Apparently this guy is user number 1, and he only has one comment. There's been alot of users here, i'm user number 1068689, and my account is from 2012.
Hey, you guys ever wondered who was the first user on the Forum?
http://www.telltalegames.com/profile/1/lambdakoko
Apparently this guy… more is user number 1, and he only has one comment. There's been alot of users here, i'm user number 1068689, and my account is from 2012.
Just a random piece of information...
Yo, Mark.
I watched the dead silence movie and I really liked it. Lots of awesome scenes.
My favourite one was that when the dumb kid cl… moreaimed that Mary makes the sounds for Billy and then Billy got pissed and moved his eyes very slowly at the dumb kid.
Camera angel, music and everything made that scene outstandingly awesome!
Well, since no one else seems to have addressed the problems I've seen, might as well offer some constructive criticism.
I felt detached from the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
Keep the story and events tight and meaningful. Hearing about Mustache's diarrhoea is both repulsive and irrelevant to the story. It doesn't lead to any significant character development, and it's a very lazy attempt at comedy. You totally could've removed this bit, and the story wouldn't suffer at all. So keep it tight.
One of the most noticeable problems is the dialogue. There's not really any characters with unique ways of speaking. I'd even go so far as to say the dialogue is interchangeable. If you were to switch yourself with ohyoupokedme, would it make that much of a difference?
Also, the way in which you develop your characters is uninteresting to me. You're telling the audience about them, but anyone can do that. I'd be more impressed if you showed their personality, through their speech patterns and way of reacting to events. Saying Azlyn is shy isn't as interesting as implying she is. It requires more effort to figure out on the readers' part, ultimately leading to a more engaging story.
I've only read the first two parts, or issues, or whatever, and maybe you have improved already, but all I ask is that you take my opinions into consideration. Since people here are so nice and friendly, they'll probably view this as some personal attack. I assure you, I have no intention of undermining the amount of effort you've put into this, I'm just trying to help.
I agree with everything you said except for the bit about Mustache. That may not have done anything significant to the story but it was an Easter Egg to peaches and beans, and considering Mustache's character is pretty much based on Kenny I thought it was relevant and humorous.
Well, since no one else seems to have addressed the problems I've seen, might as well offer some constructive criticism.
I felt detached … morefrom the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
Keep the story and events tight and meaningful. Hearing about Mustache's diarrhoea is both repulsive and irrelevant to the story. It doesn't lead to any significant character development, and it's a very lazy attempt at comedy. You totally could've removed this bit, and the story wouldn't suffer at all. So keep it tight.
One of the most noticeable problems is the dialogue. There's not really any characters with unique ways of speaking. I'd even go so far as to say the dialogue is interchangeable. If you were to sw… [view original content]
You know, this post really made me realize some stuff. And I think it's good that someone finally gives some very constructive criticism, that's the only way to really grow as an artist of any form.
Well, since no one else seems to have addressed the problems I've seen, might as well offer some constructive criticism.
I felt detached … morefrom the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
Keep the story and events tight and meaningful. Hearing about Mustache's diarrhoea is both repulsive and irrelevant to the story. It doesn't lead to any significant character development, and it's a very lazy attempt at comedy. You totally could've removed this bit, and the story wouldn't suffer at all. So keep it tight.
One of the most noticeable problems is the dialogue. There's not really any characters with unique ways of speaking. I'd even go so far as to say the dialogue is interchangeable. If you were to sw… [view original content]
Finally! I've been waiting for this kind of criticism! THANK YOU! You can't improve without learning from your mistakes after all.
I felt detached from the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
You know I would really like that, but it's nearly impossible to do with how much time I have as I know can't do this forever. I would gladly do that however there are people who's roles are large or small. I seen characters appear once and was completely forgotten! (tryin' to avoid that) Plus there always were characters who were developed less than others. Trust me, I think we all know when I say that. I'm not telltale after all, maybe if this was a game, maybe we would've got much more character development as I see "hub moments" in this comic that I wish I could explore further. A realistic sad truth is that if I were to focus on everyone, it would be longer, but the length would mean I would have to delay my future plans and I want to make sure I finish this before I move on(Insert Yoda imitation- not rushing I will try).
Keep the story and events tight and meaningful. Hearing about Mustache's diarrhoea is both repulsive and irrelevant to the story. It doesn't lead to any significant character development, and it's a very lazy attempt at comedy. You totally could've removed this bit, and the story wouldn't suffer at all. So keep it tight.
This part I disagree with. I found it clever. I found it to be a good opportunity of an easter egg. What Eddie is true. Plus it proves what Kenny said is true. Let's not forget I also can have a gross sense of humor. The comedy is targeted to a bunch of directions of audience, take Family Guy for example. Plus in TWD S1 you could do stuff not related to the plot and have a breather. I want to make sure people has a breather once in a while cuz if it's straight to plot then you could also say goodbye to character development as well.
One of the most noticeable problems is the dialogue. There's not really any characters with unique ways of speaking. I'd even go so far as to say the dialogue is interchangeable. If you were to switch yourself with ohyoupokedme, would it make that much of a difference?
I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT! WHY NO ONE TOLD ME?! I do however feel some were unique like: Marsden, Ibrahim, Cart, Pokedme, Tobi, ihatemycat, and a few others. You could look at my short stories in Markd's thread to see if I improved. I did try to improve the dialogue in Ep2 but it's a pain when you don't know certain words to make better dialogue. Still, can someone give me more pointers?! PLEASE?!
Also, the way in which you develop your characters is uninteresting to me. You're telling the audience about them, but anyone can do that. I'd be more impressed if you showed their personality, through their speech patterns and way of reacting to events. Saying Azlyn is shy isn't as interesting as implying she is. It requires more effort to figure out on the readers' part, ultimately leading to a more engaging story.
... Wish you knew how hard it is to fit so many characters in each part. I'm only one doing this beside my partner who does the typing. If I had a team with me in reality maybe it could've been better so I had more time to figure out this stuff. Again with speech patterns, I didn't even know that was a problem. And I did show some personality in the drawings itself. I did however show she was shy in a panel or two, plus I'm working on that trait in Ep2 Pt2 along with her bipolar traits (bipolar characters are very difficult to make). Plus in the 3rd part we'll get a better look at the thread itself so (and it'll answer some confusion Ep2 Part 2 will make)
I've only read the first two parts, or issues, or whatever, and maybe you have improved already, but all I ask is that you take my opinions into consideration. Since people here are so nice and friendly, they'll probably view this as some personal attack. I assure you, I have no intention of undermining the amount of effort you've put into this, I'm just trying to help.
I ALREADY AM. Besides I really would like everyone's opinions but I never get the negative side. No offence to everyone but that annoyed me a bit. I didn't say it before cuz I might've acted like an ass-hat about it. Again thank you, even if I was stubborn about it in some parts here.
Well, since no one else seems to have addressed the problems I've seen, might as well offer some constructive criticism.
I felt detached … morefrom the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
Keep the story and events tight and meaningful. Hearing about Mustache's diarrhoea is both repulsive and irrelevant to the story. It doesn't lead to any significant character development, and it's a very lazy attempt at comedy. You totally could've removed this bit, and the story wouldn't suffer at all. So keep it tight.
One of the most noticeable problems is the dialogue. There's not really any characters with unique ways of speaking. I'd even go so far as to say the dialogue is interchangeable. If you were to sw… [view original content]
Plus I like to add that my greatest mistake is not writing dialogue when I write the script. I merely just summarize it. If I had more time as I make the comic, it would've been better.
Finally! I've been waiting for this kind of criticism! THANK YOU! You can't improve without learning from your mistakes after all.
I f… moreelt detached from the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
You know I would really like that, but it's nearly impossible to do with how much time I have as I know can't do this forever. I would gladly do that however there are people who's roles are large or small. I seen characters appear once and was completely forgotten! (tryin' to avoid that) Plus there always were characters who were developed less than others. Trust me, I think we all know when I say that. I'm not telltale after all, maybe if this was a game, maybe we would've got much more character … [view original content]
Trust me, Tobi, I'm well aware of how annoying a passive fanbase is. Barely five of my subscribers have ever offered any criticism. Seeing the same "you're awesome" comments over and over again sounds fun, but it's really not.
Finally! I've been waiting for this kind of criticism! THANK YOU! You can't improve without learning from your mistakes after all.
I f… moreelt detached from the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
You know I would really like that, but it's nearly impossible to do with how much time I have as I know can't do this forever. I would gladly do that however there are people who's roles are large or small. I seen characters appear once and was completely forgotten! (tryin' to avoid that) Plus there always were characters who were developed less than others. Trust me, I think we all know when I say that. I'm not telltale after all, maybe if this was a game, maybe we would've got much more character … [view original content]
Well I appreciate the kindness they give but like I said, I need to know my mistakes; you, Giraffehat, pointed them out. Thanks a lot.
Hmm... I should speak to my old partner that helped me with my(technically it's his too since he gives me ideas) major manga project. He was always good in telling me how to make things better. Maybe he could help me out in this story. He done it before, so why not again?
Trust me, Tobi, I'm well aware of how annoying a passive fanbase is. Barely five of my subscribers have ever offered any criticism. Seeing the same "you're awesome" comments over and over again sounds fun, but it's really not.
The way i see it is that most of the characters need a special way of talking to others, and that can be done quite easily. All you need to do is make a list with the important characters, what they do to serve the story and how they do it. Give them a problem, perhaps a dillema they have to solve, like Nick from the game. Give them relatable flaws, and make others try to help them.
I wrote a whole page on how i want my character to be handled, but im still waiting for my friends drawing of the changes. I think i got a hang of character development in general, so i can help you co-write the story. And i have given criticism in the past, but not so constructive as GirrafeHat. That might also change in the future.
I've been relatively busy so I haven't been offering much in the way of critiques. Since you're sensible and can accept criticism I will gladly point things out for you as I spot them. I tend to shy away from giving criticism unless asked for it, because people tend to take offense for whatever reason.
Well I appreciate the kindness they give but like I said, I need to know my mistakes; you, Giraffehat, pointed them out. Thanks a lot.
Hm… morem... I should speak to my old partner that helped me with my(technically it's his too since he gives me ideas) major manga project. He was always good in telling me how to make things better. Maybe he could help me out in this story. He done it before, so why not again?
If you want a unique challenge you can make my character only speak in Iron Maiden lyrics like one of the Chant of Light Chanters in Dragon Age. Bad example if you haven't played it, but you get the idea. If you really wanted it to be unique you could also make him always speak in rhymes.
Finally! I've been waiting for this kind of criticism! THANK YOU! You can't improve without learning from your mistakes after all.
I f… moreelt detached from the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
You know I would really like that, but it's nearly impossible to do with how much time I have as I know can't do this forever. I would gladly do that however there are people who's roles are large or small. I seen characters appear once and was completely forgotten! (tryin' to avoid that) Plus there always were characters who were developed less than others. Trust me, I think we all know when I say that. I'm not telltale after all, maybe if this was a game, maybe we would've got much more character … [view original content]
You know, this post really made me realize some stuff. And I think it's good that someone finally gives some very constructive criticism, that's the only way to really grow as an artist of any form.
If you want a unique challenge you can make my character only speak in Iron Maiden lyrics like one of the Chant of Light Chanters in Dragon … moreAge. Bad example if you haven't played it, but you get the idea. If you really wanted it to be unique you could also make him always speak in rhymes.
So you need some help with the way the characters speak and on making them more unique?
Lets see...My character is pretty short tempered, so you can start from there. You can make him get mad at people more easily than the other characters, mocking people, starting fights etc... That should add an unique feeling to him.
Add backstory to characters to make them more relatable. (You can ask users to give some backstory on their characters.)
Also, don't forget to develop characters and let them have their moments, so you can have an excuse to kill them later in the story.
Finally! I've been waiting for this kind of criticism! THANK YOU! You can't improve without learning from your mistakes after all.
I f… moreelt detached from the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
You know I would really like that, but it's nearly impossible to do with how much time I have as I know can't do this forever. I would gladly do that however there are people who's roles are large or small. I seen characters appear once and was completely forgotten! (tryin' to avoid that) Plus there always were characters who were developed less than others. Trust me, I think we all know when I say that. I'm not telltale after all, maybe if this was a game, maybe we would've got much more character … [view original content]
If you want a unique challenge you can make my character only speak in Iron Maiden lyrics like one of the Chant of Light Chanters in Dragon … moreAge. Bad example if you haven't played it, but you get the idea. If you really wanted it to be unique you could also make him always speak in rhymes.
I'm actually really good with the hot tempered ones so it'll be easy. I'm already working on some backstories. And yeah, I know that but there are always characters who don't get developed much who die. Can't change that unless you want me to rewrite the entire thing, which would not be the brightest idea.
So you need some help with the way the characters speak and on making them more unique?
Lets see...My character is pretty short tempered,… more so you can start from there. You can make him get mad at people more easily than the other characters, mocking people, starting fights etc... That should add an unique feeling to him.
Add backstory to characters to make them more relatable. (You can ask users to give some backstory on their characters.)
Also, don't forget to develop characters and let them have their moments, so you can have an excuse to kill them later in the story.
Well seeing how this is a rather major issue, I decided to look at my old manga books and I do see some special dialogue. But the thing is you must use your imagination to also know how they speak, not just by reading the dialogue blatantly. At least that's the way how I read it.Anyway I wrote a scene that will take place in Part 3 of Ep2, it contains possible spoilers who are not up to date, but the scene here is not that big of spoiler of what will happen in that issue. It's a breather moment. I'll post it in a spoiler post, it's really just Nekro, Viva, Hello, and Veddy talking about what happened in Ep2 Pt1 so don't worry. By the way, has my writing improved since I started Ep2? Please tell me!
This is only a sample of the script I made for Ep2.
As Veddy takes a sip, Nekro speaks with a depressed look "Quite the shitty day, ain't it?
Veddy puts the cup down as he speaks "Yes. But I've seen this happen before in my time. The things I went through... Coolstory is going through the SAME thing."
Nekro looks in Coolstory's direction in concern "Yeah."
Helloworld puts her book down and says "But... why on earth would Mustache do that? Doesnt't make sense."
Nekro replies "I don't think it's him. I have know that SOB for 20 years and he wouldn't do that. Hell I raised him. I think whoever really did it had purpose."
Hello looks mad when she turns to Nekro "Doesn't change the fact that how Kiwi died was sick!"
The 3 turns to look at Viva who plays with his cat. Veddy askes "So... what do you think Viva?"
Viva studders "What? Oh... uh, I don't like to get involved with this stuff."
Pete sternly looks at him "Come on! You're involved as much as we are."
Viva rubs the cat's chin "Well, honestly, I think Mustache is nothing but scum for what he did."
Pete replies "Well now we know which side you're on."
So please tell me your thoughts. Have I improved? Any errors?
Comments
I updated the OP with a link to the main gallery. From there you can access all the chapters in the folders from the left side.
Thanks and that was a good comic Tobi and that moment when Jennifer gave a warning I was like. Didn't heard that in a week HAHAHAHA
Oh my I just realized that in Mind games, I, Thewalkingcommenter, am going out for a walk.
Well it looks like I didn't got own dislike trolls then
Edit: I'm so forever alone, that it doesn't even show my forever alone face
(((
Apparently...
Mustache's Profile: ''Spamming Kenny confirmed for Season2! gifs like an idiot (I was very, very drunk;)''
Yes he was spamming 'Kenny confirmed for season 2!' (GIF).
Hey, you guys ever wondered who was the first user on the Forum?
http://www.telltalegames.com/profile/1/lambdakoko
Apparently this guy is user number 1, and he only has one comment. There's been alot of users here, i'm user number 1068689, and my account is from 2012.
Just a random piece of information...
jup, definitely that one XD.
The first member with only one comment made. Interesting.
Yeah and that creepy ending it flopped at the boxoffice but I thought it was awesome and creepy glad you liked it
Yeah it was an awesome scene too.
Do you know any other scary movies? And welcome back, by the way =D
We missed you bro.
Thanks and scary hmmm drag me to hell is decent
Okay, I'll check it out and tell my review of it to you.
nice work on 'me' tobi' :P
Ignore this
spoil sport
Sry.
Here's a interview Markd did me back on steam.
Markd4547: How long does it take you to draw a single box in your comic and how long to colour in a single
box
TobiIsAGoodBoy: Hmm....
It mainly is dependant on detail so if it's little it takes 10 a lot takes 30 minutes. Inking is roughly the
same. All in all it takes about an hour each to draw/ink a page
Markd4547: Cool
What is your imspiration that keeps you working for so long on a comic that motivates you
to work so long? and What do you picture as perfect result or reaction of a finished comic?
TobiIsAGoodBoy: Hm I think it's all because the people I am doing it for. Before I used to just draw concept
art for my other projects because I had no real motivation. No I do. A good example of a perfect reaction
would be the end of Mind Games part one. It made plenty shocked(I think). Overall it's if the comic that ends
is successful from the very beginning.
Markd4547:
love it. Do you have a definite plot or do you make up a new story every comic? and does the
fact your drawing the story affect your writings technique of the tale?
Markd4547: As in already written(definiteplot) for the first question
TobiIsAGoodBoy: Actually before near completion of the latest episode, I write the plot for the next one
during the end stages of the current episode being released. It has affected my writing techniques as I have
to figure out the space on word bubbles to describe the plot through dialogue in general. Plus I have to
figure the time lapses between panels and sacrifise some original plot ideas to fit the page length.
Markd4547: hmm fascinating can you drawing skills match your imagination as in draw anything you want into
the comic or is there certain things you struggle to draw?
TobiIsAGoodBoy: There are points where I struggle to draw it cuz my imagination is much more experienced in
designing scenes like the fights than I am with my hands. Like my mind makes the most insane action you'll
think you're watching DBZ level of action but with insane steroids! So my mind makes it hard for me to draw
out scenes in particular.
Markd4547: I like I'm I making your head explode with these questions XD.
With so many characters how do you fit them into the story without ruining the plot? Do you write you story
in a way to fit certain characters in or Do you Have an idea of the story and fit them in to suit the plot?
TobiIsAGoodBoy: I'll admit this was a very difficult challenge as I never fitted in so many characters in one
chapter. I like to focus on certain characters each time to see if they work well in these situations. The
atmosphere must be balanced with the characters' spotlights. Certain characters I feel right doesn't have a
huge impact at the moment until I'm ready to give it to them. Coolstorybro wasn't important until Ep2
released because his relationship with kiwi and a few others are important this issue. You'll get to know
more about them, even kiwi who's dead. I figure out how each character reacts and see if the respond to
something that happens. Ep1 was about Tobi/Pokedme learning about the Thread they joined, bonding with them
slowly.Ep2 will focus more on the rest of the cast despite some members having a small spot light for a
while. A good example of who'll be developed more is Papai and Azlyn.
Markd4547: YES!! see I did similair thing on much smaller scale with my fanfic story and I found I could make
a cheesy clique story to mention users as much as possible which they will love or I could actually write a
story someone would adore if they didn't even know the users. I find if you write to fit a certain characters
in that doesn't belong within the situation it comes off as cheesy
Markd4547: That's why I don't mind if my character doesn't appear often as long as the story is quality.
Never let pressure get to you to angle your story to fit anyone in. Anyway next let me think hmm
TobiIsAGoodBoy: Yes I can also confirm you were meant to suplex that punk on the thing you park the bikes,
breaking his spine. I cut that out sadly cuz of schedule complications. ;(
Markd4547: :'O WHY Y TELL ME THIS lol still it was awesome comic
SEE YA! GOTTA GO!
Well, since no one else seems to have addressed the problems I've seen, might as well offer some constructive criticism.
I felt detached from the characters, firstly. If you want your story to be personal, you have to make me feel close to the characters. Always make sure the readers have the same amount of information as the main protagonist(s). You let us know characters' names, despite the fact the protagonists wouldn't.
Keep the story and events tight and meaningful. Hearing about Mustache's diarrhoea is both repulsive and irrelevant to the story. It doesn't lead to any significant character development, and it's a very lazy attempt at comedy. You totally could've removed this bit, and the story wouldn't suffer at all. So keep it tight.
One of the most noticeable problems is the dialogue. There's not really any characters with unique ways of speaking. I'd even go so far as to say the dialogue is interchangeable. If you were to switch yourself with ohyoupokedme, would it make that much of a difference?
Also, the way in which you develop your characters is uninteresting to me. You're telling the audience about them, but anyone can do that. I'd be more impressed if you showed their personality, through their speech patterns and way of reacting to events. Saying Azlyn is shy isn't as interesting as implying she is. It requires more effort to figure out on the readers' part, ultimately leading to a more engaging story.
I've only read the first two parts, or issues, or whatever, and maybe you have improved already, but all I ask is that you take my opinions into consideration. Since people here are so nice and friendly, they'll probably view this as some personal attack. I assure you, I have no intention of undermining the amount of effort you've put into this, I'm just trying to help.
I agree with everything you said except for the bit about Mustache. That may not have done anything significant to the story but it was an Easter Egg to peaches and beans, and considering Mustache's character is pretty much based on Kenny I thought it was relevant and humorous.
You know, this post really made me realize some stuff. And I think it's good that someone finally gives some very constructive criticism, that's the only way to really grow as an artist of any form.
it's ok :P
Finally! I've been waiting for this kind of criticism! THANK YOU! You can't improve without learning from your mistakes after all.
You know I would really like that, but it's nearly impossible to do with how much time I have as I know can't do this forever. I would gladly do that however there are people who's roles are large or small. I seen characters appear once and was completely forgotten! (tryin' to avoid that) Plus there always were characters who were developed less than others. Trust me, I think we all know when I say that. I'm not telltale after all, maybe if this was a game, maybe we would've got much more character development as I see "hub moments" in this comic that I wish I could explore further. A realistic sad truth is that if I were to focus on everyone, it would be longer, but the length would mean I would have to delay my future plans and I want to make sure I finish this before I move on(Insert Yoda imitation- not rushing I will try).
This part I disagree with. I found it clever. I found it to be a good opportunity of an easter egg. What Eddie is true. Plus it proves what Kenny said is true. Let's not forget I also can have a gross sense of humor. The comedy is targeted to a bunch of directions of audience, take Family Guy for example. Plus in TWD S1 you could do stuff not related to the plot and have a breather. I want to make sure people has a breather once in a while cuz if it's straight to plot then you could also say goodbye to character development as well.
I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT! WHY NO ONE TOLD ME?! I do however feel some were unique like: Marsden, Ibrahim, Cart, Pokedme, Tobi, ihatemycat, and a few others. You could look at my short stories in Markd's thread to see if I improved. I did try to improve the dialogue in Ep2 but it's a pain when you don't know certain words to make better dialogue. Still, can someone give me more pointers?! PLEASE?!
... Wish you knew how hard it is to fit so many characters in each part. I'm only one doing this beside my partner who does the typing. If I had a team with me in reality maybe it could've been better so I had more time to figure out this stuff. Again with speech patterns, I didn't even know that was a problem. And I did show some personality in the drawings itself. I did however show she was shy in a panel or two, plus I'm working on that trait in Ep2 Pt2 along with her bipolar traits (bipolar characters are very difficult to make). Plus in the 3rd part we'll get a better look at the thread itself so (and it'll answer some confusion Ep2 Part 2 will make)
I ALREADY AM. Besides I really would like everyone's opinions but I never get the negative side. No offence to everyone but that annoyed me a bit. I didn't say it before cuz I might've acted like an ass-hat about it. Again thank you, even if I was stubborn about it in some parts here.
Plus I like to add that my greatest mistake is not writing dialogue when I write the script. I merely just summarize it. If I had more time as I make the comic, it would've been better.
Trust me, Tobi, I'm well aware of how annoying a passive fanbase is. Barely five of my subscribers have ever offered any criticism. Seeing the same "you're awesome" comments over and over again sounds fun, but it's really not.
Well I appreciate the kindness they give but like I said, I need to know my mistakes; you, Giraffehat, pointed them out. Thanks a lot.
Hmm... I should speak to my old partner that helped me with my(technically it's his too since he gives me ideas) major manga project. He was always good in telling me how to make things better. Maybe he could help me out in this story. He done it before, so why not again?
The way i see it is that most of the characters need a special way of talking to others, and that can be done quite easily. All you need to do is make a list with the important characters, what they do to serve the story and how they do it. Give them a problem, perhaps a dillema they have to solve, like Nick from the game. Give them relatable flaws, and make others try to help them.
I wrote a whole page on how i want my character to be handled, but im still waiting for my friends drawing of the changes. I think i got a hang of character development in general, so i can help you co-write the story. And i have given criticism in the past, but not so constructive as GirrafeHat. That might also change in the future.
I've been relatively busy so I haven't been offering much in the way of critiques. Since you're sensible and can accept criticism I will gladly point things out for you as I spot them. I tend to shy away from giving criticism unless asked for it, because people tend to take offense for whatever reason.
If you want a unique challenge you can make my character only speak in Iron Maiden lyrics like one of the Chant of Light Chanters in Dragon Age. Bad example if you haven't played it, but you get the idea. If you really wanted it to be unique you could also make him always speak in rhymes.
As an artist there's nothing I like less than a friendly critic.
I've played Dragon Age, but I kinda have no idea what "Chant of Light Chanters" is.
So you need some help with the way the characters speak and on making them more unique?
Lets see...My character is pretty short tempered, so you can start from there. You can make him get mad at people more easily than the other characters, mocking people, starting fights etc... That should add an unique feeling to him.
Add backstory to characters to make them more relatable. (You can ask users to give some backstory on their characters.)
Also, don't forget to develop characters and let them have their moments, so you can have an excuse to kill them later in the story.
The Chantry people that only speak in the Chant of Light. They run the Chanter's Boards.
Same here, it's good to hear something to help you improve every once in a while.
I actually like that. Could you find a song that would fit with necromancy? I want to have you do some chanting when raising the dead.
I'm actually really good with the hot tempered ones so it'll be easy. I'm already working on some backstories. And yeah, I know that but there are always characters who don't get developed much who die. Can't change that unless you want me to rewrite the entire thing, which would not be the brightest idea.
Well seeing how this is a rather major issue, I decided to look at my old manga books and I do see some special dialogue. But the thing is you must use your imagination to also know how they speak, not just by reading the dialogue blatantly. At least that's the way how I read it.Anyway I wrote a scene that will take place in Part 3 of Ep2, it contains possible spoilers who are not up to date, but the scene here is not that big of spoiler of what will happen in that issue. It's a breather moment. I'll post it in a spoiler post, it's really just Nekro, Viva, Hello, and Veddy talking about what happened in Ep2 Pt1 so don't worry. By the way, has my writing improved since I started Ep2? Please tell me!
This is only a sample of the script I made for Ep2.
As Veddy takes a sip, Nekro speaks with a depressed look "Quite the shitty day, ain't it?
Veddy puts the cup down as he speaks "Yes. But I've seen this happen before in my time. The things I went through... Coolstory is going through the SAME thing."
Nekro looks in Coolstory's direction in concern "Yeah."
Helloworld puts her book down and says "But... why on earth would Mustache do that? Doesnt't make sense."
Nekro replies "I don't think it's him. I have know that SOB for 20 years and he wouldn't do that. Hell I raised him. I think whoever really did it had purpose."
Hello looks mad when she turns to Nekro "Doesn't change the fact that how Kiwi died was sick!"
The 3 turns to look at Viva who plays with his cat. Veddy askes "So... what do you think Viva?"
Viva studders "What? Oh... uh, I don't like to get involved with this stuff."
Pete sternly looks at him "Come on! You're involved as much as we are."
Viva rubs the cat's chin "Well, honestly, I think Mustache is nothing but scum for what he did."
Pete replies "Well now we know which side you're on."
So please tell me your thoughts. Have I improved? Any errors?
Ah, that must be it. I didn't pay attention to the "Chant of Light" part, otherwise I wouldn't be confused. Some Dragon Age fan I am.
Actually, your suggestion sounds a bit funny now:
"Hey, Eddie! Where have you been? We were looking for you since Wednesday!"
"...Into the middle of fire I followed them, into the middle I was led."
"Umm, what does that mean, Eddie?
"By luck then a skirmish started and took the attention away from me. When they took their gaze away from me was the moment when I fled."
"Uh, Eddie I don't think I... Ah, whatever, forget it."
Try Iron Maiden - Dance of Death, not exactly close, but it is kinda similar.