some recent dead bodies ('Jackpot'). She tells Clem they should search them. They have the usual talk about scavenging recent walkers while they approach the bodies.
Onde they get there and get to examine the bodies from up close, they realise that those weren't walkers. Those were people who died before ever getting to become walkers (this will be crucial to one of Jane's endings). There's a teenage girl, stabbed to death. Her wounds recent. Blood still warm. Next to her there is an old man with his neck slit and a middle aged woman with a stab in the stomach. Jane and Clem wonder who did such thing. Clem spots a walker banging on the pitstop's front door. A walker with a bloodied knife stuc on its neck (and the zombie's neck is still dripping blood, meaning it was recent). The knife has a green snake symbol on it, easily recognizable. Jane tells her that it might've been bandits and that they shouldn't linger around for too long, otherwise they might come back.
They still check the bodies. The stuff they find is pretty much the same is in the original. The conversation is also similar. The only difference being that on the third body Clem and Jane roll over, Clem finds a bear necklace. She has the option to Put it on herself to which Jane responds with a joke, Keep it or Leave it.
After they're done, they head to the truck stationed in the back of the stop. They have to hop over a fence. Jane gives Clem a screwdriver and tells her to get the nearest walker. Clem kills it (same QTE as Nick's walker). Jane shows Clem the knee trick. She hops over the fence and kills it.
There are two walkers wandering around the truck. Clem and Jane hide behind one of the fuel pumps. Near them there’s a walker on the ground, seemingly dead. The walkers are killed like in the original game. Clem has the option to make sure the walker on the ground is dead or to just charge at the other two, resulting in getting grabbed by the walker. Clem uses the knee trick to take out one of the walkers. Jane kills the other ('You did the knee thing? Nice trick, uh?').
Clem sugests putting one of the dead walkers on the horn. Jane agrees, but before they do it, they both smear more walker guts on themselves.
They put the walker on the horn, and all the walkers are attracted to it. Jane anc Clem casually walk through the walkers. They reach the front door.
As Jane says that they might have to bust the lock, she finds the door already open. She tells Clem to stay on guard. End of the scene.

Fourth Scene (The Pitstop) (4 am)

Jane and Clem enter the stop. Jane grabs an empty, dirty backpack. She tells clem that their focus is water, blankets and food. Anything else is expendable.
This is an hub. Clem can collect/examine various things:
- Candy bars; Clem can either open them, or give them to Jane. If she opens them, she finds ou that they're rotten, if she gives them to Jane, Jane tells her that they're not eatable anymore. Clem drops the bars.
- Dirty Blankets (required to finish the hub); Clem finds some diry blankets. She shows them to Jane. She stores them in the backpack.
- Almost empty water bottle (required to finish the hub); Clem finds a water bottle with little to no water. She can choose to Drink the water, Give Jane the water or Save it. If given to Jane, she will refuse and say that they should save it for later, storing it in the backpack.
- Coat; Clem finds a pink coat, similar to hers but way too big for her. She can show it to Jane or just leave it. If she shows it to Jane, she'll say that they should scavenge the whole place first and once they had, they'd see if there was room in the backpack left for the coat.

After the completion of the hub, Jane sugests searching the batroom. Clementine asks Jane what she expects to find in a bathroom. Jane tells her that they never knoew where gold is hidden.
Clem searches the girl's restroom, while Jane checks the man's (Familiar, uh?). The rest room is pretty must alike the one from Gill's, with three individual toilets.
When Clem opens the thrid door, she finds a boy inside it. A boy covered in walker blood, just as her, pointing a gun at her, with a bag in his other arm. Clem slowly back away. The boy - Arvo - presents himself and says that he'll be on his way. Clem exits the bathroom and sees Jane in the corner, ready to take action. Arvo leaves the bathroom shortly after, and is disarmed by Jane.
The scene plays like in the original, with the exeption that Arv o's bag has several bandages, pain killers, antibiotics, peroxide, ethilic alchool and some canned food.
Clem faces a major choice; Steal the bag or Don't steal the bag. Either way, Jane pins Arvo against the counter, takes his own gun to his head and tells him to never mess with them ever again. She lets him leave.
Jane shows remorse for what she does, like in the original, and hurries Clem out, telling her that they have to bring the stuff to the others. If Clem stored the water/didn't examine the coat, they won't take the pink coat, but if Clem drank it, they'll take the coat.
End of the scene.

Fith Scene (Howe's) (4:30 to 5 am)

Checking Howe's. Howe's residents fate. Finding Mike and determinantly Bonnie and Rebecca. Discovering Kenny's whereabouts. To be finished later.

Clem and Jane make it to Howe's. Tavia and the other residents aren't shooting on the roof anymore. There's no sign of them. They approach the open busted gate and find a legless Troy trying to enter Howe's. Jane ignores him but you, as Clem, have the option to either step on him smashing his skull or just ignore him. Jane and Clem enter Howe's which is now overrun by walkers.
Before Jane anc Clem can do anything, Tavia, the 400 days characters and the other Howe's resindents appear in the garage. Clem and Jane quickly hide and go unoticed. Tavia was yelling at the others to enter the truck (the one they used to transport our group at the begining of episode 3). Either Hank or Tisha sit on the driver's seat and start the engine. Shel/Wyatt/Vince/Russel ask Tavia if they should go back to get Stan (the mechanic mentioned in Episode 3 : p), Tavia says that there's no time. They all get in the truck, and leave, smashing every walkers they find in the way.
Clem and Jane have a little chat about how they shouldn't have left the gate open. They both show a bit of remorse.
Clem and Jane keep looking for their group and see Mike inside the armory (where Bonnie and Clem loaded magazines) signaling them to enter.
If you told Rebecca and Bonnie to make it to Howe's; (I just gave up. I'm Ctrl+Cing the dialogue I have on the original file. Sorry if I made something or someone act cringy or out of character ^~^).

Clem find Rebecca and Bonnie inside the armory. Rebecca clearly in pain.

Clem: ‘Rebecca… are you?’
Rebecca: ‘It’s not here yet. It’s just… hurting a lot.’
Bonnie: ‘We don’t know what to do… god, Becca can’t have her baby here. The walkers will notice us.’
Jane: ‘Shit. Is she able to travel?’
Bonnie: ‘I don’t think so’
Rebecca: ‘I’m fine Bonnie, I can travel goddamnit just let me- Aaarrrghhh.’
Rebecca screams, in pain.
Bonnie: ‘Shhh. Easy now. She’s in no shape to travel.’
Jane: ‘Staying here isn’t an option, guys.’ J ‘Mike, can you carry her?’
Mike: ‘Sure, I’ve carried heavier things before.’
Rebecca: ‘Are you calling me fat?’
Mike: ‘No, just…’
Jane: ‘Guys, we don’t have time for this.’
Clem: ‘Have you guys seen Luke (and Sarah/Nick)?
Mike: ‘No… why?’
Jane: ‘We told them to come here. Fuuck!’ J ‘They’re probably lost. We don’t have the time to wait for them. They’re going to have to take care of themselves.’
Clem: ‘We need to get Rebecca to a safe place. Mike where’s Kenny?’
Mike: ‘He… Look, Clem, he’s fucked up. Really fucked up. We took Sarita to a small cabin outside the herd, thing is… I don’t think she was alive anymore when we got there.’
Clem: ‘What are you saying?’
Mike: ‘I tried to get close to Kenny. Tell him that it was dangerous to stay near her, and he flipped out on me. Scary shit. Closed the door and didn’t let me in. I came here looking for supplies for Sarita and found Rebecca and Bonnie locked up in here.’
Jane: ‘So... I’m assuming that bag is full of food right?’
Mike: ‘Yes, this should keep us fed for a few days.’
Mike starts whispering.
Mike: ‘I also grabbed some baby formula, you know, just in case something goes wrong with Rebecca.’
Jane: ‘Is the place Kenny’s at safe?’
Mike: ‘Yes, as I said, it’s out of the reach of the herd.’
Jane: ‘Good, we’re taking Rebecca there. You’re going to have to carry her.’
Bonnie: ‘Are you crazy? The walkers can smell her you know.’
Jane: ‘Staying here isn’t going to do her or her baby any good. Besides, Tavia and the others just cleared a path for us. Me and Bonnie are going to defend Mike and Rebecca from the walkers. We just have to make sure Rebecca’s well covered.’
Mike: ‘She must be fucking insane.’
Bonnie: ‘We have no other option Mike.’
Jane quickly disregards Mike’s comment.
Jane: ‘Rebecca, listen to me, it may be hard but you’re going to have to remain silent until we get to the house.’ J ‘Once we’re there you can scream all you want, ok?’
Rebecca: ‘I can do this. Don’t worry- Aaaahhh, shit…’
Jane: ‘It’s now or never guys. The clock’s ticking.’ J ‘Clem, you go ahead. Make sure the place is in good shape and… make sure Kenny’s ok. We need him to deliver this baby. He’s… the only one with experience, really. You should also take the supplies, here.’
Jane hands clem the backpack filled with the bandages and determinant Arvo’s bag. Mike gives her his backpack with the food.
Mike: ‘Just keep heading North until you’re out of the herd. The cabin is in on plain ground. You’ll see it.’
Jane then opens the armory door and lets one walkers in. She kills it and everyone starts smearing.
Jane: ‘You’re good to go, Clem. Go! We’ll be right behind you.’
Clem: ‘Good, luck guys.’
If Clem told Rebecca and Bonnie to go to Parker's;

Clem and Jane enter the armory with Mike, no-one else is in there.

Mike: ‘Where have you been?’
Jane: ‘Doesn’t matter. Have you seen Rebecca? Or Bonnie?’
Mike: ‘No… why?’
Jane: ‘Rebecca’s water broke, earlier this night.’
Mike: ‘What? Fuck man, fuck. You don’t know where she went?’
Clem: ‘We got separated in the herd. We told Luke (!d) and Nick to come here and look for supplies. Have you seen him/them?’
Mike: ‘No! I haven’t seen anyone since Sarita, besides… Kenny.’
Clem: ‘Really? Where is he?’
Mike: ‘He… Look, Clem, he’s fucked up. Really fucked up. We took Sarita to a small cabin outside the herd, thing is… I don’t think she was alive when we got there.’
Clem: ‘What are you saying?’
Mike: ‘I tried to get close to Kenny. Tell him that it was dangerous to stay near her, and he flipped out on me. Closed the door and didn’t let me in. I came here looking for supplies for Sarita and, well, here I am.’
Jane: ‘So... I’m assuming that bag is full of food right?’
Mike: ‘Yes, this should keep us fed for a few days. I also grabbed some baby formula, ya know, just in case something happens with Rebecca.’
Jane: ‘Fuck, we need to find them.’ J ‘We told Luke (!d) and Nick to come here so they must be nearby.’
Clem: ‘We also need a safe place for Rebecca to have the baby. Here’s not na option anymore.’
Mike: ‘The cabin back there is pretty safe. She could have her baby there.’
Jane: ‘We need to FIND her first.’
Mike: ‘Right, you’re right.’ M ‘Clem, you should really go and deal with Kenny, we’ll need him if we’re going to deliver his baby. Me and Jane are going to look for the others.’
Jane: ‘No matter what happens, DON’T leave that place. That’s our new meeting spot, we can’t keep spreading up.’ J ‘You should also take the supplies with you. Here.’
Jane hands clem the backpack filled with the bandages (!d) and Arvo’s bag. Mike gives her his backpack with the food.
Mike: ‘Just keep heading North until you’re out of the herd. The cabin is in on plain ground. You’ll see it.’
Jane then opens the armory door and lets one walkers in. She kills it and everyone starts smearing.
Jane: ‘You’re good to go, Clem. Go! We’ll bring everyone back safe.’
Clem: ‘Good, luck guys.’
End of the scene.

Sixth Scene (North Cabin) (5am)

Finding Kenny and Sarita. Dealing with Kenny. Discovering what happened off screen with Jane, Bonnie, Rebecca, Luke, Nick and Sarah. Rebecca's labour. To be finished later.

The scene starts with Clem running. She spots the cabin Mike mentioned. The herd is seen away in the background. Clem runs towards the house. She remembers Mike's words 'I don't think she was alive when we got there.'. Clem takes her hatchet out. You have the option to enter the cabin right away, or look through the window. If you look, she sees Kenny sitting on a chair. He's looking at something right in front of him but out of your field of view. You retreat and enter the house.
Kenny is inside, sitting. In front of him is Sarita sitting as well. An undead, tied up Sarita (dun dun DUUUUUN). Clem slowly approaches Kenny.

Clem: 'Kenny?'
Kenny ignores her and keeps talking to Sarita.
Kenny: ‘I’m so sorry I let this happen to you babe. You’ll have to forgive me, I can’t be left alone again.’
Clem: ‘Kenny, what are you doing? What’s this!?’
Kenny: ‘Clementine! You made it.’ K ‘You made it, but she didn’t. Hehe. Isn’t that funny?’
Kenny proceeds to blame Clem for her death, same dialogue he delivers in the original during the fountain scene. His speech ends with either:
Kenny: 'You think just because you’re a little girl, you can get people killed an no-one will care? That just because you’re “sorry” it’ll all magically go away?’ K ‘That’s not how it works’ -- If you cut the arm.

orrrrr

Kenny: ‘Just leave us alone. You didn’t help her before. You can’t help her now.’ -- If you didn't cut the arm.
Clem, instead of backing away, is given a choice.
The third of the five major choices is: [Axe Sarita], [Call Kenny out] or [Talk him down].

Holy. Shit. I reached the limit of lines per post! What the Hell! Welp. Guess I need a new post.

DabigRG · October 2016

Wow, that'd be one hell of a copout!

DabigRG · October 2016

[removed]

Kennyshouladiedins1 · October 2016

That would be horrible.

TheAutisticGamer · October 2016

Well, I wouldn't know. I'm not Alex.

Kennyshouladiedins1 · October 2016

The final confrontation...but influenced by changes that I would have throughout s2..

 Cold and tired, Clementine enters the rest stop, grateful to get out of the snow and biting wind.  Her hand reaches up to the wound in her shoulder, the dampness has got it to aching.

 "Kenny?  Jane?, anyone?"  A figure comes out of the shadows, it is Kenny a look of relief on his face disappears as he notices that AJ is not with her.

 "Clem, where is AJ?  What happened?"  His voice is frantic as any number of possible scenarios runs through his head.

 "Jane has him...she..she was being chased by some walkers  we got separated."  

 "You left him with that girl?  Clementine, what were you thinking.  Any thing could..."

 It is just then that a figure walks into sight out of the blowing snow.  Her hair raffling in the wind she has a bundled AJ clutched to her chest.

 Kenny opens the door and grabs the child from her, barely waiting for her to get in before snapping the door shut. 

 "Thank God, I thought we had lost you pal."  Kenny hold AJ close, relief softening his feature for an instant.  "Where is the pickup?"

 Clementine looks over to Jane about to say that she wrecked it when Jane speaks up.

"The Walkers Kenny, we had to move...but I panicked and we hit a walker and slid into a ditch. It was an accident Kenny, they were all over us. Jane held up her hand to Clementine to keep her from saying anything.

 "You realize what you have done?, Kenny's face begins to redden, You have killed this child you stupid fucking bitch!"

 He pushes AJ into Clementine's arms and turns to look at Jane.

 "Kenny it was an accident, just a stupid accident." Clementine was desperate to try and defuse the situation. 

 "Accident my ass, she wanted to go back to that God forsaken shit hole Howes and wrecked the truck on purpose!"

 "But Kenny it was...." just then Kenny gets into Jane's face.

 "Quiet Clementine, this is between me and this thing.  You have killed that child Jane, and the worse part is you will not own up to it.  But then again why should you, you killed your own sister  left her to die.  That's you Jane..always leaving people behind, looking out for yourself.  How any bodies have you left in your useless wake JANE?"

 Jane backed slowly from Kenny her hand on the hilt of her knife, as the color drained from her face.  For a moment she is speechless, then cold hatred seems to harden her eyes.

 "Stay away from me you son of a bitch.  All of this is your fault Kenny."

 Clementine moves in between them.  "Please none of this is anyone's fault, sometimes bad things happen!"  The air is cold and heavy with tension.  She could see that something had broken and did not know how to fix it.

 Jane's eyes bore into Kenny as she started to talk in cold even tones.  "You beat that boy mercilessly and alienated Mike and Bonnie.  You just had to take your time and beat Carver to death, perhaps if you had not ducked around with that...perhaps Carlos and Sarita would still be alive.  But then that is you isn't it Kenny?  Everything has to go your way.  You just had to play one man vigilante and get Walter killed.  Your original wife Kenny?  Why would she kill herself instead of choosing a life with you?"

 "Don't talk about my family like you knew them, you did not"  His hands were clenched into fists..

 "Please, Jane...Kenny."  Alvin was crying.  Outside the snow was starting to let up as the wind blew a tattered flag off the pole.

 "Clementine told me about that man Lee, do you know why he is dead Kenny?  Because you stole from that man's car."

 "What are you talking about?"  Shock on his face as he remembers.  "That station wagon?  We were hungry...the food was there."

 " And you took it despite Clementine and Lee's protest, taking that food had consequences Kenny just like every Damn thing you have done!  You killed Lee,  you killed Walter, you even killed that reporter when you killed that one woman's father...that's you Kenny!!

 "Shut up!!"  Kenny charges Jane, pushing Clementine out of the way and the fight ensues.

Ok you get the idea.

Kennyshouladiedins1 · October 2016

what is it with this thing cutting out half of my sentences?

Kennyshouladiedins1 · October 2016

he final confrontation...but influenced by changes that I would have throughout s2..

 Cold and tired, Clementine enters the rest stop, grateful to get out of the snow and biting wind.

Her hand reaches up to the wound in her shoulder, the dampness has got it to aching.

"Kenny? Jane?, anyone?" A figure comes out of the shadows, it is Kenny a look of relief on his face disappears as he notices that AJ is not with her.

 "Clem, where is AJ?  What happened?"  His voice is frantic as any number of possible scenarios runs through his head.

 "Jane has him...she..she was being chased by some walkers  we got separated."  

 "You left him with that girl?  Clementine, what were you thinking.  Any thing could..."

It is just then that a figure walks into sight out of the blowing snow. Her hair raffling in the wind she has a bundled AJ clutched to her chest.

 Kenny opens the door and grabs the child from her, barely waiting for her to get in before snapping the door shut. 

 "Thank God, I thought we had lost you pal."  Kenny hold AJ close, relief softening his feature for an instant.  "Where is the pickup?"

 Clementine looks over to Jane about to say that she wrecked it when Jane speaks up.

"The Walkers Kenny, we had to move...but I panicked and we hit a walker and slid into a ditch. It was an accident Kenny, they were all over us. Jane held up her hand to Clementine to keep her from saying anything.

"You realize what you have done?, Kenny's face begins to redden, You have killed this child you stupid fucking bitch!"

 He pushes AJ into Clementine's arms and turns to look at Jane.

 "Kenny it was an accident, just a stupid accident." Clementine was desperate to try and defuse the situation. 

 "Accident my ass, she wanted to go back to that God forsaken shit hole Howes and wrecked the truck on purpose!"

 "But Kenny it was...." just then Kenny gets into Jane's face.

"Quiet Clementine, this is between me and this thing. You have killed that child Jane, and the worse part is you will not own up to it. But then again why should you, you killed your own sister left her to die. That's you Jane..always leaving people behind, looking out for yourself. How any bodies have you left in your useless wake JANE?"

Jane backed slowly from Kenny her hand on the hilt of her knife, as the color drained from her face. For a moment she is speechless, then cold hatred seems to harden her eyes.

 "Stay away from me you son of a bitch.  All of this is your fault Kenny."

 Clementine moves in between them.  "Please none of this is anyone's fault, sometimes bad things happen!

" The air is cold and heavy with tension. She could see that something had broken and did not know how to fix it.

Jane's eyes bore into Kenny as she started to talk in cold even tones. "You beat that boy mercilessly and alienated Mike and Bonnie. You just had to take your time and beat Carver to death, perhaps if you had not ducked around with that...perhaps Carlos and Sarita would still be alive. But then that is you isn't it Kenny? Everything has to go your way. You just had to play one man vigilante and get Walter killed. Your original wife Kenny? Why would she kill herself instead of choosing a life with you?"

"Don't talk about my family like you knew them, you did not" His hands were clenched into fists..

 "Please, Jane...Kenny."  Alvin was crying.  Outside the snow was starting to let up as the wind blew a tattered flag off the pole.

 "Clementine told me about that man Lee, do you know why he is dead Kenny?  Because you stole from that man's car."

 "What are you talking about?"  Shock on his face as he remembers.  "That station wagon?  We were hungry...the food was there."

" And you took it despite Clementine and Lee's protest, taking that food had consequences Kenny just like every Damn thing you have done! You killed Lee, you killed Walter, you even killed that reporter when you killed that one woman's father...that's you Kenny!!

"Shut up!!" Kenny charges Jane, pushing Clementine out of the way and the fight ensues.

Ok you get the idea.

DabigRG · October 2016

No Going Back

I'll have to think of anything more.

Just add in a number of lines addressing these and we're probably good for the moment:

Nick's death
Sarah's death
Arvo's Group
Jane's hidden empathy/remorse
Christa and Omid
Mike's background

DabigRG · October 2016

I was just about to ask the same thing.

DabigRG · October 2016

EDIT/UPDATE 1:
Okay, some big additions inbound. I've considered a few things since my last contributions to these type of threads and I realized there are a number of things that I wanted to add(Sarah's Sacrifice), things others suggested I could add(Vengeance or Pragmatics), and then there's things I want that just won't gel with the story as is(Natasha's Input). So, I'll talk about things that will be added while also touching up on things I couldn't find a place for.

The Russian Group: What little there is of their respective personalities will be emphasized in the following points. Arvo, of course, is still timid and passive with a bit of a slippery side despite his naivete and another quirk I noticed where he seems to be able to keep his cool for a bit before exploding when under pressure; however, he also has a few tweaks I wanna add in for the certain points. Natasha is a little bold and no-nonsense in conflict, but supportive and sensible otherwise. Buricko is probably the most basic of the group: a bald brute with a bad attitude who is aggressive to those he deems his enemies, to the point of ignoring basically self-preservation in favor of egging them on. And Vitali in particular is THE evil one of the group: a wacked out pyscho with some very bizarre ways of threatening people who doesn't care that he's endangering the life of children, including a newborn baby.

Natasha's Input: One character I said I wanted to do more with was "Maud," Arvo's sick sister. It was implied that she had sickle cell anemia and I think she may have been the one who decided to go after the Cabin Group since not only did they try/decide to steal her medicine but they stuck up her brother to do it. In a Bean & Bark way of doing so, I intended to characterize her as being soft-spoken but blunt, with a tendency to come off harsher than she intends to out of habit, likely from working with Buricko and Vitali. In a sequence that may or may not work for drama's sake, I was considering having her briefly regain conscience (or at least speak up after a bit of staying silent due to her pain, which I think is more understandably) long enough to try and warn Arvo to just finish her off and save himself. Arvo, ignorant of the horrifying consequences of doing so out of desperation to do what he can to save her, refuses and begs her not to leave him. She weakly attempts to scold him for his naivete and alludes to what will happen if he doesn't, slipping away increasingly as he begs her to hang on. Calming herself down (possibly involuntary), she tells him one more time to leave her behind and one of the last things she says is something along the lines of "I refuse to hold you back anymore...," which Arvo isn't able to accurately comprehend due to Kenny suddenly grabbing him, causing him to panic and overreact when Natasha suddenly starts moving several moments later only to put down by Clementine. I really wanted to make it vague how much Arvo actually knew about the Walkers given the other two's trigger happiness and a few comments I've seen floating around, as well as show some parallels between him, Clementine, Sarah, and Kenny. Obviously, one barrier to including such a scene is the fact that Arvo speaks Russian first, which the audience likely doesn't understand. The fact that there's a fucking gunfight going on behind him doesn't help either, so maybe it can be elaborated on in a later scene.

Sarah's Sacrifice: As previously established in dan's thread, it is possible for Sarah to survive both attempts on her life in the previous episode and make it to the end of the episode with a makeshift caste on her left leg, Arvo's abandoned gun in hand, and a newfound sense of [word describing Kenny's old motto] in spite of her anxiety. Her presence actually has a decent bit of variation depending on the final choice in the previous episode: when Rebecca turns, she can be seen going into her panic mode and glancing around; if you do nothing, Sarah glances at Clementine one last time (similar to how she did when Clementine slapped her) and, with her hands clearly shaking, makes her first and (determinately) only walker kill, as Buricko opens fire shortly afterwards.( By the way, the call for help or do nothing choices could easily be switched because they fulfill the same basic idea in the game proper. Also, sorry Kenny fans, but I did find it a bit odd and lazy that he's most likely the one to put down Rebecca and kill all three of the Russians.) Who took the shot determines Sarah's status at the beginning of this episode:
Shoot Rebecca: When Clementine is getting her bearings at the very beginning of the episode, she hears Sarah cry out her name after seeing Kenny exchanging fire with Vitali and looks in the baby's direction. It's implied that Sarah tried to shield Clementine with her own body and got injured doing so, fearfully hiding behind the tree right of the tire and Rebecca's corpse while occasionally clutching her side. She is desperately trying to point out the baby while preparing to get up so she can help distract Buricko; Luke doesn't get this and calls Clementine to take cover. If Clementine chooses to do so, she gets up and shoots at Buricko as Clementine grabs the baby and runs for cover; if Clementine runs for cover instead, Sarah shoots a distraught look at her and non-hesitantly grabs the baby herself. Either way, she makes a stumbling mad dash towards Arvo's wall. Buricko takes a shot anyway and misses hitting Arvo himself as she approaches and gets Nicked in the side, falling either in the middle of the road alone or between the walls, with her gun falling within Arvo's reach(!).
a.In the former scenario, she doesn't move from that spot for the rest of the battle, instead laying there seething as the fight continues watching Arvo plead with Natasha. She is eventually revealed to have been head shot when Kenny failed to keep Arvo in his grasp and Vitali caused him to hit the dirt.
b.In the latter scenario, she kept the baby in as safe an embrace possible(maternal instincts?) and Luke tries to go for her but is shot at by Buricko, who luckily misses and unknowingly gives her a chance to painfully edge herself out of the line of fire.
Do nothing: She's already dead. Her bleeding body isn't too far away from where Rebecca and the baby are, with her arms/shoulders clearly pointed in its general direction. Buricko specifically targeted her since she shot Rebecca.
Call for Help: Her most active role. Sarah is on the side of the wall near Arvo and Natasha, alternating between having a panic attack while keeping an eye on them and taking occasional shots at Buricko and while Luke reloads so he can continue covering Clementine. Like the Shoot Clementine variation, she can be heard desperately trying to tell Clementine about the baby in between her breathes but Luke doesn't get this and calls Clementine to take cover.
a.If Clementine chooses to do so, she says thank you and Luke apologizes. As Luke talks to Clementine, she watches Arvo plead with Natasha with a sympathetic look and awaits Luke's orders, taking a few shots at Buricko every once in a while to keep him from targeting Kenny. At one point, she asks him to stop his friends so she can get his sister help but he is too hysterical to listen, instead telling her to stay away from them while pumping away. When Kenny decides to take Arvo hostage and Vitali ceases fire to defiantly mock Kenny's threats, Sarah decides to take advantage of this, timidly starts to leave cover, and tries to reason with them as Natasha starts to turn behind her and, instead of going for the baby, grabs Sarah's leg to pull her down and immediately straddles her: if Clementine hesitates to make the shot, Sarah will eventually make it herself but not without being bitten in the process. When Arvo breaks free and rushes to her side in the former scenario, Sarah immediately tries to assure him that Clementine was only trying to protect the baby when Vitali fires a volley at her and Kenny, striking her several times and causing her to drop in pain. If this happens, Vitali throws out a few insults and ignores Kenny in favor of making him watch her die because him when he is suddenly stopped by the appearance of Jane, who stabs him with an audible cry before realizing what she's done and backing away. However, if Clementine didn't do anything, she immediately tells him that his sister turned but is only shot once through the torso while Vitali steps out of cover.
b. If Clementine runs for cover instead, Sarah shoots a livid look at her and yells at her for not getting the baby("How could you do that to that poor baby?!"), to which Luke notices it and tries to defend Clementine by pointing out that it was too risky but is cut off with an angry "No! We can't let him, get hurt!". Sarah then takes a few shots at Buricko's direction, stumbles over to grab the baby, and then mad dash towards Arvo's wall. Kenny is distracted by her doing so and Vitali decides to open fire again, missing hitting Arvo himself as she approaches and gets Nicked in the side, falling in the middle of the road, with her gun falling within Arvo's reach(!). Arvo, Buricko, Bonnie, and Mike briefly glance in her direction, but choose to ignore her: Arvo because of his concern for Natasha, Buricko simply out of choice so he can focus on Luke (whose the clearest threat at the moment), and Mike tries to get up to help her but Bonnie tells him that Luke and she will protect her should Arvo try anything. Sarah decides to shield the baby in as safe an embrace as possible and tearfully stares daggers at the Russians as the fight carries on(maternal instincts?). Luke loses his cool and furiously yells at Clementine to follow his orders as he tries to get a closer angle on Buricko, being unintentionally noticed by Kenny and getting shot in the leg by Vitali in the process.

When the fight is done and over with, Clementine and Jane look over her body/corpse one last time before joining the other group members around Rebecca. If still alive, Sarah will try to apologize for letting Clementine down and thanks Jane for saving her again before starting to ebb, being put down by them once her breathing stops. They then join the other group members around Rebecca, since neither of them say anything say much during this part. Luke or Bonnie can also have a comment or two lamenting that Sarah died like this. Its at this point when Bonnie promises Rebecca they'll take care of the baby and Kenny (a notoriously overzealous and protective family man) looks over towards Arvo.

Arvo's Opportunity: During certain variations of the above scene, Arvo gains access to either Natasha's gun, his own gun (which was dropped by Sarah when she was shot), or Kenny's gun in one scenario. As a result, Arvo picks up said gun and targets Clementine in anger but ultimately decides against it, with some variation to his method of doing so. If you protected Sarah, he briefly targets her, in spite of Clementine or Bonnie potentially killing him first, but tosses it aside , glancing towards Clementine as he does so. It's also worth noting that if Natasha successfully bites Sarah, he actually sees this and doesn't even consider using her gun to kill her, instead angrily questioning what happened before being denied a thorough explanation due to Vitali's intervention. If this happens, Arvo simply has a look of horror on his face and thus does not have anyone to blame; when everyone comes out of cover, Arvo is seen handing Natasha's gun to Mike, who simply pockets it and potentially mentions this if Clementine tells Kenny he didn't have a gun if the two are on good terms. The idea is that he isn't there yet and decides against it because he doesn't want to actually kill her. Later, during the stop on the road, Jane and Mike discuss having Arvo along, in which she and Arvo can actually interact towards each other's presence: Arvo actually having a chance to be around Jane without Clementine and Kenny would also address whether he still holds a grudge against her, avoids contact out of fear, or if Clementine and Kenny simply overshadowed what little beef he had with her and he is mutually indifferent.

Mercy of a Father: Okay, let's get this outta the way: I am not too fond of Kenny right now, which is odd considering I always thought he was a pretty okay guy when things were going fine. One legitimate reason for that is how unlikable he could be during this Season, with his discord among the Cabin Group (except Sarah and possibly Alvin), some of his interactions with Mike, and especially his treatment of Arvo in this episode being examples, the latter of which making me scratch my head a little back when I first played it back in June. Something I want to reinforce here is his moments of clarity and reasonableness when he's had a chance to think. One canon example is the beginning of this episode, when trading shots with his similar adversary Vitali: he actually says "This don't have to get any worse than it already is! You can just go!" Considering Kenny's first line in the episode is literally"Fuck you! You started this shit!," having him actually try to convince Vitali break things up is interesting with his own [poor] history in mind. Given that he's gonna go rabid over the course of the story, I decided it would be more effective to have him gradually lose his ability to do so and contrast it by having him show a few calmer moments towards everyone else (except Arvo, obviously, who he legitimately thinks is a threat but can be a little easier on in a few determinate scenes). If Sarah tries to get him and Vitali to stop fighting each other after Arvo is taken hostage, he does say (in his usual fashion) that he'd like to do that but these Russian assholes won't calm down. When Natasha attacks her while he tries to keep Arvo under control and the latter gets away from him, he considers going after him unarmed but is forced to simply tell Sarah to get down when Vitali comes out from cover and opens fire. If Clementine shoots Natasha to save Sarah, Kenny briefly glances back as Vitali approaches him. Later during the campfire scene, he mostly listens to everyone else as they share quips and stories, throwing in a comment every once in a while. When it's Mike's turn and the topic of Michelle in particular comes up, Kenny has a subtly mild(?) reaction as he listens. If prompted, he will tell a story about some of his experiences with Sarita.[Sorry if there's cut off here or there but I got lazy/interrupted at points.]

Jane's Remorse: Personal issue, obviously, but I'd make it so that Jane isn't so Unintentionally Unsympathetic by addressing her major flaws. When Jane returns and kills Vitali, she and Clementine first go over to where Sarah is lying, dying/dead from her gunshot wounds. This site obviously hurts Clementine but Jane also seems troubled, more so than usual. Being asked if she's okay, Jane says yes and motions that they go join the others around Rebecca. Later, during the stop on the road, Jane and Mike discuss having Arvo along. She and Arvo actually interact towards each other's presence: while she didn't necessarily disagree with killing Arvo, Jane seemed to think he was useful enough to use for supplies and later gets angry with Kenny for beating him so badly. Seeing as Arvo canonically wasn't exactly in a speaking mood at the time, I would like to think Clementine popping into the conversation(kinda like with Rebecca and Sarita) would potentially have Jane officially apologize to both for starting the conflict with the Russians in the first place. As unlikely as it may sound, Jane was consistently softened around Clementine so I would've liked to think she would admit her wrongdoings when she isn't feeling pressured or on trial. During the campfire scene, while Jane is opening up about her feelings under the influence of alcohol, have her acknowledge more of these things: particularly, her part in both (now three) of Sarah's deaths. To try and do this while keeping her in character, just imagine she's laughing and looking back on a time Jaime came to her rescue when she did something really dumb, laughs after she finishes, stop to think for a bit and then just comes out and say it: "I'm sorry. ...About Sarah. She was your friend and you knew longer than I did and I probably shouldn't have pushed you into having to make that choice. I didn't mean to hurt either of you, but I just panicked and I didn't think she would come with us and I didn't...* sigh * ...I just didn't want the two of you to suffer like me and Jaime did."(To Jane fans: Is this how Jane would say this with her speech mannerisms? I personally don't see her getting too affectionate about much of anything.) Another scene that's actually in the game, as I found out, is her blaming herself for what happens to Luke. Basically, I want to make it clear that she has something resembling a conscience and the ability to feel remorse, so that her saying she wants to change her ways and be a member of the group feels completely genuine.

Mike's Regrets: If Sarah gets shot trying to save the baby, Mike tries to get up to help her but Bonnie tells him that he should just take it easy why she patches him, claiming that Luke and she will protect her should Arvo try anything. Because he and Bonnie witnessed what happens to Natasha and determinately Sarah, the former in particular takes pity on Arvo and determinately Clementine. During the campfire scene, he opens up a bit about his past depending on his relationship with Clementine back in Episode 3. In particular, he brings up how he did some terrible things to keep himself alive, including indirectly robbing a family under attack by bandits, the history he had with Michelle, his time as "Ralph" of the North Carolina bandits, and his time just being a prisoner at Howe's Hardware. If he made a positive relationship with Clementine back at Howe's, he even admits what he tried to do to Christa and by extension her, yet she showed she had more strength than he ever had when she decided to forgive him for it. This is mainly to emphasize a small trait he had in the actual game, his protectiveness of youth's in dangerous situations, to make most of his behavior in this episode make more sense.

DabigRG · October 2016

EDIT/UPDATE 1 1/2:
Arvo's Lament: Okay, this is another personal issue, but while I prefer Arvo over Carver because he actually has some character that isn't just a straight caricature, one major problem with him is that he is pretty much a Designated Villain: he was connected to a few shady situations, two very criminal people, one or two legitimate dick moves on his part, and, most unfortunately, a very lambasted in story ethnicity and that somehow justified the way he was treated by friend and foe alike, particularly Kenny since he's supposed to be one of the heroes. Another problem that goes hand in hand with this is his lack of actual menace being contrasted to Carver's(and by extension, especially Kenny) lack of restraint. So, I'd add a few sequences where Clementine can talk with him to better flesh out his criminally neglected backstory as well as show how his increasing venom towards her/Kenny/both is gradually overshadowing his more sympathetic traits. One detail that I may or may not have gotten across with his determinant pseudo-entitled(?) attitude about sparing Sarah, which he simultaneous refrained from for the sake of maintaining his standards and made a bit of a show of to show Clementine that he's "better" than her. Another sequence that I felt woud've definitely gotten this across is the scene in Arvo's unfinished house, after Clementine gets up to go help Kenny with the truck, she can go over and talk to Arvo while he's tied to a beam near the stairway. Possibly thanking him for upholding his promise despite the way Kenny has been treating him, Clementine is unpleasantly surprised with some of the things Arvo may have to say. In addition to things involving his group before he met her, Arvo can show a more caustic side when he mocks Clementine's kindness as just an act, citing Natasha's death and can even go as far as to use Sarah's determinate death as evidence that she is just an imp who seeks to use others to support her own interests, with her odd attachment to Kenny in spite of his aggression being proof of that. During this conversation, Jane could be seen watching them and can become visibly irate at some of Arvo's words but doesn't do anything in favor of letting Clementine handle herself.

Vengeance or Pragmatism: Someone brought up an interesting point: why does Arvo have to shoot Clementine no matter what? Besides one brief moment during Kenny and Jane's fight, getting shot in the shoulder doesn't really do anything for/against Clementine's character and it's not like it'll matter much the next time we see her. Here's someone else's alternative:

Mike: I'm bringing back the death option of having Clementine shoot him, but I'll add more to make the following event (Clementine getting shot) make more sense. So if you shoot and kill Mike, Arvo shoots you and escapes. If you don't shoot Mike, Mike takes the gun then knocks out Clementine (with his fist, not the gun). Now let me explain, Mike knocks Clementine out because he's that desperate to escape. I figure since he would leave her alone after she's been shot, he'd be willing to knock her out too.

What episode would you rewrite?

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