It's not often I say that, but I find myself hopelessly out of my league in this thread. What I know about romance could fill the Grand Canyon... and still have room left over for the entire population of China, a medium sized Brachiosaurus, and a tuba.
It's not often I say that, but I find myself hopelessly out of my league in this thread. What I know about romance could fill the Grand Canyon... and still have room left over for the entire population of China, a medium sized Brachiosaurus, and a tuba.
Well it was really about sexuality to begin with
I have a lot of trans friends and so it's a mildly important topic to me.
Allow me to add increasing acceptance of casual sex to my list of gripes. It probably goes hand-in-hand with my gripe about people having affairs left, right and center.
People don't seem to understand what sex does to a relationship. The media certainly doesn't help by making it seem totally cool and normal to have sex on the 3rd date.
I really don't see whats wrong with it. If 2 people wana fool around with no strings attached it don't hurt anyone else (if its safe sex that is).
It does if one of them is married, and teaching our kids that random, meaningless sex is fine totally screws up their perception of how to have a long-term relationship that isn't based on sex.
In other words, casual sex is shallow and is no where near as fantastic as being with someone you care deeply about. Take it from someone who speaks from personal experience and has been married for almost 8 years.
In other words, casual sex is shallow and is no where near as fantastic as being with someone you care deeply about. Take it from someone who speaks from personal experience and has been married for almost 8 years.
But that's just what we're talking about. Different strokes for different folks.
But that's just what we're talking about. Different strokes for different folks.
I'm not saying that. I'm saying that society is fricken screwed up.
More than half the people who marry get divorced; casual sex is depicted (and perceived) as normal and cool; people are having affairs all over the place. It's like people think meaningful relationships are dumb and boring. Also, my additional rant on abuse of spouses and kids adds to my point.
I'll add that I'm not saying that gays are the bane of society or that they can't have meaningful, lasting relationships. To reiterate, I'm saying that society is fricken screwed up. And it's sad.
casual sex is depicted (and perceived) as normal and cool;
Because for some people, casual sex is normal and cool.
Now, I agree that the media could stand to be a little less sexualized and monogamous relationships could be given their due more often (though considering they're the happy ending of every romantic comedy/Disney movie ever, they're not exactly under-represented) but that doesn't mean casual sex is such a horrible thing. Again, if it's between consenting adults and nobody's getting hurt, who cares?
Anyway, on topic: I think my earlier post may have come across harsher than I intended. The subject is very close to my heart. My opinion on the matter is that I know that not everyone will be able to accept homosexuals as equals. But all I ask is that they let us get on with our lives in peace. It's people who don't, people who feel compelled to hurl abuse, to block political movements that have no impact on them.
And no-one chooses to be gay. Afterall, who would want to go through the emotional trauma it causes? Stuff that society has a huge emphasis on. That every show and film as a kid tells you to aspire towards. Things that you know you can't do. You know that you'll never be able to get married and father a child. Knowing that your parents can never be the grandparents they've dreamed of. Knowing that finding the right person is going to be so much harder than for regular people. The chances of finding a compatible person in the 1.5%* of the population that are gay and of the same gender are so improbably remote, that it's enough to make anyone depressed. And on top of all that, there's the fear of how people will react when they discover the truth about a persons sexuality. And then there are the countries where being gay can lead to the death sentence.
Homosexuals have enough on their plates without homophobic abuse.
*Based on 9 million gay US population out of 309 million, half of which will be male. Maybe. Wolfram Alpha is cool.
I also have a couple of gay jokes swimming around in my head, but I don’t want to get banned. So instead, I will make a dirty joke: Guess what? Chicken butt.
I also have a couple of gay jokes swimming around in my head, but I don’t want to get banned. So instead, I will make a dirty joke: Guess what? Chicken butt.
I’m a comic genius!
You could really make a name for yourself, noname.
I don't mind if people think homosexuality is wrong as long as they are live and let live about it. I do not agree at all with that, but c'est la vie. I don't expect all to completely change because it is something that is mysterious, confusing, and gross to most and when people are faced with those attributes, they usually react in anger.
Honestly, if you step back and take a look at it, sex is really gross, messy, and unsanitary. Coupled with the fact that people are generally hardwired to enjoy it because it's essential to life, it makes the entire subject confusing and scary.
I just think the government should just keep its nose out of who marries who. It's hardly a matter of national security. It's the imposition of a Christian doctrine on a multireligious society. And not all of those religions ban gay marriage in their doctrines. It's frankly ridiculous in such a diverse society that we let one doctrine of one religion take precedence over all the others and then claim it to be the "real" American way. No. The real American way is separation of church and state. Churches can individually ban whatever marriages they like, I really don't care, and the government shouldn't force them to accept marriages that go against their belief system. But the government shouldn't ban secular marriages on the basis of a religious doctrine that not everyone follows.
I just think the government should just keep its nose out of who marries who. It's hardly a matter of national security. It's the imposition of a Christian doctrine on a multireligious society. And not all of those religions ban gay marriage in their doctrines. It's frankly ridiculous in such a diverse society that we let one doctrine of one religion take precedence over all the others and then claim it to be the "real" American way. No. The real American way is separation of church and state. Churches can individually ban whatever marriages they like, I really don't care, and the government shouldn't force them to accept marriages that go against their belief system. But the government shouldn't ban secular marriages on the basis of a religious doctrine that not everyone follows.
I'd almost go so far as to say that the government should just stay out of the marriage business in general, but realistically that's never gonna happen. So if we're gonna have one kind, we might as well have them both.
Because for some people, casual sex is normal and cool.
Now, I agree that the media could stand to be a little less sexualized and monogamous relationships could be given their due more often (though considering they're the happy ending of every romantic comedy/Disney movie ever, they're not exactly under-represented) but that doesn't mean casual sex is such a horrible thing. Again, if it's between consenting adults and nobody's getting hurt, who cares?
People do get hurt because they don't understand the emotional impact.
Pshwah! Marriage is overrated anyway.
(What I mean by that is that I don't see why "getting married" actually means anything to a relationship. If anything the legal side of it can even make some splits way more messy than necessary. Just a committed long-term relationship is enough to me. No need for some big ol expensive ceremony full of people you barely know or don't even like)
But you know if that's what people feel like they need to have, then let them.
I didn't have a big expensive ceremony filled with people I don't know or like. We invited our friends from college (we were in college at the time) and our extended families. And we didn't spend buckets of money on the ceremony. I think we spent less than two thousand dollars on the wedding. That sounds like a lot, but everything adds up when you talk about renting tuxes, buying dresses, ordering two cakes and other snack-ish foods, ordering invitations, flowers, etc.... We had both the ceremony and the reception in my wife's church, which cost us nothing to use. We also took marriage counseling with her pastor so we got a discount on the marriage certificate.
We had our honeymoon at a bed and breakfast in a small town off the beach in northern California, which we got to by flying Southwest Airlines (who are inexpensive) to Oakland and renting a car to drive there from the airport.
If anything, I think we spent more money on our rings than we did on the wedding and honeymoon combined. But, part of the reason for that is because my wife wanted hypoallergenic metal, which gold is not, so we got her a platinum ring. I also got a platinum ring so that the color would match. For the record, my ring has no diamonds. Guys don't need diamonds.
The reason why marriage is important is because it says that "I'm committed to you. Only you. I love you and I want to make a promise to you in front of the whole world how much you mean to me; a promise that I'll keep forever." My wedding ring is a sign of love and commitment to me. It's something I cherish greatly, not a ball and chain.
Without that promise, there's nothing to guarantee that we won't be together when it's not convenient. And, despite what you might say, children benefit from having a loving mother and father. Teaching them what a loving relationship should be like is important. [edit] Yes, having loving same-sex parents who are gay is probably better than abusive parents who are straight. But I see that being a positive point to a gay couple who adopts a child rather than a child whose birth parents simply never got married or else divorced after which one parent found a gay partner. In that case, said child still craves that relationship with the other birth parent which they don't primarily live with, and they don't understand why their mom and dad aren't still together. Oftentimes, they even blame themselves for it.[/edit]
Also, the word "husband" sounds way better than "baby daddy."
I've been single, living on my own with a job while not in school. It's lonely. My parents were lucky enough to meet in high school and get married in college when they were only 20, so my dad has never experienced the single life, really. One day my dad asked me "I'm curious, what do single people do? I've never really been so I'd just like to know." I thought about it and replied, "single people spend most of their time trying to find a way not to be single anymore."
Casual sex is hollow. There's no emotional investment in it. Emotional investment is important, as we humans are emotional creatures. We want people to care about us. Relationships are important to us. As far as I can see it, casual sex is just a futile attempt to fill in that hole in one's life where they want to feel loved, but there's no emotional connection, so the feelings one has in the end are hollow and sad.
This is why "waiting for sex until after marriage" is good for a relationship. You learn what it is to be close friends with this person and to spend time with them, having fun together, without dealing with the deep feelings that come from having sex. Sex really does change the aspect of a relationship, and having it shouldn't be taken lightly.
Marriage is important. Sex is also good, but it's far more beneficial to have it with someone whom you love and whom you know loves you and you know won't leave you after having it.
Sex is also good, but it's far more beneficial to have it with someone [...] you know won't leave you after having it.
I never realised that meaning of the word 'wedlock' ...
Sorry, couldn't resist and will certainly keep out of this thread hereafter. I couldn't contribute to this thread anyway with my rather troubled relationship to sexuality.
This is why "waiting for sex until after marriage" is good for a relationship. You learn what it is to be close friends with this person and to spend time with them, having fun together, without dealing with the deep feelings that come from having sex. Sex really does change the aspect of a relationship, and having it shouldn't be taken lightly.
I've always thought this was a huge mistake. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors of a healthy long-term relationship and a couple really should make sure they have it before they even think about getting married to each other.
Same reason it's not a good idea to get married before you've tried living together.
I've always thought this was a huge mistake. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors of a healthy long-term relationship and a couple really should make sure they have it before they even think about getting married to each other.
I'd be devastated if I found out I marred a guy with no fetishes.
I've always thought this was a huge mistake. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors of a healthy long-term relationship and a couple really should make sure they have it before they even think about getting married to each other.
Same reason it's not a good idea to get married before you've tried living together.
I waited until afterward on both those issues, and it's worked out just fine.
When I got married, I can't tell you how happy I was. It seriously was the best day of my entire life. Getting married felt special. Even sitting here, thinking about it makes me feel good.
Of course, if you move in together you're likely to have sex because of how often you're alone (I have hormones. I know this.) Also, having sex isn't as meaningful without emotional security. Feeling stuck with a person because they live with you so that you can't just dump them isn't emotional security. And sure, if you're already living together and already having sex, then getting married would obviously feel like no more than going through the motions for their own sake.
I know what it was like when I was single. I was lonely and bored a lot. Also, I've been in a relationship before where my attachment made me go too far too quickly, and it was a serious mistake. I got pulled into making decisions that I regret. No, I don't have kids, but that's not really what I meant. You can go ahead and say "to each his own" but I promise you won't get the same fulfillment out of a relationship if you don't wait.
Besides, if you don't have sex, how do you even know what your preferences are or anything anyway? Wouldn't it mean something to learn those things about yourself together with your spouse? Factoring sexual compatibility doesn't even apply when you don't even know what it is; and you and your spouse teaching each other what you do and don't like helps you grow closer together emotionally.
I waited until afterward on both those issues, and it's worked out just fine.
Of course, if you move in together you're likely to have sex because of how often you're alone (I have hormones. I know this.) And having sex isn't as meaningful without without emotional security.
Sure, if you're already living together and already having sex, then getting married would obviously feel like no more than going through the motions for their own sake.
When I got married, I can't tell you how happy I was. It seriously was the best day of my entire life. Getting married felt special. Even sitting here, thinking about it makes me feel good.
Look... I'm just saying that I know what it was like when I was single. I was lonely and bored a lot. Also, I've been in a relationship before where my attachment made me go too far too quickly, and it was a serious mistake. I got pulled into making decisions that I regret.
You can go ahead and say "to each his own" but I promise you won't get the same fulfillment out of a relationship if you don't wait.
It worked out for you and that's wonderful but it doesn't work out for everyone. Hell, sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest causes of infidelity.
Comments
Well it was really about sexuality to begin with
I have a lot of trans friends and so it's a mildly important topic to me.
You could also replace romance with sexuality and it would still be accurate.
James Bond is not gay, nor will he ever be. The same goes for me.
But still, that scene was still pretty... weird.
Now I know why the Master wants everyone to obey him!
People don't seem to understand what sex does to a relationship. The media certainly doesn't help by making it seem totally cool and normal to have sex on the 3rd date.
I really don't see whats wrong with it. If 2 people wana fool around with no strings attached it don't hurt anyone else (if its safe sex that is).
Sure about that?
Bond was just playing along to not look intimidated. Silva was probably Bi though.
I got the impression that Silva would sleep with anything because the most important sexual partner was always himself anyway.
That's what I thought.
I'm not against it and I'm not for it. The happiness of people is always important.
In other words, casual sex is shallow and is no where near as fantastic as being with someone you care deeply about. Take it from someone who speaks from personal experience and has been married for almost 8 years.
But that's just what we're talking about. Different strokes for different folks.
http://instantrimshot.com/
More than half the people who marry get divorced; casual sex is depicted (and perceived) as normal and cool; people are having affairs all over the place. It's like people think meaningful relationships are dumb and boring. Also, my additional rant on abuse of spouses and kids adds to my point.
I'll add that I'm not saying that gays are the bane of society or that they can't have meaningful, lasting relationships. To reiterate, I'm saying that society is fricken screwed up. And it's sad.
Because for some people, casual sex is normal and cool.
Now, I agree that the media could stand to be a little less sexualized and monogamous relationships could be given their due more often (though considering they're the happy ending of every romantic comedy/Disney movie ever, they're not exactly under-represented) but that doesn't mean casual sex is such a horrible thing. Again, if it's between consenting adults and nobody's getting hurt, who cares?
Anyway, on topic: I think my earlier post may have come across harsher than I intended. The subject is very close to my heart. My opinion on the matter is that I know that not everyone will be able to accept homosexuals as equals. But all I ask is that they let us get on with our lives in peace. It's people who don't, people who feel compelled to hurl abuse, to block political movements that have no impact on them.
And no-one chooses to be gay. Afterall, who would want to go through the emotional trauma it causes? Stuff that society has a huge emphasis on. That every show and film as a kid tells you to aspire towards. Things that you know you can't do. You know that you'll never be able to get married and father a child. Knowing that your parents can never be the grandparents they've dreamed of. Knowing that finding the right person is going to be so much harder than for regular people. The chances of finding a compatible person in the 1.5%* of the population that are gay and of the same gender are so improbably remote, that it's enough to make anyone depressed. And on top of all that, there's the fear of how people will react when they discover the truth about a persons sexuality. And then there are the countries where being gay can lead to the death sentence.
Homosexuals have enough on their plates without homophobic abuse.
*Based on 9 million gay US population out of 309 million, half of which will be male. Maybe. Wolfram Alpha is cool.
Reminds me of a joke:
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. Men will screw anything.
I’m a comic genius!
Honestly, if you step back and take a look at it, sex is really gross, messy, and unsanitary. Coupled with the fact that people are generally hardwired to enjoy it because it's essential to life, it makes the entire subject confusing and scary.
Hear hear.
People do get hurt because they don't understand the emotional impact.
Many adults are completely capable of having casual sex without a painful emotional impact.
And many think they are but end up hurt. I'm not arguing against part of your point but you're bordering on a fallacy argument.
(What I mean by that is that I don't see why "getting married" actually means anything to a relationship. If anything the legal side of it can even make some splits way more messy than necessary. Just a committed long-term relationship is enough to me. No need for some big ol expensive ceremony full of people you barely know or don't even like)
But you know if that's what people feel like they need to have, then let them.
We had our honeymoon at a bed and breakfast in a small town off the beach in northern California, which we got to by flying Southwest Airlines (who are inexpensive) to Oakland and renting a car to drive there from the airport.
If anything, I think we spent more money on our rings than we did on the wedding and honeymoon combined. But, part of the reason for that is because my wife wanted hypoallergenic metal, which gold is not, so we got her a platinum ring. I also got a platinum ring so that the color would match. For the record, my ring has no diamonds. Guys don't need diamonds.
The reason why marriage is important is because it says that "I'm committed to you. Only you. I love you and I want to make a promise to you in front of the whole world how much you mean to me; a promise that I'll keep forever." My wedding ring is a sign of love and commitment to me. It's something I cherish greatly, not a ball and chain.
Without that promise, there's nothing to guarantee that we won't be together when it's not convenient. And, despite what you might say, children benefit from having a loving mother and father. Teaching them what a loving relationship should be like is important. [edit] Yes, having loving same-sex parents who are gay is probably better than abusive parents who are straight. But I see that being a positive point to a gay couple who adopts a child rather than a child whose birth parents simply never got married or else divorced after which one parent found a gay partner. In that case, said child still craves that relationship with the other birth parent which they don't primarily live with, and they don't understand why their mom and dad aren't still together. Oftentimes, they even blame themselves for it.[/edit]
Also, the word "husband" sounds way better than "baby daddy."
I've been single, living on my own with a job while not in school. It's lonely. My parents were lucky enough to meet in high school and get married in college when they were only 20, so my dad has never experienced the single life, really. One day my dad asked me "I'm curious, what do single people do? I've never really been so I'd just like to know." I thought about it and replied, "single people spend most of their time trying to find a way not to be single anymore."
Casual sex is hollow. There's no emotional investment in it. Emotional investment is important, as we humans are emotional creatures. We want people to care about us. Relationships are important to us. As far as I can see it, casual sex is just a futile attempt to fill in that hole in one's life where they want to feel loved, but there's no emotional connection, so the feelings one has in the end are hollow and sad.
This is why "waiting for sex until after marriage" is good for a relationship. You learn what it is to be close friends with this person and to spend time with them, having fun together, without dealing with the deep feelings that come from having sex. Sex really does change the aspect of a relationship, and having it shouldn't be taken lightly.
Marriage is important. Sex is also good, but it's far more beneficial to have it with someone whom you love and whom you know loves you and you know won't leave you after having it.
I never realised that meaning of the word 'wedlock' ...
Sorry, couldn't resist and will certainly keep out of this thread hereafter. I couldn't contribute to this thread anyway with my rather troubled relationship to sexuality.
I've always thought this was a huge mistake. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors of a healthy long-term relationship and a couple really should make sure they have it before they even think about getting married to each other.
Same reason it's not a good idea to get married before you've tried living together.
I'd be devastated if I found out I marred a guy with no fetishes.
And who could blame you!
When I got married, I can't tell you how happy I was. It seriously was the best day of my entire life. Getting married felt special. Even sitting here, thinking about it makes me feel good.
Of course, if you move in together you're likely to have sex because of how often you're alone (I have hormones. I know this.) Also, having sex isn't as meaningful without emotional security. Feeling stuck with a person because they live with you so that you can't just dump them isn't emotional security. And sure, if you're already living together and already having sex, then getting married would obviously feel like no more than going through the motions for their own sake.
I know what it was like when I was single. I was lonely and bored a lot. Also, I've been in a relationship before where my attachment made me go too far too quickly, and it was a serious mistake. I got pulled into making decisions that I regret. No, I don't have kids, but that's not really what I meant. You can go ahead and say "to each his own" but I promise you won't get the same fulfillment out of a relationship if you don't wait.
Besides, if you don't have sex, how do you even know what your preferences are or anything anyway? Wouldn't it mean something to learn those things about yourself together with your spouse? Factoring sexual compatibility doesn't even apply when you don't even know what it is; and you and your spouse teaching each other what you do and don't like helps you grow closer together emotionally.
It worked out for you and that's wonderful but it doesn't work out for everyone. Hell, sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest causes of infidelity.