Pop a Poppler in your mouth,
When you come to Fishy Joe's,
What they're made of is a mystery,
Where they come from, no one knows,
You can pick 'em,
You can lick 'em,
You can chew 'em,
You can stick 'em,
If you promise not to sue us,
You can shove one up your nose.
Hey! What's the idea of the three watches?
That's the way I tell the time.
How do you tell the time?
This one runs ten minutes slow every two hours. This runs twenty minutes fast every four hours. The one in the middle is broken and stopped at two o'clock.
Well, how do you tell the time?
I take the ten minutes on this one and subtract it by the twenty minutes on that one. Then I divide it by the two in the middle.
Well, what time is it now?
[grabs a clock from the inside of his jacket pocket]
Uh, ten minutes to four.
"These games suck Baragon's sweaty ball sack! I'd rather get a shock from sucking Mechagodzilla's mechanical wiener! These games are SHIT drizzling out of the Smog Monster's rancid, putrid A-hole and then being swallowed up and barfed back up by Anguirus while I lay on his spikes getting Gigan's buzzsaw up my ass while DESTOROYAH dumps his diabolical diarrhea all over my face!"
Oh, and every great game has a map screen, and being that the game is mostly side scrolling, you can't tell which direction you're supposed to be going. But, that's cool. It's cool. It makes it more challenging. I like that. Like when you're walking left but really heading to the right on the map? I love figuring that shit out. ...I love it. ...It's just great. LIKE PUKE UP A DONKEY'S ASS!
The first warning sign is that the manual is thick enough to beats goats to death with and then once you get into the game, the user interface is just a few steps shy of Microsoft Access in terms of friendliness. There's your inventory screen, your character screen, your alchemy screen, your glossary, your quests, your map, you have to switch between combat mode and stand-around-picking-your-nose-while-enemies-carve-you-like-turducken mode. And once you're in combat mode, do you fight in strong, fast or group style? And if you'll be wanting to mix potions then I hope you've gone through the necessary eight-week correspondence course. If disliking this sort of shit makes me stupid, then call me Retard McSpackypants, but I'd rather be stupid and having fun than bored out of my huge genius mind.
Comments
When you come to Fishy Joe's,
What they're made of is a mystery,
Where they come from, no one knows,
You can pick 'em,
You can lick 'em,
You can chew 'em,
You can stick 'em,
If you promise not to sue us,
You can shove one up your nose.
What tools?
The tools we’ve been using for the last ten years!
Ohhh, those tools!
That's the way I tell the time.
How do you tell the time?
This one runs ten minutes slow every two hours. This runs twenty minutes fast every four hours. The one in the middle is broken and stopped at two o'clock.
Well, how do you tell the time?
I take the ten minutes on this one and subtract it by the twenty minutes on that one. Then I divide it by the two in the middle.
Well, what time is it now?
[grabs a clock from the inside of his jacket pocket]
Uh, ten minutes to four.
I hope we live to tell the tale.
Fuck you!
Oh, that’s one of my favorites.
While staring at Rodney Dangerfield with a Mohawk, such a disgrace!
are DEAD.
GAME OVER
You can repair him, can't you?
I trusted them to fix it!
IT'S NOT MY FAULT!
About a great. many. things...