My mom just came home from the hospital. She had a seizure on Monday at 4 am. She's already battling an autoimmune disease, so it was especially hard on her in her already weakened state. So...yeah, I haven't really been around, and she's going to be needing a lot of help, so I probably still won't be around much.
I hope she is ok. I wish the best for you and your family.
My mom just came home from the hospital. She had a seizure on Monday at 4 am. She's already battling an autoimmune disease, so it was especially hard on her in her already weakened state. So...yeah, I haven't really been around, and she's going to be needing a lot of help, so I probably still won't be around much.
I'm really sorry to hear that! I wish only the best for her and you!
My mom just came home from the hospital. She had a seizure on Monday at 4 am. She's already battling an autoimmune disease, so it was especially hard on her in her already weakened state. So...yeah, I haven't really been around, and she's going to be needing a lot of help, so I probably still won't be around much.
I'm very sorry to hear that and I hope that she's doing better now. If you want to talk, I'll be on Google + and Skype more often now, since I'm more or less done with school.
Eh, I'm not one for pouring everything out online, but since I went and posted the first part, I might as well say that after neither of us slept last night, we started talking about it again today. While your statement was correct, puzzlebox, when both people feel much worse to be completely without each other than being stuck in a partial relationship, what do you do? I know my friends, and probably most of the forum, would reply "you find someone else". Therein lies the problem, I don't want someone else.
Okay, said, done. Continue making fun of each other, talking nonsense, and making wrestling references. Speaking of which, I almost want to watch the Monster Brawl movie, looks like all sorts of awful cheese.
If I were you, I wouldn't stand for this sort of behavior from her. Then again, if I were her, I wouldn't stand you at all.
Now that we know where we all stand, let's talk about someone who matters, isn't douchey and insensitive, and has issues to actually give a flying shit about, like Guru.
I don't want to talk about Johro. His problem pisses me off, and so does he. I can't believe someone would throw away a perfectly loving woman like that. What a stupid thing to do. Oh you've been together 5 years? Boo EFFING HOO. In a average human lifespan of 80-90 years that doesn't amount to SHIT. I spent nearly two decades mostly alone outside of internet interaction, screaming at night in terror from panic attacks and alone and bitter because women hated me, with no one devoted to me or to comfort me. And you're complaining about a successful relationship that's lasted 5 years? I can only hope my girlfriend can put up with me that long. My parents have real staying power together. 35 years. I have real respect for them. In my experience, you don't leave a loving relationship 5 years and dump it unless you're a clueless idiot without true staying power or who doesn't realize how good he effing has it, or you don't love each other. And it doesn't sound like the latter with Johro. What a stupid waste to throw that away. If I threw something like that away, I would eat a bullet next, because I would have lost the greatest thing that ever happened to me and I wouldn't want to go on living with knowledge like that.
Right now I have the best thing that has ever happened to me and if I lose that, I won't want anything else. It is unimaginable to me that someone would willingly throw this away.
It's one thing to have a real problem. But to create one of the worst problems for yourself on purpose? ON PURPOSE? WHAT THE HELL?
Actually, you know what pissed me off with Daishi. People come on here absolutely miserable, and he comes on here all oblivious and talking about how great a time he's having, and all I can think is..."How dare you? HOW DARE YOU be happy?"
How dare anyone be happy and toss their happiness around when everyone else has to go through shit and feel miserable. Because when someone's mother is in the hospital, someone is going through psychological issues, and someone else lost a 5 year relationship, how effing insulting is it...to come on here....and feel like we should give a SHIT about what a good time they had last night. It feels like a man who just won a million dollars and a lifetime supply of Cheetos walking through a village full of starving African children, shouting about how good he has it through a loudspeaker. I feel like the village mother who walks up and has to say, "That's nice...my daughter just died from cholera so excuse me if I DON'T CARE."
Can we not both console those who are having trouble AND congratulate those who have had something good in their lives?
I don't understand why I'm doing either one, ultimately. When Daishi came in here all "Look at me! Look at me!" I just wanted to fricking NAIL HIM. I wanted to nail his ass to the wall. Feeling good for others is barely a concept I understand, and when I do do it...I'm typically forcing it. I hate normal people and I think people who talk all day about how good they have it are douchebags and I want to rip them apart. Why? Because I'm a miserable little weasel who derives pleasure from being a shit.
The proper thing to think is that if you want the world to be a better place you start with yourself. But I'm a cynical bastard and I've always believed nothing can help and you can't make a difference and if you have it good now enjoy it while it lasts. My parents are some sort of freaks who go against the laws of human nature and they personally terrify me because they're always nice and faithful and not uptight and they still have a good relationship. I don't believe this can ever happen again or ever will happen again. I console people because I care about them somehow although I've never understood why I should care about another human being. I know if I look at things badly things will be bad, and a miserable little prick like me should be thankful he's managed to have anything good ever.
Believe me. I am. And I enjoy every second while it lasts, because I'm in for a long terrible life. Actually that's not true. I'm not in North Korea...I have it great. But hey, at least I don't buy my friends like you do....then again I probably couldn't even buy friends. I don't understand why I have friends how they could put up with me or how they seem to think I'm one of the nicest, greatest guys ever. But I wouldn't drop them. I'm proud to know them. They're the best for putting up with a shit like me. People who make their lives actively worse are the worst. I used to. I've tried desperately to change myself and my life around, and I always fail because I can't change how shitty I am. When I get something good I can't even believe it. Right now my life is the best it has ever been, and I have the only ray of hope for myself I have ever had to be a decent human being. This isn't a sob story. It's just my matter of fact attitude. And I'm explaining why I can't congratulate people on being happy. Seems stupid, too.
Even so, when I see people reply to a topic immediately after serious problems others are going through with how good they have it or when I see people with fake problems, I just want to rip the hell out of them.
I don't understand why I have friends how they could put up with me or how they seem to think I'm one of the nicest, greatest guys ever.
Because we've gotten to know you on some level (and speaking to you face to face, without a wall of text to hide behind helped), we know that you're a better person than you give yourself credit for, and because on some level, our personalities actually click with each other, making your company enjoyable for us, hard as that may be for you to comprehend. And maybe, just maybe, because we understand even just a little bit of where it is that you're coming from.
Looking back at the last few pages... I gotta say, DAISHI, that your timing could have been a lot better. I mean, girlfriends come and go, but you only get one mother.
I also feel that I should apologize for my flippant remark at the top of last page. While it's true that I did have a final, it kinda seems a bit unimportant at the moment.
Because we've gotten to know you on some level (and speaking to you face to face, without a wall of text to hide behind helped), we know that you're a better person than you give yourself credit for, and because on some level, our personalities actually click with each other, making your company enjoyable for us, hard as that may be for you to comprehend. And maybe, just maybe, because we understand even just a little bit of where it is that you're coming from.
And you haven't had to live with me every day for 21 years.
You also weren't there when I got so angry I stomped a baby chicken to death. Actually I'm going to stop here because I might actually succeed in ruining this friendship.
I wonder if there has ever been a D'n'D system based on tokens.
Like you had a character sheet with blanks after each stat, then you add tokens to the slots depending on abilites, equipments, and level bonuses.
I just imagine it being easier to keep track of for the DM. Then he could do secret rolls and stuff to keep things interesting.
(Hmmm yes. An easily modifyable character sheet. An online version would be cool too, where the DM and players could just load up sheets, then add and take away as needed)
Man, I should try D'n'D again. I had fun the last time.
Maybe when all this mess is cleared up I should give it a go!
I don't understand why I'm doing either one, ultimately. When Daishi came in here all "Look at me! Look at me!" I just wanted to fricking NAIL HIM. I wanted to nail his ass to the wall. Feeling good for others is barely a concept I understand, and when I do do it...I'm typically forcing it. I hate normal people and I think people who talk all day about how good they have it are douchebags and I want to rip them apart. Why? Because I'm a miserable little weasel who derives pleasure from being a shit.
The proper thing to think is that if you want the world to be a better place you start with yourself. But I'm a cynical bastard and I've always believed nothing can help and you can't make a difference and if you have it good now enjoy it while it lasts. My parents are some sort of freaks who go against the laws of human nature and they personally terrify me because they're always nice and faithful and not uptight and they still have a good relationship. I don't believe this can ever happen again or ever will happen again. I console people because I care about them somehow although I've never understood why I should care about another human being. I know if I look at things badly things will be bad, and a miserable little prick like me should be thankful he's managed to have anything good ever.
Believe me. I am. And I enjoy every second while it lasts, because I'm in for a long terrible life. Actually that's not true. I'm not in North Korea...I have it great. But hey, at least I don't buy my friends like you do....then again I probably couldn't even buy friends. I don't understand why I have friends how they could put up with me or how they seem to think I'm one of the nicest, greatest guys ever. But I wouldn't drop them. I'm proud to know them. They're the best for putting up with a shit like me. People who make their lives actively worse are the worst. I used to. I've tried desperately to change myself and my life around, and I always fail because I can't change how shitty I am. When I get something good I can't even believe it. Right now my life is the best it has ever been, and I have the only ray of hope for myself I have ever had to be a decent human being. This isn't a sob story. It's just my matter of fact attitude. And I'm explaining why I can't congratulate people on being happy. Seems stupid, too.
Even so, when I see people reply to a topic immediately after serious problems others are going through with how good they have it or when I see people with fake problems, I just want to rip the hell out of them.
I posted a negative response to your negative response and realized I'd rather you be happy than attack you in response. I hope life for you travels on an upward trajectory rather than a downward one.
I don't understand why I have friends how they could put up with me or how they seem to think I'm one of the nicest, greatest guys ever.
See, Fawful... You are a really nice guy, though. It's when you go on these angry rants that I have to shake my head and think, "man, he is so stupid." I try not to get worked up about things, you seem to get worked up about a lot of things. It's not a character flaw; it's who you are. And you are still one of the coolest people I know.
My opinion of the whole thing kind of revolves around my usage of the forums. When I post something like I did or bad news in general, I do it to just let it out, have something I can read and reflect on. Previous forums I've been on I would post such updates just to let everyone I was close to know what was going on(not overly close to anyone here currently though). Anyway, I don't post fishing for a hug or sympathy. While it is more polite and respectable to be sympathetic to other's problems, it really doesn't bother me if someone isn't. I can't speak on behalf of everyone, but to me, if you want to show some remorse or share some well-wishes for my issues, I thank you, if you want to completely ignore me, I don't really care and it doesn't bother me.
Been reading some guides on how to work on dealing with social anxiety.
Have to try, no, I'm going to attempt some of these methods in dealing them.
The two main causes of socialy anxiety I feel that are most prevelant for me, are the fear of doing certain things (like ordering a take away, approaching a group of people, making eye contact), and self-doubt & mockery.
Infact my parents are giving me an opportunity to have a go at one right now.
Ordering a takeaway. I'm going to place the order.
Seems minor, but it causes me unusual amount of anxiety, but I know I can deal with it.
(I've done it before of course. But this time its going to be different because I'm going to do it with confidence and some encouragement)
I'm confident that over time, dealing with my anxiety is going to give me the courage to do more.
But I can already feel the fear and doubt creeping around in the back of my head, so I know this is going to be a challenge.
(But I have to remind myself. There is no hurry, and failure isn't so bad.)
EDIT: I have ordered the takeaway. Done it with no problems. Even waited for the guy to be ready.
(Only stumbled a little once, and a little ummming and aaahing, but he got it perfect anyway! )
This sounds awefully silly, but I'm not very good on the phone. Something about the idea that I don't know what could happen or whats on the other end unsettles me.
I also talked to some collegues at work today. Even teased some of the new people who were having their induction.
At first, I was nervous when I was making small talk with one of them. Its silly. I talked to the guy before, he knew and liked my mum when she worked there. But I kind of got scared off when he offered to let me use his cardinal card (staff card we put money on to buy food/drinks) to get a hot chocolate, (I was like "Oh. Oh no! Thats fine, I'll have tea, its not a problem really. Just a bit annoying the card machines isn't working today thats all").
Made an effort to make a lot more small talk with the customers too. Talk about anything really. Food, weather, politics, economics (well "economics" XD). I was even talking to a guy about the Raspberry Pi, and how I was getting one. Talked about technology for a bit, and I learned he had a ZX Spectrum when he was young.
Made a joke about Zork being hard, and recommended he play some MULE, (he recommended me Elite which I thought I heard off, but in hindsight I was thinking about some other game. A sidescrolling shooting game)
I still can't accept niceness from people sometimes. I can give it out, but I struggle to accept it. Its not pride, its anxiety
All in all though, I think today was a pretty good day.
(I think it helps knowing that I'm not the only one who thinks the way I do, and that there is logical reasoning behind my behaviour, and that there are things I can do to help me deal with it. )
I've returned! What would you poor sods do without me?
I don't know, because with G+, you never really left.
Though, if you'd waited another few weeks before coming back, someone (*coughnotmecough*) might have started a religion in your name simply to infuriate you.
Comments
I hope she is ok. I wish the best for you and your family.
I'm really sorry to hear that! I wish only the best for her and you!
I'm very sorry to hear that and I hope that she's doing better now. If you want to talk, I'll be on Google + and Skype more often now, since I'm more or less done with school.
Johro ended his long-term long-distance relationship.
Jennifer can't sleep. Is it because she's replaying the entire Telltale catalog?
RetroVortex continues his battle with social anxiety. There's light at the end of the tunnel, but it's going to be rough getting there.
GuruGuru's mom had a seizure, and he is doing what he can to care for her.
DAISHI had fun with another woman we've never seen before. She's immediately accused of being in it for the money.
TomPravetz accuses Secret Fawful of having a call girl mom. OK, not really.
Anyway, you are all in my thoughts. Err, whatever's on my mind thread.
Ooh! I can add to this! I... uh... I know, I took a final today!
(Can't get much more drama than that!)
That would be my girlfriend.
That game's scary as hell, man.
Okay, said, done. Continue making fun of each other, talking nonsense, and making wrestling references. Speaking of which, I almost want to watch the Monster Brawl movie, looks like all sorts of awful cheese.
You don't say.
If I were you, I wouldn't stand for this sort of behavior from her. Then again, if I were her, I wouldn't stand you at all.
Now that we know where we all stand, let's talk about someone who matters, isn't douchey and insensitive, and has issues to actually give a flying shit about, like Guru.
I don't want to talk about Johro. His problem pisses me off, and so does he. I can't believe someone would throw away a perfectly loving woman like that. What a stupid thing to do. Oh you've been together 5 years? Boo EFFING HOO. In a average human lifespan of 80-90 years that doesn't amount to SHIT. I spent nearly two decades mostly alone outside of internet interaction, screaming at night in terror from panic attacks and alone and bitter because women hated me, with no one devoted to me or to comfort me. And you're complaining about a successful relationship that's lasted 5 years? I can only hope my girlfriend can put up with me that long. My parents have real staying power together. 35 years. I have real respect for them. In my experience, you don't leave a loving relationship 5 years and dump it unless you're a clueless idiot without true staying power or who doesn't realize how good he effing has it, or you don't love each other. And it doesn't sound like the latter with Johro. What a stupid waste to throw that away. If I threw something like that away, I would eat a bullet next, because I would have lost the greatest thing that ever happened to me and I wouldn't want to go on living with knowledge like that.
Right now I have the best thing that has ever happened to me and if I lose that, I won't want anything else. It is unimaginable to me that someone would willingly throw this away.
It's one thing to have a real problem. But to create one of the worst problems for yourself on purpose? ON PURPOSE? WHAT THE HELL?
Woops...I talked about Johro.
How dare anyone be happy and toss their happiness around when everyone else has to go through shit and feel miserable. Because when someone's mother is in the hospital, someone is going through psychological issues, and someone else lost a 5 year relationship, how effing insulting is it...to come on here....and feel like we should give a SHIT about what a good time they had last night. It feels like a man who just won a million dollars and a lifetime supply of Cheetos walking through a village full of starving African children, shouting about how good he has it through a loudspeaker. I feel like the village mother who walks up and has to say, "That's nice...my daughter just died from cholera so excuse me if I DON'T CARE."
Lets post pictures of clowns!
I'll start!
I don't understand why I'm doing either one, ultimately. When Daishi came in here all "Look at me! Look at me!" I just wanted to fricking NAIL HIM. I wanted to nail his ass to the wall. Feeling good for others is barely a concept I understand, and when I do do it...I'm typically forcing it. I hate normal people and I think people who talk all day about how good they have it are douchebags and I want to rip them apart. Why? Because I'm a miserable little weasel who derives pleasure from being a shit.
The proper thing to think is that if you want the world to be a better place you start with yourself. But I'm a cynical bastard and I've always believed nothing can help and you can't make a difference and if you have it good now enjoy it while it lasts. My parents are some sort of freaks who go against the laws of human nature and they personally terrify me because they're always nice and faithful and not uptight and they still have a good relationship. I don't believe this can ever happen again or ever will happen again. I console people because I care about them somehow although I've never understood why I should care about another human being. I know if I look at things badly things will be bad, and a miserable little prick like me should be thankful he's managed to have anything good ever.
Believe me. I am. And I enjoy every second while it lasts, because I'm in for a long terrible life. Actually that's not true. I'm not in North Korea...I have it great. But hey, at least I don't buy my friends like you do....then again I probably couldn't even buy friends. I don't understand why I have friends how they could put up with me or how they seem to think I'm one of the nicest, greatest guys ever. But I wouldn't drop them. I'm proud to know them. They're the best for putting up with a shit like me. People who make their lives actively worse are the worst. I used to. I've tried desperately to change myself and my life around, and I always fail because I can't change how shitty I am. When I get something good I can't even believe it. Right now my life is the best it has ever been, and I have the only ray of hope for myself I have ever had to be a decent human being. This isn't a sob story. It's just my matter of fact attitude. And I'm explaining why I can't congratulate people on being happy. Seems stupid, too.
Even so, when I see people reply to a topic immediately after serious problems others are going through with how good they have it or when I see people with fake problems, I just want to rip the hell out of them.
Maybe I should try another clown...
EDIT: Whatever you do, do not click this link below. It frightens the shit out of me.
https://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=creepy+clowns&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.,cf.osb&biw=1366&bih=651&wrapid=tlif133559490540010&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=oo-bT_FDxNPRBbGi4OoO
Because we've gotten to know you on some level (and speaking to you face to face, without a wall of text to hide behind helped), we know that you're a better person than you give yourself credit for, and because on some level, our personalities actually click with each other, making your company enjoyable for us, hard as that may be for you to comprehend. And maybe, just maybe, because we understand even just a little bit of where it is that you're coming from.
I also feel that I should apologize for my flippant remark at the top of last page. While it's true that I did have a final, it kinda seems a bit unimportant at the moment.
And you haven't had to live with me every day for 21 years.
Like you had a character sheet with blanks after each stat, then you add tokens to the slots depending on abilites, equipments, and level bonuses.
I just imagine it being easier to keep track of for the DM. Then he could do secret rolls and stuff to keep things interesting.
(Hmmm yes. An easily modifyable character sheet. An online version would be cool too, where the DM and players could just load up sheets, then add and take away as needed)
Man, I should try D'n'D again. I had fun the last time.
Maybe when all this mess is cleared up I should give it a go!
I posted a negative response to your negative response and realized I'd rather you be happy than attack you in response. I hope life for you travels on an upward trajectory rather than a downward one.
See, Fawful... You are a really nice guy, though. It's when you go on these angry rants that I have to shake my head and think, "man, he is so stupid." I try not to get worked up about things, you seem to get worked up about a lot of things. It's not a character flaw; it's who you are. And you are still one of the coolest people I know.
Egyptian!
Spartan!
EDIT:
Die.
Climb the tallest tower.
Have to try, no, I'm going to attempt some of these methods in dealing them.
The two main causes of socialy anxiety I feel that are most prevelant for me, are the fear of doing certain things (like ordering a take away, approaching a group of people, making eye contact), and self-doubt & mockery.
Infact my parents are giving me an opportunity to have a go at one right now.
Ordering a takeaway. I'm going to place the order.
Seems minor, but it causes me unusual amount of anxiety, but I know I can deal with it.
(I've done it before of course. But this time its going to be different because I'm going to do it with confidence and some encouragement)
I'm confident that over time, dealing with my anxiety is going to give me the courage to do more.
But I can already feel the fear and doubt creeping around in the back of my head, so I know this is going to be a challenge.
(But I have to remind myself. There is no hurry, and failure isn't so bad.)
EDIT: I have ordered the takeaway. Done it with no problems. Even waited for the guy to be ready.
(Only stumbled a little once, and a little ummming and aaahing, but he got it perfect anyway!
This sounds awefully silly, but I'm not very good on the phone. Something about the idea that I don't know what could happen or whats on the other end unsettles me.
I also talked to some collegues at work today. Even teased some of the new people who were having their induction.
At first, I was nervous when I was making small talk with one of them. Its silly. I talked to the guy before, he knew and liked my mum when she worked there. But I kind of got scared off when he offered to let me use his cardinal card (staff card we put money on to buy food/drinks) to get a hot chocolate, (I was like "Oh. Oh no! Thats fine, I'll have tea, its not a problem really. Just a bit annoying the card machines isn't working today thats all").
Made an effort to make a lot more small talk with the customers too. Talk about anything really. Food, weather, politics, economics (well "economics" XD). I was even talking to a guy about the Raspberry Pi, and how I was getting one. Talked about technology for a bit, and I learned he had a ZX Spectrum when he was young.
Made a joke about Zork being hard, and recommended he play some MULE, (he recommended me Elite which I thought I heard off, but in hindsight I was thinking about some other game. A sidescrolling shooting game)
I still can't accept niceness from people sometimes. I can give it out, but I struggle to accept it. Its not pride, its anxiety
All in all though, I think today was a pretty good day.
(I think it helps knowing that I'm not the only one who thinks the way I do, and that there is logical reasoning behind my behaviour, and that there are things I can do to help me deal with it.
I don't know, because with G+, you never really left.
Though, if you'd waited another few weeks before coming back, someone (*coughnotmecough*) might have started a religion in your name simply to infuriate you.
We'd call it Pantscientology.
ಠ_ಠ