It's the longest one yet, and it introduces a character (a detective) that may turn up in other stories as well. Please give feedback as to whether you like her! Thanks!
It's the longest one yet, and it introduces a character (a detective) that may turn up in other stories as well. Please give feedback as to whether you like her! Thanks!
Yes, I thought it was excellent, but not as good as the murder mystery. You've made a mistake in allowing us to give 5 stars maximum.
I'm not sure if I like her or not. One story wasn't enough to get any serious attachment to her. If you put her in another story, we should find out more to further develop her character. A strong flashback to some personal moment in her life might help. One little phrase about her father being an abusive alcoholic isn't enough. Show us.
By the way, terminal velocity for a bullet is still quite fatal. That's why they tell you not to fire your gun in the air on New Year's Eve, because the bullet can still come down and kill someone. I like the window idea better than the skylight anyway, though.
I'm not sure if I like her or not. One story wasn't enough to get any serious attachment to her. If you put her in another story, we should find out more to further develop her character. A strong flashback to some personal moment in her life might help. One little phrase about her father being an abusive alcoholic isn't enough. Show us.
Understood. This was pretty much only a sketch, and an exploration, to see if I'm any good at writing murder mysteries. Should I ever dedicate a book to Jewel Friedman, I'll be sure to shed some more light on her private life.
By the way, terminal velocity for a bullet is still quite fatal. That's why they tell you not to fire your gun in the air on New Year's Eve, because the bullet can still come down and kill someone. I like the window idea better than the skylight anyway, though.
Ah, but the thing with that is, if a bullet is shot into the sky, it tends to follow a ballistic trajectory, which means it still has sufficient speed when it comes down, and it enters the body tip first. If you just drop a bullet without shooting it, it might not be fatal. But I'm glad you like this idea better.
By the way, terminal velocity for a bullet is still quite fatal. That's why they tell you not to fire your gun in the air on New Year's Eve, because the bullet can still come down and kill someone. I like the window idea better than the skylight anyway, though.
Not sure if I need to spoiler tag this, but whatever. I always wondered about this, especially in movies where everyone seems to fire their gun in the air willy nilly. It always seemed to me that they should have been looking for cover afterwards or something.
Not sure if I need to spoiler tag this, but whatever. I always wondered about this, especially in movies where everyone seems to fire their gun in the air willy nilly. It always seemed to me that they should have been looking for cover afterwards or something.
Not sure if I need to spoiler tag this, but whatever. I always wondered about this, especially in movies where everyone seems to fire their gun in the air willy nilly. It always seemed to me that they should have been looking for cover afterwards or something.
Not to be a combo breaker, I'll use spoiler tags as well:
The thing with that is, unless they shoot straight up into the air, the bullet is unlikely to come down near them. In fact, it could come down miles away, since it follows a ballistic trajectory. If they do shoot straight up and the bullet comes straight down, again, it'll probably tumble in mid air, reaching terminal velocity. If they then put a bucket on their head they should be safe already.
OK, now I want a superhero story where the bad guy is a giant alien destroying a city and the hero has to defeat it by picking up a skyscraper and impaling the alien with it. Stupid ted12 giving me ideas...
OK, now I want a superhero story where the bad guy is a giant alien destroying a city and the hero has to defeat it by picking up a skyscraper and impaling the alien with it. Stupid ted12 giving me ideas...
OK, now I want a supervillain story where the good guy is some super buff human jerk that is trying to stop the villain from destroying the city by trying to impale him with a skyscraper... Stupid Darth Marsden giving me ideas... ;p
OK, now I want a supervillain story where the good guy is some super buff human jerk that is trying to stop the villain from destroying the city by trying to impale him with a skyscraper... Stupid Darth Marsden giving me ideas... ;p
OK, now I want a supervillain story where the good guy is some steroid-abusing super-buff human jerk who can't hold a job and has an abusive relationship with a 30 year old waitress from Texas who dares him to something useful with his life by actually doing something about an evil giant alien who's destroying the city because the government won't stop sending probes into its galaxy and disrupting its TV signals and the jerk ends up stopping the alien by using a skyscraper as a spear and impales him with it and then gets arrested for destroying public property as the waitress finally leaves him for a g-man who swoops her off her feet.
OK, now I want a supervillain story where the good guy is some steroid-abusing super-buff human jerk who can't hold a job and has an abusive relationship with a 30 year old waitress from Texas who dares him to something useful with his life by actually doing something about an evil giant alien who's destroying the city because the government won't stop sending probes into its galaxy and disrupting its TV signals and the jerk ends up stopping the alien by using a skyscraper as a spear and impales him with it and then gets arrested for destroying public property as the waitress finally leaves him for a g-man who swoops her off her feet.
Stupid RetroVortex giving me ideas...
HAHA!
An absurd super hero story told from the perspectives of the hero and the villain.
Now that would be an interesting tale!
(Throw in a Shamalanian twist at the end for good measure too! XD)
Or, if you want to be really meta, told via the mediums of reports made by the human's psychiatric consultant while he's in jail and the alien reporting back to his commander on his home planet.
Y'know what? Screw Haggis, I'm writing this myself! Best-seller, here I come!
At least one instance of firing in the air having an unintended consequence.
A reference to a ten-gallon hat not actually being able to hold ten gallons.
A reference to Opera (the musical theatre, not the web browser).
Either nobody dies, or it's a really funny outrageous death, not a sad one.
EDIT: I wrote the above before reading the new story. I liked the story, except there were a lot of typos that kept distracting me. All of the typos were the kind that would pass a spell check. For example, "the blue lights one her car" should be "the blue lights on her car." You may want to read through it again looking for these. Also, she shouldn't give milk to a cat.
I liked the story, except there were a lot of typos that kept distracting me. All of the typos were the kind that would pass a spell check. For example, "the blue lights one her car" should be "the blue lights on her car." You may want to read through it again looking for these.
Sorry about the typos. I should probably explain that what I post on the site are first drafts, sketches if you will. When I make the free e-book, I do check for errors naturally, and give the stories a lick of paint where needed. I will correct errors pointed out to me though, and I'll be sure to go over this story (I'll let you know when I've done that, maybe you want to give it another read then). Meanwhile, if you want error-free stories, look for the free e-book aka marketing tool next year!
It does say on that site that a little bit of milk can be fine as a treat, and not all cats are lactose intolerant.
My cat (requiescat in pace) for instance was crazy about powdered milk. He went crazy for a spoonful of the stuff, and never had diarrhoea from it. On the other hand, he didn't touch actual milk.
Sorry about the typos. I should probably explain that what I post on the site are first drafts, sketches if you will. When I make the free e-book, I do check for errors naturally, and give the stories a lick of paint where needed. I will correct errors pointed out to me though, and I'll be sure to go over this story (I'll let you know when I've done that, maybe you want to give it another read then).
Your stories are normally pretty good about using the right words. It's just that this one in particular had more typos than usual, maybe just because it was a longer story, and some of them really stood out. Sure, if you make corrections before the e-book, I'll be happy to read it again, and see if it flows better.
Yeah, I don't normally write horror, because I believe that to write well in a genre, you must read that genre a lot, and I'm too much of a scaredy-pants. I have been reading an awful lot of Poe lately though, but that's more bizarre than straight-up horror. I'm also going to read my volume containing Dracula, Frankenstein, and Dr. Jekyll and Mister Hyde some day... but I expect the audiobook version of Lovecraft's Cthulhu and other stories will be sitting there untouched for quite a while, next to my untouched copy of Amnesia. I fear I wouldn't be able to sleep.
But yeah, if you feel the narwhal story isn't quite scary enough, feel free to come up with another suggestion.
But seriously, Wolfy wins that battle with his awesome Doctor Who fan film. Also, I apologize for not writing a new story yet, but I'm working on another story that I think will be interesting to many people here too. Once I'm done with that, I'll return to the stories here.
I always blame it on the fact that I'm a programmer. Programmers procrastinate. It's one of the job requirements.
I think that might be something inherent to writers, actually. Whether you write stories or code, one tends to procrastinate. Probably because browser games are only a mouse click away in either situation.
Holy crap, that's some Twilight Zone vibe there! And not the mystical kind, even. In other words, well done!
Also didn't see the ending coming.
Anyway, I do have another idea for you, but I'm really hesitant to post it here, because it would most definitely push you in a certain direction. Not to mention the premise is pretty retarded.
Awesome indeed. You are the champion of short stories. Each have everything a story should have: well-described characters and scenes, unpredictable but believable twists (that make for a captivating read), solid plots...
I would like another story, please. It must include:
A reference to a Metal anthem (but not Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden, please)
A stereotypical British chav (innit bruv)
That feisty, beautiful yet mysterious young female detective of your creation
Comments
I'll just let this one slide...
Meanwhile, I've written another story, yay! http://bouffonbooks.com/2012/05/17/the-stick-exchange/
It certainly makes a case for socialism over capitalism.
Also, here's a new one: http://bouffonbooks.com/2012/05/24/jewel-friedman-and-the-magic-bullet/
It's the longest one yet, and it introduces a character (a detective) that may turn up in other stories as well. Please give feedback as to whether you like her! Thanks!
Yes, I thought it was excellent, but not as good as the murder mystery. You've made a mistake in allowing us to give 5 stars maximum.
Heh, that would make for an interesting element in a murder mystery...
Understood. This was pretty much only a sketch, and an exploration, to see if I'm any good at writing murder mysteries. Should I ever dedicate a book to Jewel Friedman, I'll be sure to shed some more light on her private life.
Also, here's your narwhal story: http://bouffonbooks.com/2012/06/04/the-spear-of-destiny/
I think we need to write a comedy Western now.
Not to be a combo breaker, I'll use spoiler tags as well:
A story about the fourth wall breaking.
Make of that what you will! XD
OK, now I want a supervillain story where the good guy is some super buff human jerk that is trying to stop the villain from destroying the city by trying to impale him with a skyscraper... Stupid Darth Marsden giving me ideas... ;p
Stupid RetroVortex giving me ideas...
HAHA!
An absurd super hero story told from the perspectives of the hero and the villain.
Now that would be an interesting tale!
(Throw in a Shamalanian twist at the end for good measure too! XD)
Y'know what? Screw Haggis, I'm writing this myself! Best-seller, here I come!
Uhh........ You're welcome?
OK, a comedy Western that has the following:
EDIT: I wrote the above before reading the new story. I liked the story, except there were a lot of typos that kept distracting me. All of the typos were the kind that would pass a spell check. For example, "the blue lights one her car" should be "the blue lights on her car." You may want to read through it again looking for these. Also, she shouldn't give milk to a cat.
Sorry about the typos.
It does say on that site that a little bit of milk can be fine as a treat, and not all cats are lactose intolerant.
My cat (requiescat in pace) for instance was crazy about powdered milk. He went crazy for a spoonful of the stuff, and never had diarrhoea from it. On the other hand, he didn't touch actual milk.
Your stories are normally pretty good about using the right words. It's just that this one in particular had more typos than usual, maybe just because it was a longer story, and some of them really stood out. Sure, if you make corrections before the e-book, I'll be happy to read it again, and see if it flows better.
Fairly recently, if you count this one:
Doctor Who Crossover.
Haha, I beat Haggis on that one ^^
oh?
I couldn't beat this shit...
Yeah, I don't normally write horror, because I believe that to write well in a genre, you must read that genre a lot, and I'm too much of a scaredy-pants. I have been reading an awful lot of Poe lately though, but that's more bizarre than straight-up horror. I'm also going to read my volume containing Dracula, Frankenstein, and Dr. Jekyll and Mister Hyde some day... but I expect the audiobook version of Lovecraft's Cthulhu and other stories will be sitting there untouched for quite a while, next to my untouched copy of Amnesia. I fear I wouldn't be able to sleep.
But yeah, if you feel the narwhal story isn't quite scary enough, feel free to come up with another suggestion.
No, they beat me.
But seriously, Wolfy wins that battle with his awesome Doctor Who fan film. Also, I apologize for not writing a new story yet, but I'm working on another story that I think will be interesting to many people here too. Once I'm done with that, I'll return to the stories here.
I think that might be something inherent to writers, actually. Whether you write stories or code, one tends to procrastinate. Probably because browser games are only a mouse click away in either situation.
That said, I finally wrote that story, yay! http://bouffonbooks.com/2012/08/06/the-banker/
I'll translate your story and put it online within the next few days, then I'll move on to the other prompts...
Also didn't see the ending coming.
Anyway, I do have another idea for you, but I'm really hesitant to post it here, because it would most definitely push you in a certain direction. Not to mention the premise is pretty retarded.
A reference to a Metal anthem (but not Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden, please)
A stereotypical British chav (innit bruv)
That feisty, beautiful yet mysterious young female detective of your creation