Mum and Dad getting divorced.
First things first, I feel like abit of a spoon for making this thread but I know there's probably people on here who have gone through the same thing and I need some advice. My Mum and Dad have just told me their getting a divorce and my Mum's gonna move out and buy a house of her own. They split up before a few years ago and my Mum moved out to a flat, I was completely devastated. It was all a big mess back then with me and my sister staying at my Mums one night and then staying at my Dad's the other. But then they got back together a few months later and it was the happiest day of my life. But this time I don't think that's going to happen seeing that they want a divorce as soon as possible.
Now this is the part I need advice on. Whenever my Mum finds a new place she's gonna give me the choice of who I want to live with. This is the hard part because I love both my Mum and Dad and it's gonna kill me having to choose between them and it's not as simple as just alternating who I live with each week. Also my sisters at Uni now so she's not there to make the decision for me.
If any of you've been in this situation I wanna know what you did and how you coped because I feel like shit right now. And I don't want your sympathy, it just feels good to get this off my chest and maybe get help.
Comments
That's really harsh ;[ I've never had to deal with my parents divorcing, but why would they make that choice on you? They should decide who it would be better for you to live with, after all they still are your parents.
Man, that really sucks
Hope your Mom and Dad reconsider.
They think I'm old enough to make the decision myself. Truth is that I still feel like a little kid.
I'm hoping but they seem so certain this time.
Did you tell them that?
No I tried to play it cool :P They probably think I don't care.
Show them you care, and tell them! Trust me it'll make things a whole lot easier when you just open up to them, tell them how you feel :]
I might do. My parents are nice and I love them that but we've never had the kind of relationship where I can tell them all my problems and feelings. It would just add more awkwardness to an already awkward situation.
I kinda had that too with my parents :P but you really should try and establish that relationship now, it'll make things better for you.
Well I'm gonna go to bed now so i'll think on it and see how I feel in the morning. Thanks for trying to help
Yup, anytime bro. (I MEAN IF YOU ARE A GUY)
Don't worry, I am. Clues in the name ;P
My mom and dad got divorced when I was some single-digit age (don't remember exactly when). I didn't get to choose whom to live with, but custody at the time defaulted to the mother unless there was some reason not to, with the father paying child support. I and my brother spent most of the time with my mom but went to dad's house on weekends.
As you have to decide, think about who would have an easier time paying child support to the other. Would you be in a different school district and have to leave all your school friends? Also realize that they will be getting into relationships with other people as you get older. Which would you rather be more exposed to in that process?
Good luck. It's not fun, but millions of kids have survived this, and you will, too.
I'm sorry about your Mom and Dad, and I hope not to sound like a dick but you need to think about yourself. If you can get through school with less drama/trouble at home with your Mum, then live with her, and same thing with dad.
Please note my parents are not divorced, but they have had some troubles in the past that made me consider what I would do if they did, and I always thought I would have to do what was best for me in the long run. Sorry if I sound like a douche in this hard time of yours. Hope everything gets better for ya pal.
Here's some random guy on the internet telling you he's sorry. So there you go. There's nothing much else I can do but encourage you. I hope things get better for you, and just follow your heart. Keep your head up high, and know you're not alone, and that they care about you. This almost happened to me, but I got lucky, real lucky. I hope you get lucky too
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I was about six when my parents divorced. They didn't ignore each other though. They get together to sort out school stuff and things. But if you can't alternate each night between homes, maybe work out some kind of schedule like we did. For example, I used to stay at my Mum's on Mondays and Tuesdays, then at Dad's for the next two days, then I spend Friday at either Mum or Dad's and stay with the other during the weekend. They'd swap the last three days each week. Maybe work out something similar to minimise traveling between houses.
It would probably be a hell of a lot less stressful if I stayed with my Mum because she'd probably just leave me to do my own thing and my Dad can be a really grumpy old bastard sometimes even though he tries hard to be a good Dad. Although I don't know where my Mum's moving to so it might be too far away from college. If I stay with my Dad then everything will be the same just without my Mum. I think my Mum could cope with living on her own better than my Dad, I feel like he'd get depressed.
Thanks
I already got lucky once but then it went and happened again. I've still got my fingers crossed though
Luckily mine aren't ignoring each other either. It's my Mum that wants the divorce, my Dad wants us all to stay together. I'll probably stay at one of their houses permanently and visit the other at weekends.
First of all, I know you didn't say this in your post, but just in case you every have those feelings, it isn't your fault, it isn't because of you, so do not feel guilty, this is something your parents are dealing with between themselves. I know you never said that, but a lot of people feel that way, and so I just wanted you to know you're not to blame at all.
The other thing is, and you'll hear different opinions from different people, but, I know from personal experience that sometimes it's better to be divorced and happy than living together and miserable. My parents had a good deal of problems, and I feel like I was the only thing that kept them together - and I don't mean that in a good way. I don't want to turn this into anything about me, I just mean to say, that it's possible to look on the bright side where both your parents can come to be happier and the whole family (and no matter what, you're all still family) will be better for it. Such separations are really heard, especially when you may have to go from house to house, but it may be better than the alternative.
I'm sorry I can't give you better advice, but just based on the little I know about the situation from what you said, those are my thoughts.
Just follow your heart if they truly care about you they would just want you to be happy no matter what happens sure one will be sad but they will realize when they are ready that it was the best for you and that that is all they wanted.
My dad left my mother, 3 sisters, my brother and I when we were really young I ended up living with my grandparents, and to this day I still do not know what my "old man" looks like.
Well I sort of consider my Dad's house my permanent home since I go to and from school to there. I'd say go with whichever house is less of a hassle. By the way, are you Australian or English?
Yeah I'm probably gonna end up staying with my Dad and I'm English
The last few months it feels like my parents have been trying to act happy instead of actually being happy. It's pretty depressing because they thought I didn't notice so I was trying to act happy too even though I wasn't. I guess it'll get better now though. Thanks
I just still don't want to leave one of them alone and I'm sorry about your Dad, that's rough.
I'd flip a coin in front of them and have them decide who calls it. That way no ones feelings is hurt. EZ PEEZY JapaneesY
They shouldn't be putting this decision on you. No matter who you chose, you'll hurt one of them.
Tell them that they have to come up with an agreement.
That doesn't sound like such a bad idea, it'd be a lot easier.
My Mum's gonna go live with my Grandma for a while so if I went with her then my Dad would have no one so I'm gonna stay with my Dad.
My aunt and cousins were in the same situation.
Fortunately for them, the choice was painfully obvious that my aunt was the sane one. My former uncle was narcissistic and had a gambling addiction. He blamed all his problems on her and didn't bother even trying to go to counseling.
I think I'd be better off with my Mum but I'm worried if I leave my Dad he'd get depressed. My Dad doesn't even want the divorce.
How much effort was put into trying to repair the relationship? Do you know?
Well they split up before but then ended up getting back together for another 4 years.
What is it that's causing them to split?
If you don't want to say here, you can private message me.
Good luck with your decision, just be honest with your parents.
Neither of them had an affair or anything I think its just a lack of love.