Do girls like bad guy's better?
fusedmass
Banned
I know this debate is as old, as time itself. Yet I find it fun to discover our human nature, why do we do the things we do, even though they seem non rational or not logical. Tell me if you heard this one before.
A football player who has a hot temper, gets in a ton of fights. Somehow manages to date a hot cheerleader. Despite the fact, that he cheats on her, treats her like dirt, and they always seem to be fighting.
She would rather drink a vial of acid before dating a nice guy. (Not all girls are like this..) time goes on. The guy even beats her, maybe they break up, he shows up at her house drunk. They rekindle their romance. While minutes before she cries on phone to "Nice guy" how their aren't any good guys.
My question is simple. What experiences, if any. Had you had with this male or female. Had any experiences with this subject.
Why do they always return to these situation. Albert Einstein said repeating something over and over, expecting a different result is called insanity.
What's your experience?
Comments
From what I've seen other people say when talking about this, I don't think it's as much girls wanting "bad guys" as much as it is that they think that "bad guys" take more risks and are more outgoing. It seems to me that being outgoing or having a notable talent would suit someone just as well, even if they are nice. Of course, some people may be shallow and want a "bad guy" just because, but I wouldn't classify the majority as shallow even though it may seem that way sometime. That's my two cents anyways.
There are a lot of factors, but basically, women (in general) are attracted to confidence. The bad guys might be jerks, but they are confident, even if that means "full of themselves." Most of the "nice guys" complaining about the jerks are not willing to take risks and ask the girls out correctly (or at all), which is why they never get anywhere.
There are a lot of (especially teenage) girls with big self-esteem problems, worried that no one will ever really love them when they find out they're as awful as they think they are. They're especially susceptible to the jerks, as they will go along with any guy who is showing interest and then blame themselves when it goes wrong.
I'd like you to express your point of view. How is the correct way. (in your mind. Be honest, everyone has different vantage point) to ask out girls.
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OK, maybe the first tip is not to fall for anything that sounds like the above. You should also ignore all the pick-up artist advice, because that's more about manipulating someone into having sex with you, rather than starting a real relationship. If your technique results in her feeling pressured or bad about herself, then you're not any better than those jerks you're trying to distance yourself from.
There really is no one correct way to ask a woman out. There are just a lot of incorrect ways. In any social interaction, it helps to look from the vantage point of the person you're talking to, so let's figure out what she wants out of a relationship.
So your goal in asking her out is to present yourself as someone who will meet all of these criteria. If you fail even one of these, don't bother.
But wait, wasn't this about those girls who seem attracted to jerks? How is that feeling safe or special?
That's actually a case of a controlling relationship. If you are a controller, your goal is to make her feel that you are the best for her even though you treat her like trash. Controllers do this by starting out the same way, being nice in the beginning, but then they turn on her, trying to make her feel like no one else will ever love her for the dirt that she is, and she is damn lucky you tolerate her presence. If you're sleeping with other girls, that's really her fault for not being sexy enough, and she needs to try harder. Controllers don't become nice again unless they feel they are losing their grip, and they take advantage of the principle that people don't like to think that they make wrong decisions, so once they decide something, they keep trying to adapt in a way that makes the initial decision look good. If you're trying to "rescue" a girl who has become trapped in this situation, you have to realize what's at work here, and do more than just tell her that there are nicer guys out there. The controller is working hard to convince her there aren't.
I like nice guys way better than 'bad guys' but then again, i don't speak for the rest of the female population.
I prefer someone kind that i can relate to and be myself around, not some controlling douche bag that treats me like shit.
girls love being treated like garbage, thats why you should treat them all like that.
truth
It just depends on the woman.
A girl who just goes for "bad guys" is trash and has low standards, in my opinion. Who would even want a girl like that?
I think it's so pathetic when guys complain that girls only like bad guys. First, it's not true. And, second, they're losers for wasting even 1 second obsessing over such women.
I've always thought that guys who complain about girls only liking "bad guys" are suggesting that the reason they're single is because they're supposedly "too nice." In reality, there are probably numerous other reasons why they're not having great luck dating, and the real reasons probably have nothing to do with being "too nice."
Maybe the guy has a bad personality, is physically unattractive, is uneducated or just plain stupid, is unemployed/dependent on parents/unable to provide for family of his own, other a combination thereof. Or maybe the guy doesn't know how to identify quality potential dates.
It is easier for genetically unattractive guys to improve themselves and make themselves more appealing to the opposite sex. Sadly, for unattractive women, it's harder. If a woman is overweight or otherwise unattractive, the pool of potential suitors shrinks dramatically, much more than for guys.
I'm not saying this is right or wrong. I'm just saying that this is what I have observed.
First of all, be yourself.
Don't try to impress a woman by being something you're not. When you try to be attractive/interesting to her by acting a certain way in order to grab her attention, that's not the real you. You are an actor playing a part. That ruse is eventually going to fall apart and she is going to see who you really are. Be yourself from the start and you'll be better off.
Also, talk to her...a lot. Don't brag about yourself or what you can do. That's being an arrogant prick. Instead, open a doorway to let her talk about herself. You will get to know her better and she will probably appreciate a man that will listen to her rather than boast about his strengths.
Once you do get to know her better, go ahead and give her compliments and make her feel special. Don't over do it though. That makes you look like you're trying way to hard. Plus, the gorgeous woman you are talking to probably gets hit on by most hot blooded males she comes across. She probably liked the attention from other men telling her she is beautiful at first but has now found it to be rather annoying since every man she dated who threw compliments at her every chance they got is nowhere to be found.
Women do eventually get tired of hearing jerk after jerk after jerk telling her she's beautiful just so they can "get some then move on". She can probably tell by now if you are being sincere or if you're just another shallow ass chaser trying to get some action so just sprinkle your conversations with small subtle remarks about her appearance. The ladies work hard to look nice by putting on makeup, doing their hair, etc and appreciate it when us men mention that they look nice. So go ahead and tell her you like her hair or her eyes but in moderation. When you do compliment her, mean it. Don't be a fake. Women hate a liar. They won't trust you once you've lied to them once.
Once you and her know each other well. Casually throw out a "Do you like Italian?" and take her to dinner if she accepts your offer. Be a gentleman and take care of her. Once she sees you are in fact a true gentleman she will be more open to second dates. Don't rush her though. Give her space and let her breathe. Don't smother her in texts or phone calls. If she liked you, she'll be in contact with you. No woman wanting a lasting relationship is going to let a real gentleman slip away. We are rare these days.
Finally once you and her are dating each other on a steady basis, be good to her. Treat her like the queen she is. She'll love you for it.
The thing is, everyone is different.
Some women do prefer a submissive or docile partner. Many do not.
You just have to know yourself and be able to recognize the kind of person you'd be compatible with.
I do read a lot about how many women are disappointed with the lack of "take charge" men out there. Young adult men are quite child-like and are postponing adult responsibilities more these days, compared with previous generations. I believe many women find this unattractive. Read Christina Hoff Sommers' great book War on Boys for some reasons why today's young men are so different from those of previous generations.
Outgoing is the type that usually strikes it big. You have to be confident enough that it shows. It is easier said than done. I personally like outgoing girls they are charismatic, problem is i am a introvert guy my self.
No. I want a guy who is smart, funny, KNOWS HOW KEEP HIS PANTS PULLED UP, likes books, video games, and gets me. I love my boyfriend. Only thing I don't like is that he has a bad short term memory. I do to. Our future kids are doomed.
To my knowledge, yes. Women, however, prefer for men to treat them respectfully and meet their needs.
Abusive male spouses are not always of a low intelligence. A number of variations of the human male can be categorized as 'bad boys'. Vice versa with gentle souls.
I assume it is a thrill factor for some. It is a center of attention bubble for others. It could be any number of things depending on the people involved.
People are more complicated than what they are usually perceived as. Others perceptions of anyone who is not themselves is usually fairly narrow.
XD dont fret, you two arent the only ones whos got a shitty memory
Yes. Right on.
I've been on this forum for, oh, 3 or 4 months now...
Since that time, I have been hit on by 3 women and 1 gay man, all of that because of my smartassery and just overall comedy. Not once did I need to be a "bad guy".
Right on. I've been asked out four times in two years. I'm a nice girl. I respect people. Kids I go to school with don't, however. My poor history teacher was humiliated on a daily bases... Sorry Mr. D.
That was just by my class. Also the part about being hit on. XD You also taught me a dirty joke about baseball bats. Laughed my head off. That made my day, dude. XD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_qI9fu8sZQ
Just master bluesteel lady's will come running
There's a difference between assertive and bad guy. Bad guys simply sometimes come across as assertive due to particular character traits.
On the other hand, there are no nice guys, just guys without the brass so they act passive aggressively.
It seems like a lot of women look for guys who are confident, assertive and clear in the way they communicate. Being reticent or difficult to read tends to bite you in the ass (first hand experience, woo!). It also helps if you're able to have fun without being overly self-conscious.
Ok that's complete bullshit I'm a nice guy because that's the only way I can be, it doesn't feel right for me to be a bad guy. However I am also confident & I get pushy/assertive whatever you wana call it if necessary or else you get walked all over. Saying there are no nice guys is ridiculous; if you're a guy you're just scared to be the best person you can be & if you're a girl you need to meet better men sorry
"Women like bad boys" That's a total misconception. I have never, ever seen a real-life relationship like the one you described outside of movies. Women aren't stupid, and we aren't all that much different from men when it comes to what we need and want in a relationship. Usually when I hear guys talking about women, they treat them as if they're a whole different species. We aren't vending machines that you can just feed compliments to and get sex in return. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I think you might act that way, however from my experience it seems most men who say they're "nice guys" are only being kind to women because they want something in return, or have some other issue that is preventing them from getting in a stable relationship. Or they simply weren't making their romantic intentions clear and gave off the wrong impression. You have to communicate.
"She would rather drink a vial of acid before dating a nice guy" More self-entitled "nice guy" bullshit. It's not that easy for some people to get out of abusive relationships, especially if they genuinely love the person or have known them for a long time. Or there could be other factors involved that is preventing them from breaking up. All of the girls I've known who got into abusive relationships happened because they didn't know what they were getting into before it was too late. Or it was a case of "birds of a feather flock together", they were bad people too, and attracted partners on the same wavelength. There's tons of other possibilities to why it didn't work out, but it's never because they actually wanted to be treated like shit and sought out corrupt men to fulfill that wish. This is another huge misconception on the part of "nice guys".
Every woman has a different preference, but generally I think most people want a partner with confidence, a good sense of humor, similar interests, and genuine kindness. Personally, I don't mind guys/girls who aren't conventionally attractive, looks aren't a big factor to me when it comes to choosing a partner. As long as you have good hygiene and a decent fashion taste, it doesn't bother me. This is coming from a woman, by the way.
One question: Are girls ever into... "submissive" guys, or is that another misconception made by the porn company to implant weird fantasies in men?
Fun fact: The user who created this thread(fusedmass) is banned!
Well, someone is buying all those dominatrix outfits!
You know it
;^)
Yeah. Girl's liking bad guys is simply a misconception made by porn companies to feed into the lustful minds of men. Bad men treat women like objects of their pleasure rather than people, and that is what the viewing of pornography plants into our heads, and it is a sick imagination and perspective on women.
I have to say that's relatively rare. Most women will percieve a submissive man as weak.
Well... shit.
Although you did say you were a devout Christian. I know plenty of Christian girls that would be into guys like you.
Apparently the mods don't favor bad boys. XD
He's onto us...
Good thing I ain't a boy.
You a blind guy?? Have to ask.
Porn is stupid.
But the internet is for porn!
Or the other way around XD
Regardless, the way they perceive man-woman relationship in porn is just retarded.
No, it's not. -_- Porn gives men unrealistic standards for women. I mean, I can understand watching it if you don't expect that out of a woman or you need a coping mechanism, but doing so that you show your girl/guy what you want out of them is stupid and insulting to them.
I also have ADHD, Asperger's syndrome, and social issues. Can you hook me up? :^)