Sorry you got into those toxic friendships. It's probably best to write them off unless they make a real effort to reconnect, which they probably won't on their own. P2's friend sounds cool, though there's a risk that the P2 connection will mess that up. It's still worth a shot!
You did great moving away from home to force yourself into life! Some people never get that far. It's hard, and you can get hurt, but all the rewards are out there, and you're still young enough that there's plenty of time to find them!
See if you can make more friends, too. Hint: Bring cookies.
So it's been a while since I've actually posted here...how long's it been? 3 years since I've posted properly? I'll start of by saying that … moreI did miss you guys, and sorry for the long read.
Sooo here goes. The transition going into adulthood has been quite rough to say the least and I know that's normal. When I started here, around the new frontier days or thereabout, I was that cheeky 14 year old always getting into mischief, I had all the time in the world and had a tonne of fun playing games, slacking off and having 0 worries. Huge ass 'oh wow I'm old' bomb shell coming but I'm currently 20 years old, turning 21 next month and as they say 'with age comes wisdom'.
My eyes have been opened to a great many things over the years. I realised that I never actually did much as a kid. My parents were always there. My dad was more invested in my brother because he was gifted at sports and had potential there, I never cared for that stuff so I… [view original content]
Funny you should say that, I actually brought cookies along with me for everyone on the trip :>
My main concern is that both of those people are in the same class as I am. P2 hurt me the most but I don’t think she meant to. P1 did something which imo is worse but it didn’t affect me as much as the other one somehow. I’ve restrained myself from telling my tutor that they tried to bribe me into doing their assignments for them just out of sheer spite. I’m not sure if it’s the right or smart move not saying anything, but for now I’ve kept completely quiet. I suppose I get to maintain the moral high ground right? 🥲
Sorry you got into those toxic friendships. It's probably best to write them off unless they make a real effort to reconnect, which they pr… moreobably won't on their own. P2's friend sounds cool, though there's a risk that the P2 connection will mess that up. It's still worth a shot!
You did great moving away from home to force yourself into life! Some people never get that far. It's hard, and you can get hurt, but all the rewards are out there, and you're still young enough that there's plenty of time to find them!
See if you can make more friends, too. Hint: Bring cookies.
Yeah, best to keep quiet about the assignments, because you could get in trouble for that, too. The point of school is to learn stuff, and if they learned less because they didn't do the assignments, they cheated themselves, and they might not do so well on the tests. Karma tends to catch up.
Funny you should say that, I actually brought cookies along with me for everyone on the trip :>
My main concern is that both of those … morepeople are in the same class as I am. P2 hurt me the most but I don’t think she meant to. P1 did something which imo is worse but it didn’t affect me as much as the other one somehow. I’ve restrained myself from telling my tutor that they tried to bribe me into doing their assignments for them just out of sheer spite. I’m not sure if it’s the right or smart move not saying anything, but for now I’ve kept completely quiet. I suppose I get to maintain the moral high ground right? 🥲
Gimme all your good vibes and support! Had a pretty terrible, overwhelming day today at starbucks and I've felt terrible the entire day after that.
Crossing my fingers after this good little sleep, I'll be able to have a better day tomorrow.
It's just been... a lot to handle... I'm doing my best, but even then there's still things that I forget and it's easy to feel hurt and guilty that I'm letting people down -- that I'm not doing my job "properly". Trying not to let it get to me, but it's hard working somewhere where everyone has months/years of experience.
It might be a good thing this thread hasn't been touched since October of last year....
Anyway, uh, this past day has been pretty sucky.
I was going to go see the new TMNT animated movie, and to put a long story short: I... didn't really end up doing that.
The commute route I took, got me 15 minutes late to the showing, when I should have arrived 5 mins early.
Today was National Cinema Day, the movie chain was doing 4$ tickets. Nearly every movie showing online was 90% booked last night when I bought it...
Finding my seat in the dark theater after arriving was really tough. Thankfully mine was close-ish to the entrance. Just 3 rows up, 5 or so seats in on the far end. It was the one conspicuous empty seat between two groups after the screen finally illuminated the crowd for a half-second.
About 10 mins after I'd sat down, the group of 4 on my right moved up to the very front row, and some other random family took their place?
The woman who sat down next to me, then said her husband was supposed to be in my seat (13) -- I wasn't completely sure which seat I was in by then, got really confused, and they seemed to know which seats they were in. So I settled and moved out of the row, to check my ticket/seat location...
I'm sure I was right the 1st time. Row C, Seat 13... the one empty seat in that row right?. But I didn't want to start an argument right there, so I tried finding a different no-show seat... but again, super hard to make out empty seats in a dark theater.
By that point I got way too overwhelmed with stress, couldn't think straight, and I decided to completely leave the location. In hindsight, yes, I should have asked a staff member to help me find my, or any seat, or my money back, but I'd had such an uncomfortable afternoon by that point, my brain just couldn't handle more pressure...
fuck anxiety.
Haven't felt that stressed and on edge in a while, ugh. All from a movie ticket/seat.
At least what little I saw of the movie was great, art-wise. 3D sketchbook come to life. Will definitely catch another showing some other time.
It might be a good thing this thread hasn't been touched since October of last year....
Anyway, uh, this past day has been pretty sucky. … more
I was going to go see the new TMNT animated movie, and to put a long story short: I... didn't really end up doing that.
* The commute route I took, got me 15 minutes late to the showing, when I should have arrived 5 mins early.
* Today was National Cinema Day, the movie chain was doing 4$ tickets. Nearly every movie showing online was 90% booked last night when I bought it...
* Finding my seat in the dark theater after arriving was really tough. Thankfully mine was close-ish to the entrance. Just 3 rows up, 5 or so seats in on the far end. It was the one conspicuous empty seat between two groups after the screen finally illuminated the crowd for a half-second.
* About 10 mins after I'd sat down, the group of 4 on my right moved up to the very front row, and some other random family took their … [view original content]
It really sucks to try your best at something, and yet still fall below expectations...
Did I mention on Sept. 5th, it was my 1 year anniversary of working at starbucks? This makes this following conversation especially difficult.
Near the beginning of the summer, I had a chat with my manager about my performance and how I was still falling short of being 100% independent on bar/till.
I had been moved to strictly afternoon/closing shifts (since there's more downtime) to also try out if that benefitted me.
Just had another chat after my return shift just now, to check in on that.
(Honestly it's been like 2 months, I thought everything was going okay. Not really...)
He's noted feedback he got from supervisors over the summer, and I'm still not at the level of independency needed to be 100% efficient. Partners generally shift in to cover some slack in the 2nd bar or till, even in generally slow periods... which is not good.
He also noted that apparently (and he stressed multiple times that it's not because people don't like me -- no one's said any issues about me as a person) that I tend to give off a sense of anxiety or stress or being flustered, and that once I leave a shift, partners feel less stressed about their own positions.
That... was really hard to hear. God damn it.
I know that in general - and especially at this job - I have a sense of stress or anxiety about it. Social anxiety sometines makes it hard to interact openly, and my processing disorder makes my brain on catch-up mode all the time... Try as I might, there's still some part of me that's on edge about keeping a big mental list of shifting tasks, or swapping between drink recipies quickly... still, I'm sad that it seems to be rubbing off on others...
I'm a little surprised by all this, and a little not, since I do know that people have been shifting in to help me at bar/till tasks over the summer, and I should be mostly covering it myself (especially in our slow period when we have fewer people during any given shift).
At the very least, my manager is a good guy, and while at this point it should lead to a write-up of some sort for me - not being up to the standards of the job - he's belaying that for now and we're going to see if the Starbucks Accessibility group/program has any help or special condition they can allow me, so as to keep my job or keep me from being below the required expectations of this... (unless I inherently am unable to fulfill the conditions of the job which would be a big issue).
God.... this was a lot to be thrown at once. I really didn't know what to say to my manager other than I agree that part of me still finds this job mentally difficult and right now I have no idea if I should be really sad about it or accept that its true I'm not up to par...
Glad to see the vent thread is still here from my days of using it back in the day with my old acc and a special thanks to those who helped me back then.. Hope everyone is having a good life out there and if anything is ever wrong i'll be here for ya peace ✌️
Recently I lost my beloved cat Joe, I never had a child yet but he was like one because how much I loved him and how much he loved me, I thank Allah for every second we lived with each other and the good memories, at least I know I tried my best for him till the last second, be kind to your pets, family and friends and never be rude to them, because you never know when you will loose them forever in this life.
Glad to see the vent thread is still here from my days of using it back in the day with my old acc and a special thanks to those who helped … moreme back then.. Hope everyone is having a good life out there and if anything is ever wrong i'll be here for ya peace ✌️
Started drawing again and have been working on something fairly big the past few days that I think I've spent a cool 8 hours on now. Did most of the line art and started doing the colouring and after two hours I decided to stop for the day and save. I stupidly closed it while it was saving for whatever fucking reason and I lost all my progress for the day.
Started drawing again and have been working on something fairly big the past few days that I think I've spent a cool 8 hours on now. Did mos… moret of the line art and started doing the colouring and after two hours I decided to stop for the day and save. I stupidly closed it while it was saving for whatever fucking reason and I lost all my progress for the day.
Kill me.
Went to Kickstarter to check on the status of an artbook I bought and saw another one recommended to me by the algorithm. It was a "comicbook" made up of AI images. I looked through the images and bruh this shit didn't even bother correcting any of the usual AI issues, hid most of the hands and feet and this shit raised thousands of dollars
What a bunch of fuckin' idiots. It certainly doesn't help that the name of the publisher in question and the content raised a giant red flag.
For any mods that read this, any chance we could edit the text in the OP's post to include helplines and different avenues of support for Forum users to avail of? Like some people may come in to vent about something that upset them during the day, but there may be some that come in to vent about things that really affect them and really hamper their mental health. I know it's a Forum and not a mental health clinic, but I think it could be good to link some services and helplines that users may use.
I am starting to get a bit anxious about moving as it's my first time away from home, I'll be on my own, and leaving behind the people I love, it's been overwhelming, the lack of sleep from working long hours has surely fed into that anxiety I am experiencing.
A couple of people I know, that I consider my friends, they've spoken about having a party, and I dismissed any suggestions they gave me. It's not that I don't want to have a gathering and say goodbye to everyone, it's that I do, but it will make it more difficult for me, and I do worry that nobody will show up, especially the people I want to show up. I don't want to experience rejection when I'm already moving away, I don't want that dropped on me when moving away is hard for me. It's something that has been brought up, and I shot down straight away to avoid being swayed into doing it. My plan was to just disappear, not make a big deal out of me leaving, it's gone out the window now. People know, people talk, it's not a secret that I'm leaving, as much as I wish it was.
It may not matter since I'm already moving away, but it means a lot to me, because I do care a lot about the people in my life, I do want to spend time with them, but making myself vulnerable like that, and if I get let down, it would hurt me a lot.
At the moment, I am confused, unsure of how to process the overwhelming, conflicting emotions of all of it. The idea of moving away is stressful, I'll be on my own, far away from everyone, but all of this, it's something I wanted to avoid and tried to not let myself feel it. Those walls came down and I'm now very confused over what is the right thing to do, I know if I don't do it that I will regret it, but I know if I do it I'll be making myself vulnerable and potentially disappointed, and I'll end up regretting doing it as a result. I feel that I can't win.
It's always scary to leave your comfort zone, but it's something you have to do sometimes to move forward to the next stage of your life. Things tend to not turn out as badly as you fear they might.
There are lots of reasons not to have a party, though. Organizing a party can be a lot of work, and facilities don't like it when you say, "Hi, I need a table for somewhere between 1 and 200 people." If several different people are moving on to different places, though, it might make sense to have a combined going-away celebration for everyone, and it makes attendance more predictable. (You should still expect some people to say they're coming and not show up. That's true for any party, and it's not a reflection on what they think of you, just who they are.) It also helps remove pressure if you're not the only focus.
Good luck! You'll probably still be electronic buddies with your friends for a while.
I am starting to get a bit anxious about moving as it's my first time away from home, I'll be on my own, and leaving behind the people I lov… moree, it's been overwhelming, the lack of sleep from working long hours has surely fed into that anxiety I am experiencing.
A couple of people I know, that I consider my friends, they've spoken about having a party, and I dismissed any suggestions they gave me. It's not that I don't want to have a gathering and say goodbye to everyone, it's that I do, but it will make it more difficult for me, and I do worry that nobody will show up, especially the people I want to show up. I don't want to experience rejection when I'm already moving away, I don't want that dropped on me when moving away is hard for me. It's something that has been brought up, and I shot down straight away to avoid being swayed into doing it. My plan was to just disappear, not make a big deal out of me leaving, it's gone out the window no… [view original content]
It's always scary to leave your comfort zone, but it's something you have to do sometimes to move forward to the next stage of your life. Things tend to not turn out as badly as you fear they might.
I do agree, I felt it was the most necessary decision for myself, I was in a comfortable position at home, but I wasn't happy, for a multitude of reasons, I felt that moving was the only option.
There are lots of reasons not to have a party, though. Organizing a party can be a lot of work, and facilities don't like it when you say, "Hi, I need a table for somewhere between 1 and 200 people." If several different people are moving on to different places, though, it might make sense to have a combined going-away celebration for everyone, and it makes attendance more predictable. (You should still expect some people to say they're coming and not show up. That's true for any party, and it's not a reflection on what they think of you, just who they are.) It also helps remove pressure if you're not the only focus.
Honestly how it probably would've been done is we go to the local pub, which we know the owners of said pub, put up some decorations, then that's it, the owners are fairly chill about those things, and I'm sure they'd be chill with me because I've known them for years and I'm a local lad, so there wouldn't be hassle in getting it set up, my anxiety stems from the uncertainty and the fear of the people I care about not showing up. My problem is I am very self-critical, mentally I will always find a way to blame myself for something going wrong. A waiter breaks a glass while talking to me, I apologise and feel I'm to blame for distracting them, I chat to someone in work while they're getting something, and they forget what they were supposed to get, my fault for talking to them instead of just letting them be. When I do acts of service or acts of kindness for people, I worry it's not enough, or maybe it's too much and overwhelms them, I don't give myself a break.
This is something I am acutely aware of and actively working to remove from my personality, but it's so ingrained, progress is rarely, if ever, linear, but I feel for a time I can make progress and lose that progress and spiral downwards when one thing goes wrong.
It's always scary to leave your comfort zone, but it's something you have to do sometimes to move forward to the next stage of your life. T… morehings tend to not turn out as badly as you fear they might.
There are lots of reasons not to have a party, though. Organizing a party can be a lot of work, and facilities don't like it when you say, "Hi, I need a table for somewhere between 1 and 200 people." If several different people are moving on to different places, though, it might make sense to have a combined going-away celebration for everyone, and it makes attendance more predictable. (You should still expect some people to say they're coming and not show up. That's true for any party, and it's not a reflection on what they think of you, just who they are.) It also helps remove pressure if you're not the only focus.
Good luck! You'll probably still be electronic buddies with your friends for a while.
Pub owners can be very creative in manufacturing celebrations no matter who shows up, so if you can psych yourself up not to take it personally if certain people don't appear (as I said, some people are just like that), then maybe it's worth a shot!
Next time you worry that you are to blame about something that happens, ask yourself if you were in the other person's place, would you blame "you" for what happened. If not, then don't worry about it. Though, "Whoops, sorry if I distracted you!" doesn't hurt.
It's always scary to leave your comfort zone, but it's something you have to do sometimes to move forward to the next stage of your life. Th… moreings tend to not turn out as badly as you fear they might.
I do agree, I felt it was the most necessary decision for myself, I was in a comfortable position at home, but I wasn't happy, for a multitude of reasons, I felt that moving was the only option.
There are lots of reasons not to have a party, though. Organizing a party can be a lot of work, and facilities don't like it when you say, "Hi, I need a table for somewhere between 1 and 200 people." If several different people are moving on to different places, though, it might make sense to have a combined going-away celebration for everyone, and it makes attendance more predictable. (You should still expect some people to say they're coming and not show up. That's true for any party, and it's not a reflection on what they think of you, jus… [view original content]
I'm not too sure what to do. I really don't know if I'll do anything with anyone before I leave, I think I'll just keep to myself and count down the days until I move.
Next time you worry that you are to blame about something that happens, ask yourself if you were in the other person's place, would you blame "you" for what happened. If not, then don't worry about it. Though, "Whoops, sorry if I distracted you!" doesn't hurt.
That's an interesting way to look at it, but truthfully, I wouldn't blame the other person for it, but I would blame myself, I'd always find a way to blame myself. It doesn't make sense, but it's that I feel I am inferior to others, that anything I do, it isn't enough, or if it's too much, then I kick myself for being too much. I don't allow myself an opportunity to "win" or be content with my efforts, and it's such a hard block to overcome.
Pub owners can be very creative in manufacturing celebrations no matter who shows up, so if you can psych yourself up not to take it persona… morelly if certain people don't appear (as I said, some people are just like that), then maybe it's worth a shot!
Next time you worry that you are to blame about something that happens, ask yourself if you were in the other person's place, would you blame "you" for what happened. If not, then don't worry about it. Though, "Whoops, sorry if I distracted you!" doesn't hurt.
Comments
Sorry you got into those toxic friendships. It's probably best to write them off unless they make a real effort to reconnect, which they probably won't on their own. P2's friend sounds cool, though there's a risk that the P2 connection will mess that up. It's still worth a shot!
You did great moving away from home to force yourself into life! Some people never get that far. It's hard, and you can get hurt, but all the rewards are out there, and you're still young enough that there's plenty of time to find them!
See if you can make more friends, too. Hint: Bring cookies.
Funny you should say that, I actually brought cookies along with me for everyone on the trip :>
My main concern is that both of those people are in the same class as I am. P2 hurt me the most but I don’t think she meant to. P1 did something which imo is worse but it didn’t affect me as much as the other one somehow. I’ve restrained myself from telling my tutor that they tried to bribe me into doing their assignments for them just out of sheer spite. I’m not sure if it’s the right or smart move not saying anything, but for now I’ve kept completely quiet. I suppose I get to maintain the moral high ground right? 🥲
Yeah, best to keep quiet about the assignments, because you could get in trouble for that, too. The point of school is to learn stuff, and if they learned less because they didn't do the assignments, they cheated themselves, and they might not do so well on the tests. Karma tends to catch up.
Gimme all your good vibes and support! Had a pretty terrible, overwhelming day today at starbucks and I've felt terrible the entire day after that.
Crossing my fingers after this good little sleep, I'll be able to have a better day tomorrow.
It's just been... a lot to handle... I'm doing my best, but even then there's still things that I forget and it's easy to feel hurt and guilty that I'm letting people down -- that I'm not doing my job "properly". Trying not to let it get to me, but it's hard working somewhere where everyone has months/years of experience.
It might be a good thing this thread hasn't been touched since October of last year....
Anyway, uh, this past day has been pretty sucky.
I was going to go see the new TMNT animated movie, and to put a long story short: I... didn't really end up doing that.
fuck anxiety.
Haven't felt that stressed and on edge in a while, ugh. All from a movie ticket/seat.
At least what little I saw of the movie was great, art-wise. 3D sketchbook come to life. Will definitely catch another showing some other time.
Man, that really sucks. Sorry you had such a tough time.
I hope the next visit goes easier for you.
It really sucks to try your best at something, and yet still fall below expectations...
Did I mention on Sept. 5th, it was my 1 year anniversary of working at starbucks? This makes this following conversation especially difficult.
Near the beginning of the summer, I had a chat with my manager about my performance and how I was still falling short of being 100% independent on bar/till.
I had been moved to strictly afternoon/closing shifts (since there's more downtime) to also try out if that benefitted me.
Just had another chat after my return shift just now, to check in on that.
(Honestly it's been like 2 months, I thought everything was going okay. Not really...)
He's noted feedback he got from supervisors over the summer, and I'm still not at the level of independency needed to be 100% efficient. Partners generally shift in to cover some slack in the 2nd bar or till, even in generally slow periods... which is not good.
He also noted that apparently (and he stressed multiple times that it's not because people don't like me -- no one's said any issues about me as a person) that I tend to give off a sense of anxiety or stress or being flustered, and that once I leave a shift, partners feel less stressed about their own positions.
That... was really hard to hear. God damn it.
I know that in general - and especially at this job - I have a sense of stress or anxiety about it. Social anxiety sometines makes it hard to interact openly, and my processing disorder makes my brain on catch-up mode all the time... Try as I might, there's still some part of me that's on edge about keeping a big mental list of shifting tasks, or swapping between drink recipies quickly... still, I'm sad that it seems to be rubbing off on others...
I'm a little surprised by all this, and a little not, since I do know that people have been shifting in to help me at bar/till tasks over the summer, and I should be mostly covering it myself (especially in our slow period when we have fewer people during any given shift).
At the very least, my manager is a good guy, and while at this point it should lead to a write-up of some sort for me - not being up to the standards of the job - he's belaying that for now and we're going to see if the Starbucks Accessibility group/program has any help or special condition they can allow me, so as to keep my job or keep me from being below the required expectations of this... (unless I inherently am unable to fulfill the conditions of the job which would be a big issue).
God.... this was a lot to be thrown at once. I really didn't know what to say to my manager other than I agree that part of me still finds this job mentally difficult and right now I have no idea if I should be really sad about it or accept that its true I'm not up to par...
Glad to see the vent thread is still here from my days of using it back in the day with my old acc and a special thanks to those who helped me back then.. Hope everyone is having a good life out there and if anything is ever wrong i'll be here for ya peace ✌️
Recently I lost my beloved cat Joe, I never had a child yet but he was like one because how much I loved him and how much he loved me, I thank Allah for every second we lived with each other and the good memories, at least I know I tried my best for him till the last second, be kind to your pets, family and friends and never be rude to them, because you never know when you will loose them forever in this life.
Hey! I think I remember you, hope you’re doing good 🙂
Were you an old account before? I remember your name
Yes. I was Cocoa on an old account
Started drawing again and have been working on something fairly big the past few days that I think I've spent a cool 8 hours on now. Did most of the line art and started doing the colouring and after two hours I decided to stop for the day and save. I stupidly closed it while it was saving for whatever fucking reason and I lost all my progress for the day.
Kill me.
That freaking suuuucks dude
Went to Kickstarter to check on the status of an artbook I bought and saw another one recommended to me by the algorithm. It was a "comicbook" made up of AI images. I looked through the images and bruh this shit didn't even bother correcting any of the usual AI issues, hid most of the hands and feet and this shit raised thousands of dollars
What a bunch of fuckin' idiots. It certainly doesn't help that the name of the publisher in question and the content raised a giant red flag.
For any mods that read this, any chance we could edit the text in the OP's post to include helplines and different avenues of support for Forum users to avail of? Like some people may come in to vent about something that upset them during the day, but there may be some that come in to vent about things that really affect them and really hamper their mental health. I know it's a Forum and not a mental health clinic, but I think it could be good to link some services and helplines that users may use.
I am starting to get a bit anxious about moving as it's my first time away from home, I'll be on my own, and leaving behind the people I love, it's been overwhelming, the lack of sleep from working long hours has surely fed into that anxiety I am experiencing.
A couple of people I know, that I consider my friends, they've spoken about having a party, and I dismissed any suggestions they gave me. It's not that I don't want to have a gathering and say goodbye to everyone, it's that I do, but it will make it more difficult for me, and I do worry that nobody will show up, especially the people I want to show up. I don't want to experience rejection when I'm already moving away, I don't want that dropped on me when moving away is hard for me. It's something that has been brought up, and I shot down straight away to avoid being swayed into doing it. My plan was to just disappear, not make a big deal out of me leaving, it's gone out the window now. People know, people talk, it's not a secret that I'm leaving, as much as I wish it was.
It may not matter since I'm already moving away, but it means a lot to me, because I do care a lot about the people in my life, I do want to spend time with them, but making myself vulnerable like that, and if I get let down, it would hurt me a lot.
At the moment, I am confused, unsure of how to process the overwhelming, conflicting emotions of all of it. The idea of moving away is stressful, I'll be on my own, far away from everyone, but all of this, it's something I wanted to avoid and tried to not let myself feel it. Those walls came down and I'm now very confused over what is the right thing to do, I know if I don't do it that I will regret it, but I know if I do it I'll be making myself vulnerable and potentially disappointed, and I'll end up regretting doing it as a result. I feel that I can't win.
It's always scary to leave your comfort zone, but it's something you have to do sometimes to move forward to the next stage of your life. Things tend to not turn out as badly as you fear they might.
There are lots of reasons not to have a party, though. Organizing a party can be a lot of work, and facilities don't like it when you say, "Hi, I need a table for somewhere between 1 and 200 people." If several different people are moving on to different places, though, it might make sense to have a combined going-away celebration for everyone, and it makes attendance more predictable. (You should still expect some people to say they're coming and not show up. That's true for any party, and it's not a reflection on what they think of you, just who they are.) It also helps remove pressure if you're not the only focus.
Good luck! You'll probably still be electronic buddies with your friends for a while.
I do agree, I felt it was the most necessary decision for myself, I was in a comfortable position at home, but I wasn't happy, for a multitude of reasons, I felt that moving was the only option.
Honestly how it probably would've been done is we go to the local pub, which we know the owners of said pub, put up some decorations, then that's it, the owners are fairly chill about those things, and I'm sure they'd be chill with me because I've known them for years and I'm a local lad, so there wouldn't be hassle in getting it set up, my anxiety stems from the uncertainty and the fear of the people I care about not showing up. My problem is I am very self-critical, mentally I will always find a way to blame myself for something going wrong. A waiter breaks a glass while talking to me, I apologise and feel I'm to blame for distracting them, I chat to someone in work while they're getting something, and they forget what they were supposed to get, my fault for talking to them instead of just letting them be. When I do acts of service or acts of kindness for people, I worry it's not enough, or maybe it's too much and overwhelms them, I don't give myself a break.
This is something I am acutely aware of and actively working to remove from my personality, but it's so ingrained, progress is rarely, if ever, linear, but I feel for a time I can make progress and lose that progress and spiral downwards when one thing goes wrong.
Pub owners can be very creative in manufacturing celebrations no matter who shows up, so if you can psych yourself up not to take it personally if certain people don't appear (as I said, some people are just like that), then maybe it's worth a shot!
Next time you worry that you are to blame about something that happens, ask yourself if you were in the other person's place, would you blame "you" for what happened. If not, then don't worry about it. Though, "Whoops, sorry if I distracted you!" doesn't hurt.
I'm not too sure what to do. I really don't know if I'll do anything with anyone before I leave, I think I'll just keep to myself and count down the days until I move.
That's an interesting way to look at it, but truthfully, I wouldn't blame the other person for it, but I would blame myself, I'd always find a way to blame myself. It doesn't make sense, but it's that I feel I am inferior to others, that anything I do, it isn't enough, or if it's too much, then I kick myself for being too much. I don't allow myself an opportunity to "win" or be content with my efforts, and it's such a hard block to overcome.