Share your favorite Sam and Max Quotes

edited October 2010 in Sam & Max
Just a thread to have you share your favorite quotes from the Sam and Max games.

My Personal Favorite:
Sam: This phone only takes Dutch guilder Coins.
Max: Sorry, all I have is some Yuan, a couple of Euros, and about six bucks in Italian Lira.
Sam: Where do you keep all that change?
Max: In my sock, of course.
Sam: You're naked! Where do you keep your sock?
Max: THAT is none of your damn business.

What's your favorite?
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Comments

  • edited June 2010
    I can't operate it. Computers in hell all run on linux.
  • edited June 2010
    I still like the bit when you click the director's chair in Situation: Comedy.

    SAM: Hey, Max, this director's chair has a falling star on it!
    MAX: Twinkle twinkle, little star. How I wonder how you'll CRASH AND BURN!
  • edited June 2010
    Ooh... too many! If I have to choose (assuming we can pick more than one):

    The one you said.

    Sam: We'll get that gorilla where it hurts the most!
    Max: Right in the penal zone!
    Superball: I get it sir.

    Sam: Does he have any weaknesses? Like the colour yellow? Or he can't cross running water?
    Max: Or yellow water? (Or something similar)
    Sam: I know what you are thinking Max, and stop it.

    Just some that I remembered off the top of my head (I have lots more. I post again if I can remember any more). Must replay the first two seasons again.
  • edited June 2010
    I know you are hiding a cow in there!
  • edited June 2010
    Off the top of my head from the current game...
    Max: Nothing says "beloved ruler" like a ubiquitous surveillance network.

    From Season 2 ("look at" file cabinet), paraphrased...
    Sam: Where's our last case, Max?
    Max: It's filed under W for "Waste of our lives, comma, a freakin' huge."
    (I played Seasons 1 & 2 with my nephew, 7 or 8 at the time, and "filed under W" is a running inside joke for us.)
  • edited June 2010
    didn't we already have this thread?

    Anyway.

    MAx: Since when do you have money and where do you keep it?
    Sam: A: WE've been saving a fortune by living out of the DeSoto, and B: None of your damn business

    close neough
  • edited June 2010
    "Do you have any...cheat codes for Reality 2.0?"
    "Yup"
  • edited June 2010
    For me they have to be...
    Sam: Howdy, you must be this "lord" we've heard so much about.
    Max: We're Sam & Max, Freelance...
    Lord of Central Park: ASSASSINS!!
    Max: ...Well, if you insist
    Sam: Nah, he's kidding, we're not assassins, we're Sam & Max, Freelance Police!
    (from the animated series, episode We Drop at Dawn), also:

    Old Lady: Can I go back there and pick up a box of fruit hoops?
    Max: Not unless you want a simulacrum to swim down your throat and possess the hell out of you! Beat it, lady! (Beast from the Cereal Aisle) and:

    Sam: A zebra can't drive a moon buggy or any kind of car for that matter. Zebras don't have hands!
    Max: My god you're right Sam, the gorilla should be driving! I think you're on to something, we better play dumb.
    Sam: You mean starting now? (Bay day on the Moon)
  • edited June 2010
    Sam: Talk slow. I'm an American!
  • edited June 2010
    Here's Some By episode:

    Culture Shock:
    Max: I'm about ready to wring your scrawny, trash-eating neck.
    Jimmy: You think you're scary?
    Sam: You don't know where his hands have been.
    Max: Or when I last washed them.

    Situation Comedy:
    Bosco: Blast! Blimey! Bollocks! The little blighter did it again! After him.. I mean, uh.. tally-ho. (Sam and Max look at each other) Tally-ho, foo'!

    The Mole, The Mob and the Meatball:
    Sam: Leonard Steakcharmer, huh? You don't look like a Leonard Steakcharmer.
    Leonard: Oh, yeah? What do I look like?
    Max: You look more like a... Boris Krinkle.
    Leonard: That's what everyone says!

    Abe Lincoln Must Die:
    Max: This election reminds me of a droll story. It seems Chester A. Arthur and the Pope were kayaking up the amazon one day. Suddenly a kandiru fish swims up the Pope's *censored* and lodges itself in his *censored*. Then Arthur grabs the Pope's *censored* pliers and *censored* swelled up like a melon. And he sai, "Thanks. Last time that happened, McKinley wanted to *censored*!" Wait, wait. I think I told it wrong.

    Reality 2.0:
    Sam: Hot rump.
    Max: Wow. That rump is... hot!
    Sam: Ooookay.

    Bright Side of the Moon:
    Bosco: No earthquakes in the house!

    Ice Station Santa:
    Sam: It's the North pole, the magnetic center of the earth.
    Max: Magnetism? Don't tell me you're one of those kooks.
    Sam: You don't believe in Magnetism?
    Max: It's an interesting theory, but I'm not convinced. Your magnetism is a cute bedtime story, but I believe in one thing. (He pulls out his gun, which gets stuck to the pole. He pulls it off) Okay, fine. I guess I can believe in two things, but that's my limit!

    Moai Better Blues:
    Sam: Why does the triangle have such a grudge against all those boats and planes?
    Bosco:The triangle got a bad rap for that. Scientists say those accidents were caused by sudden, explosive outbursts of methane gas.
    Max: Speaking of which...
    Sam: Max, don't!
    Max: What? I was just going to point out that several phenomena, long believed to have supernatural causes, have turned out to be more mundane in origin. Only one phenomena continues to baffle scientists and defy rational explanation.
    Bosco: What's that? (Max farts)

    Night of the Raving Dead:
    Max: Can zombies drive?
    Sam: I don't see why not. My license is just as expired as it was when I was alive.

    Chariots of the Dogs:
    Grandpa Stinky: Are you the parents of those two brats?
    Sam: Not exactly.
    Max: Although we do still have a time machine, so I wouldn't rule out the possibility.

    What's New, Beelzebub:
    Sam: It's a list of swear words. *censored*, *censored*, *censored*, *censored*, *censored*, *censored*, and *censored*.

    The Penal Zone:
    Sam: So was that what you were doing in our office last seas... I mean, a few months ago? Protecting us?
    Superball: Uh, sure. Why not.
    Max: Wow, I feel very close to you right now. (He holds Superball's hand)
    Superball: Likewise, sir. A bit TOO close. (He backs away)

    Tomb of Sammun-Mak
    Sameth: I'd like to inspect your trunks.
    Elf: I bet you would, creep!
    Sameth: That didn't come out right. (Knocks again) What I meant before was, I'd like to lay my hands on a chest.
    Elf: Well, keep your hands off mine, weirdo!
    Maximus: Wow, Sameth, I never knew you had such a thing for elves. You think you know a guy...

    They Stole Max's Brain:
    Sam: (seeing himself do a dance in the future) Talk about chilling visions of the future.
    Sammun-Mak: We are not amused.
  • edited June 2010
    106 microwave:
    Sam:let's get horny, hot!

    and all other mentions of the unicorns name.
  • edited June 2010
    Max: I don't have a personality matrix so much as a personality vector.

    ~

    Sam: Why do they always have bottles of water at raves? :confused:
    Max: Because of all the drugs, Sam.:D

    ~

    Sam: What are we doing here?
    Max: You mean now-us, or future-us?
    Sam: Either one.
    Max: Well, future-us are trying to keep from wetting themselves at the prospect of imminent death in the fiery pit of lava. Now-us are just enjoying the view. See how the magma's glare gives my fur a vibrant sheen? :cool:

    ~

    Max: My magic eight ball TOLD me to bring anti-bacterial soap today! Why didn't I listen?

    ~

    President: Ah! Are you two fellas the interpreters? It's about time! Darndest thing, we just had a couple of imposters in here. Dead ringers for you two!
    Sam: Were they walking around, examining everything and engaging everyone in pointless conversation?
    President: Those are the ones!
    Max: Those accursed clones! When will their devilish mimicry end?

    ~

    Sam: You're co-dependancy sickens me.
    Max: And it sickens me in the exact same way; doesn't it, Max, I mean Sam?

    ~

    Chuckles: Do these three things for us, Sam and Max, and you will be as we are.
    Max: Verbally overwrought?

    ~

    On TV Station Door: In case of fire: This door will be locked and cameras will be switched on for impromptu reality show.

    ~

    Sam: Where's the rest of the noose collection, Max? :confused:
    Max: It's a surprise! :D

    ~

    Sam: (looking at microwave) Max, I've got a great idea involving you, a microwave, and 6 feet of aluminum foil.
    Max: Go on...
    Sam: Maybe another time.
  • edited June 2010
    Jimmy-two Teeth: Hey, hey, hey! Last time I checked, this was a free country!
    Max: I'm working on that.

    Lactose: I AM LACTOSE THE INTOLERANT!

    Max: PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN! FOR GOD'S SAKE PUT 'EM DOWN! NOW!

    There's just a few.
  • edited June 2010
    I'm not sure if this quote is correct plus i don't remember from which episode is:

    Max: Tell me about it, i got a thousand nukes and the congress won't even let me use one
    Sam: What are you planning to destroy?
    Max: Congress.

    This has to be the one that made me laugh the most, really wasn't expecting the ending.
  • edited June 2010
    One of them from the newest episode:

    Pharoh in Max's body: What exactly IS a laser light show?
    Sam: Actually, I don't remember myself, but I'm pretty sure it's bitchin'.
  • edited June 2010
    Chippy: *beep beep computer noises*
    Max: I like that one. He sounds like he's swearing.
    Curt: THAT-IS-BECAUSE-HE-IS.
  • edited June 2010
    Sam: This foe is a crafty one I tell you
    Max: He has fended off our clumsy advances. How I hate that
    Sam: Clearly the element of surprise is need on this day.
    *max wheels out cake, Sam jumps out*
    Both: Surprise!

    Teacher: He's not really a sword wielding maniac, He's just acting like it for carrer day.
    Mr. Yushi: Bakayaro (Boneheads)
    Sam: (loudly) Very Convincing garb!
    Max: No hard feelings? any feeling at all?

    Yeah, I've nearly memorized two cartoons, that one and the Bohunk Lagoon one
  • edited June 2010
    Sybil: ...All the guys I meet are either complete losers or borderline psychopaths.
    Sam: I'm trying very hard not to be offended.
    Max: It's the borderline cases that you have to be afraid of!
  • edited June 2010
    Max: I'd like a map of the "Netherlands", on my "netherlands".
  • edited June 2010
    Moai Better Blues:
    Sam: Why does the triangle have such a grudge against all those boats and planes?

    Bosco:The triangle got a bad rap for that. Scientists say those accidents were caused by sudden, explosive outbursts of methane gas.

    Max: Speaking of which...

    Sam: Max, don't!

    Max: What? I was just going to point out that several phenomena, long believed to have supernatural causes, have turned out to be more mundane in origin. Only one phenomena continues to baffle scientists and defy rational explanation.

    Bosco: What's that?

    (Max farts)


    Best. Quote. Ever.
  • edited June 2010
    sammun-mak: oh great a talking skull,what possible use could this have?
  • edited June 2010
    Russian Bosco: Workers will overthrown Fascist regime: we will number tens of millions.
    Sam: That's a lot of Bolsheviks.
    Russian Bosco: No! It's true!

    Sam: (to Featherly) Remember in the Mariachi's spaceship when you see only one set of footprints? That's when I carried you!
    Featherly: For Heaven's sake!
  • edited June 2010
    Sam & Max Season 2 outtakes:

    Sam: This what you expected from the afterlife, Max?

    Max: Not at all! It's dark, it smells like sewage and I'm only seeing two virgins. *points* Yeah, lady, you're not fooling anybody!
  • edited June 2010
    my favorite quote is this one when you click the back door of Meesta pizza in 301
    Sam:its locked, broken, and doesn't go any where we want to go
    Max:just like our social life
  • edited June 2010
    Max: Let's find someone with a Backhanded Salute
    Sam: What's for?
    Max: For the thrill of it!

    Frankie: (Pharaphased) Hey! Hey! Hey! Do you want me finish my story or you want depress yourself?
    Sam: I'm not really sure

    Sam: Do you want a lawyer? Here's an attorney from (I don't remember but I guess is the model of the gun).
  • edited June 2010
    GinnyN wrote: »
    Sam: Do you want a lawyer? Here's an attorney from (I don't remember but I guess is the model of the gun).

    Smith and Wesson, They make guns
  • edited June 2010
    Randulf wrote: »
    Russian Bosco: Workers will overthrown Fascist regime: we will number tens of millions.
    Sam: That's a lot of Bolsheviks.
    Russian Bosco: No! It's true!

    Russian Bosco has some of the best quotes.

    When connecting the toybox, in "the penal zone"

    Sam: Well, it's worth a shot. Hey Max, want to come here and ground me?
    Max: You're pushing 40 in dog years, you're not a very good detective and it looks like you have put on weight.
    Sam: Thanks, that'll do it.

    In "Abe Lincoln must die":

    Max: We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and the chupacabra! MADRE DE DIOS! he'll kill us all!

    (I'm mexican).
  • edited June 2010
    Got two more!:

    Sam: I'm sure this is somehow useful but i'll be damned if I know how. (Hit the Road)

    Max: When you love what you do it dosen't even feel like work. (Season 1... But right now don't remember the episode! :rolleyes:)
  • edited June 2010
    SlasherMan wrote: »
    Max: When you love what you do it dosen't even feel like work. (Season 1... But right now don't remember the episode! :rolleyes:)

    Culture shock, when you drop the bowling ball on Specs' head.

    One of my favorite quotes has already been said by Ginny (Want a lawyer? Here's an attorney from Smith and Wesson!).
  • edited June 2010
    "Quick! Press down on the medulla oblongata!! Five bucks says he smells burnt toast!"
  • edited June 2010
    Remolay wrote: »
    Smith and Wesson, They make guns

    Thanks ^^!
  • edited June 2010
    I also like how in The tomb of Sammun-Mak when Papierwaite forces Maximus to say the summoning words and he's like "The hell I will!" :D
  • edited June 2010
    Sam: "This fan just blows."

    Sam: "No thanks. I'll sob uncontrollably later, when no one is looking."

    Max: (about Lenard) "We should hide more overgrown babies in our office."

    Hugh Bliss (Guest Gameshow host): "What is the meaning of life?"
    Sam: "I'm not sure, but I'm gonna say...False?"

    Sam: "There it is, Jesse James' actual hand."
    Max: "No, remember that carbon dater said that it was actually..."
    Sam: "Jesse James' actual hand!! Amazing!!"

    Sam: "Want to rub my unicorn?"
    Bosco (as Mama Bosco): "I'm not that kind of woman!"

    Sam: "RECOLA!! Sorry, don't know what cameover me."

    Sam: "That VCR likes to eat casset tapes...as well as neckties and spicy barbeque wings."

    Sam: "Even darkrooms need popcicles."

    Sam: "I had no idea stoplights can become Vykings."
    Sam: "I had no idea Vykings can become stoplights."

    Max: "Hmm, I don't feel disintegrated. You?"
    Sam: "No more than usual. But it felt like landing on a boiled ham. Oops! Sorry Mr. Fetherly, forgot you were in there."
    Mr. Fetherly: "The indignities I am made to suffer!! ..."

    Sam (to demon Stinky): "I have a question. Your seven-layer bars turn my stool bright orange. Is that normal?"
    Demon Stinky: "You will pay for your insolince!!"

    Sam (about Jurgen): "You make it past holding and you STILL don't get to talk to a human being."

    Sam (use ring on Monkey Guard): "Will you do me the honor of...?"
    Research Assistant: "Scram."
    Sam: "Geez, buddy. You could've let me down easy."

    Maximus (looking at Kringle): "...its the face of evil!"
    Sameth: "The stage is this way, smucko."

    Oh I could do this all day... I'll leave you with one of my favorite lines from the animated series. (The trouble with Gary)

    Max: "Immense millitary arsenal? Ha, thats funny"
    Sam: "What? Does my arsenal look big in these pants?"
  • edited June 2010
    Sam: Well, I technically didn't win the Badge of Inquisition...
    Max: Thanks Ra...
  • edited June 2010
    Sam: Who's watching you?
    Bosco: THEM! AHHH! Scared myself.


    Mac: I could do this all day, and I intend to
  • edited June 2010
    Sam: That thing does science so hard, you say, "I've never seen that much science!" and then it's all "check this out" and BOOM: more science!
  • edited June 2010
    Sam:Meesta Pizza: Come and experience the taste of old nipples.
    Max: Isn't it supposed to be the taste of old Naples?
    Sam: It is, but they had to change it due to truth in advertising laws.
  • edited June 2010
    Maximus: Do you think I could pass the challenge of the Spunk?
    Sameth: You have to be good at something Maximus, why not that?
  • edited June 2010
    Sam: (uses screwdriver on something he shouldn't) I don't want to screw that!
  • edited June 2010
    Grandpa Stinky: We'd do good to have more of his kind in this town, instead of these layabouts loitering until someone comes and asks them questions!

    Max: Wow, I never knew Grandpa Stinky was so prejudiced to Non-Player Characters.
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