Why are some people ALWAYS the target for verbal bullies?
Okay, so I saw a similar thread a while ago and I thought it made for interesting discussion, sorry about my previous thread.
So... I realised, even though some poeple have like-able personalities, etc and is part of a popular group but are targets for verbal bullies (girls)
Usually these victims do not have much confident and are probably quiet in class... as far as I noticed. I would say I am one as well.
In these situations, most people really do not know how to react. Punch them? Nah. Scold them back? Nah. They would throw 10x more hurtful words to you.
Let's discuss the following:
- The root causes
- Why are girls usually the bullies
- How to stop being bullied if you are in such a situation
- Getting back at them
Sign in to comment in this discussion.
Comments
Just kidding. The entire community appreciates that you added context this time.
I am starting a proper discussion. So please.
Anyway... it's fine I guess.
Hey we're all for equality right? If you can punch a guy you can punch a girl.
Bullies are not just girls but boys as well. Why do they pick on others despite the similarities or common views? Some are taught to "defend" their territory and others don't realise how grave is the situation. Kids between age of 8-14 don't know the difference between insults and games. As for how to combat this... Don't push back, even if they pushed you. You'll provoke them and bad things will happen. While you're still in school, go to a teacher and a parent. They are qualified and know how to deal with this kind of behaviour.
Because they let it happen, if you don't stand up for yourself no one will.
I didn't realize they were, but then again I am pretty irresistible to them.
At least in where I live in, most bullies are.
How exactly will someone do that?
Because some let it happen. They don't ask some help from their parents nor from teachers. They become cowards, cause they think something even more horrible will happen to them by the bullies. In a few words, they don't act. If you don't act, you'll be a target to bullies for a vastly long time. I did the same mistake once and I still regret it until this day. So (directed to the people that get bullied), if someone bullies you, don't hesitate to act. It has a better outcome than just not acting at all.
Edit: Lmao I swear, I can't even take myself seriously with the current avatar I have.
Lets not generalise boys are scum too.
I used to be picked on in school I hated it I have anxiety as a adult and im almost certain its because I was bullied when I was young, for me it all came to a head I would get upset I would cry I told teachers but then one day I couldn't be bothered any more I didn't have the energy to care anymore so I stopped caring they didn't offend me I even started laughing along and taking the piss out of myself I learnt to ease up and have a sense of humour I relaxed and the rest of school was fine I wasn't bullied again while I was there. Two years later a woman in her 30s who was friends with my neighbour started to bully me I didn't know what to do I was about 17 I knew this woman was a site person (like a gypsy but not Irish) I was scared, she spat at me and shouted abuse at me one day she pushed me and threatened to punch me, I lost it I literally webt berserk I was drinking a can of beer and without a seconds hesitation I beat the bitch repeatedly around the head with it until it was a crumpled mess then she tried to strangle me so I punched her in the face then I grabbed her and slammed her into a wall lifted her off of the floor and dared her to fuck with me again, she never did, both of our boyfriends were just staring at me in shock about a week later I saw her driving down the road with a bunch of her friends I thought they would fuck me up I made eye contact with her and she quickly looked away scared. Apparently that woman hasn't been the same since she was a well known bully but that attack took the wind out of her sales and the caravan site she called home was a safer place for her neighbours.
If you're not the victimizer you're the victimized.
Don't matter what gender you are, bullies are inevitable. I'm sure no ones goes through life without being bullied. Even the bullies are bullied, there's usually a reason they do the things they do. Or they're just dicks.
I got bullied in school, I just gritted my teeth and waited out the day, I just steered clear of everyone.
I never really retaliated, don't give them what they want.
OK, more serious answer this time.
If you're the one being bullied, and you don't have the sheer strength it takes for others to be afraid of bullying you, the best way out is to not take yourself so seriously. Watch some improv. Try to think of funny responses to criticism, using a tone of voice that makes it look like the verbal bully was starting a joke, and you just delivered the punchline (that's not just an attack back - this isn't a political debate). Bullies aren't sure how to handle this. You can also hang out in groups, which makes bullies less likely to approach. But nobody likes you? Well, if you're funny and have a more easy-going attitude, people do start to like you! It requires some guts to approach others and start conversations or ask to hang out, but it's worth it!
I second this.
I don't think there are any. Some people just like picking on the weak and harmless. They're total dipshits.
They aren't. Males are. At least where I'm from.
The only thing you CAN do, at least without getting in trouble, is talk to a guidance counselor, or the police.
If someone insults you, just point your thumbs up and smile. I promise everyone, nothing will piss them off even more.
Because it's easier to pick apart people from a specific spectrum than normal people. So, let's have an example.
I have PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, High-Functioning Autism, OCD, I'm for the most part negative and I'm a bit overweight. So, put yourself in the bully's shoes. Would you rather pick apart somebody who's stable so they won't be affected? Or would you pick apart the easy target who has a lot to make fun of? You could easily come to me and pick me apart and get a reaction, be it violent or sheltered and saddened. But either way, you're getting a reaction meaning no matter how I react, you're going to get exactly what you want.
It's the same way if you want to pick apart some innocent girl who did one embarrassing thing, she's defenseless and has no way to back her up, so you pick on her and get a reaction out of her because she's easy to do that to. Where-as somebody who has their life figured out and is in a good state won't give you the reaction you long for. The reason certain people are always the target is because bullies don't see the people they bully. They see a spectrum. People they can affect and people they can't. And that spectrum is judged by what spectrum somebody is on. I would know as I've been picked on, bullied and attacked my entire life. By strangers, friends, my ex-girlfriend and even family. And whenever they attack me, they attack me for what they CAN attack me for. What they CAN pick me apart for. And honestly, it'll get to a point where it won't even affect the people on the spectrum because they're numb to it, but there will also be something somebody says once in a while that you looks at and realize that it's exactly what you're thinking about yourself, and when you think they're right, that's when it hits home. And bullies, verbal or not, never has to be restricted to one gender. Both sides can say equally hurtful things, so don't pin this on the female side.
So basically, what I'm saying is: Bullies attack a specific group, race or spectrum because it's easier to pick them apart.
Gonna have to disagree with you here. That's not at all a fair or accurate statement. If you're like me and have constant anxiety, you find it hard to speak up for yourself or stand up for yourself. You panic and have an anxiety attack because physically you can't do shit. That's not letting it happen, that's having no control over the situation. So don't even bring that shit up like it's the same for everyone. Sorry for my harsh tone but what you said is hardly fair.
Some people, albiet the immature little buttstains, love to feel dominant. When they target someone with lower self esteem, they got off of it. They enjoy it. People can be needlessly cruel. Even if you don't have low self esteem there's still a chance to get targeted. People will find the smallest reason to just target another for sheer spite/enjoyment. For those who are uncertain to handle this alone, get help from people you know who'll help. For those who can handle this alone, WHOOP THEIR CANDY ASS!
Simply put, people can be real dicks. Why? It depends, ranging from person to person. Sometimes they don't know any better and have picked up what they've seen, others think it's fuckin' hilarious to watch folk cry and bring them to their most emotional state. There's no real definitive answer, except that anyone who decides to spend their past time bullying vulnerable people, is a degenerate gobshite. Of course, what do I actually know? I'm just some dickhead on the internet with little else to do, but pretend to be a decent human being on a forum site...
EDIT: Also I'd have to disagree with the "girls usually being the bullies" part, although I'm not arguing that girls can't be bullies. Anyone can be a bully or bullied, and everyone has a tendency to be a shit at times, so I'd say there's a fairly even number of female and male bullies.
Or just keep kicking.
Not a single boy in my school does those things.
But girls are a different story.
Well then your school is fucking backwards as shit.
Well, the OP was referring to girls, and call me a sexist, but generally girls don't have nuts.
the reason people can be verbal bullies is because people are different i have aspergers syndrome and can tell you this is what gotbme buklied because i have different interests (anime, gaming , and everything about japan) and not thigs like football or eminem this got me picked on because they thought i was wierd another thing is because i didnt have a girlfriend i got called gay just because i was single plus i am fat thats self explanatory for things they said basically people are dicks and cant accept different
Do you live in the Amazon?
Normally it's the girls who figure out good social behavior first, but maybe this generation is different.
You mean as in ovaries are analogous to testicles? In that case it works.
I was gonna say, headbutt them seeing the title, but it's girls, so you ain't gonna hit them.
I see three possibilites:
you say nothing. Some people say they will forget you at some point but I never saw this work.
you defend yourself by talking trash back; it requires some speech skills, finding their weak spots and these stuffs, and you can end up in a worst situation.
you do as Squishy Chtulhu said. Let's do my nerd and take a quote of asoiaf:
They bully you because they found a weak spot on you. I believe some of the things they say hurt you, so there must be a part of truth in it. Bullying someone is the pleasure to see someone suffering. If you don't feel hurt by what they say, they won't continue and even if they do, you won't care about it.
Agreed!
1.Some people are just jerks in general, and to bully gives them that sense of power to feel vindicated. Some also become bullies because they at one point were bullies themselves.
I have to disagree, bullying happens just as about equally to both boys and girls.
Tell a teacher or responsible adult who can help you deal with the problem. If that does not work you can always learn martial arts as a way to know how to defend yourself.
I think getting back at them is the wrong move, because in a sense you then turn into the bully. The goal should be to be the bigger person and rise above it. Don't become the very thing your trying to avoid.
And by not being able to physically do anything you mean?
You resist, simple as that someone shove you you shove back, some insult you you insult back. If youd don't fight for yourself you will always lose.
Frozen solid in fear or too anxious to try anything in the fear of failure. It's happened to me and a lot of my friends loads of times. I can't quite explain the feeling because it's something I've never felt in any other situation. It's like your brain shuts off.
What can I say to that...you will always fail if you never try. Not to mention you will miss a mass of opportunities if you're too afraid to take them. You need to hone your mind step by step to overcome the fear. Because if you won't you will always be a victim. Don't say things like I can't control it, or it's stronger than me, it's bullshit. Control it and will it into submission, with baby steps.
Start with small things really. like when you're too afraid to say something do it nevertheless, at worst people will shake their heads.
While that is good advice, it's easy for you or somebody who has never dealt with these problems to say. For somebody with these issues, it's much, much, harder than that.
But is it impossible? Ask yourself.
I never said it was impossible, I said it was difficult, and to my current mindset it feels impossible.
I'm Asian. Asian girls are just like that.
My problem is solved... kinda.
She is a weird girl.
You sure do like beating a dead, anxiety ridden horse. Huh? Dude trust me, if it was as fucking easy to just do it as you claim, my life would be a whole lot better. I'd probably be exercising, my work would be on track again, I'd be able to sleep better, I'd be able to laugh more often, etc. But whatever, I appreciate the enthusiasm at least?