Though, to be perfectly fair... you were the one who brought up blue penises in the first place...
A professor gives his psychology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question." The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!" Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times." The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you
Some are small... others, are quite large. But regardless, there's still a not inconsiderable difference between a baby's head and the original size of the opening. This is probably the primary reason why giving birth is so damn painful... for humans especially.
Going old school:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! HaHaHaHaHaHa
*Cricket sounds in the audience* And now I will escort myself from the building, as I have now earn the title of worst joker ever.
from jokes to blue penis to vagina's and child birth..
Actually, that joke (or variations thereof) has been around for decades. I've seen it many times and never thought about the "openings" that probably answer the teacher's question better, 'til Alcoremortis posted that. It was probably written by a man.
ObJoke: So, have you heard about the Telltale Games Forum thread that stayed on topic?
Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith.
Actually, that joke (or variations thereof) has been around for decades. I've seen it many times and never thought about the "openings" that probably answer the teacher's question better, 'til Alcoremortis posted that. It was probably written by a man.
ObJoke: So, have you heard about the Telltale Games Forum thread that stayed on topic?
Yeah, neither have I.
Well, my first thought was of the female opening. And then cheerio's because I was hungry.
Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith.
That reminds me of a joke from back when he was alive and in court.
What Did Michael Jackson say to the judge?
I would've gotten away with it too, if I didn't fiddle with those kids!
A group of kindergarteners gather around the teacher one day. “Okay, class, can you tell me what kind of animal this is?” She holds up a picture of a giraffe. A little girl raises her hand. “A giraffe!” She then picks up another picture, this time a zebra. Another child raises his hand, and again gives the correct answer. The teacher then picks up a picture of a deer. The room goes silent. “Alright, class,” she says, “I’ll give you a hint. It’s what your mother sometimes calls your father.” One child raises his hand. “A horny bastard!”
There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.
When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.
When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.''
He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point.
They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.
Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''
A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."
A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.
After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."
The man shouts, "You're on!"
After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"
The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."
Comments
A professor gives his psychology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question." The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!" Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times." The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you
i guess some of us saw that cuming ?
that's a great joke in it's self...:D
Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
Actually, that joke (or variations thereof) has been around for decades. I've seen it many times and never thought about the "openings" that probably answer the teacher's question better, 'til Alcoremortis posted that. It was probably written by a man.
ObJoke: So, have you heard about the Telltale Games Forum thread that stayed on topic?
Yeah, neither have I.
Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith.
That reminds me of a joke from back when he was alive and in court.
What Did Michael Jackson say to the judge?
I would've gotten away with it too, if I didn't fiddle with those kids!
I couldn't kelp myself
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.
When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.
When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.''
He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point.
They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.
Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''
A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."
A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.
After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."
The man shouts, "You're on!"
After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"
The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."
Following a trying day out, I grabbed a Snapple, twisted the bottle cap and discovered my inability to inspire laughter.
Did you hear the one about the actress who saw her first strands of grey hair? She thought she'd dye.