I would love to see this movie. A great scene for the trailer:
Lab Monkey: "...smuggling, murder, rape... It all leads back to one place!"
Protagonist: "Give me a name!!" Here, protagonist brandishes a bayonet for no good reason.
Lab Monkey: "It's Apple!" Protagonist's face turns an ashen, ghostly white.
Protagonist: "OH MY GOD!" *random, meaningless, Hollywood explosion.*
*The logo shows up on a black screen* APPLE-OCALYPSE. COMING SOON.
The leader of the Ancient, Sacred Order pulls back the hood of his simple, monkly robes to reveal...Bill Gates.
"Come, my child", Bill Gates says, leading our hero into the secret catacombs of the Order.
"The Apple corporation is just one front of many, throughout history, as is the case with Microsoft. We are at war, a war that goes back farther than you ever knew...."
As he is speaking, they are walking down a winding, stone staircase. The only light comes from torches set along the walls. Eventually, the staircase ends at a dead end, a brick stone wall. Behind them, an iron gate falls, trapping them.
The hero exclaims in surprise. "What is this, Gates?!"
Gates smiles reassuringly. "Don't worry. Things are not quite what they seem."
He turns, pressing on a series of bricks, each one moving inward slightly in turn. As the last brick is pressed inward, the wall slides away to reveal a large room. The walls are covered in an ornate painting, a depiction of one of the first biblical stories: The corruption of Adam and Eve.
"Do you know the story of Adam and Eve?", asked Gates. The hero nods, "Of course I do."
Gates turned to the painting, speaking outward, almost more to the room than to the protagonist of this ill-conceived mockery of film itself.
"The Devil dealt a powerful blow to man...with an apple. We believe he intends....to do so again."
If you're suggesting our current computer market is "Eden" then I want my money back.
If an actual movie that cost actual money to make starring Arnold Schwarzenegger can claim that the number of the beast, 666, refers to 1999 because things are often upside-down in dreams, we can make crappy analogies for the sake of humor.
No, Dashing actually is Shakespeare, since he's actually Kit Marlowe who's actually Marty McFly. It's complicated.
Edit: Don't play coy, Dashing, you aren't fooling anyone! And I totally did pay to see the film, because if I didn't how the heck would I know that in the end the
hero can't bring himself to thrown the iRing into Mt Doom and it has to be shot off his finger by the Man with No Name?
Comments
"Come, my child", Bill Gates says, leading our hero into the secret catacombs of the Order.
"The Apple corporation is just one front of many, throughout history, as is the case with Microsoft. We are at war, a war that goes back farther than you ever knew...."
As he is speaking, they are walking down a winding, stone staircase. The only light comes from torches set along the walls. Eventually, the staircase ends at a dead end, a brick stone wall. Behind them, an iron gate falls, trapping them.
The hero exclaims in surprise. "What is this, Gates?!"
Gates smiles reassuringly. "Don't worry. Things are not quite what they seem."
He turns, pressing on a series of bricks, each one moving inward slightly in turn. As the last brick is pressed inward, the wall slides away to reveal a large room. The walls are covered in an ornate painting, a depiction of one of the first biblical stories: The corruption of Adam and Eve.
"Do you know the story of Adam and Eve?", asked Gates. The hero nods, "Of course I do."
Gates turned to the painting, speaking outward, almost more to the room than to the protagonist of this ill-conceived mockery of film itself.
"The Devil dealt a powerful blow to man...with an apple. We believe he intends....to do so again."
Cue dramatic orchestral swell.
Shakespeare! I'm guessing that Mr. Dashing loathes Shakespeare.
Also I have no idea what "There's the rub" even means.
Edit: Don't play coy, Dashing, you aren't fooling anyone! And I totally did pay to see the film, because if I didn't how the heck would I know that in the end the
...what? Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop splicing...
Oh! Oh! Loki! Pick Loki! Vikings had the best Gods! I mean, sure, everywhere in Rapture is named after Greek Gods, but still!
Not only are you the BLOODY KING of Rapture, but you keep naming stuff after Gods. You really are the world's worst hypocrite.
That's right. I'm the world's BEST hypocrite. Now, quick, dope up the ADAM! We have some dissidents to hang in Apollo Square!
Glad I could help, friend.
Your commitment is both admirable and pending.