Hope that your grandmother has improved. Just hold her hand and be there when you can.Feel free to express your innermost emotions if you feel the need . you are not alone .
So I decided to start a text and pictures based let's play of 'Flight of the Amazon Queen' and I suggested to RetroVortex that he might want to do the same with his planned let's play. It's all good.
RetroVortex now has a bunch of views and replies and I have a handful of views and no replies.
Man, sometimes I despair.
Don't get me wrong; I like really RetroVortex and I'm happy that he has a successful let's play going but why am I constantly the underdog in life? Is it that my style of writing is particularly uninteresting? Is it because I irritate people? I honestly try my best to entertain but I guess that I'm just useless at doing so.
So I decided to start a text and pictures based let's play of 'Flight of the Amazon Queen' and I suggested to RetroVortex that he might want to do the same with his planned let's play. It's all good.
RetroVortex now has a bunch of views and replies and I have a handful of views and no replies.
Man, sometimes I despair.
Don't get me wrong; I like really RetroVortex and I'm happy that he has a successful let's play going but why am I constantly the underdog in life? Is it that my style of writing is particularly uninteresting? Is it because I irritate people? I honestly try my best to entertain but I guess that I'm just useless at doing so.
Le sigh.
I was going to reply, but I was doing my LP.
Acutally, I think yours is much better.
I think its great, and you should keep doing it.
(In fact no-one has actually TALKED about my LP, just about the game itself, and me posting updates, so I wouldn't let it get to you ol' chap! )
I was going to reply, but I was doing my LP.
Acutally, I think yours is much better.
I think its great, and you should keep doing it.
(In fact no-one has actually TALKED about my LP, just about the game itself, and me posting updates, so I wouldn't let it get to you ol' chap! )
Aw, thanks matey.
Since I made my depressed post, I've actually had a few replies to my let's play (including a comment from your good self), so I'm feeling much happier now. I'll continue playing soon and post part 2 tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong; I like really RetroVortex and I'm happy that he has a successful let's play going but why am I constantly the underdog in life? Is it that my style of writing is particularly uninteresting? Is it because I irritate people? I honestly try my best to entertain but I guess that I'm just useless at doing so.
Le sigh.
As somebody whos obvious greatness is oft overlooked I feel your pain.
But no seriously, both Lets Plays are excellent and i'll be following them both (i'm in work til 11pm tomorrow so if you wanna push out something for me to read to keep me sane i'd much appreciate it )
I can't speak for everyone but sometimes you just don't have the time or energy to reply to posts, so you read them and smile just.
With that said I must end this post as I have to shave the other half of my face now.
With that said I must end this post as I have to shave the other half of my face now.
Hehe. I often shave all of my beard off, save for a mustache; just to see what I look like. Inevitably I look like a complete plonka, so I then finish shaving. I'm weird like that!
My grandmother is in a rehab home right now. They don't think she'll live for more than 2 or 3 years. At least I'll have time to say goodbye.
That's extremely sad, but I'd like to tell you something. When you lose someone you love, it doesn't matter if you said goodbye or not. What will matter is how you spent time with them.
Best wishes to your grandmother, but don't beat yourself up over this. Just let her know you care and you'll both be happy.
Alright, I'm going to have to confess. The ending for S&M3: "The City That Dares Not Sleep" is making me feel suicidal. (Of course, a sad piano solo will do that to you.) I cannot bear to think what would've happened if Max hadn't turned up again!
Alright, I'm going to have to confess. The ending for S&M3: "The City That Dares Not Sleep" is making me feel suicidal. (Of course, a sad piano solo will do that to you.) I cannot bear to think what would've happened if Max hadn't turned up again!
I'm sure Telltale'll just love to hear that. Don't feel that way, mate. It's a comedy game at heart. You're supposed to laugh.
I'm sure Telltale'll just love to hear that. Don't feel that way, mate. It's a comedy game at heart. You're supposed to laugh.
I know... but.... it's all... so gritty and so dark... there's a difficulty...
But you see! This was one reason I experimented with Nino Rota's music: to make the melancholy just a touch more powerful! And I will admit, it worked.
I know... but.... it's all... so gritty and so dark... there's a difficulty...
But you see! This was one reason I experimented with Nino Rota's music: to make the melancholy just a touch more powerful! And I will admit, it worked.
Read Mein Kampf. That'll cheer you up. But no, you need to seek a doctor. You're not crazy, but these feelings require help.
If for whatever reason you haven't you can get ahold of NHS Direct 24 hours on 0845 46 47, they should be able to help out and advise you, in some cases they can make arrangements and liaise with surgerys for you.
If for whatever reason you haven't you can get ahold of NHS Direct 24 hours on 0845 46 47, they should be able to help out and advise you, in some cases they can make arrangements and liaise with surgerys for you.
I didn't contact them yet, although I do plan to soon (tomorrow maybe). In the mean time, I'm self-medicating with alcohol. I'm aware that's not a great thing to do but hey, it works!
I didn't contact them yet, although I do plan to soon (tomorrow maybe). In the mean time, I'm self-medicating with alcohol. I'm aware that's not a great thing to do but hey, it works!
Guess it's time for me to get back on that soapbox because once again reality has dealt me another suckerpunch.
Got a pitch tomorrow and I have no nice clothes to fit.
Can't even fit into the suit I bought last year!
Can't even fit into xxxl clothing.
It's official. I've become too fat and useless for society to deem useful.
Might as well look up the nearest abotoir...
I can't even manage myself these days then how could I be responsible for anything at all.
My diet is crap. I'm lazier than Garfield on casual Friday, and I have less money than a Mexican flea.
Have I really let my life get this?
As I said before, my current lifestyle needs to change.
But in terms of exercise there is little that I can do.
I literally spend most of my week on my arse!
I have a sit-down job, I ride the bus a lot, and most of the time I can't even leave the house!
Can't even exercise at home. There is just no room.
I remember once I was doing exercise before school at like 6am but I was so noisy it just woke everyone up and they complained.
I can't go for a quick ride on a bike because quite shamefully, this 21 year old doesn't even know how!
(blame dad for that. Instead of positive reinforcement all I got was front row abuse. Talk about backseat rider!)
Guess it's time for me to get back on that soapbox because once again reality has dealt me another suckerpunch.
Got a pitch tomorrow and I have no nice clothes to fit.
Can't even fit into the suit I bought last year!
Can't even fit into xxxl clothing.
It's official. I've become too fat and useless for society to deem useful.
Might as well look up the nearest abotoir...
I can't even manage myself these days then how could I be responsible for anything at all.
My diet is crap. I'm lazier than Garfield on casual Friday, and I have less money than a Mexican flea.
Have I really let my life get this?
As I said before, my current lifestyle needs to change.
But in terms of exercise there is little that I can do.
I literally spend most of my week on my arse!
I have a sit-down job, I ride the bus a lot, and most of the time I can't even leave the house!
Can't even exercise at home. There is just no room.
I remember once I was doing exercise before school at like 6am but I was so noisy it just woke everyone up and they complained.
I can't go for a quick ride on a bike because quite shamefully, this 21 year old doesn't even know how!
(blame dad for that. Instead of positive reinforcement all I got was front row abuse. Talk about backseat rider!)
Have you ever looked at shops like High and Mighty who do quality big men's clothes? They have some really lovely stuff, would certainly make a nice treat!
Do you do much walking? I walk everywhere at the minute (goin' round to kick the wheels of a few second-hand cars tomorrow ) at it's great exercise. The best thing is that it gives you energy and you get to see a lot more of the world.
Living with others is tough at times, but if you wanna get things done you sometimes have to stand on a few feet as lightly as possible.
Vortex, when it comes to exercise, the best advice I can give is to find a form of physical activity that you actually enjoy. Don't go looking for the one that you think will be the most effective or the most efficient, because if the motivation isn't there, then the whole endeavor will probably fall to pieces somewhere along the line.
Find something that's enjoyable and that makes you feel good. That's obviously what JedExodus has found with walking; he's found a form of exercise that is both effective and fulfilling. When you discover that particular activity that's right for you, then it'll probably lead on to a greater sense of contentment, and perhaps even happiness.
If possible, I'd definitely suggest trying to go for regular walks, out and about. I really think that it would do you good, not only for the fitness side of things, but also (as JedEx pointed out) for the opportunity to see more. To even experience more of the world around you is a really nice thing. When you're confined to your own little corners of the world, things really can get monotonous. It's unhealthy to only ever experience the same few environments, to dwell in the same point A's and B's repeatedly, without ever seeing the rest of the world. I urge you to find a way of experiencing more; break the tedium by going out and seeing more. Besides, it's only when you stop, slow down for a second, and properly survey your surroundings, that you actually realize how much is going on in the world around you. There's a lot of life out there; an infectious buzz to the world that you'll miss out on if you ignore it, or let it pass by unnoticed.
Hayden's absolutely right. I know my dad had a terrible time losing any weight (and he was going to the gym twice a week) until he started playing golf every day. It's less exercise than the gym, but the difference is that he really wanted to do it, so it felt less like work and he wouldn't make excuses to skip it.
In contrast, for me it's always been combat sports (fencing and martial arts). Works pretty well and you get the side benefit of learning some self-defense into the bargain.
My grandmother collapsed yesterday. She is now living on a hospital bed in her living room and breathing out of an oxygen tank. They give her close to a week until she'll fade away.
My grandmother collapsed yesterday. She is now living on a hospital bed in her living room and breathing out of an oxygen tank. They give her close to a week until she'll fade away.
My condolences. I hope your mother feels better soon.
Wishing you and your grandmother peace ..hold her hand when you see her it is so,important to not feel alone .
Take care of yourself . You are not alone .
Turns out, not only am I not over my depression, which I already knew back then, but I've just plunged deeper in it.
Now let me start off with the backgrounds.
Back in middle school or high school or whatever the Dutch equivalent is, my life took a turn for the worst. Without getting into too many details, back in elementary school I was happy, or at least I assume I was happy, after that it went downhill. It was around the time I had to learn to grow up, but didn't want that.
Things happened. I've got bullied, which partially was my fault, but most of it was because kids are fucking assholes. That ironically wasn't the thing that pushed me over towards depression. What did was the fact that I felt betrayed by my best friend. In the years that came after that, I fell deeper into depression, mostly because I never really trusted anybody anymore. That and at least the seperated cases of two deceased classmates didn't really help, mostly because these two actually had a life, actually had friends.
But anyway, time skip to a year before the first death, which was the second year of middlehighschool, or whatever it's called. I was in a class with a girl who was autistic. She had serious autism. She wasn't ver liked, but I actually became her friend. Not forced, willingly. It was actually this friendship which "ruined" that other friendship, in that this guy became a total tool towards her. This was the final straw in the various bullshit things he did, so in the end, he received chode from me. Turns out, nobody in class liked that guy anyway.
But yeah, the girl moved out of class and out of school and crap, but the one thing I did remember was the fact that I felt like I saw things in her that I could see in myself. Time skip to a few weeks ago, after a psychological test, where it turns out I have something so similar to Aspergers that it basically is Aspergers. Basically, we have found the first cause of my depression, the fact that I was and still am searching for my identity, and the fact that I never got to cope with my disability, because fuck, nobody even knew what the fuck autism was back in the days, I mean, back in 2000, nobody knew exactly what autism was supposed to be, or that autism actually had various degrees. I'm not even sure if people knew autism and Aspergers are so closely related, that Aspergers basically is a form of autism.
But yeah, that was only one factor.
Another factor was the divorce of my parents, which, I believe, happened in 2008 or 2009, I'm not entirely sure about it anymore. I mean, it wasn't the divorce itself that messed me up, it was the lead towards it. Now I do have to say, there was never any animosity between my parents, in fact, they're still good friends, there just isn't any romance between them.
The thing that basically gave me a youth trauma was the fact that, as a child, my parents had arguments. They both assumed me and my brother never heard it, but we actually did. And let me tell you something. If you and your partner ever get into a fight, make sure the kids never hear it, and never fucking fight where the kids are. I fucking mean it, it's the worst thing to happen to a kid. It doesn't mean you should never fight, but don't ever fucking fight screaming. You could settle arguments without raising your voice.
Now I also have to say, these fights only happened once every three months or so, and most of the times we actually had a lot of fun, but it did leave mental scars. Doesn't mean I don't love my parents, I love them both very much, but the trauma's there. They both know it, they both regret it. But they didn't know until it was too late. You could never forsee what effect it has on kids until it's too late, and you might think the kids won't hear, but they can, especially if you're doing it out loud.
So that's the second factor.
A third factor that did help me get into a depression was the death of my great grandmother. Sure she was old, but she basically raised me and my brother, since both our parents had to work during the day. You can't say you won't miss that person if that person was a big part of your life.
And then the fourth factor, which actually ties with the second. Long story short, after my mom and dad divorced, my mom went on to date this guy. They both got a child in 2010, which I'm happy about, since I love my baby brother, but in my opinion the relationship was too soon. To keep it short, not only do they fight, they fight a lot. And, given my traumas, it's not a fucking good thing. I know what effects it has, and I can see what effects it has on my baby brother. He's not fucking happy. My mom knows it, and she actually stopped screaming and shouting when they have an argument, because she knows how much it fucked me and my brother up.
So, now not only I have to cope with these fights, both my brothers have to as well. And I'm fucking sick of it.
I'm also sick of people always having to rely on me, mostly because I just can't say no. You know why I can't say no? Because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. Perhaps I'm too considerate. I just can't say no. And don't fucking say "Just say no," because it's not that fucking simple. If it was, a lot of people would have easily done so.
Now I'm not saying my life is hard, in comparison to a lot of people, it's fucking paradise. But that's not why people get depressed. People get depressed because they can't take life anymore. I'm the last person to judge a celebrity who kills himself by overdose. These people don't get addicted because, hey, everybody's doing it, come join in, IT'S FUN. They get addicted because they're not happy with themselves. They can't handle it. It's not that they can't handle the fame. Sure, it's part of it, but there's always more to it.
Why am I even writing this down? It won't change anything. It won't change the opinions of others. Humans are simple beings, incapable of grasping every concept out there, always trying to simplify things. Which is a good thing, in most cases, but in some cases, it's just horrible. I've heard of people claiming autistic people are lazy and they should get a job. Most can't. They're either insecure, or are found insecure. I've tried to apply to various jobs. I can't get a fucking job, because either nobody replies, or I get rejected. It's not that I can't do the job, it's because people think I can't do the job. People are too judgemental.
Anyway, I'm out. I'll just "make the best of it," because someone on this forums is too cynical to believe that things will get better.
Turns out, not only am I not over my depression, which I already knew back then, but I've just plunged deeper in it.
Now let me start off with the backgrounds.
Back in middle school or high school or whatever the Dutch equivalent is, my life took a turn for the worst. Without getting into too many details, back in elementary school I was happy, or at least I assume I was happy, after that it went downhill. It was around the time I had to learn to grow up, but didn't want that.
Things happened. I've got bullied, which partially was my fault, but most of it was because kids are fucking assholes. That ironically wasn't the thing that pushed me over towards depression. What did was the fact that I felt betrayed by my best friend. In the years that came after that, I fell deeper into depression, mostly because I never really trusted anybody anymore. That and at least the seperated cases of two deceased classmates didn't really help, mostly because these two actually had a life, actually had friends.
But anyway, time skip to a year before the first death, which was the second year of middlehighschool, or whatever it's called. I was in a class with a girl who was autistic. She had serious autism. She wasn't ver liked, but I actually became her friend. Not forced, willingly. It was actually this friendship which "ruined" that other friendship, in that this guy became a total tool towards her. This was the final straw in the various bullshit things he did, so in the end, he received chode from me. Turns out, nobody in class liked that guy anyway.
But yeah, the girl moved out of class and out of school and crap, but the one thing I did remember was the fact that I felt like I saw things in her that I could see in myself. Time skip to a few weeks ago, after a psychological test, where it turns out I have something so similar to Aspergers that it basically is Aspergers. Basically, we have found the first cause of my depression, the fact that I was and still am searching for my identity, and the fact that I never got to cope with my disability, because fuck, nobody even knew what the fuck autism was back in the days, I mean, back in 2000, nobody knew exactly what autism was supposed to be, or that autism actually had various degrees. I'm not even sure if people knew autism and Aspergers are so closely related, that Aspergers basically is a form of autism.
But yeah, that was only one factor.
Another factor was the divorce of my parents, which, I believe, happened in 2008 or 2009, I'm not entirely sure about it anymore. I mean, it wasn't the divorce itself that messed me up, it was the lead towards it. Now I do have to say, there was never any animosity between my parents, in fact, they're still good friends, there just isn't any romance between them.
The thing that basically gave me a youth trauma was the fact that, as a child, my parents had arguments. They both assumed me and my brother never heard it, but we actually did. And let me tell you something. If you and your partner ever get into a fight, make sure the kids never hear it, and never fucking fight where the kids are. I fucking mean it, it's the worst thing to happen to a kid. It doesn't mean you should never fight, but don't ever fucking fight screaming. You could settle arguments without raising your voice.
Now I also have to say, these fights only happened once every three months or so, and most of the times we actually had a lot of fun, but it did leave mental scars. Doesn't mean I don't love my parents, I love them both very much, but the trauma's there. They both know it, they both regret it. But they didn't know until it was too late. You could never forsee what effect it has on kids until it's too late, and you might think the kids won't hear, but they can, especially if you're doing it out loud.
So that's the second factor.
A third factor that did help me get into a depression was the death of my great grandmother. Sure she was old, but she basically raised me and my brother, since both our parents had to work during the day. You can't say you won't miss that person if that person was a big part of your life.
And then the fourth factor, which actually ties with the second. Long story short, after my mom and dad divorced, my mom went on to date this guy. They both got a child in 2010, which I'm happy about, since I love my baby brother, but in my opinion the relationship was too soon. To keep it short, not only do they fight, they fight a lot. And, given my traumas, it's not a fucking good thing. I know what effects it has, and I can see what effects it has on my baby brother. He's not fucking happy. My mom knows it, and she actually stopped screaming and shouting when they have an argument, because she knows how much it fucked me and my brother up.
So, now not only I have to cope with these fights, both my brothers have to as well. And I'm fucking sick of it.
I'm also sick of people always having to rely on me, mostly because I just can't say no. You know why I can't say no? Because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. Perhaps I'm too considerate. I just can't say no. And don't fucking say "Just say no," because it's not that fucking simple. If it was, a lot of people would have easily done so.
Now I'm not saying my life is hard, in comparison to a lot of people, it's fucking paradise. But that's not why people get depressed. People get depressed because they can't take life anymore. I'm the last person to judge a celebrity who kills himself by overdose. These people don't get addicted because, hey, everybody's doing it, come join in, IT'S FUN. They get addicted because they're not happy with themselves. They can't handle it. It's not that they can't handle the fame. Sure, it's part of it, but there's always more to it.
Why am I even writing this down? It won't change anything. It won't change the opinions of others. Humans are simple beings, incapable of grasping every concept out there, always trying to simplify things. Which is a good thing, in most cases, but in some cases, it's just horrible. I've heard of people claiming autistic people are lazy and they should get a job. Most can't. They're either insecure, or are found insecure. I've tried to apply to various jobs. I can't get a fucking job, because either nobody replies, or I get rejected. It's not that I can't do the job, it's because people think I can't do the job. People are too judgemental.
Anyway, I'm out. I'll just "make the best of it," because someone on this forums is too cynical to believe that things will get better.
I really wish I could help you. I honestly, from the bottom of my heart, wish that there was something I could do for you. But honestly, I know little about dealing with depression. I myself have Autism, but I haven't got any personal experience in your area. But there is only one thing I can say to you: Don't give up hope. No matter how bad things get, you shouldn't give up hope. If you can, seek outside help, someone to help you get back on your feet.
I know. I suck at giving advice. I don't know anything about depression. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother with anything. But I've always told myself: "Just keep going. Don't take the coward's way out. No matter what happens, you can always say you saw it through to the end."
Well, I'm not one of those people who easily gives up, as I still have too much to do before I want to kick the bucket (like losing my virginity, although I've heard that's overrated). And, well, sometimes it just helps to vent.
And I already have professional help, so yeah, don't worry about me.
Comments
I hope everything goes ok. I know what your going though if you need someone to talk to.
RetroVortex now has a bunch of views and replies and I have a handful of views and no replies.
Man, sometimes I despair.
Don't get me wrong; I like really RetroVortex and I'm happy that he has a successful let's play going but why am I constantly the underdog in life? Is it that my style of writing is particularly uninteresting? Is it because I irritate people? I honestly try my best to entertain but I guess that I'm just useless at doing so.
Le sigh.
I was going to reply, but I was doing my LP.
Acutally, I think yours is much better.
I think its great, and you should keep doing it.
(In fact no-one has actually TALKED about my LP, just about the game itself, and me posting updates, so I wouldn't let it get to you ol' chap!
Aw, thanks matey.
Since I made my depressed post, I've actually had a few replies to my let's play (including a comment from your good self), so I'm feeling much happier now. I'll continue playing soon and post part 2 tomorrow.
As somebody whos obvious greatness is oft overlooked I feel your pain.
But no seriously, both Lets Plays are excellent and i'll be following them both (i'm in work til 11pm tomorrow so if you wanna push out something for me to read to keep me sane i'd much appreciate it
I can't speak for everyone but sometimes you just don't have the time or energy to reply to posts, so you read them and smile just.
With that said I must end this post as I have to shave the other half of my face now.
Actually I do that an awful lot too. It's a good point and well made.
Hehe. I often shave all of my beard off, save for a mustache; just to see what I look like. Inevitably I look like a complete plonka, so I then finish shaving. I'm weird like that!
That's extremely sad, but I'd like to tell you something. When you lose someone you love, it doesn't matter if you said goodbye or not. What will matter is how you spent time with them.
Best wishes to your grandmother, but don't beat yourself up over this. Just let her know you care and you'll both be happy.
I'm sure Telltale'll just love to hear that. Don't feel that way, mate. It's a comedy game at heart. You're supposed to laugh.
I know... but.... it's all... so gritty and so dark... there's a difficulty...
But you see! This was one reason I experimented with Nino Rota's music: to make the melancholy just a touch more powerful! And I will admit, it worked.
I've run out of my anti-depressants and haven't taken any for 2 weeks now. I'm supposed to take one tablet a day. I really feel quite suicidal.
I won't be able to get anymore until I return to my hometown in about 7 days!
I wish this feeling would go away.
Read Mein Kampf. That'll cheer you up. But no, you need to seek a doctor. You're not crazy, but these feelings require help.
Ah, the equivalent of 'It's a Wonderful Life' in book form.
I don't think I can seek a doctor until I return to my hometown and am able to speak to my GP.
Have you seen my YouTube videos?! I'm quite clearly certifiably insane!
Bloody hell, sorry Fawful. I haven't had anywhere near enough sleep this past week and I'm not paying proper attention. My apologies.
Can you visit a walk-in clinic, maybe take one of your old prescriptions to show them? Have them call your regular GP?
Thanks for the advice Puzzlebox, that's a good suggestion.
I don't have any of my old prescriptions to hand (they're all at home) but I will look into phoning my GP and seeing if I can get something sorted.
Thank God for this thread (even if I did create it myself).
I'll speak to my counselor, then!
If for whatever reason you haven't you can get ahold of NHS Direct 24 hours on 0845 46 47, they should be able to help out and advise you, in some cases they can make arrangements and liaise with surgerys for you.
I didn't contact them yet, although I do plan to soon (tomorrow maybe). In the mean time, I'm self-medicating with alcohol. I'm aware that's not a great thing to do but hey, it works!
It best be on a full stomach or i'll get upset!
Good! Most people I know with feelings of self-harm refuse to seek help. I'm glad you're willing to seek it out.
I'm starting to feel better already!
Got a pitch tomorrow and I have no nice clothes to fit.
Can't even fit into the suit I bought last year!
Can't even fit into xxxl clothing.
It's official. I've become too fat and useless for society to deem useful.
Might as well look up the nearest abotoir...
I can't even manage myself these days then how could I be responsible for anything at all.
My diet is crap. I'm lazier than Garfield on casual Friday, and I have less money than a Mexican flea.
Have I really let my life get this?
As I said before, my current lifestyle needs to change.
But in terms of exercise there is little that I can do.
I literally spend most of my week on my arse!
I have a sit-down job, I ride the bus a lot, and most of the time I can't even leave the house!
Can't even exercise at home. There is just no room.
I remember once I was doing exercise before school at like 6am but I was so noisy it just woke everyone up and they complained.
I can't go for a quick ride on a bike because quite shamefully, this 21 year old doesn't even know how!
(blame dad for that. Instead of positive reinforcement all I got was front row abuse. Talk about backseat rider!)
Then what's left? The gym?
Cost. But more importantly time.
Just can't seem to fit anything together properly let alone going to the gym.
Bah! Curse this pathetic excuse of a man!
Have you ever looked at shops like High and Mighty who do quality big men's clothes? They have some really lovely stuff, would certainly make a nice treat!
Do you do much walking? I walk everywhere at the minute (goin' round to kick the wheels of a few second-hand cars tomorrow
Living with others is tough at times, but if you wanna get things done you sometimes have to stand on a few feet as lightly as possible.
Find something that's enjoyable and that makes you feel good. That's obviously what JedExodus has found with walking; he's found a form of exercise that is both effective and fulfilling. When you discover that particular activity that's right for you, then it'll probably lead on to a greater sense of contentment, and perhaps even happiness.
If possible, I'd definitely suggest trying to go for regular walks, out and about. I really think that it would do you good, not only for the fitness side of things, but also (as JedEx pointed out) for the opportunity to see more. To even experience more of the world around you is a really nice thing. When you're confined to your own little corners of the world, things really can get monotonous. It's unhealthy to only ever experience the same few environments, to dwell in the same point A's and B's repeatedly, without ever seeing the rest of the world. I urge you to find a way of experiencing more; break the tedium by going out and seeing more. Besides, it's only when you stop, slow down for a second, and properly survey your surroundings, that you actually realize how much is going on in the world around you. There's a lot of life out there; an infectious buzz to the world that you'll miss out on if you ignore it, or let it pass by unnoticed.
In contrast, for me it's always been combat sports (fencing and martial arts). Works pretty well and you get the side benefit of learning some self-defense into the bargain.
My condolences. I hope your mother feels better soon.
Take care of yourself . You are not alone .
Turns out, not only am I not over my depression, which I already knew back then, but I've just plunged deeper in it.
Now let me start off with the backgrounds.
Back in middle school or high school or whatever the Dutch equivalent is, my life took a turn for the worst. Without getting into too many details, back in elementary school I was happy, or at least I assume I was happy, after that it went downhill. It was around the time I had to learn to grow up, but didn't want that.
Things happened. I've got bullied, which partially was my fault, but most of it was because kids are fucking assholes. That ironically wasn't the thing that pushed me over towards depression. What did was the fact that I felt betrayed by my best friend. In the years that came after that, I fell deeper into depression, mostly because I never really trusted anybody anymore. That and at least the seperated cases of two deceased classmates didn't really help, mostly because these two actually had a life, actually had friends.
But anyway, time skip to a year before the first death, which was the second year of middlehighschool, or whatever it's called. I was in a class with a girl who was autistic. She had serious autism. She wasn't ver liked, but I actually became her friend. Not forced, willingly. It was actually this friendship which "ruined" that other friendship, in that this guy became a total tool towards her. This was the final straw in the various bullshit things he did, so in the end, he received chode from me. Turns out, nobody in class liked that guy anyway.
But yeah, the girl moved out of class and out of school and crap, but the one thing I did remember was the fact that I felt like I saw things in her that I could see in myself. Time skip to a few weeks ago, after a psychological test, where it turns out I have something so similar to Aspergers that it basically is Aspergers. Basically, we have found the first cause of my depression, the fact that I was and still am searching for my identity, and the fact that I never got to cope with my disability, because fuck, nobody even knew what the fuck autism was back in the days, I mean, back in 2000, nobody knew exactly what autism was supposed to be, or that autism actually had various degrees. I'm not even sure if people knew autism and Aspergers are so closely related, that Aspergers basically is a form of autism.
But yeah, that was only one factor.
Another factor was the divorce of my parents, which, I believe, happened in 2008 or 2009, I'm not entirely sure about it anymore. I mean, it wasn't the divorce itself that messed me up, it was the lead towards it. Now I do have to say, there was never any animosity between my parents, in fact, they're still good friends, there just isn't any romance between them.
The thing that basically gave me a youth trauma was the fact that, as a child, my parents had arguments. They both assumed me and my brother never heard it, but we actually did. And let me tell you something. If you and your partner ever get into a fight, make sure the kids never hear it, and never fucking fight where the kids are. I fucking mean it, it's the worst thing to happen to a kid. It doesn't mean you should never fight, but don't ever fucking fight screaming. You could settle arguments without raising your voice.
Now I also have to say, these fights only happened once every three months or so, and most of the times we actually had a lot of fun, but it did leave mental scars. Doesn't mean I don't love my parents, I love them both very much, but the trauma's there. They both know it, they both regret it. But they didn't know until it was too late. You could never forsee what effect it has on kids until it's too late, and you might think the kids won't hear, but they can, especially if you're doing it out loud.
So that's the second factor.
A third factor that did help me get into a depression was the death of my great grandmother. Sure she was old, but she basically raised me and my brother, since both our parents had to work during the day. You can't say you won't miss that person if that person was a big part of your life.
And then the fourth factor, which actually ties with the second. Long story short, after my mom and dad divorced, my mom went on to date this guy. They both got a child in 2010, which I'm happy about, since I love my baby brother, but in my opinion the relationship was too soon. To keep it short, not only do they fight, they fight a lot. And, given my traumas, it's not a fucking good thing. I know what effects it has, and I can see what effects it has on my baby brother. He's not fucking happy. My mom knows it, and she actually stopped screaming and shouting when they have an argument, because she knows how much it fucked me and my brother up.
So, now not only I have to cope with these fights, both my brothers have to as well. And I'm fucking sick of it.
I'm also sick of people always having to rely on me, mostly because I just can't say no. You know why I can't say no? Because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. Perhaps I'm too considerate. I just can't say no. And don't fucking say "Just say no," because it's not that fucking simple. If it was, a lot of people would have easily done so.
Now I'm not saying my life is hard, in comparison to a lot of people, it's fucking paradise. But that's not why people get depressed. People get depressed because they can't take life anymore. I'm the last person to judge a celebrity who kills himself by overdose. These people don't get addicted because, hey, everybody's doing it, come join in, IT'S FUN. They get addicted because they're not happy with themselves. They can't handle it. It's not that they can't handle the fame. Sure, it's part of it, but there's always more to it.
Why am I even writing this down? It won't change anything. It won't change the opinions of others. Humans are simple beings, incapable of grasping every concept out there, always trying to simplify things. Which is a good thing, in most cases, but in some cases, it's just horrible. I've heard of people claiming autistic people are lazy and they should get a job. Most can't. They're either insecure, or are found insecure. I've tried to apply to various jobs. I can't get a fucking job, because either nobody replies, or I get rejected. It's not that I can't do the job, it's because people think I can't do the job. People are too judgemental.
Anyway, I'm out. I'll just "make the best of it," because someone on this forums is too cynical to believe that things will get better.
I really wish I could help you. I honestly, from the bottom of my heart, wish that there was something I could do for you. But honestly, I know little about dealing with depression. I myself have Autism, but I haven't got any personal experience in your area. But there is only one thing I can say to you: Don't give up hope. No matter how bad things get, you shouldn't give up hope. If you can, seek outside help, someone to help you get back on your feet.
I know. I suck at giving advice. I don't know anything about depression. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother with anything. But I've always told myself: "Just keep going. Don't take the coward's way out. No matter what happens, you can always say you saw it through to the end."
And I already have professional help, so yeah, don't worry about me.