The problem with games running using ScummVM is that most of them are either pretty good or are fairly well known. Not saying that's a bad thing, just that it's stuff that's been covered before, unlike FotAQ, which is fairly new to most of us, which is part of why we're enjoying it so much (the other main reason being your brilliant commentary).
You raise a good point about the majority of games that run under ScummVM and you also gave some great suggestions there. In fact, I think that I've found my next game to tackle thanks to you; 'Police Quest' (which handily does run under ScummVM). I've completed it before and enjoyed it (in spite of it's insanely anal nature) and wouldn't mind replaying it. I may as well use it as a let's play and take the piss out of it if I'm going to replay it anyway.
As for the other titles you mentioned; I won't cover AGS titles because it wouldn't be fair or right to rip into an indie game that was made for the love of it (and not for profit) but the remaining titles; I'll keep them in mind for after 'Police Quest'. Many thanks.
As I don't see any problems with doing this to a good or at least decent game I'd like to see your take on some Revolution titles, like Lure of the Temptress and Beneath a Steel Sky.
If you want a not so good game then maybe something like the Feeble Files.
As I don't see any problems with doing this to a good or at least decent game I'd like to see your take on some Revolution titles, like Lure of the Temptress and Beneath a Steel Sky.
Just to clarify (because it does worry me a little bit that people might misinterpret my feelings on the matter); I do think that 'Flight of the Amazon Queen' is a good game. It's undeniably flawed but overall it's a title that holds a place in my heart. The angry, piss taking nature of my let's plays is mostly facetious and at worst, exaggerated for humorous effect.
I just wanted to make that clear, I would hate for somebody who worked on the game to read my let's play and get the wrong idea!
Having got that out of the way; 'Beneath a Steel Sky' is a marvelous suggestion for a future let's play. There's plenty of moments throughout that game that are just ripe for milking comedy gold!
Lots of wrong here. AGS has produced some of the best adventure games of the past decade. There might be some bad ones, but most of them at least try new things. I can probably name two dozen professional quality ones.
I'm probably one of the only peoples there currently just running off of pure nostalgia as a dev.
I was doing an Escape From Delirium LP, but I'm not particularly funny or patient, so I think you should tackle that at some point. It has a meaningless appearance by Saddam Hussein hijacking a plane, gutting and eviscerating a man's intestines on a pike just to make someone pass out with the intention of being funny (beat that Simon), and the worst plot, graphics, and puzzles I have ever seen....ever.
Lots of wrong here. AGS has produced some of the best adventure games of the past decade. There might be some bad ones, but most of them at least try new things. I can probably name two dozen professional quality ones.
But... no-one was ever denying that. Darth Marsden was simply saying that there are bad AGS games. He didn't say that there aren't any good ones.
I think that we're all aware that it's not about the tools, it's about the artists who use them.
I was doing an Escape From Delirium LP, but I'm not particularly funny or patient, so I think you should tackle that at some point. It has a meaningless appearance by Saddam Hussein hijacking a plane, gutting and eviscerating a man's intestines on a pike just to make someone pass out with the intention of being funny (beat that Simon), and the worst plot, graphics, and puzzles I have ever seen....ever.
On the subject of the continuation of this let's play; I'm worried about the future of this forum (will this let's play be deleted once the switchover to the new layout occurs? Will this style of let's play even function correctly under the new layout?). It is with this in mind that I can announce my plans to start up my own website, which will be devoted to my own unique brand of let's plays.
There's also been some talk about regulars abandoning these forums, so that sounds like a good idea regardless of how the switchover will turn out. I love this let's play so I'm glad to hear you have plans for the continuation even if it might take a while.
I actually laughed out loud several times while reading the latest part, so it's still pure gold even if it was harder to make something funny out of it this time. Good catch on the dead end fire exit. It never struck me as odd while playing through the game. The fumigator, restricted area after shot and the graphical glitches stabs were hilarous.
I second the BaSS suggestion by the way. I thought of it earlier while reading on my phone and saw it had been suggested when I came back now.
I didn't take it that way, so much as just being annoyed at how easy it is for people to pick on AGS projects in general.
Aye, that's fair enough and agreed upon in that sense. I've got nothing but respect for anyone who takes the time to do something creative off their own back for free (regardless of the final result).
There's also been some talk about regulars abandoning these forums, so that sounds like a good idea regardless of how the switchover will turn out. I love this let's play so I'm glad to hear you have plans for the continuation even if it might take a while.
Yeah, I'm going to make my own website regardless of how things turn out on this forum. I think that it'll also help me to attract more readers that way.
I actually laughed out loud several times while reading the latest part, so it's still pure gold even if it was harder to make something funny out of it this time. Good catch on the dead end fire exit. It never struck me as odd while playing through the game. The fumigator, restricted area after shot and the graphical glitches stabs were hilarous.
Thank you very much for the kind feedback. It's appreciated.
And for the record, Eddie was right. I wasn't damming ALL AGS games. I'm a big fan of the Ben Jordan series, for example, and there's plenty of good games out there made with it. But you can't deny that some of them are... sketchy.
I just googled a bit and accidentally found out who the German voice of trader Bob was. *shock*... and, yeah, most of you have heard the actor's name before, I promise.
I was pretty close then. Nazi Führer plus Kriminalpolizei roughly equals SS Offizier, which he played in Inglorious Basterds. He got an Oscar for that and... Der Humpink?
I'm still in shock considering that flesk knew who Horst Tappert was. I mean, I barely do.
Derrick used to be really popular in Norway. In fact it's still broadcast on NRK, the government-owned Norwegian TV channel. Horst Tappert also used to figure a lot on the front of celebrity magazines, since he liked to spend his summers here. Plus, we often watched episodes of Derrick in class when I studied German.
Let's Play 'Flight of the Amazon Queen'
Part 7: 'Dedicated to Klunk'
With the sound of the alarm bell still blaring away in the background, we rejoin our antagonist protagonist Joe and his female companion, Princess Azura, who is seemingly protecting herself by holding on to a semi-peeled banana.
“Make one false move and I’ll fill your ass with potassium, punk.”
Because I don’t find the idea of trying to fend off heavily armed guards with a banana particularly apPEELing, I attempt to SPLIT by figuring out the door code (sorry).
Actually, I think that you’ll find that this is an adventure game and therefore we have all the time in the world! None the less, I change tack by trying something else…
I decide to try hiding behind the two lederhosen clad mannequins.
Joe explains that he’ll demonstrate my master plan to Azura…
… by first switching off the lights! “Why?” you may ask; because the developers couldn’t be bothered to animate the characters jumping behind the mannequins because Joe has a real flare for showmanship.
A guard turns up and switches the light back on but thankfully Joe and Azura have managed to hide behind the mannequins in time. You may notice that their heads are glitching through the mannequins!
Shhhhhhhhh!Shut up, you little brats. Less I give you a performance of Punch & Judy, sans the Judy.”Hush now, you adorable little urchins.
Azura nearly gives away our position by sneezing. Although, I would have thought that their bodies being hideously melded onto the mannequins would have been the more obvious give away!
This is why you should never meddle with science, kids. Remember, Jeff Goldblum died for our sins.
And I’m beginning to imagine that the developers were high on crack when they lazily put this game together!
The guard walks past the two abominations against nature and exits the building.
…Said the glitching freak.
I enquire as to whether Azura saw the code being entered from her vantage point.
Ah, nuts! Maybe we could…
Oh! Go on…
Hmm hmm…
Uh-huh…
Riiiigggghhhht. Not bad for someone who “didn’t have a clear view of what the guard was doing”! Oh well, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth and so I go on over to the door to enter the code.
Obvious statement is obvious. However, before leaving I grab the pencil from the desk.
Okey dokey, I’m right behind you…
Um, what are you babbling about, Joe? How in the name of Satan’s arse-hairs is that a good stratagem?
Whatever, I grow weary of losing my rag with the walking splatter of monkey puke that is Joe and figure that this is the developer’s none too subtle way of letting me know that I still have unfinished business at Floda Inc to attend to.
I use the tin opener on the can of dog food and hand it over to the mutt in an attempt appease him. It doesn’t work! That’s odd, you’d have thought that the dog food would be useful for getting past, ya know… a dog.
Ho hum, I guess that there must be another pooch further on in the game that requires placating.
For now, I do the next best thing and offer the dog the squeaky toy that I picked up earlier. This works. Yays!
Entering the previously guarded shed, I realise that I’ve actually entered the TARDIS I come across a storage room containing a box that’s sealed up with a padlock and chains. Hold on! This room looks awfully familiar…
I knew it! The screengrab above is from the room that we came across inside Dr. Fruitloop’s underground base and this…
…is the room that we’re in now.
Clearly the developers have cut corners by reusing the same background and made a rather pathetic attempt to differentiate the rooms by moving some crates in the lower right hand corner; which actually screws up the perspective of the walkway because the right-hand girder should be in the foreground (the same as the left-hand one is). Dr. Fruitloop is a shrewd business man and had his construction workers build in an efficient manner by working from the same floor plans for various areas. He also has a thing for skewiff angles.
I re-enter the building and (eventually) come across a guard eating some chicken. Upon trying to enter the nearby door; the guard stops me. Joe initiates a conversation with him…
The guard explains exactly why he is a tough guy.
Thanks for telling me, game developers Mr. Guard. Not that you needed to; it’s a pretty bloody obvious puzzle, considering that I picked up a vial of ‘Anti-Super-Soldier-Serum’ earlier on.
Joe proceeds to laugh in the face of danger. One day I hope to be as obnoxiously ignorant brave as him.
The guard invites Joe to punch him in order to show just how strong he is and what a puny runt Joe is.
Joe takes his best shot and only ends up hurting his hand in the process. The guard is right to laugh. In fact, I’m laughing too! Serves you right, you wank-bank lug head.
Oh. God. Yes.
♫'ODE TO JOY'♫
Unfortunately (and I can’t emphasize that word enough) Joe is okay and gets back up.
After reloading my game and watching the glorious ‘Joe gets what’s coming to him’ sequence several times over, I eventually try to give the ‘Anti-Super-Soldier-Serum’ to the guard but to no avail. Hmm.
Talking to the guard again reveals this clunky line of dialogue. Could it be? No, it couldn’t! There’s no way that the developers are going to do what I think they’re going to do, is there?
USE SERUM ON DOG FOOD. GIVE DOG FOOD TO GUARD…
Oh, fuck right off! Why dog food? Surely the Cheeze Bitz would have made more sense?! Why would a human being eat dog food? This is fucking bullshit! Fuck you, game.
I strongly suspect that the following conversation took place at Warner Interactive during the game’s development…
DEVELOPER 1:“Hey, I’ve drawn a sprite for some dog food and programmed it into the game as a usable object.”
DEVELOPER 2:“Huh, why?”
DEVELOPER 1:“What do you mean “why?” For getting past the dog guarding the shed at Floda Inc of course!”
DEVELOPER 2:“But I created a squeaky toy sprite for that exact purpose. I’ve programmed the whole puzzle and everything!”
DEVELOPER 1:“Well, shit nuggets! I was up all night on crack drawing that dog food sprite. I don’t want it to go to waste!”
DEVELOPER 2:“Wait! You’ve got some crack?! Can I have some?”
DEVELOPER 1:“Sure thing, man. What about the dog food sprite though?”
DEVELOPER 2:“Fuck it. Just use it to solve the puzzle of getting past the guard in Dr. Ironstein’s underground lab. Now about that crack…”
DEVELOPER 1:“Yeah but why would a guard eat dog food?”
DEVELOPER 2:“I dunno. Just make out like he loves food or something. Draw a chicken leg in his hand and have him say “I like eating”.
DEVELOPER 1:“It’s as good as done. Let’s go get high.”
Anyway, the guard eats the dog food (*sigh*) and to show the effects of the serum, his head momentarily shrinks.
“Hey, did you get duped into eating laced dog food too?"
With the serum ingested within the guard, I provoke him again.
Shit, count yourself lucky. I’m way past the “beginning” stage!
Please don’t let the serum work.
Please don’t let the serum work.
Please don’t let the serum work.
*DRUMROLL*
I can assure you that I’m not laughing, you great bollocks. I wanted to see you get beaten to within an inch of your sorry, miserable life and instead I’ve witnessed you knocking out my favourite character in the history of fiction (and non-fiction).
I hereby dedicate this 'let's play' to Klunk, the noble guardsman. The man who did do the world a great favour by striking down the foul demon that stood before him; the rapist of women, the purveyor of smut; obnoxiousness its very self personified. I raise my chicken leg to Klunk the Magnificent and say this; you’ll forever be a ‘Super-Soldier’ to me.
Leaving my poor hero behind, I enter the previously guarded door and find myself in Dr. Fruitloop’s office.
Tell me, do the words “pot”, “kettle” and “black” mean anything to you, Joe?
Looking at a pad on Dr. Fruitloop’s desk reveals that a previously written note has left it’s indentation on the now currently top page. This calls for a quick rub with the pencil I took from the reception desk methinks…
Ah-ha, Bingo! Before moving on I open the desk drawer and find another notepad and use the pencil on it…
Now that I have a little bit too much information about what Dr. Fruitloop likes to get up to in his free time; I exit the room but not before whipping out my graffiti canister...
*Innocent whistle*
I kind of like turning this game into a graffiti sim. It helps me to relieve my frustrations with the game. It's a bit like playing 'Jet Set Radio'... only shit.
I return to the safe with the combination in hand and open her up…
Check and check.
Can’t think of anything funny to say about this and should just move on?
Check and check.
I make my way all the way back to the TARDIS shed and use the key on the padlock. I’m sure that there’s a very good explanation as to why Joe couldn’t just circumnavigate the padlock and chains by ripping through the box (that’s clearly made of cardboard) with his bare hands. Yes, a very good reason indeed. For example, it could be that…uh…
…um
Oh.
Because only the genius of Bruce Campbell can do justice to the feelings of insanity that this game is driving me to right now.
As I make my way back to the temple, I pray to the heavens that I come across a fuel canister before this game reaches its conclusion. Upon my arrival at the temple, I’m greeted by Princess Azura.
Azura tells me that she wishes to offer a gift in exchange for rescuing her. This had better be a fucking fuel canister, that’s all I can say. However, I know that’s it’s fool hardy to get my hopes up at this point.
Well, one thing that it’s almost certainly not is a fuel canister.
Quelle surprise.
A bit like me. Except that I make the sound of a depressed hermit crab, rocking back and forth in a hammock on a stormy winter’s night. It’s little wonder that I can’t keep a girlfriend. I digress…
How lovely to know. Would you like to know where it’ll be passed on to next? The nearest incinerator, that’s where.
Suddenly, Dr. Fruitloop turns up.
Great! Even an old man with a cane can keep up pace with you, Joe; you fucking waste of organic matter. Oh well, at least even you should be able to take on a single, unarmed, feeble old man. I mean, it’s not like he has the place surrounded by armed guards or anything.
…Ah.
What is it, grandpa? Have you been having your funny dream about dinosaur women again? Would you like me to nip down to the pharmacy to pick up your meds?
Oy vey! Always with the crystal skulls this guy is.
And I’d like to own a diamond encrusted cod piece but we don’t always get what we want.
If anyone wants to buy me a Christmas gift this year… just saying.
I’m in shock! Joe’s asking a question that I’d actually like to know the answer to. I guess he’s not that bad after-all.
Ha! Sorry to disappoint you, Doc but none of these women are actually friends in relation to Joe. One’s a rape victim and the rest are potential rape victims.
Joe’s finally rescued the Princess and now must get back to his one true mission; getting away from these freaks and out of this God forsaken jungle. I must also press on with my own mission; to finish this game as quickly as possible, so that I can do something more constructive and less agonising with my time, like dipping my balls in sulfuric acid.
What I absolutely don't have time for is gallivanting off in search of crystal skulls for this old fart!
This seems like a bucket of pure, crystal clear, ice cold water to a man dying of thirst right now.
I couldn’t give a hoot. You can turn her into a fucking meatloaf for all I care.
No! Not that kind of meatloaf.
There, that’s… better?
Yeah, let’s skedaddle, fix the plane and vamoose.
Woah! What are you doing, Joe? Who cares?! Have you just completely forgotten about your pal Sparky and Faye? Okay he’s an overgrown baby and she’s a stuck-up Charlize Theron impostor but still, I think that they should be taking priority right now!
Oh please. How gullible do you think I am?
You remember when I said that you’re “not that bad after-all”, Joe? Yeah, well forget it! Not only are you “that bad” but you are in fact even worse. You’re the very definition of bad. When Michael Jackson sang the lyrics “who’s bad”, the answer was “Joe King”. You fug nuggin’ guber!
Oh, so we’re done with the tired old ‘Star Wars’ references and have now moved on to the tired old ‘’Terminator’ references, huh? What’s next?! Tired old references to ‘The Big Lewbowski’?! Yeesh!
I reluctantly make my way through the jungle and on to a clearing where I find a ferry that can take me to Sloth Island. I approach the ferryman, interrupting him from fishing and initiate a conversation…
I've updated Part 7 to get rid of the numerous spelling and grammatical mistakes. I've also reworded a few of the sentences so that they read better. I keep doing this with every part and inevitably there will be some who read it prior to the "polishing edit".
From now on I'll put a banner at the start of each part, letting people know when it's ready for reading!
Great to have two Let's Plays at once! Except I merged them. I read this one first, then Simon, and when Simon found Petrol, I thought, hey we needed that for something....
Great to have two Let's Plays at once! Except I merged them. I read this one first, then Simon, and when Simon found Petrol, I thought, hey we needed that for something....
Haha. I noticed that too. When Simon was wasting copious amounts of fuel on that rope, I was thinking "nooooo, spare some of that petrol for me!"
Also, both 'let's plays' featured the obnoxious protagonist being punched to the ground! *cue 'Twilight Zone' theme*
I was just checking through this thread and noticed that there's some pictures that are not showing up (check page 1 and you'll see what I mean). I went to Imageshack and a bunch of screengrabs have been "removed"! What the frak?! Does anyone know why this might have happened?
I guess I'll have to search through the folders on my computer and see if I can re-upload the relevant pictures but my advice is; DON'T use Imageshack!
EDIT: This applies to parts 1-5! That's insane. I don't even have all of those screengrabs backed up and I can't see myself playing through the game AGAIN just to regrab them. Looks like this let's play is over, folks. What a shame.
Seriously? Aw, that's a shame. I was enjoying it so much, too. Stupid ImageShack.
It's definitely over for now but I'm a creature of whim so who knows...
Basically, it's a question of whether I can be bothered to regrab the screenshots and re-upload everything to another host... yeah, that's probably not going to happen. Still, that's "probably"!
I was just checking through this thread and noticed that there's some pictures that are not showing up (check page 1 and you'll see what I mean). I went to Imageshack and a bunch of screengrabs have been "removed"! What the frak?! Does anyone know why this might have happened?
I guess I'll have to search through the folders on my computer and see if I can re-upload the relevant pictures but my advice is; DON'T use Imageshack!
EDIT: This applies to parts 1-5! That's insane. I don't even have all of those screengrabs backed up and I can't see myself playing through the game AGAIN just to regrab them. Looks like this let's play is over, folks. What a shame.
... The "a" you've inserted into the link above; how does that work?
Many thanks,
Ed
I'm not quite sure how that works, but the link doesn't work without it. I think the problem lies in the subdomain for each server on imageshack. So, if there's an issue with the subdomain, pointing to the file directly on the main domain will solve the issue (luckily it seems to be a DNS (or possibly code) issue rather than a server issue).
I've never found a link where the /a/ doesn't work, so I'm not sure if that letter really means anything, other than maybe meaning a for alternate server (but that's just a guess). But, if that's not constant after all, and if you do find one that doesn't work, it couldn't hurt to try other letters of the alphabet.
Comments
You raise a good point about the majority of games that run under ScummVM and you also gave some great suggestions there. In fact, I think that I've found my next game to tackle thanks to you; 'Police Quest' (which handily does run under ScummVM). I've completed it before and enjoyed it (in spite of it's insanely anal nature) and wouldn't mind replaying it. I may as well use it as a let's play and take the piss out of it if I'm going to replay it anyway.
As for the other titles you mentioned; I won't cover AGS titles because it wouldn't be fair or right to rip into an indie game that was made for the love of it (and not for profit) but the remaining titles; I'll keep them in mind for after 'Police Quest'. Many thanks.
Fair point about AGS games though. Just thought I'd throw it out there - some really are quite bad.
If you want a not so good game then maybe something like the Feeble Files.
Just to clarify (because it does worry me a little bit that people might misinterpret my feelings on the matter); I do think that 'Flight of the Amazon Queen' is a good game. It's undeniably flawed but overall it's a title that holds a place in my heart. The angry, piss taking nature of my let's plays is mostly facetious and at worst, exaggerated for humorous effect.
I just wanted to make that clear, I would hate for somebody who worked on the game to read my let's play and get the wrong idea!
Having got that out of the way; 'Beneath a Steel Sky' is a marvelous suggestion for a future let's play. There's plenty of moments throughout that game that are just ripe for milking comedy gold!
I'm probably one of the only peoples there currently just running off of pure nostalgia as a dev.
I was doing an Escape From Delirium LP, but I'm not particularly funny or patient, so I think you should tackle that at some point. It has a meaningless appearance by Saddam Hussein hijacking a plane, gutting and eviscerating a man's intestines on a pike just to make someone pass out with the intention of being funny (beat that Simon), and the worst plot, graphics, and puzzles I have ever seen....ever.
But... no-one was ever denying that. Darth Marsden was simply saying that there are bad AGS games. He didn't say that there aren't any good ones.
I think that we're all aware that it's not about the tools, it's about the artists who use them.
Thanks for the tip. I've added it to the list.
There's also been some talk about regulars abandoning these forums, so that sounds like a good idea regardless of how the switchover will turn out. I love this let's play so I'm glad to hear you have plans for the continuation even if it might take a while.
I actually laughed out loud several times while reading the latest part, so it's still pure gold even if it was harder to make something funny out of it this time. Good catch on the dead end fire exit.
I second the BaSS suggestion by the way. I thought of it earlier while reading on my phone and saw it had been suggested when I came back now.
Aye, that's fair enough and agreed upon in that sense. I've got nothing but respect for anyone who takes the time to do something creative off their own back for free (regardless of the final result).
Yeah, I'm going to make my own website regardless of how things turn out on this forum. I think that it'll also help me to attract more readers that way.
Thank you very much for the kind feedback. It's appreciated.
Duly noted.
And for the record, Eddie was right. I wasn't damming ALL AGS games. I'm a big fan of the Ben Jordan series, for example, and there's plenty of good games out there made with it. But you can't deny that some of them are... sketchy.
Go on, put us out of our misery Vain.
It wasn't a real question, but the guy's seriously talented. Pretty amazing that he's got trader Bob on his CV.
Derrick used to be really popular in Norway. In fact it's still broadcast on NRK, the government-owned Norwegian TV channel. Horst Tappert also used to figure a lot on the front of celebrity magazines, since he liked to spend his summers here. Plus, we often watched episodes of Derrick in class when I studied German.
Part 7: 'Dedicated to Klunk'
With the sound of the alarm bell still blaring away in the background, we rejoin our antagonist protagonist Joe and his female companion, Princess Azura, who is seemingly protecting herself by holding on to a semi-peeled banana.
“Make one false move and I’ll fill your ass with potassium, punk.”
Because I don’t find the idea of trying to fend off heavily armed guards with a banana particularly apPEELing, I attempt to SPLIT by figuring out the door code (sorry).
Actually, I think that you’ll find that this is an adventure game and therefore we have all the time in the world! None the less, I change tack by trying something else…
I decide to try hiding behind the two lederhosen clad mannequins.
Joe explains that he’ll demonstrate my master plan to Azura…
… by first switching off the lights! “Why?” you may ask; because the developers couldn’t be bothered to animate the characters jumping behind the mannequins because Joe has a real flare for showmanship.
A guard turns up and switches the light back on but thankfully Joe and Azura have managed to hide behind the mannequins in time. You may notice that their heads are glitching through the mannequins!
Shhhhhhhhh! Shut up, you little brats. Less I give you a performance of Punch & Judy, sans the Judy.” Hush now, you adorable little urchins.
Azura nearly gives away our position by sneezing. Although, I would have thought that their bodies being hideously melded onto the mannequins would have been the more obvious give away!
This is why you should never meddle with science, kids. Remember, Jeff Goldblum died for our sins.
And I’m beginning to imagine that the developers were high on crack when they lazily put this game together!
The guard walks past the two abominations against nature and exits the building.
…Said the glitching freak.
I enquire as to whether Azura saw the code being entered from her vantage point.
Ah, nuts! Maybe we could…
Oh! Go on…
Hmm hmm…
Uh-huh…
Riiiigggghhhht. Not bad for someone who “didn’t have a clear view of what the guard was doing”! Oh well, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth and so I go on over to the door to enter the code.
Obvious statement is obvious. However, before leaving I grab the pencil from the desk.
Okey dokey, I’m right behind you…
Um, what are you babbling about, Joe? How in the name of Satan’s arse-hairs is that a good stratagem?
Whatever, I grow weary of losing my rag with the walking splatter of monkey puke that is Joe and figure that this is the developer’s none too subtle way of letting me know that I still have unfinished business at Floda Inc to attend to.
I use the tin opener on the can of dog food and hand it over to the mutt in an attempt appease him. It doesn’t work! That’s odd, you’d have thought that the dog food would be useful for getting past, ya know… a dog.
Ho hum, I guess that there must be another pooch further on in the game that requires placating.
For now, I do the next best thing and offer the dog the squeaky toy that I picked up earlier. This works. Yays!
Entering the previously guarded shed, I realise that I’ve actually entered the TARDIS I come across a storage room containing a box that’s sealed up with a padlock and chains. Hold on! This room looks awfully familiar…
I knew it! The screengrab above is from the room that we came across inside Dr. Fruitloop’s underground base and this…
…is the room that we’re in now.
Clearly the developers have cut corners by reusing the same background and made a rather pathetic attempt to differentiate the rooms by moving some crates in the lower right hand corner; which actually screws up the perspective of the walkway because the right-hand girder should be in the foreground (the same as the left-hand one is). Dr. Fruitloop is a shrewd business man and had his construction workers build in an efficient manner by working from the same floor plans for various areas. He also has a thing for skewiff angles.
I re-enter the building and (eventually) come across a guard eating some chicken. Upon trying to enter the nearby door; the guard stops me. Joe initiates a conversation with him…
The guard explains exactly why he is a tough guy.
Thanks for telling me, game developers Mr. Guard. Not that you needed to; it’s a pretty bloody obvious puzzle, considering that I picked up a vial of ‘Anti-Super-Soldier-Serum’ earlier on.
Joe proceeds to laugh in the face of danger. One day I hope to be as obnoxiously ignorant brave as him.
The guard invites Joe to punch him in order to show just how strong he is and what a puny runt Joe is.
Joe takes his best shot and only ends up hurting his hand in the process. The guard is right to laugh. In fact, I’m laughing too! Serves you right, you wank-bank lug head.
Oh. God. Yes.
♫'ODE TO JOY'♫
Unfortunately (and I can’t emphasize that word enough) Joe is okay and gets back up.
After reloading my game and watching the glorious ‘Joe gets what’s coming to him’ sequence several times over, I eventually try to give the ‘Anti-Super-Soldier-Serum’ to the guard but to no avail. Hmm.
Talking to the guard again reveals this clunky line of dialogue. Could it be? No, it couldn’t! There’s no way that the developers are going to do what I think they’re going to do, is there?
USE SERUM ON DOG FOOD. GIVE DOG FOOD TO GUARD…
Oh, fuck right off! Why dog food? Surely the Cheeze Bitz would have made more sense?! Why would a human being eat dog food? This is fucking bullshit! Fuck you, game.
I strongly suspect that the following conversation took place at Warner Interactive during the game’s development…
DEVELOPER 2: “Huh, why?”
DEVELOPER 1: “What do you mean “why?” For getting past the dog guarding the shed at Floda Inc of course!”
DEVELOPER 2: “But I created a squeaky toy sprite for that exact purpose. I’ve programmed the whole puzzle and everything!”
DEVELOPER 1: “Well, shit nuggets! I was up all night on crack drawing that dog food sprite. I don’t want it to go to waste!”
DEVELOPER 2: “Wait! You’ve got some crack?! Can I have some?”
DEVELOPER 1: “Sure thing, man. What about the dog food sprite though?”
DEVELOPER 2: “Fuck it. Just use it to solve the puzzle of getting past the guard in Dr. Ironstein’s underground lab. Now about that crack…”
DEVELOPER 1: “Yeah but why would a guard eat dog food?”
DEVELOPER 2: “I dunno. Just make out like he loves food or something. Draw a chicken leg in his hand and have him say “I like eating”.
DEVELOPER 1: “It’s as good as done. Let’s go get high.”
Anyway, the guard eats the dog food (*sigh*) and to show the effects of the serum, his head momentarily shrinks.
“Hey, did you get duped into eating laced dog food too?"
With the serum ingested within the guard, I provoke him again.
Shit, count yourself lucky. I’m way past the “beginning” stage!
Please don’t let the serum work.
Please don’t let the serum work.
Please don’t let the serum work.
*DRUMROLL*
I can assure you that I’m not laughing, you great bollocks. I wanted to see you get beaten to within an inch of your sorry, miserable life and instead I’ve witnessed you knocking out my favourite character in the history of fiction (and non-fiction).
I hereby dedicate this 'let's play' to Klunk, the noble guardsman. The man who did do the world a great favour by striking down the foul demon that stood before him; the rapist of women, the purveyor of smut; obnoxiousness its very self personified. I raise my chicken leg to Klunk the Magnificent and say this; you’ll forever be a ‘Super-Soldier’ to me.
Leaving my poor hero behind, I enter the previously guarded door and find myself in Dr. Fruitloop’s office.
Tell me, do the words “pot”, “kettle” and “black” mean anything to you, Joe?
Looking at a pad on Dr. Fruitloop’s desk reveals that a previously written note has left it’s indentation on the now currently top page. This calls for a quick rub with the pencil I took from the reception desk methinks…
Ah-ha, Bingo! Before moving on I open the desk drawer and find another notepad and use the pencil on it…
Now that I have a little bit too much information about what Dr. Fruitloop likes to get up to in his free time; I exit the room but not before whipping out my graffiti canister...
*Innocent whistle*
I kind of like turning this game into a graffiti sim. It helps me to relieve my frustrations with the game. It's a bit like playing 'Jet Set Radio'... only shit.
I return to the safe with the combination in hand and open her up…
Check and check.
Can’t think of anything funny to say about this and should just move on?
Check and check.
I make my way all the way back to the TARDIS shed and use the key on the padlock. I’m sure that there’s a very good explanation as to why Joe couldn’t just circumnavigate the padlock and chains by ripping through the box (that’s clearly made of cardboard) with his bare hands. Yes, a very good reason indeed. For example, it could be that…uh…
…um
Oh.
Because only the genius of Bruce Campbell can do justice to the feelings of insanity that this game is driving me to right now.
As I make my way back to the temple, I pray to the heavens that I come across a fuel canister before this game reaches its conclusion. Upon my arrival at the temple, I’m greeted by Princess Azura.
Azura tells me that she wishes to offer a gift in exchange for rescuing her. This had better be a fucking fuel canister, that’s all I can say. However, I know that’s it’s fool hardy to get my hopes up at this point.
Well, one thing that it’s almost certainly not is a fuel canister.
Quelle surprise.
A bit like me. Except that I make the sound of a depressed hermit crab, rocking back and forth in a hammock on a stormy winter’s night. It’s little wonder that I can’t keep a girlfriend. I digress…
How lovely to know. Would you like to know where it’ll be passed on to next? The nearest incinerator, that’s where.
Suddenly, Dr. Fruitloop turns up.
Great! Even an old man with a cane can keep up pace with you, Joe; you fucking waste of organic matter. Oh well, at least even you should be able to take on a single, unarmed, feeble old man. I mean, it’s not like he has the place surrounded by armed guards or anything.
…Ah.
What is it, grandpa? Have you been having your funny dream about dinosaur women again? Would you like me to nip down to the pharmacy to pick up your meds?
Oy vey! Always with the crystal skulls this guy is.
And I’d like to own a diamond encrusted cod piece but we don’t always get what we want.
If anyone wants to buy me a Christmas gift this year… just saying.
I’m in shock! Joe’s asking a question that I’d actually like to know the answer to. I guess he’s not that bad after-all.
Ha! Sorry to disappoint you, Doc but none of these women are actually friends in relation to Joe. One’s a rape victim and the rest are potential rape victims.
Joe’s finally rescued the Princess and now must get back to his one true mission; getting away from these freaks and out of this God forsaken jungle. I must also press on with my own mission; to finish this game as quickly as possible, so that I can do something more constructive and less agonising with my time, like dipping my balls in sulfuric acid.
What I absolutely don't have time for is gallivanting off in search of crystal skulls for this old fart!
This seems like a bucket of pure, crystal clear, ice cold water to a man dying of thirst right now.
I couldn’t give a hoot. You can turn her into a fucking meatloaf for all I care.
No! Not that kind of meatloaf.
There, that’s… better?
Yeah, let’s skedaddle, fix the plane and vamoose.
Woah! What are you doing, Joe? Who cares?! Have you just completely forgotten about your pal Sparky and Faye? Okay he’s an overgrown baby and she’s a stuck-up Charlize Theron impostor but still, I think that they should be taking priority right now!
Oh please. How gullible do you think I am?
You remember when I said that you’re “not that bad after-all”, Joe? Yeah, well forget it! Not only are you “that bad” but you are in fact even worse. You’re the very definition of bad. When Michael Jackson sang the lyrics “who’s bad”, the answer was “Joe King”. You fug nuggin’ guber!
Oh, so we’re done with the tired old ‘Star Wars’ references and have now moved on to the tired old ‘’Terminator’ references, huh? What’s next?! Tired old references to ‘The Big Lewbowski’?! Yeesh!
I reluctantly make my way through the jungle and on to a clearing where I find a ferry that can take me to Sloth Island. I approach the ferryman, interrupting him from fishing and initiate a conversation…
I’m genuinely surprised that t
Or I'll write a fanfiction where he dies an ignominious death.
From now on I'll put a banner at the start of each part, letting people know when it's ready for reading!
Thanks. Having read the latest part of your 'Let's Play Simon 3D'; it is indeed a good day.
Hmm. Maybe I could come up with something for the ending of this 'let's play'.
*mind starts wondering...*
Regardless of whether Joe dies or not during this 'let's play'; this can only be a good thing.
Haha. I noticed that too. When Simon was wasting copious amounts of fuel on that rope, I was thinking "nooooo, spare some of that petrol for me!"
Also, both 'let's plays' featured the obnoxious protagonist being punched to the ground! *cue 'Twilight Zone' theme*
*sigh*
I guess I'll have to search through the folders on my computer and see if I can re-upload the relevant pictures but my advice is; DON'T use Imageshack!
EDIT: This applies to parts 1-5! That's insane. I don't even have all of those screengrabs backed up and I can't see myself playing through the game AGAIN just to regrab them. Looks like this let's play is over, folks. What a shame.
It's definitely over for now but I'm a creature of whim so who knows...
Basically, it's a question of whether I can be bothered to regrab the screenshots and re-upload everything to another host... yeah, that's probably not going to happen. Still, that's "probably"!
For instance, for the file http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/1584/gorillaa.jpg, if you use http://imageshack.us/a/img217/1584/gorillaa.jpg instead then it works.
Voila!
You get this
Instead of this
Now, you can continue this let's play series (hopefully).
I always knew you were a smart cookie but I never realised that you're a bona fide genius, Jennifer. Thank you so much
However, I need a little clarification. Do I need to always need to add an "a" into each link? For example...
http://imageshack.us/a/img217/1584/gorillaa.jpg
... The "a" you've inserted into the link above; how does that work?
I'm not quite sure how that works, but the link doesn't work without it. I think the problem lies in the subdomain for each server on imageshack. So, if there's an issue with the subdomain, pointing to the file directly on the main domain will solve the issue (luckily it seems to be a DNS (or possibly code) issue rather than a server issue).
I've never found a link where the /a/ doesn't work, so I'm not sure if that letter really means anything, other than maybe meaning a for alternate server (but that's just a guess). But, if that's not constant after all, and if you do find one that doesn't work, it couldn't hurt to try other letters of the alphabet.