Yeah, i know we keep asking for "adult" humour but i'm a bit surprised a t just how adult it his getting :eek:
Doesn't bother me at all but it does feel a bit weird on these boards.
That being said, you're doing great, keep up the good work, let's just ease a bit on the naughty jokes just to make sure no one complains
part of me thinks: 'this is kinda fun!
another part thinks: 'this is just begging 4 a lock!'
Yeah, i know we keep asking for "adult" humour but i'm a bit surprised a t just how adult it his getting
Doesn't bother me at all but it does feel a bit weird on these boards.
That being said, you're doing great, keep up the good work, let's just ease a bit on the naughty jokes just to make sure no one complains
Doc: Hey, guys! Don't take me wrong! I was just... bitting her! Like Bela Lugosi. Or Count Orlock. Or Dracula. Or Mona. And that "Doctor is in"... well, I'm just a fan of the Hellraiser! And you were asking for this! Several times! It's all your fault!
No sex in this game - only voilence! Besides, that's weird - voilence is more acceptable than sex. Mad world...
Doc: I am Dr. Trout. Open the passage to my lab!
Nurse: You're not Doctor Trout! You're Doctor Salmon, our new resident, aren't you?
Oh, and uh... pick up nurse.
Nurse: Doctor Salmon, what are you doing?! No, stop that! Hey! It's your first day here! {whispers} Come after midningt!
Doc: {to the player} Are you trying to kill me? I already have one woman!
it scares me when the doctor starts making more sense than a lot of people...
Doc: Insane, voilence-addicted doctor with false diploma, don't you forget...
At any rate, tell Nurse you are Doctor Trout's new assistant and that he told you to go to his lab.
Doc: I'm Doctor Trout's new assistant and he told me to go to his lab.
Nurse: No, he didn't. He told you to report on the Surgery!
Put nurse in boot pocket as a spare woman in case hooker goes flat.
Actually, you don't want to carry a whole woman around as a spare, so just take the head instead in case hooker gets a headache and needs a new head.
Nurse: Don't you think of that! 'now wy we hired you? 'ya see, our last assistant also wanted to cut my head off. If you want to see him, he's on Surgery. Doctor Herring is taking care of him. A good advise: never try to behead a girl with an enormous gun!
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eyes
- David the demon's eyes
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
why all the doctors are named after fish? Is it some sort of prejudice that you only hire doctors with aquatic names?
Nurse: Doctor Trout mentioned some man named Dagon. This Dagon guy was his teacher. He had some obsession with those aquatic names... By the way, I'm Helena Octo-Pussy.
Head to surgury
Doctor Herring: Oh, hi! You must be doctor Salmon!
Doc: Indeed I am.
Doctor Herring: Just take a look at this poor guy. It's poor doctor Jellyfish. He had some weird accident with Helena. You met Helena, didn't you? Well, I'm doing my best to save him, but that doesn't look good. Maybe you can help here?
Doc: {to himself} If I save the man, maybe I'll gain some respect around here and doctor Trout will let me enter his secret, underground laboratory. I have strange feeling that doctor Trout IS The Doctor! Wonder why he didn't appear on the meeting...
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eyes
- David the demon's eyes
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
Doc: So you guys don't want to play with me. Good. Fine. See if I care. I'll save OR destroy the world all by myself. See? I'll invent this cure for the cancer. And you won't get it! No chance!
Doc: All right, Doctor Herring! Here comes Doc with his Cool-Animated Gloving Drill of Voilent Interrogation. You'll tell me everything!
Doctor Herring: Hahaha! Don't you know we, serial murderers feel no...
*COMERTIAL - PRODUCT PLACEMENT*
Doctor Herring: No Remorse!
Doctor Herring: No Regret!
[image unavalible]
Doctor Herring: And what's most important: NO PAIN! So stop playing with this drill and help me out with Doctor Jellyfish.
Doctor Herring: Well, I don't really know! Brain looks good, so is heart. And as you can see, arteries are all right. He just doesn't give any life signs...
Doctor Herring: Hey! What are you doing with my head!
Doc: Sorry. {to the player} Hey, you didn't mean Herring, right?
Doc: 'How to get ahead with serial murderers'.
Doctor Herring: Hey, don't leave! We didn't finish the operation!
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eyes
- David the demon's eyes
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
- A head with lots of medical knowledge
Doc: Doctor Herring, I have this...
Doctor Herring: Oh, Doctor Salmon! I have stronger stuff. Desinfection, you know...
>Offer Dr. Herring Pam Anderson's number
Doctor Herring: Hey, Doctor Salmon! [lightening, sound of a thunder; you feel a demonic presence that is... happy... in it's dark, demonic way] Nice try, but she's already my loyal customer.
Use scalpel and knowledge to fix the guy.
Doc: Still got that strange feelin' that something is missing here...
Again, what exactly is the goal here? Why are we at the hospital? This story is a little too hard to follow.
Doc: Again, my quest is to discover and join OR destroy a cult that wants to take on the world. At a secret meeting of this cult I got a location of this place - Trout Hospital. One of the cult leaders is a director of this place (for some reason he didn't appear on the meeting). I'm here to find him and learn more about the cult itself. Doctor Trout's laboratory is locked. I have to find my way in.
BTW, don't we have too many inventory items already? When do we get to use them for something?
Doc: That's some idea! This sfutt is heavy!
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eyes
- David the demon's eyes
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
- Crashed head
- Medical knowledge
put brain in head.
place heart in body.
place eyes in face.
Doc: Hey! He looks almost fine! Let's put it on it's place...
use medical knowledge to fix guy.
Doc: Hey! He's almost done! But, acording to my medical knowledge he's dead... Maybe I can use some MAGIC to bring him back...
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eye
- David the demon's eye
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
- Medical knowledge
Doc: Look, there is another poster under this one!
>Combine fish-loaded gun with eyes to make a eyeball gun
Doc: Gun loaded! Eye bullets: 3, fish bullets: infinite.
>Do MAGIC
Doc: Aaaa-braaa-caaa-daaa-braaa! Hey! I'm getting some terrible vision!
Doc: Whoa! That was way to scary! I'm not doing any magic until I know what to do to resurrect that guy!
Give him the nazi t-shirt. It's not polite to be naked.
Umm, put key in ear, then turn.
Doc: Right. Now he looks much more alive. The key didn't do any good. But maybe I can use this key some other way...
Off-screen voice: Author of this game hates Nazis. Character wearing pro-hitler shirt isn't a good man and - as almost any character in this game - will be punished for his evil deeds.
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eye
- David the demon's eye
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish'n'eye-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Medical knowledge
> combine wine and david's eye to create a magic potion that glows with an ultraviolet light.
then
> use the light from the potion of ultraviolet light to check for hidden messeges on the note, the fake diploma, the phone number, and for some reason, the hammer, and see if those messages (if any) tell you how to revive the guy with magic.
> combine wine and david's eye to create a magic potion that glows with an ultraviolet light.
Doc: Hey, for some reason - it worked!
> use the light from the potion of ultraviolet light to check for hidden messeges on the note, the fake diploma, the phone number, and for some reason, the hammer, and see if those messages (if any) tell you how to revive the guy with magic.
Doc: I don't belive it! There is a hidden message on the note!
Doc: Looks like I have a spell that resurrects people!
After that, use magic to revive the guy.
Doc: Right... Let's get on with it! Kuraijodio, kuraijodijoi asa'ma-sumasa, ve-sa'bijodijo!
{Doc gets another vision!}
Doctor Jellyfish: Hey! Herrign! Did I get drunk again? Who's that guy? And that chick?
Doc: Well, at least it worked... But I'm not doing that again!
Doctor Herring: Great Heavens! You did it! You brought dead, massacred corpse back to life! Go to Helena, maybe she'll need some aid... {to Doctor Jellyfish} So, Jelly, I have some spirits saved for your comeback...
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- See-what's-hidden potion
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eye
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish'n'eye-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Medical knowledge
- A prostitute slave
Helena Octo-Pussy: Doctor Salmon! I heared your success with Jellyfish treatment (you useless moron, he was molesting me). Well done! Really well done (I wish you die)! Doctor Trout will surely want to talk to you after he finishes his research at his secret lab (and cut your head off, I hope).
Doc: Maybe I can help with something around here for that time?
Helena Octo-Pussy: How nice of you (you are an idiot, aren't you?). You can go and see if there aren't any patients in the waiting room. They might need some urgent treatment (and they'll get your miserable person out of my sight).
Doc: Well. Looks like only one patient needs my treatment...
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- See-what's-hidden potion
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eye
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish'n'eye-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Medical knowledge
- A prostitute slave
Comments
another part thinks: 'this is just begging 4 a lock!'
anyway, on to biz-ness.
'i am Dr. Trout. open the passage to my lab!'
Doesn't bother me at all but it does feel a bit weird on these boards.
That being said, you're doing great, keep up the good work, let's just ease a bit on the naughty jokes just to make sure no one complains
Oh, and uh... pick up nurse.
Doc: Hey, guys! Don't take me wrong! I was just... bitting her! Like Bela Lugosi. Or Count Orlock. Or Dracula. Or Mona. And that "Doctor is in"... well, I'm just a fan of the Hellraiser! And you were asking for this! Several times! It's all your fault!
No sex in this game - only voilence! Besides, that's weird - voilence is more acceptable than sex. Mad world...
Doc: I am Dr. Trout. Open the passage to my lab!
Nurse: You're not Doctor Trout! You're Doctor Salmon, our new resident, aren't you?
Nurse: Doctor Salmon, what are you doing?! No, stop that! Hey! It's your first day here! {whispers} Come after midningt!
Doc: {to the player} Are you trying to kill me? I already have one woman!
it scares me when the doctor starts making more sense than a lot of people...
At any rate, tell Nurse you are Doctor Trout's new assistant and that he told you to go to his lab.
Actually, you don't want to carry a whole woman around as a spare, so just take the head instead in case hooker gets a headache and needs a new head.
Doc: Insane, voilence-addicted doctor with false diploma, don't you forget...
Doc: I'm Doctor Trout's new assistant and he told me to go to his lab.
Nurse: No, he didn't. He told you to report on the Surgery!
Nurse: Don't you think of that! 'now wy we hired you? 'ya see, our last assistant also wanted to cut my head off. If you want to see him, he's on Surgery. Doctor Herring is taking care of him. A good advise: never try to behead a girl with an enormous gun!
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eyes
- David the demon's eyes
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
why all the doctors are named after fish? Is it some sort of prejudice that you only hire doctors with aquatic names?
Nurse: Doctor Trout mentioned some man named Dagon. This Dagon guy was his teacher. He had some obsession with those aquatic names... By the way, I'm Helena Octo-Pussy.
Doctor Herring: Oh, hi! You must be doctor Salmon!
Doc: Indeed I am.
Doctor Herring: Just take a look at this poor guy. It's poor doctor Jellyfish. He had some weird accident with Helena. You met Helena, didn't you? Well, I'm doing my best to save him, but that doesn't look good. Maybe you can help here?
Doc: {to himself} If I save the man, maybe I'll gain some respect around here and doctor Trout will let me enter his secret, underground laboratory. I have strange feeling that doctor Trout IS The Doctor! Wonder why he didn't appear on the meeting...
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eyes
- David the demon's eyes
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
Doc: So you guys don't want to play with me. Good. Fine. See if I care. I'll save OR destroy the world all by myself. See? I'll invent this cure for the cancer. And you won't get it! No chance!
And animation!
Doc: All right, Doctor Herring! Here comes Doc with his Cool-Animated Gloving Drill of Voilent Interrogation. You'll tell me everything!
Doctor Herring: Hahaha! Don't you know we, serial murderers feel no...
*COMERTIAL - PRODUCT PLACEMENT*
Doctor Herring: No Remorse!
Doctor Herring: No Regret!
[image unavalible]
Doctor Herring: And what's most important: NO PAIN! So stop playing with this drill and help me out with Doctor Jellyfish.
Doctor Herring: Well, I don't really know! Brain looks good, so is heart. And as you can see, arteries are all right. He just doesn't give any life signs...
Doctor Herring: I tried. That's when his head suddenly fell off.
Doctor Herring: Hey! What are you doing with my head!
Doc: Sorry. {to the player} Hey, you didn't mean Herring, right?
Doc: 'How to get ahead with serial murderers'.
Doctor Herring: Hey, don't leave! We didn't finish the operation!
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eyes
- David the demon's eyes
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
- A head with lots of medical knowledge
Use scalpel and knowledge to fix the guy.
BTW, don't we have too many inventory items already? When do we get to use them for something?
Doc: Doctor Herring, I have this...
Doctor Herring: Oh, Doctor Salmon! I have stronger stuff. Desinfection, you know...
Doctor Herring: Hey, Doctor Salmon! [lightening, sound of a thunder; you feel a demonic presence that is... happy... in it's dark, demonic way] Nice try, but she's already my loyal customer.
Doc: Still got that strange feelin' that something is missing here...
Doc: Again, my quest is to discover and join OR destroy a cult that wants to take on the world. At a secret meeting of this cult I got a location of this place - Trout Hospital. One of the cult leaders is a director of this place (for some reason he didn't appear on the meeting). I'm here to find him and learn more about the cult itself. Doctor Trout's laboratory is locked. I have to find my way in.
Doc: That's some idea! This sfutt is heavy!
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eyes
- David the demon's eyes
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
- Crashed head
- Medical knowledge
>Then examine engraved knife and false medical school diploma
Doc: It says...
Hint Of Extreme, Pointless Voilence: *ADVERTISMENT* Did you ever play Phantasmagoria: Puzzle of flesh? Just do what the title says...
Doc: Still - something missing here...
Doc: It says: 'Rue Morgue 13'. I was there...
Doc: It's a false diploma on Doctor Salmon.
place heart in body.
place eyes in face.
use medical knowledge to fix guy.
Doc: Hey! He looks almost fine! Let's put it on it's place...
Doc: Hey! He's almost done! But, acording to my medical knowledge he's dead... Maybe I can use some MAGIC to bring him back...
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A little silver key.
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eye
- David the demon's eye
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Disgusting, dirty neo-nazi T-shirt
- Medical knowledge
>Combine fish-loaded gun with eyes to make a eyeball gun
>Do MAGIC
Umm, put key in ear, then turn.
Doc: Look, there is another poster under this one!
Doc: Gun loaded! Eye bullets: 3, fish bullets: infinite.
Doc: Aaaa-braaa-caaa-daaa-braaa! Hey! I'm getting some terrible vision!
Doc: Whoa! That was way to scary! I'm not doing any magic until I know what to do to resurrect that guy!
Doc: Right. Now he looks much more alive. The key didn't do any good. But maybe I can use this key some other way...
Off-screen voice: Author of this game hates Nazis. Character wearing pro-hitler shirt isn't a good man and - as almost any character in this game - will be punished for his evil deeds.
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- Half-empty bottle of very cheap wine made in Poland.
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eye
- David the demon's eye
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish'n'eye-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Medical knowledge
then
> use the light from the potion of ultraviolet light to check for hidden messeges on the note, the fake diploma, the phone number, and for some reason, the hammer, and see if those messages (if any) tell you how to revive the guy with magic.
After that, use magic to revive the guy.
Doc: Hey, for some reason - it worked!
Doc: I don't belive it! There is a hidden message on the note!
Doc: Looks like I have a spell that resurrects people!
Doc: Right... Let's get on with it! Kuraijodio, kuraijodijoi asa'ma-sumasa, ve-sa'bijodijo!
{Doc gets another vision!}
Doctor Jellyfish: Hey! Herrign! Did I get drunk again? Who's that guy? And that chick?
Doc: Well, at least it worked... But I'm not doing that again!
Doctor Herring: Great Heavens! You did it! You brought dead, massacred corpse back to life! Go to Helena, maybe she'll need some aid... {to Doctor Jellyfish} So, Jelly, I have some spirits saved for your comeback...
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- See-what's-hidden potion
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eye
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish'n'eye-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Medical knowledge
- A prostitute slave
Helena Octo-Pussy: Doctor Salmon! I heared your success with Jellyfish treatment (you useless moron, he was molesting me). Well done! Really well done (I wish you die)! Doctor Trout will surely want to talk to you after he finishes his research at his secret lab (and cut your head off, I hope).
Doc: Maybe I can help with something around here for that time?
Helena Octo-Pussy: How nice of you (you are an idiot, aren't you?). You can go and see if there aren't any patients in the waiting room. They might need some urgent treatment (and they'll get your miserable person out of my sight).
head to the waiting room.
Doc: Well. Looks like only one patient needs my treatment...
Inventory and some useless crap you collected for some reason:
- See-what's-hidden potion
- A scalpel.
- An interrogation drill.
- False medical school diploma.
- The Hint of Extreme, Pointless Voilence
- A note.
- An engraved knife.
- Bill's eye
- The gut creature's eyes
- Pam Anderson's number
- Hammer
- Fish'n'eye-loaded gun
- Fishy ammunition (infinite)
- Medical knowledge
- A prostitute slave