If I 'ad te chose between mopping te poop deck and list'ening te yer singing, I'd mop till te sun burns out.
you just want me to make a joke about the poop deck, don't you? Well tough. Only in the US do they have 'poop'; here in the motherland it's poo.
Your ears make you look like a cab with both doors open.
you just want me to make a joke about the poop deck, don't you? Well tough. Only in the US do they have 'poop'; here in the motherland it's poo.
Your ears make you look like a cab with both doors open.
With your face I don't know how you've been copin'
(with you on the poop/poo thing btw! )
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Your insults are less witty than a concubine with concussion!
Send it in advance, because mine shall be long after yours!
This fight is much like a game of chess; Dull, Boring, and can be completed in less than 3 moves!
I said there would be no 'point system' for this thread but I thought it would nice to rate some of the other quips i've seen because some have been really good.
First Sheepbrush; I had every intention of adding the first insult myself. I hit send after making the rules thinking "****, I forgot to add it!" I was going to put one in the first post but you arrived within seconds with an insult which I could well believe was actually from Monkey Island. (So much so, infact, that I googled it just in case it WAS from MI!)
Here's a random selection of the finer picks of the insults so far (doing all the good ones will take all day);
Edward VanHelgen; "You are handsome as a baboon in a corsét!" TookiGuy; "You think those ballet moves can scare me?" Gryffalio; "I've never seen such a maladroit buffoon."
Particularly Gryffalio. If you want to really intimidate an opponent then forget bug guns, big muscles and big swords. Use words he's unlikely to know the meaning to.
Now, as for the Best of the replies;
Xocrates (responding to this); I bet their swords were sharper than your wit. (Worth of oscar wilde, man). Azure (responding to this); "Shame they were only models, you dunce!" (one of the best rhyming retorts so far) Serweet (responding to this); "the same goes for your bed" Hplikelike (responding to... Me, actually); "Why, did he get it from you?" (Zing!)
And a special prize should go to 'LASD' for his 2 excellant rhyming responses to one of my insults; "(Guybrush retort) Well, if you're so smart, tell me what's the capital of Kuwait.
(Real retort) Oh that, I was just pondering over some simple things like the prime interest rate."
I was going to do a list of the worst insults but there were actually so few of them it would be unfair to single them out. Well, I guess it would be ok to say that one of mine was one of the worst insults ("You stink!") I was pressed for time (I didn't want somebody to get in before me) and thought "hell, you do get ones like this to choose from in some insult fights, even if they're not there to be used".
I'll move on to the cheesiest replies. (Very few of them were bad, but some made me groan )
Sheepbrush (responding to this); "Kibble you would make a bad sausage!" (err... what?) Xocrates (responding to this); "All the better to sew your mouth shut!" (I see the problem here; you wanted to say "knit it shut", but this would be impracticle). Me (responding to this); "you don't like my mullet? prepare to be a fillet!" (kind of like the 'monkey wrench' from LCR problem for foreign players (a monkey wrench in america, in the UK it's a 'spanner' and other countries have their own translation. In the UK 'Fillet' is usually pronounces as "phil et" but in some countries it's "phil ay". But I conceded that, at least in a non-verbal way, the pun still works). Vis (responding to this); "That's not my face it's a mirror on your hood!" (I dont know, reading it again it's not so bad but the first time I read it I 'face-palmed').
The only difference between you and a marshmallow is that you're softer.
You remind me of a marshmellow... You're the same shape as the one that tried to destroy Manhattan!
If I found you floating in my pool I'd punish the dog!
Your comebacks stink, have you been drinking too much grog?
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I swallow you whole!
Fine, I'll travel down yer esophagus to yer stomach and puncture it, letting the acids dissolve yer small intestines. Then I'll make a chair from yer still living bones and sit on it every morning to listen to yer wimpy scream. (yay MI2 reference)
Comments
you just want me to make a joke about the poop deck, don't you? Well tough. Only in the US do they have 'poop'; here in the motherland it's poo.
Your ears make you look like a cab with both doors open.
With your face I don't know how you've been copin'
(with you on the poop/poo thing btw!
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Your insults are less witty than a concubine with concussion!
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You're the reason this thread isn't stickied!
At least mine aren't just used in some internet discussion.
The only thing worse than your looks is your skill with the sword!
I'd fight harder but I just got bored
Beating you is so easy it's like riding a bike!
It won't have to be, it's going to be wiki'd! Your British Accent is worse than that of Dick Van Dyke!
I won't attend your funeral, but I'll send a nice note to say I approve.
This fight is much like a game of chess; Dull, Boring, and can be completed in less than 3 moves!
But you were fighting good, so i won instead in 4!
Is that your face, or you've come to Imbecile Mascarade?
First Sheepbrush; I had every intention of adding the first insult myself. I hit send after making the rules thinking "****, I forgot to add it!" I was going to put one in the first post but you arrived within seconds with an insult which I could well believe was actually from Monkey Island. (So much so, infact, that I googled it just in case it WAS from MI!)
Here's a random selection of the finer picks of the insults so far (doing all the good ones will take all day);
Edward VanHelgen; "You are handsome as a baboon in a corsét!"
TookiGuy; "You think those ballet moves can scare me?"
Gryffalio; "I've never seen such a maladroit buffoon."
Particularly Gryffalio. If you want to really intimidate an opponent then forget bug guns, big muscles and big swords. Use words he's unlikely to know the meaning to.
Now, as for the Best of the replies;
Xocrates (responding to this); I bet their swords were sharper than your wit. (Worth of oscar wilde, man).
Azure (responding to this); "Shame they were only models, you dunce!" (one of the best rhyming retorts so far)
Serweet (responding to this); "the same goes for your bed"
Hplikelike (responding to... Me, actually); "Why, did he get it from you?" (Zing!)
And a special prize should go to 'LASD' for his 2 excellant rhyming responses to one of my insults; "(Guybrush retort) Well, if you're so smart, tell me what's the capital of Kuwait.
(Real retort) Oh that, I was just pondering over some simple things like the prime interest rate."
I was going to do a list of the worst insults but there were actually so few of them it would be unfair to single them out. Well, I guess it would be ok to say that one of mine was one of the worst insults ("You stink!") I was pressed for time (I didn't want somebody to get in before me) and thought "hell, you do get ones like this to choose from in some insult fights, even if they're not there to be used".
I'll move on to the cheesiest replies. (Very few of them were bad, but some made me groan
Sheepbrush (responding to this); "Kibble you would make a bad sausage!" (err... what?)
Xocrates (responding to this); "All the better to sew your mouth shut!" (I see the problem here; you wanted to say "knit it shut", but this would be impracticle).
Me (responding to this); "you don't like my mullet? prepare to be a fillet!" (kind of like the 'monkey wrench' from LCR problem for foreign players (a monkey wrench in america, in the UK it's a 'spanner' and other countries have their own translation. In the UK 'Fillet' is usually pronounces as "phil et" but in some countries it's "phil ay". But I conceded that, at least in a non-verbal way, the pun still works).
Vis (responding to this); "That's not my face it's a mirror on your hood!" (I dont know, reading it again it's not so bad but the first time I read it I 'face-palmed').
My royal retorts come without mercy and inflict great pain, while you're as threatening as a queen in the gayparade.
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The only difference between you and a marshmallow is that you're softer.
Imbacile Mascarade? I was following you back to the freak show! You remind me of a marshmellow... You're the same shape as the one that tried to destroy Manhattan!
If I found you floating in my pool I'd punish the dog!
And taste better.
___________
I taste better then you
JUST KIDDING
REAL RESPONSE:
At least people love marshmallows. Too bad they hate your breath
OR:
Then how come your the one SHIVERIN' WITH FLAVOR!
______________________________
Yer so easy, I'm fightin' yea one-handedly while Twittering how well I'm doing.
Your comebacks stink, have you been drinking too much grog?
With so much trash you're dropping, better use the other hand to pick up all your littering.
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I swallow you whole!
Fine, I'll travel down yer esophagus to yer stomach and puncture it, letting the acids dissolve yer small intestines. Then I'll make a chair from yer still living bones and sit on it every morning to listen to yer wimpy scream. (yay MI2 reference)
You mean you're the guy who ratted out Nixon about Watergate? (too dirty?)
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You have a face like a warthog that's been stung by a wasp!
[Edit: for some weird reason I thought fast rhymed with wasp. fail on my part]
That's right:
Give me a minute to come up with an insult.... I called you out on it.
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Yer mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
I'm quite happy now... Not only am I the first person to come up with a rhyme for Orange (on this thread) but I finally found a word, with your help of course, I can't find a rhyme for! http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=wasp&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l
You insult-stealing toad, you were concieved by sewer rats on a Virginian garbage ferry!
(Monty Python for the win, all the same)
I'm going to rip out yer gullet with my teeth and make a pillow from yer liver!
ZOMG, CHEATINGZ! :eek:
I used to know one of those words you get from an "advanced" dictionary which rhymes, but I forgot it. Fail :<
If you had any teeth, that would surely make me shiver!
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A smile like yours, not even a mother could love!
Still, your fiancee quite enjoyed me smiling on above!
When i fire cannons, no ship can evade!
But the closest you've come is when firing your maid!
A mix of retorts and insults, but if you click next to the name it'll take you to the post.
Such background info, your defeat will sweeten (Yoda, I am)
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So much to say shows weakness, not strength!
I've captured more ships than Blackbeard or even Drake!
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Not even heroes of myth could defeat me in battle.
So, that makes the number of real men you fought like... zero?
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I have to kill you, I can't stand your wailing!
Every Governor in the Caribbean dreads my name!
...and yer face and yer smell and yer toupee is to blame!
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I once owned a wee li'l butterfly stronger then ye.
I've never seen such a maladroit buffoon. - hmm, uh, umm... what?
Your insults are less witty than a concubine with concussion! - this would beat even the Ozzie Mandrill's one
some of the responses
Even the white whale couldn't escape from me sword!
Is that what you call her, no wonder your wife got bored!
Even the sea laughs at your clumsy swordplay!
You know, hearing voices is indicative of serious mental problems.
I've never met the man who was my equal!
Perhaps there'll be such an idiot in the sequel!
You're the reason this thread isn't stickied!
It won't have to be, it's going to be wiki'd!
Even the sharks don't dare mess with my sword.
I hope you realize that's because you're on land...
Don't i know you from circus? You were a clown, right?
Yes, but weren't you the bearded woman? You were quite the sight!
I've met Scarecrows more terrifying than you.
At least I don't fight like a sack of hay.
Is that corn or are those your teeth?
Corn! This fight is so easy I decided to have breakfast in the meantime.
don't insult sword fight responses have to have something to do with the insult its responding to?
Yeah, but that will all be irrelevant when I'm done with you!
And some special awards
Most Original Response Award
OH YEAH!
Most Mysterious Insult Award
See this eye? It's killed more pirates than my sword!
The Longer-then-a-New World's-Coast Insult Award
Your swordsmanship is so pathetic, I'm amazed you managed to even draw that cutlass from its scabbard!
and finally, Scariest-Of-Them-All-Dread-Insults Insult Award
You smell!
I had a pet stronger than you, she was a flea.
You've never won a battle without lifting your arms and resorting to chemical warfare.
Well the only battle you've won was against those that need mental health care!
My wit is so sharp, it will slice through yer skull!
I'd do it to ye too if yer skull wasn't so think.
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There's no way I'm gonna waste my legendary insults on someone as low as you.
And I'd never battle someone so high, so I guess that rules out you too.
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I can rip your heart out with my bare hands!
At least stop using those stinky ones, too!
Where you find your crew? In a zoo or cabaret?
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
I bet you would swallow.
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You are as frightening as a turtle upside down.
Is that why your trouser-seat is stained brown?
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When i'm done with you, i'll parade your severed head through town!
Yer swordsmanship be so clumsy, ye'd be lucky to get me severed pinkeye.
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That if this fight was on TV, they'd have to censor out how badly I'll beat you up.